Take these ashes home with care, a train with wings will take us there. When Kibum finds himself lost in front of a train station without any idea of what had happened to him before, he takes the risk and finds it out himself. A boy then saves him from falling to what seemed like death for him, there he meets three more people who helps him out with his life waiting for the next station. He finds his one way ride back home.




- * -




The sky was almost fully painted orange when Kibum found himself in front of an old train station, and when he unconsciously dug into the pockets of his blue padded jacket, a thin piece of paper poked his index finger. Curious, he took it out of his pocket, gingerly holding the sharp edges with his fingers.

A ticket for a one way train ride to the last train home, the top words said. Under it was the time, but Kibum was confused. It wrote down that the ride would take from 6:30pm, but the deadline was smudged as if water dropped on it and the ink spread out like fire immediately, and when it dried up, it turned out like a small black fireball.

He stared back at the empty rail road, metals clanked with each other and the soft murmurs and whispers of the people didn't seem to die out. His head was spinning, the ticket flicked against the wind in his fingers. He needed coffee so, so badly right now. But as he felt his body for his wallet, he found nothing. He came to the conclusion that he came to the train station only armed with the flimsy piece of paper in his hand.

He had no wallet, phone nor spare change with him. What was he even doing - waiting for at the train station? He surely didn't know the answer himself. He looked down at himself, checking his own attire and he saw that he had decent clothes on, he wasn't in his pajamas. That meant he wasn't sleep-walking, not that he would before.

When people started to pile in the station, though, he had gained enough courage to ask what was happening.

People seemed to rush in, but they were all without emotions and their swift, quiet footsteps echoed against the walls. Their lips seemed to open, their tongues moving inside their mouths but he heard no sound, only the deafening silence of the unrecognizable murmurings buzzing his ears. They had no smiles, no frowns, no anything. They had their lips put into a straight line, and he swore he saw the same confusion in their eyes as he had within him. There was no hint of life.

They spread out as soon as they had space, they weren't in here together. Some went by the posts, leaning against it or sitting at the bottom. Some stood dangerously near the railways, some sat on the stairs and some, like Kibum, just stood in the middle, looking like lost children. He thought carefully as he decided who to ask from, a lot of them didn't look friendly at all.

"Excuse me ma'am, but may I have a look at your ticket?" He finally saw a quiet old lady sitting by herself on an empty bench by the edge of the platform, he thought that she was the best candidate for the one who could give him the somehow right answer.

The lady's cane supported the weight of her frail arm, and her blood red lipstick stained the front of her yellow teeth. She wore black formal clothes, and her slacks brushed against the dirty tiles. Her eyelids were barely even open, but she stared at Kibum. She mouthed something to him, something he couldn't decipher. "I just wanted to look at your ticket, ma'am." He finally said as he made no sense of what the old lady was mouthing about.

The lady, seeming to give up of telling something to him, opened her purse she had tucked between her arm, her shaky fingers fumbled with the zippers and when it came out again, the same piece of paper greeted Kibum. She handed it to him, staring at him intently but she showed no look of doubt. "Thank you," Kibum mumbled out as he politely plucked the ticket from her fingers. "A ticket for a one way train ride to the... lost first love?" It looked very similar to his, the time was even the same, and the exact smudge of ink was there, too. But, lost first love? If Kibum was just confused earlier, he was definitely lost now. He then noticed that the lady’s gaze was finally off of him, but instead she was staring at a distance, a faint trace of smile graced her tinted lips.

"I'm sorry, but do you have any idea on what the train ride is about?" Kibum handed the ticket back, and she handled it with great care, slipping it back again in her purse. "Why is it that we have different destinations? And they don't even make sense, am I suppose to believe this?" He was sure his eyes held bewilderment but again, she only stared at him, intently so. As if she was reading him like an open book, and he let her. He wasn't sure why or how, but as he stared back at her, he saw a different woman. A much younger woman stared back at him, her lips were the same red, and her cheeks had a slight blush as simple make-up but even then he could tell that she was stunning. When he blinked, the wrinkles came back and her eyes were once again drooping.

It was her, the woman who lost her first love.

Her lips opened, her tongue brushing along her teeth but he could hear no sounds.

"I'm sorry but I really can't understand you," his breath came out short, like he was running out of air to take in.

The woman slowly stood up, her cane shivered as her weight pushed against the handle to the floor. He assisted her, and she nodded in acknowledgement. "Where are you going, ma'am?" But there she was, walking closer and closer to the edge. He was slightly frightened as he thought that the old lady had lost her mind because she looked like she was going to attempt suicide but when he noticed the big change in his surrounding, that everyone was suddenly rushing to his side - to the edge, he didn't know what to think.

The bodies pushed and pushed, he was stuck in a circle of big bodies pressed against each other. He kept in his mind that he had to keep breathing, and he felt his feet walk on their own. He was being pushed, closer and closer to the vibrating railroads, the sounds of the train getting clearer and clearer.

Instead of wondering what would happen to himself, though, he wondered about the old lady who trembled with her cane and who had a young girl trapped in the glasses of her eyes.

There was a sudden flash of really bright light, and then he felt his feet slowly losing balance. He felt himself being lifted off the last piece of land, arms pushed and passed by his body. They tangled and untangled themselves from his own limbs, and then he felt soft hands drag his own, catching him and pulling him, a nice change from all the pushing.

The last thing he heard was the same deafening silence of the soft murmurs and whispers across the space. They were tingling his ears, and made the hairs at the back of his neck stand up.

'The soul finding its peace in the world.' The young woman elegantly smiled at him. Her blood red lips stood out the most.




---




Kibum found himself inside the train, surprisingly as he thought himself that he would fall over the edge and be ran over by the harsh train, forever forgotten as his bones grind against the railroads.

He dusted off the invisible specks of dusts on his coat as soon as the train doors closed and the pair of hands left his.

He was able to breathe again, and the air seemed too sweet for him to inhale.

"Hello?" a soft voice greeted him, and he was suddenly aware that he wasn't all by himself.

When he looked up, a dazzling smile pasted on a baby-face like his met his eyes. He coughed, and straightly stood up, reaching his hand out.

"How rude of me, hello, my name's Kibum," he said as the boy took his hands, once again, in his own very soft feminine bony ones. "Nice to meet you, uh..."

"Taemin, the name's Taemin." Taemin flashed a smile at Kibum and he was surprised as nobody really bothered smiling at him, or at anyone for that matter, at the station. "Nice to meet'cha, too. Kibum hyung, I assume?"

"18, you?"

"17."

"Oh," Kibum softly muttered, his eyes tracing the features of Taemin's face. He really looked like a girl, or a very pretty boy. "Hyung it is, then."

"Another hyung, I can't believe it!" he laughed behind his hand. And his eyes sparkled of what seemed like happiness, "I can't wait for you to meet the others, who are probably your hyungs, too. Except Minho, I think he's at your age, too! Come on then!"

He took Kibum's hand, as giddy as a child with a new lollipop.

He let him, trailing behind the fast steps of the younger boy. He had no idea when or why he had arrived at the train station, so he was very grateful that someone, somebody had picked him out from the odd groups of people and decided to help him. He didn't realize his tightening grip on Taemin's hand then as he was lost in his own thoughts.

"We're here, Kibum hyung." Taemin abruptly stopped in front of a little cabin, and it looked pretty small outside. Kibum stopped at his side, "Don't worry. The hyungs don't bite, well they do but they don't viciously bite like dogs, if you know what I mean."

Kibum silently laughed for the first time as Taemin made a weird statement, and he felt a lot more in ease as the door silently slid open. He was forcefully pushed inside and the suspect went after he did, softly closing the door. "Hyung!"

Taemin casually called out, and three heads poked themselves out from the bunk beds against the wall. Kibum stayed silent.

The first one to get off had dark brown hair, he had big eyes and his nose was sharp and tall. "Taemin, we were worried!" His voice was thick and deep, it surprised Kibum because it didn't fit his image.

"Yah, I told you it wasn't his time yet!" Another voice, much higher than the first one, came out from the top bunk bed. "But yes little Taeminnie, we were worried indeed. Who would have known if you were to suddenly fall out from the train and get lost in another station?" The boy, whom the voice belonged to, jumped off of the bed, making his way towards Taemin but he stopped as soon as he saw the unfamiliar face awkwardly staring at the cheap carpet of the cabin floor.

Kibum looked up just in time to see three pairs of eyes on him, together with the person who hadn't spoken yet.

"Who's your new friend, Taemin-ah?"

Kibum looked at the person who asked the question, and he wasn't surprised that the high voice belonged to someone as short as him, but he could tell that he was a good-looking boy who had a fine amount of girls chasing after him.

"Oh! Yes, hyungs, this is Kibum-hyung. He's my hyung, too! But he's your dongsaeng, I guess. Except for Minho hyung." Taemin brightly replied to the question, giving Kibum a quick nudge by the shoulder.

"Hello." Kibum tried to politely greet them, but he inwardly cringed when he heard the lack of emotion in his voice.

"Hi Kibum, my name's Jonghyun!" The high pitched voice one quickly answered back, obviously not minding his lack of emotion, with the same amount of brightness in his voice. He then proceeded to gesture at the two other boys. "He's Minho," deep voice gave an acknowledging nod, "and the lazy one back in the bed's Jinki hyung."

Kibum took this chance to look at the person who had his stomach against the bed, he had his eyes closed like he was sleeping, but Kibum couldn't really tell if he was sleeping or not when a smooth voice spoke up to answer his suspicion. "Hello, and don't believe Jonghyun, I'm not really lazy."

"Oh yes, hyung. Like drawling that out real lazily-like would convince him," Jonghyun answered back with much sarcasm in his voice, to which Jinki just laughed at.

"Okay, now we're starting to freak him out," Minho stated, his eyes showed concern but more of mischief as he looked at Kibum.

"No," Kibum was taken aback, and his voice came out stuttering, "no. I'm really fine, I'm more than fine. I'm okay with you guys."

They were silent for a minute, before everyone but Kibum barked out laughing. "You're really funny, Kibum." Jonghyun slapped a hand on Kibum's back, making him wince.

"Welcome to the freak club," Taemin finally spoke up, he grinned as he spread his arms open. He looked like a silly little kid doing that.

"Don't make us sound freakier than we already do, Taemin-ah!" Jinki yelled from the bed, stuffing himself in the blankets.

Kibum only smiled as he watched their mini-banters. They looked so much like a family, a real family.




---




"Taemin-ah," Kibum softly called out to the bubbly boy sitting beside the window, watching as the swift image of the trees and clouds passed by. He hummed in reply. "Why are we here?"

Taemin slowly took his sight away from the window, he looked serious for a moment as his eyes searched Kibum's, but he quickly smiled away. "You mean you don't know?"

"I - am I supposed to know?" Kibum answered, unsure. Unsure if this was all a dream, that these were people he once had seen but never really had any contact with, or unsure if Taemin was just joking with him, or maybe he was slightly irritated with Kibum's ignorance. But he had to know.

"Silly, hyung." he finally giggled, returning his eyes to the window. It was finally dark now, and midnight blue and blurry stars covered the sky. "You shouldn't worry about that right now. You should get some rest first, you know. Since it is your first day, after all."

"Oh," he breathed out, watching as the younger boy eventually get lost with the outside again. "I guess I am going to retire early. See you tomorrow, Taemin?"

"Yeah, hyung. Tomorrow," he softly replied, eyes not leaving the window. "Good night, hyung."

"Good night, Taemin-ah."

Kibum walked a short distance to his makeshift bed. Since their cabin only had four beds, they had to make Kibum a bed and as much as Kibum offered to find another cabin to stay in, they ignored his voice and had the thickest layer of their beds peeled off to be bunched up together as a bed for Kibum.

It wasn't enough to be called a bed, really. The sheets were messily put together, and a few spare pillows were lined at the edges. But it was enough for Kibum to keep him warm, inside and out.




---




Kibum woke up the next day hearing hushed voices and the shuffling of sheets and feet. Every time that he stirred, someone, he guessed Taemin, would hush the soft voices conversing with each other, and they would comply. It took Kibum a huge amount of willpower to not break down and cry because of their consideration, especially since he was just a stranger to them.

He played asleep for a few more minutes before he faked a yawn, and stretched his numb limbs.

"Aish, look, Jonghyun hyung!" Taemin pouted as soon as he heard the small noises Kibum made from his side, "you woke up Kibum hyung!"

"No, I didn't! If you weren't busy hushing every word we said, he wouldn't be awake," Jonghyun said in a matter-of-fact tone, to which Taemin only pouted harder.

Minho reached out to Taemin's hair and ruffled it, holding his book open with his other hand, "Taemin, stop pouting because you know Jonghyun-hyung will only engage in a pouting-contest with you."

"Darn it, Minho. Stop ruining my schemes!" Jonghyun jokingly yelled, pointing at Minho's small face, "and I can pout any time I want, I don't need Taemin pouting for me to pout too, yah!" He jumped on Minho's bed and pouted right at his face, sarcastically so. The three other people only laughed at their childish antics.

"Kibum hyung, are you hungry?" Taemin asked once he noticed Kibum taking the seat Jonghyun was in before.

Kibum thought about it for a while, it was... a couple of hours since he last ate but he didn't really feel hungry. Not at all, "No, I'm fine. Thank you for asking, though." He smiled at Taemin's thoughtfulness.

"Stop spouting no non-sense, hyung!" Taemin looked mortified, "how can you not be hungry? I can't even stay full for a few hours and it's been, how many hours since you last ate, hyung you must eat!" He patted his stomach as if to emphasize, and then he looked like as if he just hatched a wonderful plan.

"Oh, I know, hyung!" Kibum expectantly looked at him, the boy clapped his hands loudly. "How about you go with Jinki hyung to get something to eat? I already went with Jonghyun hyung and Minho hyung earlier, and Jinki hyung just woke up so..." Taemin raised a foot to poke at the said hyung's side. He was currently buried under the covers, and his figure was shaped out by the white sheets. A few sounds of shuffling came from the white figure, and soon enough, Jinki poked his head out, his face had traces of deep slumber all over. "I heard my name, yes?"

"I was just telling Kibum hyung how he should get something to eat with you," Taemin added an innocent smile at the end, which made Kibum 'aw' in the inside. He was just so cute, how he wished to have a younger brother like him.

"Oh," Jinki murmured against his sheets, before burying his head once again inside.

"Well, if you don't want to come with me, it's okay! I can go on my own," Kibum offered, "it looks like you still want to sleep."

"Non-sense!" A voice came from the bed, and a lot of shuffling followed after. Jinki's head poked out after a few more minutes, he looked fresh and sleep was gone. "I was just changing my pants inside my bed, you know."

"You can do that?" Kibum tilted his head, wondering what kind of thinking Jinki had to change under the sheets, he could just have gone to the little bathroom their cabin had.

"Because he's too lazy, that's why!"

"If you're lazy like him, there's always a way to do things the short way."

"Shut up!" Jinki playfully shouted to Minho and Jonghyun, raising a fist as to make his point clear, and looked back at Kibum expectantly, "so... where were we?"

"Um, to the food... place?" Kibum offered with a shy smile. Jinki returned the smile with one of his mega-watt grins.

"Of course," Jinki gestured towards the door and proceeded to walk outside, Kibum stood up a few seconds after.

"Don't worry, Jinki hyung won't do anything funny," Taemin grinned, "if anything, you'll find him fawning over you. He's just that guy who's used to babying his dongsaengs, even when he's lazy.”

“I heard that!” A yell came from outside their room, the rest of them all laughed.

“Thank you, I’m going now,”

“Take care, hyung!”

“Good luck on eating with Jinki hyung,”

“He’s a real big eater!”

“Wow, way to sell me out, Jonghyun,”

Kibum laughed as he said goodbye once again, and made his way outside their room, softly shutting down the door and following Jinki’s careful steps.

Our room. Kibum happily smiled as he half-stared at Jinki’s brown curly locks of hair, I like the sound of that.




---




“Wow,” Kibum gasped as he saw the train’s food compartment. It was a long part of the train, like four cabins put together and they had everything, from appetizers, to soup, and to desserts. “Is this heaven, I think it is,”


Jinki chuckled, “Oh Kibum. You don’t know how much this place is closer to heaven than it looks like.”

“Wha -”

“Oh my god, look!” Jinki cut him off, pointing off at some silver platter to their right, “They’re serving my favorite, chicken on flour noodles. Come on, Kibum! Before they run out,” Jinki grabbed his wrist, quickly but gently leading him to the table full of servings of different kind of foods.

Heaven was completely put away, as Kibum laughed at the older’s food obsession. He completely had the whole ‘lazy man’ theme really going. “Okay, okay hyung. We’re going there before they run out, now let’s just go slow and be careful where you’re stepping!”

“I’m sorry, Kibum-ah,” Jinki finally let go of his wrist, sheepishly grinning as they reach the silver platters, “I just really get excited when I see food I like,”

“Understandable, hyung,” Kibum nodded as he took a look at the platters of food. “Wow, they even have crabs and lobsters. From where I came from, these were really expensive, wait.” He stopped to look at Jinki, who had grabbed their plates and spoons and forks. “How much do we have to pay for this? I don’t have my wallet with me,” He frowned, sighing as the smell of food wafted through his nose.

Jinki chuckled at him, and handed him his plate, which he carefully took from his hands, and patted his head. “Don’t worry, it’s already paid for.”

“Did you pay for me? Hyung! I really don’t have any money, I don’t even know why I’m here!” Kibum was half-panicking, the food looked really expensive and if he had him paying for that, he surely didn’t know how to pay back.

“No, no, Kibum. It has been paid for when you bought your ticket,” Jinki said as he already started to fill up his plate, taking a few spoonfuls of the dish he had his eyes on earlier. “Anyway, just eat! Don’t worry about anything else for now, okay? We need your little stomach filled because it’s a bit longer trip to the next stop.”

Kibum took a look at the teasing food, tempting him to just wolf them down at that moment. He sighed as he followed Jinki’s action, taking a few spoons of this and that. “Okay, hyung. Okay.”

“Don’t sigh! It blows away the good luck!” Jinki grinned at him as he took the honor of plopping down a few spoons of the chicken noodle on his plate.

“Thanks,” Kibum smiled gratefully, finally satisfied with his plate full of his choice of food, “and I’ll try to remember that, hyung.”

“No worries, now let’s look for a place to sit at,” Jinki ushered him to the next room, which had the tables and chairs for dining. When they did, Jinki set his plate down as Kibum did, but he excused himself to get them glasses of water.

Kibum offered to go instead, but Jinki retorted with a “don’t be silly, Kibum. You don’t even know how to get back to our room without getting lost.” He blushed as the older , but he said that he will be back in a jiffy so Kibum sent him off with a thankful nod.

Kibum looked outside to check the weather but he was suddenly caught lost in the outside view, and he somehow now understood why Taemin had a huge liking to staring out at the openness. It was morning, but the sun has yet to fully bloom over the surface, and the skies had clouds all over them. If you looked at the color blues and whites, it would almost seem like as if you were flying in the vast sky.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Jinki returned a few minutes after, two slim glasses of water in hands. He set a glass on Kibum’s side, and grinned at the view outside.

“Yeah,” He takes the glass of water and downs a few small sips. He didn’t realize how thirsty he was until he did so. “I guess I can understand why Taemin liked looking at it now.”

“Oh, Taemin had always loved watching the clouds pass by, he said it was magical,” Jinki remembered finding Taemin stuck to the window pane one day, murmuring things like how it was beautiful, breath-taking, and free. “and that it looked like the thing that the world can never take away from you.”

“Wow,” Kibum poked a piece of chicken with his fork, “that sounds deep coming from him.” He chewed at it thoughtfully, savoring the flavor bursting in his mouth, before gulping it down. “This tastes really good!”

“I told you,” he laughed as he took a piece himself, chewing carefully as he continued, “Taemin’s a really smart boy, even though he seems like he’s yet to learn a lot of things. It’s like that when you lose something at a young age.”

Kibum stopped chewing, the fork still in his hands and his tongue flicked out to sauce on the corner of his lips, “lost?”

“We all have secrets we keep,” Jinki said, not answering his question. “But in this train that goes on and on, until you forget yesterday and tomorrow and you’re only left with the present, these secrets will come out. They will, eventually, set you free.” He then continued chewing through his food, taking a few gulps of the cold water here and there, leaving Kibum to wonder just what he had said.




- * -



Jonghyun arrived a year after Jinki, and a few months after Taemin. He had been struggling when he first stepped onto the train, his thin ticket pinched between his fingers. He kept on tugging at his red scarf then, to keep his fingers busy. Jinki found him there, following emotionless people everywhere, his questioning voice echoing throughout the train.

He had hugged Jinki when he approached him, as he was the first reaction Jonghyun ever got since he had been waiting at the train station. Jinki then, wordlessly, offered him a space with Taemin in their cabin. He accepted, the dullness of the train’s atmosphere never getting to him.

Jinki and Taemin both thought that it was a good change, although they never spoke that fact out loud.

“Minho?” Jonghyun softly whispered, his head tilted to the side as the dull light from the moon illuminated his face and a few surfaces in the cabin. “Minho.”

“Yes, hyung?” he heard the crumpling of the sheets, and then a thump against the wooden floor of the cabin. “Can’t sleep?”

“Not really,” he confirmed, “just thinking about some stuffs.”

“Want to come down and talk about it?” he heard an unsure voice coming from the bed below after a short pause.

“Really?” but he was already on his way climbing down the metal handles of the bunk bed, his feet feeling the coldness of the metal sticking to him. He found Minho sitting on his bed, his eyes faint black because of the darkness. He went to the warm inside of Minho’s bed, comfortably snuggling with the soft bed covers, before staring back at Minho, who slowly took his place beside him, his shoulders awkwardly stiff. He laughed at this, poking at the younger’s shoulder, “yah, relax will you. It’s not like we’re going to do anything.”

He looked irritated, “I know, stop poking!”

Jonghyun held his hands out, “stopping.” Minho looked at this, before he let out a soft laugh, his shoulders finally relaxing against the bed.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes, just the steady breathing of the other people inside the cabin and the whirring of the engines keeping them awake.

“Do you know when we’re going to start disappearing?” Jonghyun asked, breaking the silence and overtaking the noise from the engines, his fingers playing with a loose thread from the covers. He had been thinking about it for a long time ever since he’d known the truth about them, about what’s keeping them inside the train, and about the train itself.

A few days after he had boarded, he’d heard it from Taemin, a much younger boy than him who arrived the train a few months before him. He felt both sad for himself and pitiful towards the boy. He looked like he wanted help, he wanted out but he couldn’t do anything, because he already had his fate written down for him and this train was taking him there.

But still, Jonghyun was sure that this was better than anything at all. They had somewhere to go, instead of wandering the world forever. Even though they weren’t sure where they’d be, or when they’d be sent there. He was sure that being in this situation, being able to lie beside Minho, was better than anything he’d ever experienced.

He met Minho a few of what seemed like weeks after he’d arrived. He found him standing awkwardly beside the door, leaning against the metal pole for support. He didn’t know what he had inside him then, or how he managed to catch his eyes then, but he had come to the boy, asking him if he wanted to go with him, to be with the other two boys he was with. He surprisingly agreed, saying under his breath that he didn’t have anything with him anyway, Jonghyun heard this all.

He took the honor of briefing him, although it wasn’t really needed since people more or less found out themselves after being lost. He was surprised that the boy had stayed silent throughout the briefing. When he was done, the boy merely nodded, introduced himself and asked whether he could stay in the cabin with them. He thought he was weird, but after spending a lot of sunny mornings and late nights with him, he just realized how lonely Minho must’ve been. Until they met, that is.

Minho spent his days buzzing around and about him, like he was a baby chick that just hatched from his shell and Jonghyun was the first person he saw, making him his mother. He never got mad at him for that though, in fact, he loved having Minho’s attention.

Jinki was rarely ever awake and Taemin was always spacing out, staring at their cabin’s tainted window. Minho was a definite change from all the silence he tried so hard to remove, and they slowly became the pair they were today, the teasing pair who, eventually, cracked both Jinki and Taemin from their shells. They slowly became like a family, a small family living in a cabin of a train leading to nowhere and anywhere. It seemed all too far from where they were, but the wings could suddenly speed up and before they would know it, they would be disappearing from one another. Jonghyun didn’t like that, and he was sure that the three other people would agree with him.

When Kibum came, Jonghyun made sure that they would bring him out from his shell, too. Before they leave, he wanted to help once more. Kibum was made for that goal, as he was a shy boy who stood behind Taemin, just like how Minho was with him, only less shy and more outspoken.

The first day they spent together, he suggested that they make Kibum a makeshift bed and the rest agreed almost immediately. Kibum tried to stop them, but he wouldn’t have that. He managed to make him stay, and now, they were a family of five.

He was sure that somehow, their secrets would come out together and then they would mold with one another, and it will slowly become their own secret, like an old family secret.

“Hyung,” Minho started, pulling him out of his void of thoughts, “just sleep.”

“Yeah,” he answered, clinging onto the sheets closer, and stopped his fingers from playing with the thread, “maybe I should just sleep.”

“Good night, Jonghyun.”




- * -




Kibum woke up the next day just in time to have breakfast with all of them. He was a bit confused after yesterday’s breakfast with Jinki, but when they got back and Taemin was waiting for him, waiting to show him around their little train, he slowly forgot the bothering things he said. It seemed like he was always the one who said things bothering him, and it remained an enigma to him until today.

“Yay, breakfast with Kibum hyung!” Taemin tightly hugged Kibum, as if having not seen him yesterday. “Come on, hyung. Let’s go on first, I’m starving!”

“You’re always starving, Taemin-ah,” Jinki piped up from his bed, changing inside his den of sheets again. Kibum found it funny now.

“Yes, hyung. That’s because I’m still a growing boy,”

Minho snickered.

“Are you mocking me, Taemin-ah?!”

“No it was Minho hyung!”

Kibum laughed, gently grabbing Taemin’s arm to lead him outside, leaving the three slightly bonkers inside the cabin to finish. “You’re starving, remember?”

“Oh, right hyung!” Taemin’s eyes turned to crescents as they proceeded to the dining room side by side.

“How’s your stay so far, hyung?” Taemin asked, meaning to start a light conversation with Kibum, but it just made him remember of Jinki’s words.

“I wonder,” he trailed off. “Taemin-ah..”

“Yes, hyung?”

“Will you ever tell me the reason why I’m – we’re – here right now?” The courage in him coming back, he turned to face Taemin. They were in the middle of the way, but he didn’t mind that, not that anyone was passing by anyway.

Taemin stared back. His eyes fogged, like a defense wall was put up, but it went away as fast as it came.

“Okay, hyung.”

“Really?”

“After breakfast, I’ll tell you, together with the other hyungs.”

“Thank you, Taemin-ah.”

Taemin started to walk, and he followed. The others were a few steps short, finally catching up with them, and he knew that they already know what they had been talking about.




---




As Kibum had expected, they were all silent. They finally returned to the cabin and without Taemin telling them what he wanted, they seemed to already know.

Taemin took his place right beside the window, the usual. Jinki excused himself for water, but he never did return after a few minutes that they gave up expecting him to show up. Only Jonghyun and Minho stayed in their beds, changing from looking at him and looking at Taemin. Kibum wasn’t sure why the reason was such a big deal, they were just on a train with a ticket that magically appeared overnight, right? But somehow, the gloomy atmosphere told him otherwise.

“We’re dead, Kibum hyung.” Taemin simply said. It was cold and it came slapping his face.

What?

“What?” Kibum croaked out. Disbelief in his eyes, and his jaw dropped open. He turned to look at Jonghyun and Minho, turned to look at something to tell him otherwise, but they were just staring at space. They already knew.

“Excuse me?” He refused to believe, “this has got to be a dream. A dream, that’s it. This is a dream, isn’t it?”

“Hyung, have you ever seen me in your life? Or anyone of us, for that matter?” Taemin didn’t turn around, but his voice was hard and poignant, it was carrying Kibum away from where he was, but he refused to let go of his life, “You don’t dream of people you haven’t met before. And I doubt you’ve ever crossed lives with us, we were a few train stations away from you.”

“You, I – what? Jonghyun!” Jonghyun stayed silent, “Minho?” Minho looked down, “Taemin…”

Taemin finally glanced at him, and his eyes were heartbreaking. They were dark, they were moist, they were lost.
“I – I’m going to find Jinki hyung,” his raspy voice came out not louder than a whisper as he immediately stood from his place and slid the door open, not caring if he had left it open or closed.

He just walked fast to where his legs would take him, and surprisingly, he ended up to where Jinki was, in the dim dining area, staring out to the world with his head resting on top of his hands. And then Jinki looked up at him, and his eyes were telling him that he was expecting him.




- * -




“It’s okay, Taemin,” Jonghyun gently said to Taemin as soon as Kibum dashed out of the room. “Kibum needed to know.” He was already on his way to comfort him when he said something they couldn’t have prevented from happening.

“It’s happening to me, hyung.”

What is? They wanted to ask, but both of Jonghyun and Minho were too scared that Taemin would break, just like how a fragile glass would break once it collides to solid.

Taemin’s voice was barely above a whisper, and they had to strain their ears to listen, but they wish they didn’t.

“I’m starting to remember.”




- * -



“I told you this place was a lot nearer to heaven than you’ve imagined,” Jinki tried to change the mood, lightly joking with Kibum but his words were ignored. He intently stared at Kibum, his eyes forced themselves to see flaws, but all he saw was perfection.

He doesn’t remember when he started to develop feelings for Kibum, or if he felt anything at all, but all he knew was that he didn’t want to see the boy sad, that explained why he left Taemin and the others to deal with him, but seeing as he was there with him now, he didn’t know what to do.

He needed to stop himself from falling, they weren’t going to end up together anyway. Once the train stops, one of them might disappear, and it would never be the same. If someone was to disappear, they wouldn’t know until it would be a few days until they don’t come back.

He didn’t want to deal with the heartaches this feeling would leave him with if it was to be pursued.

“Tell me this isn’t right,” Kibum had his eyes closed, like it was going to save him from dying but he already did.

“This is right,” he answered as much as it hurt him watching Kibum like this.

“This, this is a dream, isn’t it?” he insisted, his voice was strained and there was desperation in his eyes, “hyung, when am I going to wake up? I don’t want to sleep anymore.” When he didn’t hear an answer, he retorted to breathing in and out slowly.

But then his breathing turned into soft sobbing, whimpering into his hands as the tears continuously flowed down his face. It wasn’t something Jinki had not expected, but it was still heartbreaking. He needed to turn away, he had to but instead, he stood up and went to Kibum’s side, putting his arms around him, cradling him, comforting him and tracing circles on his back.

“It’s okay, Kibum, it’s okay,” he hushed his tears to silence, they were rocking back and forth. Kibum didn’t complain, “I’m here – we’re here for you.” But not for long.




- * -




When Kibum returned to their cabin, Jinki wasn’t with him as the older said that he needed to do some more things. He softly slid the door open, only to find out that it was only Taemin sitting there, by the window. Jonghyun and Minho must’ve gone out.

“Taemin?” Kibum lightly walked to where he was, the floorboards creaking under his feet, he liked to think that it felt the same weight of overflowing sadness he was feeling, “Taemin, I’m sorry for walking out on you.” He shifted his weight from one foot to another, he didn’t really know what to do.

“It’s okay, hyung,” was Taemin’s silent reply. It didn’t do much to convince Kibum that he was forgiven, but it was better than nothing.

“I really am, and maybe you could tell me the rest of the story – um, whatever it is, now? I promise I won’t run away,” he terribly missed the giddy, happy Taemin who once saved him, but he laughed at this.

“Hyung, you’re really funny.”
“I try.”