As Victoria wrote, “I really like Nichkhun” on the window, I felt as though my pounding heart would soon burst from my chest.

To regain my composure; I tore my gaze away from her beautiful face, and instead focused on the letter, which I had just written on her Christmas present. I felt a tinge of discomfort upon reading the words, because I have “you” my Victoria, because in reality I didn’t have her.

The rose colored glasses, created by our We Got Married world, instantly shattered when I realized that she was only “my Victoria” twice a month. So, for the sake of my own well-being, I decided that it would be best for me to distance myself from her.  

While struggling to hide my sudden unhappiness, I looked over towards her, forced a smile and said, “Let’s go. I’ll take you back to your dorm.”

~O.O.O~

Although, I wanted to stay with him a while longer in the coffee shop; I knew that Nichkhun’s exhausting schedule had already lasted over 16 hours that day.  So, with a bit of reluctance, I nodded my head and replied, “Okay, let’s go.”

After we thanked the We Got Married production crew for their hard work, Nichkhun and I made our way out of the coffee shop. 

As we walked towards the car, I glanced over at him and saw a rather solemn expression on his face. I figured that he was still upset about my so called “non-reaction” to his event, but was unable to come up with a way to express my gratitude for his sincerity towards me.

I had hoped to convey my adoration for him through the “glass letter” but now felt that perhaps the childish gesture was not convincing. While contemplating my own failed mini-event, I pulled my trench coat closer to my body and crossed my arms in a futile attempt to stay warm.

When my attention shifted away from the cold night air back to Nichkhun, I noticed that he had slightly lowered his head and considerably quickened his pace. As I lagged further behind him, I could only see the sight of his back turned to me. And since he had always been by my side, the unexpected divergence caused me to feel a flush of disappointment.

Putting aside my self-sufficient tendencies, I called out to him by saying, “Appa, I’m really cold.”

Much to my astonishment, Nichkhun did not bother to look back at me and simply replied, “Then let’s hurry to the car.”

I knew that there was no reason for me to be hurt by his response but I could not help but feel saddened by his sudden callousness.

~O.O.O~

I instantly cringed the moment I heard the words, “Then let’s hurry to the car”, escape from my mouth. Not only had I refused the opportunity to take care of her; I had done so, using a tone that was undeniably cold.

Just as my resolve to avoid looking at her was about to waiver, Victoria walked past me and asked, “Can you unlock the car door?”

Doing as she had requested, I pulled the car keys from my pocket and pressed the button to unlock the doors.

When I took my place in the driver’s seat, I glanced over at Victoria and saw that she had already buckled her seatbelt. Before I could fasten my own seatbelt, Victoria gave me the mitten from her right hand and said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome” I managed to reply, despite my agitation over her abrupt disposal of my mitten.

After I tossed the mitten onto the dashboard, I started up the car’s engine and immediately the heater. When I thought that the air coming from the heating vent was warm enough, I positioned it towards Victoria’s face. Without saying anything, she quickly shoved the vent back towards me and folded her arms across her chest.

Wondering why she had refused the vent, I asked in a rather loud voice, “Aren’t you cold!?”

With her eyes focused on something outside of our car, Victoria simply shook her head and replied, “No I’m not cold anymore.”  

The steady dull tenor of her voice, as she answered my question, clearly signaled that she was upset with me. And although, I desperately wanted to apologize to her, I found it impossible to utter a single word.

~O.O.O~

Since I was fully aware of my own inability to hide my emotions, I attempted to physically dissociate myself from Nichkhun by shifting my body towards the door. When I was sure he could no longer see my face, I closed my eyes, rested by head on the cold window and prayed for the car ride to end quickly.

Along the way back to my dorm, I could only hear the sound of Nichkhun’s breath as he inhaled and exhaled. And, despite my dejected mood, the sound of his breathing seemed to have a strangely soothing effect on me.

I squirmed in my seat when I realized that I liked the sound of his breathing because it confirmed that he was by my side. Before I could dwell on the unexpected realization, I felt Nichkhun drape his jacket over me.

Without giving it much thought, I removed the jacket, placed it on his lap and said, “I told you that I’m not cold.”

~O.O.O~

Having had enough of her stubbornness, I twisted the steering wheel sharply to the left and parked the car on the side of the road. Fearing that I would explode at her, I opened my door and stepped outside.

As I let out an exasperated sigh, I heard the passenger door open and subsequently slam shut. Turning around to face her, I ordered harshly, “Get back in the car!”

Unfazed, she stared at me and countered, “I’ll get back in the car after you get back in!”

I shook my head at her and took a second to calm down before I said, “It’s really cold out here. Please just listen to me this once and get back in the car.”

Completely ignoring me, Victoria made her way over to where I stood and asked, “Why are you acting like this?

Although, I wanted to scream at her for not understanding why I was so upset, I quickly discovered that I could not form a single coherent thought as I stared into her vulnerable eyes. Since it was so hard for me to look at her, I turned away to figure out what I should say.

~O.O.O~

The sight of Nichkhun’s back turned to me again caused the tears, which had formed in my eyes, to stream down my face.

Angered by my own display of weakness, I said to him, “If you’re mad at me because of how I reacted to your event, you should just say so! I know that you wanted to see me cry but I can only cry when I’m sad!”

I paused slightly in between sobs to catch my breath before I continued to say, “Sometimes, I really hate you!”

~O.O.O~

Completely taken aback by the sound of Victoria’s sobs, I quickly turned around to face her. But by the time she was back in my line of sight, Victoria had already turned away from me.

This was the first time I had seen her posture reduced to an awkward slump. As I wrapped my arms around her to pull her closer to my body, I pleaded earnestly, “Please don’t hate me. I’m so sorry.”

When she did not respond, I pressed by face against her cheek and felt the warm tears continue to stream down her face.

Knowing that I would be unable to speak if I actually saw her cry, I closed my eyes and continued to say, “Victoria, I’m not mad about the event. I’m just confused about our relationship. Every time we see each other, I really feel like I’m falling deeper in love with you. But today when you wrote that you really liked me, I didn’t know whether you did that for the show or for me.”

Before I could continue with my confession, Victoria broke away from my embrace, turned around to face me and said, “I did that for you. For the past four months, everything that I’ve done has been for you.”

Upon hearing Victoria’s heartfelt words, an unbelievable sense of happiness consumed me and all of my insecurities about our relationship immediately vanished.

As the corners of my mouth inched upwards, I reached out for her hands and asked playfully, “What about the first two months?”

~O.O.O~

With a sly smile, I replied, “Everything for the first two months was for the show; including that photo diary.”

Upon hearing my response, Nichkhun displayed his dissatisfaction by narrowing his eyes and pouting his lips.

Giving me the opportunity to retract my response, Nichkhun asked, “Omma, what did you say?”

Thinking that it would be a shame to waste such a cute pout, I draped my arms around his shoulders, pulled him in closer and pressed my lips against his.

Although, I had initiated our first kiss, Nichkhun was definitely the one who was prolonging the encounter. I felt completely flushed as he continued to deepen our kiss and finally came to realize how much he needed to connect with me on this physical and emotional level.

Fearful that I would pass out from the intensity of Nichkhun’s kiss, I pulled away from him and was delighted to see the boyishly cute expression of disappointment on his face.

While I wiped my lipstick from his lips, I said teasingly, “My Nichkhun sure is an eager beaver.”

~O.O.O~

Never had I heard such wonderful words. I could not believe that my Victoria had just referred to me as her Nichkhun.

Overcome with excitement, I quickly planted another kiss on her lips before I said, “Since you were so focused on the subway map before, I don’t know if you heard what I said to you at the coffee shop. So I’m going to say it again, but you have to promise me that you’ll listen this time.”

When she nodded her head to indicate that she would listen, I continued to say, “This Christmas is not lonely because I’m with you.”

With a wide smile on her face, Victoria wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly as she corrected me by saying, “I think you meant to say that, this Christmas is not lonely because we’re together.”

Tightening my hold on her, I smiled and conceded, “You’re right. My Victoria is always right.”