Yoseob once again tried to get me out of my thoughts and I snapped out of my daze, swallowing. “Yah, what’s wrong with you today? Are you not feeling well?” He tilted his head

                I smile and shake my head as I look up at him, murmuring quietly. “No, everything’s alright. Don’t worry, babe.” I take his hand into mine, squeezing it lightly and my thumb caresses his palm. He smiles at me, nodding and I see that he’s probably relieved. As we get our orders we placed in between our talk, he pulls his coffee closer, eying it suspiciously. “What’s wrong?” I ask and stare at him, seeing his face of disapproval as he scrunches up his nose and looks up at the waitress. “I didn’t order that.”

I blink as well as the waitress also blinks down at him, looking at her notes again, nervously and it seems like she’s afraid of having made a mistake. She must be new here, I never saw her before, so maybe that is why. She furrows her brows in confusion, looking back again. “Er, sir, the Cappuccino is exactly what you ordered.” He frowns and pouts. “Aniyooo, I wanted a Latte Macchiato!” He has the whiny, annoyed tone in his voice. I pout and tug on his hand lightly. “But that’s really what you ordered….” I murmur and he pulls his hands away from mine to fold his arms over his chest. “Aniya.”

                With a sigh I smile sheepishly up at the waitress, “Can you just get us a Latte Macchiato, too? Thank you.” With a nod she leaves and I turn back to Yoseob. “You’ll get your Macchiato, don’t worry.” He huffs a little and leans forward again to take my hand into his a second time. “I’m not stupid, I know what I ordered.” he mutters and looks up at me. A soft smile pulls at my lips as I nod in response. “You’re not, I know. She just probably mixed something up. Don’t be mad…She might be new, bear with that? Please?” As time passed by and we wanted to leave, I went up to the waitress and apologized, paying for all three coffees and left with Yoseob to go back home.

A few days later as I was at work, Hyunseung calls me to get to the phone because Yoseob had called my workplace. I left him the number at the table, so whenever he would need me, he should call me. Additionally to that I saved it into his phone, just in case, but he barely left home. I didn’t think much of it, but I was wondering why he did so. Maybe he missed me and wanted me to be around.

                “What is the matter, cutie pie?”, I greet him at the phone, smiling and waiting for a response. My whole body tenses and I my smile falls immediately as I hear a quiet sob from the other side of the line. “Seobie?”, I murmur quietly, a frown appearing on my face now. “I-I…” I just hear his voice stammering and finally explaining, “I can’t remember how to get home again.”, he spluttered and I heard another sob and sniff. I got confused for a brief moment- get home? “Where- Where are you?” There is a quiet silence for a moment, he probably looked around and then he continued to whine “I don’t know! I wanted to get something and then- …then I got lost.”

I sigh before chewing on my lower lip and nervously look around the room. “W-Well…I’ll…I’ll try to find you, just explain to me where you are like…what you see around you?” I said and motion Hyunseung that I have to leave again because it is urgent and I bow deeply a few times, leaving quickly and get into my car as soon as possible. After starting up the engine I drive towards home, because he couldn’t have gotten far from it, right? But Yoseobs explanations didn’t help much. He says something like ‘trees’ and ‘houses’ and a ‘fruit stand’.  I try really hard to remember where said fruit stand might be and ask for the name, but it didn’t help much.

“Baby, just calm down, I’ll be there soon. Wait for me and please calm down again, okay? It’s not like you got to China or something now.” I try to soothe him and I probably failed with my humor, hoping he cracked at least a little smile. I just want him to calm down completely as I pout to myself, thinking about how he must feel. I drive around until I see some fruit stand from far away. I park close to it and get out of the car, looking around. “Seob? Is there…” I continue looking around until I find some other hint. “Is there a well nearby?”

It’s silent.

I grin, asking him if he just nodded and he answers with a quiet ‘neh’. I look further around then until I notice a blond boy from further away. “Got’cha.”, I murmur and grin, walking towards him. As he notices me, we hang up and he runs towards me to tackle me in a tight hug. I wrap my arms around him, his hair. “Yah, It’s not like you were lost for days or months.” I grin and he pulls back to look up at me, his eyes still red and swollen and tearing up. I saw the hurt in his eyes and wonder if something else happened or if he really was just that scared. I lean in and press my lips softly to his, momentarily closing my eyes and as I pull back I swipe away the tears of his cheeks and take his hand into mine. “Let’s go home, I’ll take the day off.”

At home we decide to watch a movie and he sits down on the couch; he seems still kind of reserved and I tell him that I’ll make some food now and he should wait. As I finish, I went back and Yoseob was gone. A frown appeared on my face and I wonder why he couldn’t wait just a little, so I set the tray down and went to the bedroom, alarmed as I hear him crying from the inside.

“Yoseob?” I ask and rush into the bedroom, seeing him curled up on the bed, arms around his legs and his face buried in his knees. My eyebrows furrow in concern as I sit next to him on the edge of the bed and I lay a hand on his shoulder. “Baby…what’s wrong.” He slaps my hand away and nearly yells out, “Everything!” I stare at him, expression falling and eyes wide. I bite my lip, pulling my hands away and placing them into my lap. “What do you mean with ‘everything’?”, I ask quietly, calm, staring at him.

“With me. Everything is wrong with me!”, he keeps on shouting desperately, clutching onto his legs tighter and his eyes are squeezed shut. I sigh and reach out for him, pulling him close to me, arms wrapped around him securely and I try to calm him down by shushing him. “Shhh. You’re fine.”, I say and he shakes his head. “I’m not!”, a sob escapes his lips and he buries his face into my chest. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to forget everything; I don’t want to be in this condition. I don’t want to forget how to get home and I don’t want to forget that I even forget!”

He starts crying again and I feel him gripping my shirt tightly. “I don’t want to live a life like this. I don’t want to be a burden to you…I don’t- …I don’t want my brain to become mush.” He becomes quieter the more he speaks and I over his hair, then pull him back a little to kiss him. “You will be alright. Everything will be okay and your brain won’t become…mush.”, I murmur over his lips, smiling just faintly and look into his eyes. I see how deeply hurt he is and that he can’t deal with it, but I know that he will forget the hurt by the next day again and I will deal with it for him.

His gaze falls down to his lap and he fidgets with his fingers. “Promise me?” he asks quietly, trying to hold back all the sobs and sniffs and stay calm. I nod and lean forward, pressing my lips to his forehead and pull back again. “I promise you. Everything is going to be alright. You’ll be alright, your- …our life will be wonderful together and this…will not destroy anything because I know you’re strong and we are strong and I will be always there for you whenever you need me, okay?” A small smile emerges on my lips as he stares at me, nodding and starts crying again. I can figuratively see how the burden Is falling off his shoulders and that he is relieved to have me. He tackles me into a tight hug and I fall back into the mattress with him. I wrap my arms around him and stare up at the ceiling.

After a little silence I hear him saying, “I love you, Kikwang.”

“I love you too.”