Title: 5/5

It’s simple and gives the reader an idea of what this story may be about. The use of the word ‘quest’ intrigues the reader and gives off a sense of a kind of mystery.

Forewords: 5/10

Usually, the forewords chapter is quite important. In the forewords are usually a small synopsis which acts the way a blurb acts on the back of books ( it tells the reader what the story is going to be about and leaves a sense of mystery that will urge the reader to keep reading ) , a list of the important characters, maybe even a character description or two for the mains and an excerpt which gives the readers a little introduction to your story and writing style. I gave you a few points for telling us who the story will include and I didn’t mark you too harshly on this section because I read that this was your first fanfiction.

Poster/Background: 5/5

You poster was removed so I can’t give or take any points for the poster. This means instead of this mark being out of 10, it will be out of 5 and the spelling/grammar/vocabulary section will be out of 15 instead of 10. You background was simple; a light-medium gray. It didn’t distract my eyes from your writing and showed your font well. That’s all you can ask from a background so full marks ^^

Plot: 18/20

The overall concept is really cute ^^ I love how you’ve mixed up a lot of common storylines to make your own. You have the guy who doesn’t want to marry his fiancé and you’ve mixed it up with a bet between two people and whoever loses becomes the winner’s slave but the two people fall in love but can’t admit it. It’s a beautiful plot and it’s great when written correctly. The only criticism I have is to try and keep away from really cliché things, but I guess that’s kind of impossible when it comes to story writing.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

To be honest, even though I love your plot, it is somewhat cliché. However, you’ve added a lot of things in about your characters and the way they interact with each other as well as little twists to your plot that make your story really YOURS and that’s what really counts.

Flow: 4/5

I think they first started to fall for each other in chapter 5. It’s a bit fast, but I don’t blame them, I mean, Jiyong is hot ( damn, biased ) and I bet the girl is too ^^. I mean, she’s Seunghyun’s sister, lol. Anyway, even though made your story face-paced, the flow was consistent throughout every chapter so good work, just try to slow it down a little to keep it real.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/15

So if you’ve seen any of my other reviews, you’ll notice that I usually select one random chapter, give you about six or so mistakes from that chapter, correct them and then sometimes explain your error and my correction. Today, I’m selecting ( eeny meeny mini, moe ) chapter 10.

Error1: “I come out from the car and slam the door closed”

Correction1: “I get out of the car and slam the door.” When you slam the door, it’s obvious that it’ll be closed so you won’t have to add the word ‘closed’ in. You don’t get out ‘from’ something, you get out ‘of’ something. Also, make sure to have a full stop/period ( . ) at the end of every sentence.

Error2: “he ask”

Correction2: “he asks.” We conjugate the verb “to ask” as “I ask, he asks, she asks, it asks, we ask, they ask”. Because of this, it can’t be “he ask” but “he asks”. I don’t really know if you understand but it’s a grammar thing ><

Error3: “YuRi chair screeched back,”

Correction3: “YuRi’s chair screeches back.” In the sentence after this, you wrote “YuRi’s bag” so I’m guessing you understand why I’ve changed “YuRi” to “Yuri’s” here. You’ve been writing in present tense so far, so you should keep writing in present tense and therefore it should be “screeches” instead of “screeched”. Instead of a comma ( , ) make sure you put a full stop/period ( . ) at the end of your sentences.

Error4: “I look at her with assuring look,

and she look at me back with a bright look”

Correction4: “I look at her with an assuring look and she looks back at me with a bright look.” You wrote “a bright look” so I’m assuming you know that you have to add “a”, or in the case of a vowel ( a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y ) “an”, in front of “assuring look”. Be sure to keep your sentence in the same line.

Error5: ““He’s not my hubby, and how can you forgot when you’re the one who planned this””

Correction5: “ “He’s not my hubby! How can you forget when you’re the one who planned this?” ” It sounds better when you just end the sentence after “hubby” instead of continuing on in the same sentence with “and how…”. The only thing I actually corrected here that wasn’t correct before is “forget” instead of “forgot”. It’s just a small mix up with the present and past tense, but it counts with grammar anyway.

Error6: “In a second I look at her again”

Correction6: “After a second, I look at her again.” OR “After a second, I look back at her.” The phrase “in a second” is used when you’re saying that you WILL do something in a second. “After a second” is used when you’re saying that you ARE DOING or DID something after a second.

Characterization/Details: 8/10

You characterized really well with JiYong, Seunghyun, Yuri and AhYoung. I didn’t get much from Taeyang, Seungri and Daesung. Even though they’re only minor characters, it’s good just to describe them and their personalities just a bit more so the readers can connect with your story and your characters better.

Writing Style: 8/10

Aside from spelling, grammar and those types of small mistakes, your writing was easy to understand and pretty well done. You have to be careful not to hit the enter/return key in the middle of your sentence, for example; you had some sentences

that were on different lines

even though they were supposed to be on the same line.

That shouldn’t happen, so make sure you keep your sentences together.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Aside from having to correct grammar, spelling etc [ that isn’t too pleasant ‘cause you’ve got to copy and paste and write down the correction and give a reason, etc ], I enjoyed your story a lot. It made a laugh a lot because of the way she acts and the things that the characters say. It was fun to read and a good source of entertainment ^^

Sub Total: 74/100

+

Bonus: 5/5

Total: 79/100

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I got really bad in Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary didn't i?
I dun really do good in english either...hahaha :p
but i'll try to fix it!

and to all d readers...I know I !
I DUN UPDATE D STORY FOR SO LONG!
I PROMISE IN FEW DAYS I UPDATE IT!