CHAPTER 3

“Hi, you've reached Hyukjae. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day, bye.”

Donghae frowned and closed the phone as he sat back in bed. It was 1:30. In the morning. He knew it because he had been counting the ticks as the second hand went by. Hyukjae wasn't home yet.

He had been coming home later and later the past few weeks. At first Donghae hadn't thought anything of it because Hyukjae's company had been trying to seal a deal with another company to increase revenue and he was in charge of the presentations for the meetings and he had to stay later. But the deal had been completed two days ago, and Hyukjae still wasn't home. And Donghae wouldn't be worried at all. Not in the slightest, because he trusted Hyukjae with all his body and soul.

Until yesterday morning. Donghae had been doing the laundry like normal after Hyukjae left for work, earlier than usual, but he said he had to talk to his boss about something so it was okay. When he was putting Hyukjae's shirt into the hamper he noticed a strange scent wafting off of it.

It was cologne. Strange cologne that Donghae had never smelled before. And he knew he had never smelled it before, because he remembered almost everything, especially Hyukjae's scent and that wasn't it. All the emotions came crashing down on him at once. Confusion, sadness, fear, anger, jealousy. Betrayal. Donghae didn't know what to feel. He wanted to trust Hyukjae. He wanted to believe that his husband wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, especially cheat on him. He loved Hyukjae, and he knew that Hyukjae loved him as well.

But there he was, sitting there in bed, alone, at 1:30 in the morning, waiting for his husband. And he wasn't coming. Donghae clenched the phone in both his hands, biting his lip as he listened to the silence of his bedroom. He wasn't used to the quiet. He was used to the sounds of Hyukjae's breathing. His heartbeat. Donghae didn't like silence.

He heard the door slam suddenly and in a panic, he flipped over and pretended to be asleep, his back to the door. As he was trying to calm his heartbeat, he heard Hyukjae come in, trying to be as quiet as possible as he flipped on the lights and stripped, tossing his clothes in the hamper and setting his things down on the dresser. Donghae didn't move, didn’t breathe as Hyukjae turned the lights back off and slipped into the bed, not touching him.

“I know you're awake.”

Donghae had just been debating rolling over and snuggling with Hyukjae when he heard the words and he jumped slightly, surprised.

Hyukjae chuckled. “Why are you still awake?” He asked, reaching out and pulling Donghae to him, kissing his bare shoulder where the shirt had fallen down. Donghae didn’t answer, but he turned in Hyukjae's arms and clung to him, holding him tightly around the waist as he buried his face in his chest. “Hey, what's wrong?” Hyukjae sounded concerned as he slowly Donghae's back with his hands, kissing the top of his head lightly.

“Why are you home so late?”

He felt it. How Hyukjae's entire body stiffened in a split second, how his body temperature went up. Just like that, all of Donghae's doubts, his fears, they all were realized. The hesitation said it all.

“I went out to the bar with Kyuhyun and Jongwoon, I didn’t call because it was late already and I thought you were asleep.” He pulled the covers higher over Donghae's shoulder. “If I’d known you were waiting I wouldn't have gone, I’m sorry babe.”

“I will always wait for you.” Donghae whispered, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to leak onto Hyukjae's chest.

“Donghae, what's wrong? Why are you crying?” Hyukjae pulled Donghae's face up and looked at him, eyes clouded with worry.

The tears Donghae was holding in spilled over and Hyukjae frowned helplessly. “I don't like being alone.” Donghae murmured, his voice shaky. “I don't like how quiet it is without you here.” His voice trailed off as Hyukjae wiped the tears from his cheeks with his thumbs. “I feel like you're going to leave me.” Donghae tried his hardest to convey how he was feeling through that statement. He tried to tell Hyukjae about his worries, about his loneliness, and he only hoped that their bond was strong enough for Hyukjae to understand.

Hyukjae didn't disappoint. “Donghae, I love you. You know that. I love you too much to leave you, you're perfect for me. There isn't another human being on this earth that understands me like you do. Not only are you the one I love above all others, but you're also my best friend. No one could ever replace you, I wouldn’t be able to live if you weren't in my life.” He finished his sentence and kissed Donghae gently on the lips, not too much, just a quick touching of tongues and caressing of lips. Donghae nodded silently, not trusting his voice as Hyukjae held him and fell asleep first. He fell asleep a few minutes later with fresh tears drying on his cheeks.

Hyukjae's mouth didn't taste like alcohol.

He was lying.

~ ~ ~

A week after that, Donghae woke up alone for the first time in three years.

At first he thought that Hyukjae had simply gotten up to eat breakfast and let him sleep, but when Donghae exited the bedroom, he found that the apartment was silent. Hyukjae had already left, without waking him up and saying goodbye, something he hadn't done since Donghae had gone blind. The hurt that washed over him was devastating. He cried for hours. He cried while he did the laundry. While he made the bed. While he cleaned up the apartment. He even lost it in the shower, sat down, curled up, and cried. Hard. He wailed at the top of his lungs and buried his face in his arms, wondering what he had done wrong.

Hyukjae had never acted this way before. Even after him and Donghae had had that talk a week before, Hyukjae had still been leaving the apartment earlier in the morning, and been coming home late at night or early in the morning. And despite what Hyukjae had said, Donghae couldn’t help but feel like there was something wrong with him. Why else would Hyukjae be avoiding him like he was? On top of it all, they hadn't had in weeks. Not that they were constantly sleeping together before, but they used to have at least once a week, usually twice. The fact that it had been so long confirmed Donghae's suspicions that Hyukjae was seeing someone else. When he came home late at night or early in the morning, his hair was always crazy, not well-kept like it was before. He knew because he felt it when he climbed into bed.

And the smell. The cologne. That cologne. The one he constantly smelled like nowadays. It was driving Donghae crazy. Hyukjae smelled like that cologne every day without fail. It was like he was taunting Donghae, intentionally not cleaning up before he came home.

And now this. Now Hyukjae had left before saying goodbye. Donghae wiped his nose and tried to reign in his sobs as he carefully climbed to his feet in the shower, once more moving under the hot water before turning it off and grabbing his towel. After he had dried his hair and dressed himself, he made his way into the kitchen for an orange for an evening snack, managing to get himself under control and he heard the clock announce that it was eight o'clock in the evening. As he was going to sit on the couch in the living room, all of a sudden the end table next to the couch jumped out in front of him and he crashed to the floor after falling over it and knocking everything to the floor. Donghae banged his right knee hard on the edge and yelped in pain as he fell on his left hip and knocked his head on the floor, a loud thunk sounding with the impact.

Donghae instantly burst into tears again. Both from the pain and the frustration. He lay on his side on the floor, clutching his knee in one hand and his head in the other, sobbing hard as a headache began to come on with a vengeance.

Donghae faintly heard the door open and close in the back of his mind but he didn’t register that it was Hyukjae until he felt gentle hands pull him against a strong warm chest. “Donghae! Donghae, are you alright?” Hyukjae asked frantically, cupping Donghae's cheeks in his hands and wiping his tears away. “Where does it hurt sweetheart? I can't help you unless you tell me!” Donghae opened his mouth to answer him when he smelt it. That smell. The one he hated.

The cologne.

Something inside him snapped at that moment. After the frustration of Hyukjae leaving him in the morning, crying all day, the table, and now the cologne, Donghae just lost it. He shoved Hyukjae away from him as hard as he could and jumped to his feet.

“Why do you care?!” He shouted, not knowing where Hyukjae was so he just stared straight ahead. “Why do you care if I get hurt?!”

Hyukjae climbed to his feet after being shocked to silence for a moment and reached for Donghae. “Donghae...”

Donghae pushed him away again. “No! Don't touch me!”

Hyukjae was flabbergasted. “What's wrong? What did I do to upset you?” His voice was frantic and Donghae almost lost his nerve. “Tell me and I’ll fix it!”

“You know exactly what you did, don't play dumb like you have no idea!” Donghae screamed. “You're never here! You've hardly touched me since we had in the shower! Am I not good enough for you anymore? Did you get tired of taking care of a blind man so you went out and found someone else?!”

“What the hell are you talking about Donghae?!” Hyukjae shouted back at him.

“I smell it on you! That ing cologne! It's all over your laundry! Did you forget that I do your laundry for you? Or are you just trying to rub it in my face that your sleeping with someone who's not me?!”

Hyukjae didn't say anything for a moment. “Are you serious?” He whispered, his arms falling limp at his sides. “You think I’m cheating on you?”

“What other reason would you be coming home so late?” Donghae cried, covering his face with his hands. “I'm alone here all day long! I sit here every day like a faithful husband, waiting for you to come home so I can show you that I love you and make you happy and relaxed and what do I get? Do you realize that this morning was the first time in THREE YEARS that you have left me in the morning to wake up alone? Even after I told you how I’ve been feeling you’re going to leave me you still come home obnoxiously late, making me worry about you! And you don't answer your phone! How am I supposed to know if something happened to you?! I can't go to your office to see if you’re alright, and on top of it, you lie about where you go!”

“I never lied to you Donghae!” Hyukjae shot back. “Why don't you trust me? We've been married for years, I love you and I know by how upset you are right now that you love me too! How could you possibly think I would sleep with someone else?!”

“You did lie to me! You did! You told me that you went to the bar with Kyuhyun and Jongwoon, but I called Ryeowook and he said that Jongwoon came home at eight o'clock! And Kyuhyun got back at 8:30! You lied!”

Hyukjae came forward and grabbed Donghae by his upper arms, shaking him slightly. “Donghae, it's not what you think, I swear!”

Donghae struggled to escape his hold, but Hyukjae was stronger than he was. “Then what is it?! What were you doing that you had to lie to me about?!”

“I...I can't tell you, but I swear, I would never cheat on you Donghae, I love you!” Hyukjae pleaded.

“I don't believe you!” Donghae sobbed, tears pouring down his face. “Why should I trust you?!”

“Because I love you goddamn it!” Hyukjae shouted angrily, startling him. Donghae shrank away in his hold as Hyukjae continued to yell at him. “What the is wrong with you Donghae?! You're treating me like a criminal! I’m your husband! I have stayed faithfully by your side all these years only to be accused of cheating because I just want some time to myself?! I’m not a prisoner Donghae, I'm allowed to go out into the real world and spend some time alone! I have never done anything to hurt you, and I don’t deserve to be treated this way because I don’t want to spend every waking moment of my entire life here making sure you don’t kill yourself!”

Hyukjae cut off suddenly and clamped a hand over his mouth, staring at Donghae's face as he did so. Donghae's face was a mask of pain, tears streaming silently down his cheeks, more welling in his eyes, his brow turned down at the edges, chin quivering as he held back sobs. His cheeks were red from emotion as he stared at where he thought Hyukjae's face was, which, disconcertingly to Hyukjae, was spot on as he stared directly at him.

“Donghae...” Hyukjae began, the smaller man's trembling shoulders. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-”

He cut off again, however, this time it was because of the slap. Hyukjae's head was turned away from Donghae, cheek reddening quickly from the impact, as Donghae's hand trembled in the air where it stopped. Hyukjae raised a hand to his cheek and slowly turned to look at Donghae, eyes wide when he saw his face. Donghae was biting his lip so hard that blood trickled from the corner of his lips, and his eyes were so full of tears that even if he wasn't blind he wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

“W-Well...” Donghae choked out, barely able to contain his sobs. “I-I'm sorry you f-feel that w-way...” And with that, Donghae slowly turned around and ran as fast as he could down the hallway without tripping over his own feet.

“Donghae, wait, please.” Hyukjae called, chasing after him. “Please, let me talk to you!” Donghae bumped his already bruised hip into the door frame, a sob escaping with the excuse of the pain. Hyukjae said something else to him, probably about hurting himself, but he didn’t listen, he ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind him, collapsing against the door and finally letting out all the tears he had.

“Donghae, I’m sorry!” Hyukjae called through the door, leaning against it and resting his forehead against the wood. “Please, baby, I love you! I didn't mean what I said, but I swear on my life that I’m not cheating on you! I would never do that to you, you are the only one I could possibly love enough to touch you like I do, just please! Please...” His voice trailed off, and Donghae heard him start to cry softly. “Donghae, don't do this. I need you in my life, I can't lose you. You're all I have. You have to know that I love you.”

Donghae clenched his eyes shut and sobbed into his hands. “J-Just go a-away...”

There was silence from the other side of the door as Hyukjae absorbed those words. He stepped away from the door, his eyes covered by his fringe. “Very well.” He murmured, turning away from the bathroom door. “If that's really what you want. But don't forget that I love you Donghae. I will never stop loving you.”

Donghae heard him exit the apartment a minute later, his heart breaking as he realized what had just happened. His marriage was over. Hyukjae was tired of taking care of him. He had left. He had lied. Donghae didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to live without Hyukjae. He couldn’t cook, he couldn’t go out by himself, he couldn’t even pay the bills. Hyukjae was his everything. Without him, Donghae's life was barren, cold, and empty.

“Y-You i-i-idiot...” Donghae sobbed, a fresh wave of tears spilling into his hands. “I l-loved you t-too...”