Yabu Kota’s POV

We are there… looking up in to the night sky, when she suddenly hold my hand. I just look at her beside me. “Ne, Kota… I love you.” She uttered without looking at me. But instead of feeling happy, I became worried for no reason. I just tightened our hold and she looks at me then smiled. But it didn’t take away my worries.

One day, as I having a practice with my co-members, Yuto brought a letter to me. It’s from her. It’s said there that she doesn’t want to see me anymore and have to end our relationship. I felt a crack and immediately leave the building to find her. Fortunately, I found her in our usual place. I go near to her. “What is this?” I uttered behind her. She turns back at me, emotionless. “I said… what is this?!” I did not control when she didn’t gave a response. Then she straightly looks at me, still emotionless. “Let’s break up.” She uttered in straight. “What?” I wrinkled a forehead. “I don’t want to be included in your crazy world anymore.” She said. “Kota… you know that we live in different worlds. You have your own career but I have none. You said that everything will be fine, as long that we’re together?! You’re wrong! Because every time, it’s getting worst!” she added. I became stopped for a moment. “But… you said that you love me… “ I just said in weak.

“But… I can’t love you anymore.”

Even though she is emotionless, I heard a crack on her voice. I was about to hold her but she moves away and drop a tear, then continues to leave. So, I was left there, with no words to utter. Then I suddenly kneeled and burst tears.

The girl that told me she loves is also the girl who breaks me. The bench, where we used to sit together is now only a one cold bench without her. This field that I’m taking has been a stress for me, but whenever I’m with her I feel comfort and stronger. And now that she gave up on me… I feel lost. I feel weak that I could die. I don’t attend practices because I blame this kind of work for taking her away from me.

“Oi, Kota! Just because she leaves you, you are going to give up on yourself?! The world, especially your world doesn’t only revolve around her! Don’t be such a puppy, which was abandoned by its owner!” Takaki shouted.

I was lying on my bed, lifeless, when he entered. I felt irritated and turn my back at him, covering myself a blanket. Then I feel being lift up and a punch struck my face. I end up being thrown out of my bed. “Wake up you, Idiot! She didn’t love you! Because if she did, she’s not just going to give up on you.” I feel angry and drag him in his shirt. “That’s because in all of you! You made her feel so small! You made her stop from loving me…” I’m losing a grip on him as I said those words, even my voice became weak. I ended up crying. Yuya slowly remove my hand on him. “Remember that you are already a member of us when she met you.” He said and was about to leave my room, when he stopped. “And we… are always a friend to you, before you met her.” Then he continues to leave. I was left in my own room, feeling stupid.

I was so down that I’m forgetting the life I have before I met her. Then I realized that it was not them that I should blame for losing her. But I am! Because I just let her go… I didn’t fight for her because I am weak. I only showed that I am a coward because I was abandoned by her. I only showed that I need her, I didn’t stock to my mind that I need her because I love her. At some point… I became a selfish. I feel like a kid who lost his candy, which is just a pleasure to him. I feel really stupid that I screamed in regret.

Now… I want to stand on my own. I will give myself a break so, that someday I can have her again for good. I will find myself so, that I can find her too. So, that she will love me whole heartedly. And she won’t ever give up on me again. We will both fight! This time I will not win for a candy… because this time I will definitely win for my girl’s heart.

I curved a smile as I thought of the things that we might be together. It’s been six months since she left me. And it’s been six months that I am living a life without her. And now, I am ready to live a life with her again. I am ready to win her heart again.

I was about to leave our rehearsal studio, when all of my co-members, made me stop by the door. They are all wearing sad faces. I just wrinkled a forehead. Then Yuya lends a letter to me. Deep inside I am nervous, but I managed to get it and read it.

“Ne, Kota… I miss you. It’s been six months since I left you. I’m sorry… but believe it or not… I didn’t stop loving Yabu Kota ne.^^ Even I broke up with you, my red string is still attach in you. Because even we’re now apart… you’re still in my prayers especially in my heart. But now that you’re reading this… I’m hoping that you will continue your usual life without my string. But I am sure that you’re continuing a life without me now. I am sorry that I lied to you. Kota, they said that you feel abandoned when I left you. Kota, I didn’t abandon you. I just can’t… hurt you.

I have a cancer. My life has already its due, since that day I broke up with you. I broke up with you for a thought that you might get hurt worst, when you find this out. So, I broke up with you before you feel worst. I don’t want to see you seeing me like this, because I don’t want to be a burden also. I’m sorry if I hurt you that day, but deep inside it’s a double pain for me. I told them to give this letter to you after I die. So, Kota… if you’re going to visit me right now, please show me a smile. Because the last day I saw you… you showed me that funny pity face of yours that made me sad and cry. Well… good luck in your career! I will always ask God here in everything you want just… don’t forget me. Hehe. ^^

                                                                                                                             From the girl who didn’t give up on you,

                                                                                                                                                           Emi

P.S

I love you so much J 

Another letter from her… the first time I received her is saying that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. And now… this one says that I’m really not going to see her again…

For the second time my world stopped again. I ended up sulking myself in my room again. This time… none of my co-members interrupted my room. Suddenly, my hopes of being with her again, vanished. How will it happen when she’s now gone? Totally gone. It’s really sad to know that the reason of you, still going on and hoping, is now gone forever. After bursting it all I got up from my bed.

When I got to the place, I took a deep breath…

“Emi… you have been so, selfish.” Then a tear drop to my eye. That was stupid, because I thought that I cannot shed even a single tear again. After all I thought that I cried it all. That’s when I realized that I’m now standing in front of her grave. Then my tears continue on falling. And I just let it.

“So, I failed to see you again… I failed to see your smile. Your voice that calls my name, your weird laugh, your hands whole holding mine… But Emi… I promise that I will never ever fail to love you forever… my love for you will never end. And in the end… my world really revolves around you, you lucky girl.” I smirked then look up in the sky, imagining her smile saying at peace.

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