Kyusung Day 

The wind was crisp and the sky clear, a perfectly calm Friday evening that found Yesung, nestled comfortably on a stool behind the counter of his family’s café. He casually sipped a warm coffee and eyed the bagel filled with mountains of cream cheese; it was definitely going to be his next victim. Then his eye caught some of the cupcakes in the display case and was thus left with a very difficult choice to make. The cupcakes were calling to him, but so was the bagel. The little dilemmas of life. He supposed he should go with the bagel, seeing as it was already prepared and placed before him by his mother as he entered. He didn’t have to say a word. His mother, always the fussy care giver that she was, had immediately led him to the cosy corner with the comfortable stool, placed a warm cup of coffee before him and then returned with the bagel in a small plate. She didn’t say much, just ruffling his hair and telling him to eat something before she went to clear some of the tables. She was sure that a soon as word got out that he was here, there would be a massive influx of people and they needed to be ready. She wanted him to have these few minutes to himself, to sip a coffee and feel comfortable. Yesung had decided that the bagel was the better option. His mother in her care had prepared that for him and he would enjoy it. It felt good to be the recipient of such love.

Yesung was happy to be able to spend his free evening with his family, sitting comfortably amongst them. It made him feel as if he was part of their lives, that he was just their son or just Jongjin’s older brother rather than the world famous artiste that he was. He didn’t regret his position, in fact he couldn’t even imagine what his life would have been like if he hadn’t up all his courage that day and sang his favourite song in front of stone faced executives. He honestly couldn’t imagine what his life would have been like if he had remained Jongwoon. He was just Yesung now, the man with the ‘Art Like Voice’. It was such an arrogant moniker, yet he never felt arrogant. He didn’t think it suited him at first. He was not that special, to be the recipient of such an address, yet day by day the name had became him. He didn’t think about its meaning anymore, but instead just associated it with his life, with his family, with his brothers. He was Yesung, not necessarily the one with voice of an artiste, but Yesung the man that was part Super Junior, the lead singer and the recipient of love from ELFs.

He didn’t try distinguishing who was Yesung and who was Jongwoon anymore. In a way they were one in the same, pieces of a whole. Yesung was who he was when he was with Super Junior and as such he would always wish to be Yesung. At the end of the day it was just a name. He was shy Jongwoon, who existed as Yesung. It was amazing how complicated it was if you analyzed it, but so much simpler when you just allowed it to persist. It didn’t matter to him anymore. He was just happy with all the circumstances. He was happy he got to spend time with his family, he was happy he got to live his dream, he was happy got to meet his amazing brothers, he was happy he got to spend his life with them, he was happy he had such amazing people that loved him, he was happy that he had fans that would protect them and love them endlessly, but most of all he was just grateful that he had met him, that he was allowed to be by his side, to have his love. It didn’t matter anymore who he was or what name he was called. All that mattered was being by his side, handing his hand, being loved by him.

It was amazing how important Kyuhyun was now. That is not to say that he didn’t appreciate and adore the maknae previously. In retrospect, he had come to realize that Kyuhyun was always someone very special to him. It was definitely nothing extraordinary at first sight. He remembered the first time he met the comparatively lanky boy. He wasn’t excited or even happy, instead he felt dread. The boy was young, relatively handsome and most importantly talented. He had that shy smile and soft eyes that the public would just eat up. He knew in that first minute that the child would be a threat to him, a figurative thorn in his side. He wasn’t going to be petty and just hate him though. If Yesung was to be honest, he was not the sort to hate for no reason, but that didn’t mean he was thrilled to have the boy around. He wouldn’t hate him, but he had no intention of being his friend. There was something about him though. It just felt different. Up to this moment, he still doesn’t think he could describe what is about Kyuhyun that made him so hard to be indifferent too. Yesung doesn’t even remember what made him do it. He doesn’t remember why he acted that way. He still couldn’t give reason, as to what had caused him to invite the boy to share his room, whilst everyone was still in the process of appraisal. He knew what Kyuhyun was; he knew the child was meant to be a replacement for one of them. He knew that rationally, he would have been a replacement for him. Yet then all he focused on was the fact that Kyuhyun was awkward and shy and he just felt something for him. Maybe it was concern, he didn’t know.

Even in the current formulation, he couldn’t find anything g special in that moment. He supposed it should be special that he didn’t ignore it, but he knew that such action wasn’t in his personality naturally, so even that was not special. He had thought about this at length now. He was interested in finding out when it happened. He perused all his memories, yet could find nothing. He did look at things more fondly now for obvious reasons, but could find nothing that existed in those moments independently. He couldn’t pinpoint a moment that said this is it; your life is going to change. He reckoned that maybe it was all in the little things. It was built over time by small insignificant moments, seconds in which his emotions were just barely amplified. Maybe it was that first meeting, where despite his reservations and weariness pertaining to the young boy, he felt compelled to extend that hand, or maybe it was in the months following in which he had grown a sort of fondness for the new maknae. It was not particular affection, just an acceptance of sort, accepting that he was part of his life now, that one day he would be a dongsaeng to him. Perhaps it was after that accident, when he felt his heart being torn to pieces and his insides shredded by the worry that gripped his soul. He couldn’t think straight in that moment. He felt sick and helpless. He would think however that he would have felt that way in regards to anyone of his brothers, but perhaps in retrospect could recognize that just maybe it was more amplified than it should have been. Was that the start? He didn’t know.

He looked at the day that Kyuhyun finally returned to them. He was thrilled then, happier than he had been in his entire life. He remembered being one of the many members that held him as if they would never let go, but again he didn’t think it was particularly special then. He was just happy to have their maknae back. Did it start then? Again he didn’t know; he couldn’t be sure. It could have started when Kyuhyun went to China. He remembered missing him terribly, wanting to see him so badly, but in truth he felt that way about all of them. He missed Siwon and Donghae and Ryeowook just as much. Kyuhyun was not special in that regard, though the longing felt slightly different he knew now. It could have then for all he knew. Maybe it was when they all returned for that amazing 3jib. Their popularity skyrocketed and they were now in major demand. They were tired and weary then. Was it in that moment? Was it because then he felt compelled to be a comfort to the younger man? He wasn’t sure. At the time Kyuhyun was just the maknae that needed taking care of. He was his hyung and that was his duty. He didn’t equate any extraordinary relevance to that fact. He wondered now if it was in those moments his heart wavered, that feelings had developed.

It was probably just as likely to be later when they worked on their duet together. He spent a lot more time with Kyuhyun then on an individual basis. He had come to appreciate him in a new light. He had always admired his talent, but it was probably then that he fully understood just how amazing his voice really was. It may have been particularly relevant that he couldn’t help but think in that moment that it was amazing just how much they suited each other vocally, moulding and weaving around each other seamlessly, as if it was always meant to be that way. In retrospect he should have realized that those thoughts were perhaps an indicator of something changing, but then it could have been passed off as a vanity, as self appreciation. Just as then, it could have well been after Kyuhyun’s medical issues. He truly worried about him, but again it could have been equated to the fact that the younger was the maknae and as a general rule, all of them drowned in worry if he broke a finger nail. It was not that significant; it was not the spark of love or was it? He could look at each and every memory and still never find the exact moment that it happened. He could examine them with a fine tooth comb and still come up blank if he was searching for that light that would indicate that his life was fundamentally altered. It was everything and nothing all at the same time.

It was concealed in every moment, every word, every smile exchanged between the two. It was never in a particular moment or in a special word. It just happened. Bit by bit, the maknae had entered his heart, entered his mind and branded his soul. He would never know when it happened; never know the exact day or the exact word. Maybe it was that fist awkward shy smile or the hundred time he held his hand. It could well be the first time he worried about him or it could be the millionth time he had entered into his thoughts for some reason or the other. It was unlikely and unforeseen. He would never have thought something like that could have happened. It was not even the things of a dream; since Yesung was sure he didn’t have a dream like that. He couldn’t even conceive what the maknae would eventually be to him. It was an amazing development. One day he was just another one of his amazing dongsaengs that he treasured above all else, then in a flash he was so much more. It probably wasn’t fair to say a flash even, as that would indicate it was instantaneous, which it most certainly was not. Instead it was built up over precious moments that only became precious in hindsight. He may not know when it happened or even how it happened, but one thing was for sure. He had fallen in love with Kyuhyun and that was never going to change.

It was true. Yesung was hopelessly in love with his dongsaeng. It wasn’t just the in love sort of thing but was ‘will love you till my last breathe’ sort of love. Yesung was hopelessly, irrevocably, eternally, mindlessly, embarrassingly in love with Kyuhyun. His heart fluttered and his stomach did those little summersaults, his skin tingled and soul purred just at the sight of him. If that was not an apt description of his state then he didn’t know a better way to explain it really. To him Kyuhyun was everything. No, not that creepy sort of everything with shrines and all that weird stuff, like ’the everything ‘where he just felt better to have him near. Kyuhyun made everything considerable better. With him, Yesung felt complete, as if that pit in the abyss had been completely filled, as if he was finally whole as a person. Rationally he didn’t think it made sense, but then again, things like that were not very rational were they? It was just a feeling, a sense of being entirely complete, as if you had finally found that special something that was meant to fit perfectly, jagged edges and acute angles and all, like the piece of a jigsaw puzzle that was meant to fit perfectly in place. That was what Kyuhyun was to him. He was that rough piece that fit as if it was originally created to be there.

Kyuhyun was not just someone he loved, but someone that he adored, that he trusted, that he cared for, someone that felt close in his heart. He was someone that understood him, someone that could be his best friend, but in a completely different way. The way he loved him was special and different. It made him feel as if he were permanently floating in this cloud high about the world, high of a feeling of happiness and contentment. It made him weak, but so much stronger. He truly believed in his heart that there would never be someone he would love more in his life. Yesung had come to think of Kyuhyun as something akin to a soulmate. He wasn’t sure if he really was. As far as Yesung knew it was nearly impossible to actually find your soulmate and those things probably happened at first sight. It shouldn’t take over 6 years for even the idea of love to blossom. Even if he wasn’t, Yesung still thought that Kyuhyun had to be something similar. He couldn’t imagine his life without Kyuhyun now. It was as if Kyuhyun had branded every cell of his body, claimed everything to be his. It was a frightening perspective, but Yesung couldn’t help praise his luck. How else would he be able to explain the fact that Kyuhyun loved his as well? He was blessed to have even met Kyuhyun, to actually have the amazing younger man love him, was something from a fairytale, something that couldn’t be true.

Yesung could deal with the fact that he loved Kyuhyun. It was strange and unexpected and he truly didn’t know what he was doing half the time. He felt lucky that he could even have that sort of feeling. People exist their entire lives and have never known what it felt like to love that strongly. He was sure that being that much in love was not a good thing, but he couldn’t help but feel grateful that he had actually been able to experience it. Blessed that he was able to have his heart flutter and his skin tingle at the very thought of another person. It was an awe inspiring feeling to actually feel that much emotion. He would have probably been happy even if it was unreciprocated, then miserable, but for the most part happy that he was able to actually feel that sort of love. The fact that the love was reciprocated with equal or perhaps more vigour was unbelievable. It was just something that he couldn’t wrap his mind around. They had been together for nearly 5 months and he still couldn’t believe that Kyuhyun loved him. People like Kyuhyun were not supposed to love someone like him. Sometimes he still thinks he imagined that confession, that he was having some sort of weird delusion. It should be impossible to feel this much happiness, shouldn’t? It should be impossible for someone as perfect as Kyuhyun to love him, shouldn’t it?

It is for that very reason that he is afraid. He feels infinite fear, a creature that is cruel and vile, sneaking its way into his mind and even his heart. He is afraid, deeply weary. He is afraid to love Kyuhyun too much. He was told a long time ago that a man was supposed to have the good sense to protect his heart, to love himself enough to never have his heart stolen from his grasp, that the only person that you trust to protect something as fragile as your heart was yourself. He had already unwillingly given Kyuhyun so much.

He had realized from his endless contemplations that even before Kyuhyun had spoken his feelings, he had already given him too much of himself. He was at the point that he was happy to even feel love, so much for protecting himself. He knew, even if he didn’t understand it, that his personality was one that required much care and sensitivity. He had to be crazy to allow Kyuhyun to have that power, to allow him to burrow into his depths. He had to be cautious, yet he wasn’t, he knew he wasn’t. He was supposed to protect his heart, to keep his distance, to keep something for himself. He had failed miserably. He would argue that he didn’t do it really. He didn’t know how it even happened. He had tried his best to not get too attached, to not let himself think of it as something it was not, yet he had failed. He was afraid to love him too much, but what he was really afraid of was that fact that he was sure already did it. He had given his heart completely to Kyuhyun and the worst part was that he would probably do the same thing each and every time.

He knows somewhere deep down that it could potentially be the biggest mistake of his life. That is not to say that he doesn’t trust Kyuhyun. He trust the snarky little demon with his whole heart. He supposed that it would be hard not to trust him that much, when he already loved him so much, but he could accept that it was just one of those natural correlations that were pointless to fight. He trusted Kyuhyun when he said that he loved him, he trusted that Kyuhyun was serious when he insist that he wanted them to have a future together. Kyuhyun had never once given him reason to doubt the sincerity of his words. Kyuhyun’s actions scream love and affection. He doesn’t know why Kyuhyun loves him so much, but he never doubts the fact that Kyuhyun actually does love him.

Kyuhyun was the type that said what he meant and meant what he said. If Kyuhyun said he loved him, then he believed him to the tips of every fibre of his body. He trusted that Kyuhyun was serious, that Kyuhyun truly wished to be with him for a lifetime, that Kyuhyun wanted them to have a future together. He could never doubt that is what the maknae currently felt. He would spend his life in eternal gratitude that Kyuhyun even felt that way about him for a single second, much less more. He would never know what possessed Kyuhyun to fall in love with him. It was like that younger boy didn’t know how much better he could do. It was like Kyuhyun didn’t realize how amazingly talented and handsome he was, how comforting his presence was, how much better he could truly do. It was as if he was unaware of just how much Yesung pales in comparison to him.

Yesung was sure that Kyuhyun loved him, he was sure that Kyuhyun truly wanted to spend his life with him, but at the same time he was almost sure that it was just a fleeting, passing feeling. The love the child felt was blinding him to the truth. He was young and in love and thought that was always going to be enough, but Yesung knew better. He knew that love didn’t always work that way. He had convinced himself that whatever Kyuhyun was feeling was just the reaction of a young man having experienced that first burning love. Kyuhyun didn’t truly know what he was feeling. He was blinded by the immediate emotions and making all his decisions based on that blazing feeling in his stomach that Yesung also felt. He was being entirely guided by the love he felt in the moment. Yesung was sure, in his own mind anyway, that Kyuhyun didn’t understand what he was saying, didn’t know what he was proposing.

Yesung was certain one day the maknae would wake up from his love based intoxication to see Yesung for what he truly was. Kyuhyun would one day be able to truly see his form, see that he was older than him, that he was not that attractive, that he was not as talented as Kyuhyun, that he was not what Kyuhyun had obviously deluded himself into thinking he was. Kyuhyun would be released from his daze and see that he was just a weird, awkward guy that was prone to fails. Kyuhyun would finally see that he was temperamental and insecure, that his mind was weak and made him uncertain, that he was shy and timid, that he was incapable and unromantic. That voice in his head would argue that Kyuhyun wasn’t perfect either, but as far as he was concerned Kyuhyun was, just in a very special way. Even if he wasn’t entirely perfect, he was so much better than he was.  One day the maknae would open his eyes and see the flawed creature he thought he loved and finally abandon him.

The thought scared him senseless. He could rationalize that he had many redeeming qualities, but Kyuhyun deserved perfection, which he most certainly was not. Kyuhyun could do so much better, be with someone that was as amazing as he was. Kyuhyun would see one day that the love he felt was not enough, that he would be better off with some nice pretty girl, that was sweet and kind, not some guy that was weird and temperamental. Kyuhyun would realize that he had a bright future ahead of him, a future that he could protect by letting go of him. Kyuhyun’s life would be much easier and much more fulfilled if he left him and found love with someone else. Kyuhyun would be so much better with someone like Seohyun or whichever girl that was pining for his attention, Yesung didn’t know and didn’t think it was worth torturing himself obsessing over , as he knew that Kyuhyun would be happier with any nice pretty girl, that was just as smart and talented as him, or just someone that wasn’t him. Even Changmin was a better friend than he was to Kyuhyun.

Yesung though, was selfish. For the first time in his life he put himself before someone else. He knew that Kyuhyun could do better than him, that Kyuhyun was just blinded by love, that Kyuhyun’s life would be easier if he wasn’t in it. He was even aware that one day his unbelievable luck would run out. Yesung knew all that ,but for the very first time in his life Yesung only cared about his happiness. He was going to be selfish and hold on to Kyuhyun. He was going to hold on tightly and not let go.  As long as Kyuhyun was blinded he was going to take advantage of it. He knew somewhere that was not the right thing to do, that he should do the right thing, do the honourable thing and let the maknae go, to show him that he was making a mistake, that he was just blinded by love and not thinking clearly.

Yesung knew he was being selfish but he didn’t care and truth be told. He didn’t think he would ever care. He loved Kyuhyun too much to let go. At this point he didn’t think he could let go willingly anymore. As long as Kyuhyun was holding on to him, he wouldn’t let go. Once Kyuhyun wanted him beside him, wanted to hold his hand, to rest in his arms, to stand beside him, to protect his heart, he was going to let him. He was intent on enjoying every second that Kyuhyun remained deluded for. He genuinely thought that for once in his life he could be selfish. He hoped he wasn’t wrong in holding on to Kyuhyun, but even if he was, he didn’t care. He wasn’t forcing Kyuhyun to love him. Kyuhyun had made that choice, whether it was foolish or not, and he was not wrong in reaping that benefit. It couldn’t be wrong when he loved him so much. Right?

He truly did love him, more than he probably should. He should be allowed to hold on to the person that he loved right? Kyuhyun was extending his hand, shouldn’t he be allowed to take it? Shouldn’t  he be allowed to enjoy the love that he felt in heart? It was probably selfish but he refused to think it was wrong to fight to be by the side of the person he loved with all his heart, the person that currently loved him. Why should he let go? Kyuhyun was the one holding one, Kyuhyun currently wanted him.

For the first time in his life he wanted something so badly, wanted someone so badly. He refused to let go, he would hold on with all his might, he would lock Kyuhyun away in his arms and hold him close to his heart. He promised himself that for his selfishness, he would make Kyuhyun happy. It didn’t matter what it took, he would love Kyuhyun till it hurt, he would protect him, he would hold him close. He knew one day he would be made to pay for his selfishness. One day the fates would get even, one day Kyuhyun would break his heart. At some point Kyuhyun would realize that he had a better future away from Yesung, that Yesung was not good enough for him, that his love had blinded him to the reality that was Yesung. Kyuhyun would see his mistake and he would abandon him. He would finally let go and on that day Yesung would let him go with a smile. His heart would be broken into tiny nearly invisible fragments, scattered to the wind, never to be whole again, but it was all worth it to have a few moments of perfection. He would pay for him selfishness, he would be broken, but he refused to believe that it wasn’t worth it. When that day came he would let the younger go with a tender smile and wish him well. He would nurse his broken heart silently, and live off his memories. He would hold them close to his heart and treasure them; he would treasure every second he had with him.

That day could be tomorrow or it could be twenty years from now. He didn’t know and he didn’t want to know. All he knew was that he would hold on the hand that reached for his tightly, as if his life depended on it. He would try to protect whatever he could of his heart and he would treasure their moments together. He didn’t know how long it would last, but he could hope that God would grant a selfish person like him forever. He could hope that Kyuhyun always remained blinded, that he always loved him. He was ready to do whatever it took to keep those hands in his, to keep Kyuhyun by his side happily. Once Kyuhyun was happy and wanted to be with him, he would let him; he would enjoy it and fight for it.

He was now a selfish man, so he also had to be a strong man. He was willing to fight to hold on to Kyuhyun’s love, but that also meant that he had to be willing to fight for him, to fight for the right to love him. What they had was special and perfect and fulfilling and all those other good things that could possibility help him describe the pure perfection of their imperfect existence, but it was also weird and frightening. Despite how much he loved Kyuhyun, he knew it was hard to adjust, hard to accept that he was indeed in love with a man. Yesung, as far as he knew, was and possibly still is a heteroual man. Even in his daze of endless love and never ending affection for Kyuhyun, he was well aware that he did not find him particularly attractive. Kyuhyun was handsome, but that was just from an objective perspective. The whole idea of loving a man felt weird to him.

It was taking time to adjust to the idea, to get comfortable with the change in circumstance, to allow Kyuhyun into his life in that aspect. Their intimacy was painfully limited, but Yesung did not mind, and he suspected that Kyuhyun was not in pains over the matter either. It was awkward and weird but he would rather allow it to build naturally rather than force it. He knew they could just risk it and let lust guide them at some point, but that was sort of difficult when the lust itself was hard to build. Yesung was rather interested in letting it all flow naturally. He was shy, that was painfully obvious. He felt uncomfortable often and he wanted the relationship to build naturally, until they were both comfortable. He was willing to wait. Even if his time was limited, he was rather the time be filled with genuine moments rather than forced creations that didn’t have real meaning. Sincerity and comfort was better than kisses. Though he supposed that was easy to say since he hadn’t actually kissed Kyuhyun yet, so he didn’t actually know. He blushed red then. He quickly looked around to see if anyone had caught him, his eyes immediately falling on his mother.

He looked at her fondly, but couldn’t help but wonder what her reaction would be when he told her. No, not when he told her, but when they told her. Kyuhyun would be by his side then, he was sure. There would be no way that Kyuhyun would even consider letting him to that alone, he was sure. The maknae was sort of protective of him. It was beyond adorable, though Yesung maintains that he should be the one to protect him. He supposed he should just allow them to protect each other. Even if Kyuhyun was going to be holding his hand he didn’t look forward to that day. It would be hard and painful. No matter how they explained it, people would think they were weird and probably hate them. Korea was not very accepting of the sort of relationship that they had. It didn’t matter that they only loved each other; the fact that they loved each was the problem.

He didn’t think he would care very much what the world thought. He was not an idiot or that oblivious to think that things would be easy. He was sure he would suffer and lose quite a bit of the things that he cared about. It was probably foolish, but he swears he wouldn’t care if it meant he had Kyuhyun. He was willing to forsake the world to be with the little demon, but he knew in his heart he couldn’t forsake his mother. Would she smile at him? Would she tell him that it didn’t matter, that she loved him? Would she support the relationship? He prayed with his whole heart that she would. He prayed that she remained the caring kind women that she had always been to him, that he continued to hold his hand through the storm that would surely lash at him and Kyuhyun when it finally broke that they were romantically involved.

He would need her soft smile and her sweet words then. They would both suffer then, there were no two ways about it. He was sure some of their fans would defend them to the ends for the earth and he would be eternally gratefully for that, but he was also just as certain that there would be those that will forsake him, forsake Kyuhyun. He could deal with the hate that would come their way but he couldn’t stomach the idea of anything hurting Kyuhyun, of his parents sharing that hate. He was grateful to have his brothers beside him though. That was a painful experience, just from the sheer anxiousness of it all, but he was grateful to have their love and support. It made him feel infinitely stronger and was certain it did the same for Kyuhyun. He truly believes he would be fine, once his mother gave her support, but he couldn’t be sure. He would just have to wait and see. He and Kyuhyun may be hopelessly in love with each other, but it was not yet the time to make a confession to their parents. They were willing to give themselves some time to let the relationship build, to get adjusted to each other, to develop some sort of consortium. Privately, Yesung was giving Kyuhyun enough time to wake up and see his mistake. He was allowing him all the freedom to make a truly informed decision. He supposed it was for that reason he never could feel jealous.

He had realized belatedly that was what Kyuhyun was talking about when they were talking about his play. Yesung though, in his own mind, never thought he had the right to be jealous really. Naturally he wasn’t the jealous sort and as it stood he was lucky to have Kyuhyun’s love. He was willing to give Kyuhyun freedom as well, for Kyuhyun to be sure when he said he loved him. He wanted him to open his eyes but at the same time he wanted him to still love him. It was a dangerous game he was playing. With that much freedom Kyuhyun could see the folly of his ways that much sooner and finally leave him but at the same time Yesung felt guilty for being selfish, for not doing the honourable thing. He had made peace with himself. If Kyuhyun saw it he wouldn’t stop him and neither would be impede his discovery. He wanted to keep Kyuhyun, but he didn’t want to suffocate him. Kyuhyun was free to do as he pleased. He had read a long time ago that "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be”. He was letting Kyuhyun go and hoping that he always came back. It was a dangerous game but so far Kyuhyun had always returned and hopefully he always will. He was going on fate at this point.

He was tired of his thoughts, tired about thinking about his time with Kyuhyun. It was a nice evening and he didn’t want to waste it wallowing in self pity, wallowing in his endless doubts. He couldn’t change anything,so all he could do is enjoy the time he had. He glanced around the café for the first time since he had let Kyuhyun enter his thoughts and realized that in the 20 minutes that he had tortured himself relentlessly, the café had become a hive of activity, with tons of people ,mainly fans he figured, sitting round or standing chatting with each other, taking pictures , just having fun. He didn’t think he would be arrogant in claiming that these fans were here due to his presence and that gave him joy. They were always a pleasure to be around and truth be told, he needed to distract himself, forget everything he was just thinking about. He needed to let go of his doubts and learn to enjoy the day. His thoughts even prevented him from having both the cupcakes and the bagel. ‘Well that was wasteful’ his mind informed. Seriously? Now it shows up? Where was it when he was torturing himself? Shouldn’t it have been offering comfort? ‘I would have probably just made it worse. All’s well that ends well right?’ his mind quoted nonchalantly. It was right. It would have just made things worse if it had showed up with that flippant attitude.

Yesung glanced around and smiled fondly at the fans that were around, cameras immediately coming up from their hiding places to be pointed in his face. He didn’t mind particularly, it was always to be expected. In fact, he often felt grateful that they wanted to take pictures of him. He knew it would have been rather painful if he was a celebrity and no one ever wanted to take his picture. He thinks he would rather enjoy interacting with ELFs. It would make them happy and he would be happy. It was a profitable situation to all concerned. He carefully got up from his comfortable position, immediately drawing the attention of the mainly females in the room, casually made his way to the counter, tapping the attendant on the shoulder gently indicating that he would like to man the station for a bit. She gave him a knowing smile and let him take over.

The second he stood there, he was nearly blinded by a flash but he just smiled in response, even if he wished they would stop trying to blind him. It seems that the girl realized her error, smiling at him in apology, which he acknowledged with a warm smile, which naturally resulted in over 20 cameras pointed in his direction, but lucky no flash this time. It was fun, though he felt a bit shy, especially with some of the flirtatious winks he was receiving. He knew they were just teasing and felt happy that they wanted to entertain him. He began his self appointed task and started to enjoy it. The first girl he served was Korean and was biting her lip for some reason, so he asked her if she was okay and she squealed for good thirty seconds. It then occurred to Yesung why she was biting her lips. She was sweet and well mannered thereafter so he didn’t mind. The next customer was European he thinks. She was not Korean and spoke to him in English, which naturally had him scrabbling to piece together all the English he could muster. It was an experience in incompetence he realized. His English skills were next to horrible, but atleast she seemed amused by his embarrassing failure and smiled fondly at him. The next five customers were a mix of Korean and non Korean, which he was grateful for.

 By the time he had served his tenth customer, thankfully some of his limited English skills had returned and he was able to piece together enough to atleast get their orders right. It required him to utilize all the sign language he knew but atleast he was getting their orders right, whilst entirely embarrassing himself. He would do what it took to make his reliable defenders happy though. He was getting into the swing of things when he spotted her. He instantly thought she looked familiar. It was not as if he could remember every customer he had ever served but she was appearing very familiar to him. The closer she got the more sure he was that he had met her already. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw her lips. It was the girl with the lips that reminded him of Kyuhyun’s. ‘Of course you would remember Kyuhyun’s lip…..hopeless’ his mind tisked at him, which he ignored. He was in a good mood and had no intention to play with it. Before getting sidetracked, he distinctly remembered her now. He had met her a few months back, maybe three? He wasn’t sure exactly, but he did remember his interactions with her. She liked to make him blush. This time though, he was not going to give her the opportunity, though he would appreciate if she didn’t mention Kyuhyun, as he tends to blush like a fangirl then and he would really like to avoid that.

She was smiling at him as she approached, soft and sweet and he reciprocated. She greeted in Korean and had made a slightly badly phrased inquiry into his wellbeing before switching to English to make her order. Yesung had to pull out his now famous sign language for him to get it right, causing her to chuckle shyly behind her palms, her eyes twinkling, just nodding her head at him. He addressed the order to the attendant behind him and waited for it to be filled. She had stopped giggling now and was looking at him with teasing eyes and a mischievous smile. Things were about to get interesting, he could just tell.

“Is Kyuhyun oppa treating you right?”she questioned with a lift of her eyebrows and a small almost teasing smile but it looked rather sincere to his eyes. He was once again forced to rack his head for any understanding of what she was saying. The only thing he made out was Kyuhyun’s name and he is proud to say that he did not blush. He just smiled a little, which was normal when he heard Kyuhyun’s name, then he realized that actually was not much better. He didn’t have time to think about that, he needed to know what she said. He was going with his instinct and assume that she was asking if Kyuhyun was okay. He simply nodded his head in response, but he quickly gathered that her question was something else entirely by the almost splitting grin she was giving him and the general feeling that it was not something especially innocent. He blushed then instinctively. He wondered what he had just said yes to.

“Don’t let him bully you okay?”She says with another suggestive smile. Yesung at this point had realized that she was not just asking random questions and is weary of answering and is desperate to stop the blush that is forming on his cheeks. He thinks he should respond but doesn’t know what to say exactly, so goes with the simplest phrase he knows.

“Okay”he says timidly, not meeting her eyes, though he can just tell that she has that wide grin that makes him blush in place. He is trying not to panic, trying not to think it is something that it is not.

“Still cute as ever I see”she chuckles at him this time. It is soft and cute, filled with mirth and playfulness, but doesn’t sound very suggestive to his ears, so he returns to looking at her, seeing that her smile is warm and friendly, causing him to naturally return the gesture .She speaks again, but it is more like a coo, ‘soooo cute!’ and he is positive that she called him cute and it makes him smile. He always likes his fans thinking he is cute. He always finds joy in the fans having affection for him.

“I have a gift for you or rather both of you”she says somewhat seriously, as he lifts the bag that he failed to notice before and puts in line with his face. The bag itself was yellow and nicely decorated, with ribbons. It is not large, rather a small gift bag. He is hesitant at first. He does not make it a habit to accept any and every thing. They have had experiences that warrant caution but she pulls her head from behind the bag to look at him with hopeful eyes and he is instantly swayed into accepting it. He reaches his small hands over and takes the bag from her hand.

“Thank you” he responded. It was a simple phrase and one of the only one he knows well enough to say with confidence, accompanied with a grateful smile and gets one in return. She smiled at him fondly then, eyes bright and shining and he is once more smiling at her.

“Be happy always okay. Take care of each other”she advised, and Yesung is lost once more. Just now they were smiling at each other, now she seems serious, but ends with another warm smile. He figures that she is not saying anything bad and simply nods in acknowledgement. Her change is instantaneous bursting out into laugher and saying in between breaths what he recognizes to be the word cute. He blushes then, feeling shy all of a sudden, once more having the feeling that she had not said something entirely innocent. He is informed that her order is ready and hands her the coffee.

“Happy Kyusung day oppa”she wished with a large teasing smile now and Yesung thinks his face is frozen in shock. He was having a heart attack. He was positive that he just heard the word Kyusung, and the only Kyusung he knew was the couple name he had happened upon whilst browsing a website. ‘ You were reading fanfiction, don’t deny it’ his mind teased. He was not reading fanfiction! He was just checking to see if there were any, that was all. ’So you claim’ his mind dismissed his protests. Really?  Now was not the time to have that argument. He was practically having a heart attack and it brings that up now? He wondered sometimes. ‘ Now who is wasting time?’ his mind snickered. Enough! More important matters to address. Did she know about them? They were so careful. How could that happen?  He wanted to hyperventilate. ‘No you idiot! She is probably just a shipper, you know like Yewook or Kyumin? It is probably nothing. It was just a lucky guess that this one happen to be real. That is sort of funny-‘ Yesung interrupted his mind.

He was never so grateful for it to decide to be useful. He felt like an idiot again. He really needed to be less jumpy. She didn’t have particular knowledge. It was just lucky that she guess the real one. He couldn’t help the blush then. He and Kyuhyun were real. They were together and it was amazing. ‘Would you stop? If you act like that she will know it’s true. You are so stupid sometimes’ his mind reprimanded. He wanted to argue but it was right. This was why he wanted desperately for no one to mention Kyuhyun’s name. He then realized that he was probably looking at her like a statute and that would be suspicious. He didn’t even hear the rest of what she said and had no idea how to respond, but he had to say something.

“Yeah?” he said but more like questioned.  He had no idea what to say and didn’t even know if that was the right response, but then again could there be a right response when someone mentioned Kyusung? She could have just made a lucky guess but that didn’t change the fact that it was true. He was seriously going to lose his mind one day.

“You are really too cute. Have fun today Oppa”she said after his basically pointless response, her voice soft and most definitely teasing, winking at him suggestively , nearly making him choke and she to laugh somewhat meanly. He would think that since she is a fan of his or hopefully a fan of his she wouldn’t want him to choke and possibly die. He blushed for the umpteenth time and she only waves fondly at him before leaving the café, not once did the teasing smile leave her face.

Yesung found her to be interesting but if he were to be honest he would readily confess that he was rather happy to see the back of her. He looked at the gift bag still in his hands and blushed instantly. How on earth did he fail to notice that at the front of it was a picture of him and Kyuhyun hugging. The picture was taken from some performance or event and edited in bright colours and placed in a heart shaped frame design. It was weird but his heart fluttered just that little bit looking at the picture. He knew he should feel awkward but at the same time really appreciated the gift and he still didn’t know what it was. He was curious though as to why she gave him a gift addressed to the both of them. He would open it up but did not want to draw attention to it. He stepped away briefly, placing the small gift bag securely in his cosy corner, looked at it fondly and returned to the counter. He hoped that would be the last of that though. He really didn’t think he could blush anymore and survive.

He was wrong. It was possible to blush burgundy and choke atleast twenty times in ten minutes and still survive. Apparently ‘Miss lips that look like Kyuhyun’s‘ was just the first wave that herald an onslaught of gifts being handed to him and greeting of a ‘Happy Kyusung Day’ whatever that was. It was highly unfortunate that one of these patrons were native speakers and thus had him choking and acting dumb or rather he was dumb, his mind abandoning him and shock removing his ability to speak. He tried his hardest not to blush, when some of the  more cheeky ones, told him to be careful and ‘We are not sure which is which, but you guys shouldn’t be rough with each other’ uttered unbelievably with a straight face, then a loud boisterous laugh when he turned rosy and choked on his own spit. He may be naïve but there was no way he could miss that sort of innuendo. Some weren’t so kind though, heading straight to the point, Heechul would have been proud, asking outright, ‘So who tops?’ he actually did choke on that one and wished for the earth to swallow him up, whilst trying to act nonchalant, insisting he didn’t know what she was talking about. It was just rather disheartening that she only chuckled and said ‘that’s what make you guys so cute’ and left him to wish he had never left his bed this morning.

He actually had that thought earlier, when he had awoken to Kyuhyun nuzzling his head in the crook of his neck, snoring softly, clutching at his shirt. He took one look at him and wished he didn’t have to get out of bed.  It was really a bad idea to think about that just then as he was smiling like a fool and the next girl, immediately asked if he was thinking about Kyuhyun and he couldn’t hide the shock on his face which caused even more laughter. He tried to endure as long as possible, passing off the Happy Kyusung day comments with a shrug and trying to act indifferent to the comments. He decided that it was best not to accept the gifts but the girls all had these sad patented puppy dog eyes and he supposed it would be suspicious if he had declined them, as it was customary for them to generally accept shipper gifts as a form of fan service.

Eunhyuk and Donghae practically had matching everything and didn’t mind. They may not be romantic but were generally attached at the hip anyway, so couple things always tend to amuse them. Heechul though, didn’t react that way when someone sent him and Leeteuk matching pyjamas. He was rather offended insisting that the fans were crazy to think he would ever go for Leeteuk, as that would be a serious downgrade from his previous association with Hankyung. Leeteuk also took offence, but his offence was to Heechul’s comments, with him insisting that he could also do better. Whilst they argued, Eunhae decided that the pyjamas were better off with them anyway. They would give it a good home they promised. The point being, after an hour he had nearly twenty love themed bags and they were drawing unnecessary attention. He figured it was a good time to resign his post, as he didn’t think he would live much longer.

He was positive some of the English speakers had asked rather interesting questions and for the first time he was grateful that his English skills were next to nonexistent. He took the last bag given to him and unconsciously said thanks when the girl wished him and Kyuhyun eternal happiness, wanting to slap himself for forgetting to act indifferent and had decided that it was best he retreated. He supposed he could write off all of it as normal shipping and ignore it, except for the fact that he knew it was not a fake coupling created by the fans to amuse themselves. The factual content of the subject matter naturally made him jumpy and he was probably convincing them it was truthful. He knew one day he would have to rely on these girls to protect them, but he hoped that for now they forgave him for pretending they were delusional. He had to protect Kyuhyun from the not so friendly ones. They had his gratitude, even if they had nearly just killed him a few times. It was amazing some of the questions they asked him, and rather sweet the way they wished them happiness.

He calmly as possible made his way back to his corner and examined the now pile of small bags, in all colours and textures, though it was obvious that they all had a love theme to them, decorated with ribbons and hearts and pictures of the two of them. It was hard not to blush like a tomato every time he saw them and was sure he would die when he eventually opened them up. He wondered what to do with them. He treasured them in his own way but they also put him on edge and made him feel embarrassed. He couldn’t just leave them and he couldn’t stay much longer if he wanted to live much longer, so he supposed he would be heading home. He grabs hold of the very first one he received and looks at his already filled hands and then cursed his tiny fingers. If he wanted to get those to his car, it would take atleast 5 trips. The world hated him….he was sure of this fact when his mother popped up from nowhere and almost gave him a heart attack for the second time that day.

“Oh presents. But why are you getting gifts Jongwoon ah?” Yesung’s mom questioned as he leaned down to look at the now obvious pile of presents he had stashed in the corner. It was a miracle that she hadn’t noticed it before but that was probably only because she was doing inventory in the store room.

“The ELFs are celebrating something or the other and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings” Yesung responded with forced nonchalance. He felt panicky and just weird. He didn’t know what to say. He knew he could probably pass it off as crazy shipper gifts but he didn’t want to do that. He felt it was disrespectful to the presents and then on the flip side he just felt rather uncomfortable having this conversation with his mother. His heart was racing and he felt faint. He refused to think about when they would be forced to have this conversation for real.

“They are for Kyusung? Oh… You and Kyuhyunnie. It’s cute” she says with a smile, examining the yellow ribbon adorned gift bag, looking fondly at the picture on it. Yesung swears his heart nearly stopped when she said Kyusung. He knows it was not the monumental, but it was just awkward and plain weird. It was like he was holding back state secrets and she was interrogating him with sweet smiles and he was just feeling flustered and thought he would die from the energy it was taking to not act like a freaked out school girl caught with her first boyfriend or blush like an idiot. He was silently taking deep breaths which he released when she said they were cute. He knew she had given no analysis to it and could be talking about the nicely twirled ribbon for all he knew yet his heart felt a lot lighter in that second.

“Oh really?”  He goes with forced disinterest, pretending that he had no idea that the gifts were meant to be for him and Kyuhyun and that he had no idea who Kyusung was. Well he supposed, it would be deductive logic and he had just made himself look like an idiot. He only rationalized that it was better to be an idiot then than it was to expose that he was in love with a man in that moment. There is a famous saying that he abided by “There is a time and place for everything” – it was most definitely not the time and nor was it the place.

“They are cute gifts though. I really like this bag, such pretty colours, but shouldn’t you be getting Yewook gifts instead? Isn’t that the popular one?” His mom asked inquisitively, now playing with the ribbons on a red bag, with hearts attached to the front. Yesung released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He had figured that she was not giving it much importance, but was genuinely relieved that she was associating it entirely with the shipping culture that was common in the fandom. She thought that it was just one of the promoted fake couplings and Yesung was glad that he didn’t have to deal with the matter more than necessary.

“It is. I am gonna go to the dorms now. I will call you tomorrow” Yesung remarked, smiling fondly down at his petite mother that had removed her attention from the colourful bags and was now looking up at him smiling.

“Okay, don’t forget. Here take your bags as well. Show them to Kyuhyunnie. I am sure he will like them” she mused with a teasing smile and later a joyful laugh as he handed over the bags, raising her hand to call one of the employees over to help him with the others as he could only hold about 6 and those were the smaller ones. Yesung nodded his head, smiling in return as he leaning in an pressed a soft kiss to he cheek, with her just patting him on the head in return, before he turned to hand the bags over to the worker, remarking on which she thought was pretty or not.

Yesung watched her as she amused herself with the bags and looked fondly at the pictures that were visible at the front of some of them. Yesung wondered if she would think it was so cute when he told her the truth. Would she smile and look at their pictures so lovingly then? Would she still think it would be cute and interesting? Would she still refer to Kyuhyun so lovingly? Would everything change when he finally had the courage to tell her that it was not just some fan created relationship, but in fact he was truly in love with Kyuhyun, that he truly wished to have a future with him, that he desperately wanted to be by his side? He hoped and prayed once more with all his heart that she reacted the same way. He smiled at her fondly one last time before he proceeded to his car waiting in the lot, the fans parting respectfully as he made his way out, calling their farewells and their greeting. He quickly made his way to his car, knowing that it was not especially safe to be out and about without a manager, thanking the employee that carefully placed the gifts on his backseat before saying her greeting and what he imagined was a Happy Kyusung Day before she hurried back into the café. He got in and once the regular safety procedures were made, he pulled out and was on the road heading to his dorms in no time.

He pulled into the underground parking garage and proceeded to the areas that were reserved for Super Junior members pulling into the spot normally reserved for Leeteuk as it was the closest to the elevator. He hoped that Leeteuk didn’t mind, but he would need to be as close as possible if he wanted to have any chance of taking all the gifts up singlehandedly. He was frankly just too lazy to make multiple trips and was afraid to leave them in the car on the off chance that any of it was perishable. That would be wasteful and probably not good for his car seats. He supposed he could just go up and send a dongsaeng down to get it for him, but he didn’t want to trouble them. Paris was stressful and they all had schedules, especially Eunhyuk and Donghae who had recently returned from Japan. It was better he let them rest.

He carefully collected them all, placing them on his arms and stretching his tiny fingers as far as they could go. He was lucky a few of the bags were bigger and he was able to place some of the smaller ones there in and that lessened the place required on his poor fingers even if it couldn’t help with the weight that was attached. He carefully made his way out or his car, unable to even press the keypad to lock it, hoping instead that the security in the building would be sufficient and it generally was. He had to ninja his way into the elevator, considering it a pure miracle that he met someone on the way up who was also kind enough to hit the button that would take him up to the 11^th Floor. He happily exited and then realized that he would need to enter the lock code or knock. He thought it was probably easier to release a couple of the bags and enter the code than it was to knock, so that was what he did. He somehow made it to his room, with no one being in the living room. He was grateful that he had left his door ajar and used his leg to push the door open, immediately placing the presents in the corner by his desk, placing then either on the desk or on the floor next it, stretching his fingers gratefully, examining the rest marks. Now that was finished. He wanted to know what the hell was happening. Just as he was about to grab his laptop and do some investigating, though not in Shinee style as they seemed rather clueless, he was alerted to someone’s presence at his door.

His attention was then directed to the door and was greeted with Kyuhyun sticking his head in tentatively, with the younger pushing the door in fully when his eyes landed on Yesung, a smile taking shape. Yesung was ashamed to admit that he genuinely forgot what was on his mind before he saw Kyuhyun, all his mind could give its attention to was the maknae that was walking towards him with a warm smile and all Yesung could do was turn to him fully and return the smile, happy to see him. Kyuhyun was at a schedule most of the day and he had not seen him much and was glad that he was back. He also gathered that it meant that he didn’t have to perform his musical which was definitely a plus in Yesung’s books, not because he didn’t want him too, more like it meant that Kyuhyun would be around for the night.

 Kyuhyun doesn’t greet as he crosses the small room and Yesung doesn’t either, both just smiling fondly at each other, until Kyuhyun is by his side, grabbing hold of his hand immediately. Yesung can’t help but chuckle at his eagerness but feels warmth flood his insides when Kyuhyun’s long fingers wrap around his much smaller ones delicately. Yesung is just grateful that Kyuhyun still wants to hold his hands. It always amazes him how tenderly he does it, even when he is gripping like a hyena, it is always laced with a sort of gentle desperation. He fools himself into thinking that maybe, just maybe Kyuhyun is as desperate to hold on as he is. He figures that it is probably not true but it is such a happy thought.

“What’s with the flowery shopping bags?  They are even frilly. Have you been going to weird stores again?” Kyuhyun questioned with a raise of his eyebrows, and a teasing smirk directed at Yesung before he turned his attention to the rather impressive heap of bags nearby. Yesung rolled his eyes. Kyuhyun would tease about anything he realized, but he was always so adorable whilst doing it, that he couldn’t bring himself to be upset or offended. ‘I think that is because you are spineless’ his mind proposed. Yesung would only inform it that its opinion was unsolicited and he would rather think about it as being in love, rather than spineless, even though they both seem to have a natural correlation.

“I don’t go to weird stores and seriously that was one time. I didn’t even know what they sold. The sign was in French…..You’re an idiot. Those aren’t even shopping bags but gifts from ELFs.” Yesung informed as to the origin of the bags also turning his attention to the heap of bags that had caught Kyuhyun’s attention, making a show of rolling his eyes in response to the younger’s tease. Kyuhyun always had to mention the things he wanted to avoid. He was sightseeing after SMTown in Paris and accidently went into this weird lingerie store and blushed horribly before making a quick exit. Kyuhyun was not even there, yet he was making it his business to tease. Yesung was even mad at himself for being so defensive and was upset that he couldn’t muster the ability to hold Kyuhyun accountable.

“Gifts from ELFs? Why would they be giving you gifts? It’s not your birthday and I don’t think it’s an anniversary. Why are they covered in hearts and flowers anyway?” Kyuhyun questioned clearly confused, eyeing the gifts and then looking to Yesung in the hopes of receiving an answer. As far as Kyuhyun knew there was nothing special on, unless he forgot an anniversary that was special to Yesung alone, but even then that was unlikely since someone or the other would have mentioned it that morning or during the course of the day. It was obviously not Valentine’s Day, so he couldn’t understand the love theme. Unless Yesung was confessed to numerous times today, in which case he was happy for him, but a little put off by the fact that he accepted the gifts. He should have been categorically adamant that he was not interested. It was also somewhat an issue of concern that he did indeed accept gifts. Super Junior had their share of crazy saesangs and they tend to be the one that gave gifts in flowery bags. He hoped that Yesung had been careful. He was now rather interested in the answer.

“They weren’t given to me, they were given to us. They are all addressed to Kyusung, so I guess it has something to do with us? I am not sure really” Yesung informed with a shrug of his shoulders, looking up at Kyuhyun with a face pulled with his own curiosity and reflecting his ignorance as his lips curled into that shape that indicated he was distracted by his thoughts. He was so caught in his thoughts that he missed Kyuhyun curling his fist into a ball to stop himself from reaching up with his free hand and pinching his cheeks. Yesung having decided that he still couldn’t think of the reason for receiving the gifts other than the fact that it has to do with the both of them, just shrugged once more as he looked up to meet Kyuhyun’s eyes and smiled warmly at him.

“You mean shippers gifts for us? Well that is weird. We never receive things like that” Kyuhyun observed, throwing a glance at the pile of flowery bags at the corner, eyeing them with new curiosity now that he was made aware that they were given to the both of them, that it was given to Kyusung. They gave him a weird sort of joy that they were now seen as a them, as a couple, as an us. He appreciated it but at the same time he was greatly confused. It was not the first time he had received shippers gifts, but those were mainly Kyumin and he supposed Yesung may have received some Yewook in the past, but not very regularly now that SM had relaxed the whole shipping fan service requirement, thinking that it had reached the end of the line. It would probably be the first time that he would have or rather; they would have received a gift for the both of them before. It was rather intriguing.

“I think so” Yesung confirmed, referring to the initial questioned that was posed to him, shaking his head in confirmation, also agreeing to the observation that Kyuhyun had made. He also realized how unlikely it was for them to actually receive a couple gift, the fact that it was meant to be for the both of them.  He knew Kyuhyun wouldn’t panic in relation to that fact, as it was in essence common to receive those types of gifts, especially in the height of the Kyumin fan service, but it would be interesting to actually receive them when they were involved in a real relationship. It was definitely a new feeling.

“Maybe they are celebrating something? That is the only probable reason. It’s just sad that we don’t actually know what they are celebrating, especially since it is about us” Kyuhyun remarked, looking at him with resigned eyes. Yesung had thought about that as well. It was most likely that they were celebrating something. ELFs always gave gifts when they celebrated something and he could remember hearing greetings about a Kyusung Day. He was sure that he had heard them say ‘Happy Kyusung Day’ which meant that they were probably celebrating something called a Kyusung Day, but he didn’t know exactly what that meant or if it actually had a meaning.

“They said something about Kyusung Day, but I don’t know what that means” Yesung once more adds, giving Kyuhyun the benefit of the little information that he had gathered. He knew it was not especially helpful, but it was atleast a lot more than he had before, once more looking at Kyuhyun with even eyes and a slight pout to signify that he could give no more information. Kyuhyun smiled at him for some odd reason, and then he grinned.

“We will just have to find out then” Kyuhyun said with a grin, as he started to walk towards the bags, dragging Yesung along as their hands had remained attached through the duration of the conversation, with Kyuhyun just shifting their hands to be in a more comfortable angle as he reached the pile, grabbing the yellow bag, which Yesung recognized to be the first gift that he was given, smiling at Yesung then as he made his way over to the bed, pulling Yesung along, until he had settled himself on the bed.

Yesung then had no choice but to climb up as well, which was rather difficult to do with some semblance of coolness when your hand was in an odd angle. Kyuhyun was oblivious to his struggles as he waited for him to finally get on the bed or maybe he was, judging by his grin, but Yesung wouldn’t accuse him of being an idiot until he was sure. He would just assume that Kyuhyun was unaware. Finally he was able to position himself somewhat comfortably against the wall, then realized that it would have been much easier if they had both just sat at the side of the bed. It was not especially necessary to be against the wall, even if it had become habit to the both of them.

He was just going to point that out to Kyuhyun when he heard a swift knock on the door and then saw it open widely. He heard Kyuhyun grumble something that sounded similar to ‘what is the point of knocking if you are just going to enter anyway’ but he was not exactly sure. He had to remember to tell Kyuhyun to be nicer though, as he was sure Kyuhyun was always allowed to just enter without knocking as he had done earlier and that custom was also practiced by the others, in the belief that if he wanted privacy he would lock the door. He stopped his musings to greet the entrant or rather entrants seeing Donghae, Sungmin and Ryeowook before him.

Yesung won’t say that he is surprised to see them, as it was not exactly foreign for his dongsaengs to visit him from time to time when they were home, but it was a bit shocking to see them in the state that they were in. Not mean to actually imply that they looked hurt or troubled but instead looked ready for a party, with all three wearing party hats, comically so, Sungmin with streamers in his hands and, Ryeowook  holding a beautiful chocolate strawberry cake safely in his hands. Yesung was definitely confused by their appearance, which was amplified when they cheered and shouted “Happy Kyusung Day” and Sungmin released his streamers, with the trio looking at them with bright smiles and a thumbs up from Donghae.

“I am so happy fro you guys. It’s so cute” Ryeowook practically gushes, his face taking on that expression he tends to wear when his favourite characters in a drama confesses or gets married, smiling widely at them, expression one of pure sunshine and eyes shimmering. Ryeowook thought it was adorable that they had a day dedicated to them. He wanted to give them privacy on their special day but couldn’t pass up the opportunity to greet them.

“What are you talking about Wookie?” Yesung asks with genuine curiosity, trying to get off the bed, but Kyuhyun wouldn’t release his hands, so was forced to tug at him to either let go or get up. He grumbled adorably, but choose to keep holding on, allowing himself to be pulled as Yesung descended and walked over to where the trio were standing, raising his eyebrows to indicate his curiosity and Kyuhyun just grunted in annoyance, which was silenced when Yesung looked at him. Yesung would insist it was not a glare as he finds it difficult to glare at his BabyKyu, but Kyuhyun was being childish and disruptive. Was he really that excited to open the presents? Yesung was sure that finding out what on earth they were greeting about was much more important.

“Wait. You really don’t know what today is? Are you serious? I can’t believe this. I wondered why you guys weren’t going out or having some romantic dinner but figured that maybe you were just too lazy to do anything , especially Kyuhyun, but I didn’t think you didn’t even know. How could you not know its Kyusung Day?” Ryeowook entered what turned out to be a tirade with a sassy hump, looking at both of them crossly, all sunshine disappearing from his face, looking now as if someone just cancelled his drama when the guy realized he was in love but you didn’t know if he confesses or not [A/n: I am a drama fan…lol]. In a way he looked a bit murderous, now practically glaring at what he considered to be the undeserving subjects.

“I can’t see why you do two don’t know what day it is. You guys really don’t deserve a day” Sungmin added, resting a calming hand on Ryeowook’s shoulder, who no longer looked murderous but just wallowing in disappointment, all happiness vanishing, eyeing the two with sad eyes, whilst Sungmin rubbed his shoulder gently, before looking at the two shaking his head at their ignorance. The only one that looked calm or in Yesung’s mind, the only one who was not crazy was Donghae, who looked indifferent towards the whole thing.

“You guys mean we have a day? A day dedicated just to the both of us? But then how come the other official couples don’t have a day dedicated just for them?” Yesung asked scratching the back of his head with his free hand, expression one of confusion and uncertainty, clear to all that he was trying to wrap his mind around it, having probably forgotten the fact that Ryeowook was quite possibly very rude just then and Sungmin was testy. He once again proved that he was an oblivious hyung, missing or choosing to focus on the questions in his mind rather than the ill treatment he had just received. Kyuhyun though, was not as forgiving eyeing Ryeowook and Sungmin dead in the eye, face and jaw set, clearly not pleased with the manner they had just spoken to Yesung, spoken to him. Sungmin couldn’t help the soft chuckle that escaped him, rather amused by the sight before him. Yesung was smiling shyly, clearly embarrassed that he didn’t know about the day, looking cute and adorable, even by Sungmin’s standards, whilst he was attached to the complete opposite, with Kyuhyun looking annoyed and glaring at them, far from the sweetness he was attached to. The weirdness part about it all was that fact that it just seem to fit together perfectly. Sungmin would never understand how that was possible.

“I don’t know exactly. I just know that April 13^th is Kyusung Day. We have been getting messages about it at Sukira all week, so I bought you two a celebratory cake” Ryeowook answered, no longer upset, just looking rather sad. Yesung thought he was taking it rather hard, considering that it was just a fan created day and it was not like he and Kyuhyun were especially known for their romanticism. How was he supposed to know anyway? It really wasn’t his fault. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that they actually had a day. How amazing was that?

“What are those over there? It looks like gift bags. You guys probably knew and bought each other weird gifts right? That is definitely something that Kyuhyunnie would do. It is not some prank is it? Is it Yesungie hyung?” Donghae accused slightly, eyeing the bags on the table then looking at the both of them, eyes taking on a suspicious glint, particularly aimed in Kyuhyun’s direction, softening considerable when he examined Yesung in his attempt to see if Kyuhyun had planned some prank or was just being difficult. He knew it was not something that Yesung would do, but with Kyuhyun thrown in the mix he wasn’t so sure anymore. Kyuhyun could have corrupted his sweet innocent hyung. His gazed soften considerably when Yesung smiled innocently at him and Kyuhyun just looked rather bored, not even looking at him after he rolled his eyes  and scoffed a little, instead amusing himself doing something to Yesung’s fingers. Donghae looked closely and saw him tightening then releasing as if it was some sort of game to Kyuhyun, whilst Yesung didn’t seem to notice. These two were definitely strange he decided.

“No Hae ah. There were gifts from fans from earlier when I was at the café. I didn’t know why they were giving them to me though, but now I do” Yesung speaks gently and affectionately to Donghae, smiling warmly at him, with Kyuhyun just glaring at him again. Donghae wasn’t sure why Kyuhyun would be glaring. Was he still mad that he accused him of pulling a prank? Or was it because Yesung was speaking to him so tenderly? Knowing Kyuhyun it was probably the latter. Donghae smiled at his cute hyung and winked at his even cuter dongsaeng, so just looked at him fiercely, then tightened his hold visibly on Yesung’s hand. It was amazing to Donghae that Yesung doesn’t even notice those things, the older man still smiling warmly at him, which Donghae returned with earnest. His Yesung hyung was special.

“That is so sweet of them, even sweeter that you guys have a day dedicated to you. You really don’t deserve it, but thankfully you guys still have me. It’s a good thing I picked up the cake to celebrate or this would have been a disaster. You guys should share the cake, it’s even heart shaped”  Ryeowook spoke once more, expression changing with each pronouncement he made, at first excited that the fans gave them presents and the fact that it was so romantic to actually have a day dedicated to you, then remembering that they had actually not known about it, showing  disbelief, then just continuing with his scolding, finally ending with a hopeful tone and a smile when he looked down at the cake he was holding in his hands, being a pretty heat shaped chocolate cream cake decorated with strawberries in a sweet looking glaze but sort of smelt like cherries .

“Thank you Wookie. We are lucky to have you” Yesung said truthfully, full of sincerity. The cake was beautiful and it was one of his favourite types and Ryeowook had went out of his way to prepare something for the both of them .He really appreciated it. He didn’t know what he and Kyuhyun would do without people like Ryeowook to support and care for them. He smiled fondly at Ryeowook, before realizing that Kyuhyun had not spoken yet or voiced his gratitude. He was probably still mad they interrupted him. He was so petty sometimes, that Yesung just chuckled to himself, before digging his fingernail into Kyuhyun’s palm, causing the maknae to instinctively look at him fiercely as he bit his lip, no doubt swallowing his reaction. Yesung would only point his head in Ryeowook’s direction and Kyuhyun would spit out a begrudged ‘Thanks’ causing all present to laugh at the way their fierce maknae was now so tame, though there was nothing tame about the glares he shot them when they started laughing. Yesung knew the easy solution, reaching his free hand up to hold onto his bicep, Kyuhyun looked at him annoyed, to which the older man just smiled sweetly at him, causing Kyuhyun to wrinkle his face and look away, hoping to conceal the smile that was forming on his face. Yesung thought it was cute how he always reacted. He was happy that Kyuhyun had decided to be kinder.

After the laughter had died down, which actually took longer than you would think, especially after the trio had observed, despite their mirth, the method in which Yesung calmed the annoyed maknae, bursting into even more boisterous peals of laughter when they saw him trying to conceal the smile that sprang to life after Yesung had smiled at him and held his arm. After catching their breathe they proceeded to the free space available on a second smaller table, that he had brought in after Ryeowook moved to the lower floor, placing the cake in the centre. They gathered and chatted amiably with each other, Yesung continuing to thank Ryeowook and Sungmin for their interest and kindness whilst, Donghae was sent to the kitchen to grab a knife set , as Ryeowook had insisted that they actually cut the cake together, that being the least that they could do. Yesung agreed in kindness, whilst Kyuhyun just nodded still not particularly interested in the happenings. When Donghae finally returned, bringing with him napkins and few small plates, Ryeowook instructed that they cut the cake. Kyuhyun would drawl lazily that it was not a birthday causing Ryeowook to glare at him which did not faze him in bit, only looking chastised when Yesung repeated the action, causing the others to chuckle. That was better than actual revenge to them.

They did as they were told, cutting the cake as Sungmin had instructed, holding hands and smiling at each other, with Ryeowook clapping as if it was the cake at their wedding, and Donghae and Sungmin just smiling fondly at him. Kyuhyun had taken a bit of it and fed it to Yesung, knowing the procedure that was expected, receiving confirmation when Ryeowook gushed slightly, Sungmin rolling his eyes at his action, Donghae chuckling slightly at all of them. Yesung however didn’t get that particular memo, instead taking the piece he had detached and popping it into his own mouth, not paying attention to any of them, not even Kyuhyun, instead only forced on stealing the syrup, chocolate covered strawberries and biting into them. Kyuhyun just chuckled at his actions, not expecting him to do anything else. Ryeowook was however not pleased that Yesung was ruining the classic script, scolding him for not feeding Kyuhyun. Yesung atleast had the good sense to look embarrassed, his cheeks turning slightly red, looking at the ground, rather than the cake he would rather be looking at, mumbling an apology and trying to explain that the cake was just very good. Kyuhyun pulled him into a loose hold, offering instant comfort and glaring at Ryeowook on his behalf. Ryeowook was unaffected by the glare but was rather impressed with the hold that Yesung was hiding in, smiling fondly at them.

“Where is everyone else? Wasn’t this supposed to be a celebration?” Yesung heard Kyuhyun ask, and then realized that he had wondered about that as well. If it was supposed to be a celebration, then the others should have been there, but it was entirely possible that they were just busy and Yesung was grateful for the dongsaengs that were with him then, especially the one that hand his hand resting on the side of his waist, saving him from his earlier embarrassment. Really how was he supposed to know that he was supposed to feed Kyuhyun? ‘I don’t know…maybe since he fed you first’ his mind proposed. Well when it put it that way he just seemed like an oblivious idiot.

“I didn’t tell them. I thought you guys would be doing something romantic together, so I didn’t bother them. When I realized that you guys didn’t mention anything, I thought you were being lazy, so I ask Sungmin hyung to get a cake and I dragged Donghae hyung from the other dorm to atleast greet you guys. The others were busy. I really didn’t think you guys didn’t know. I even got you two a present. It’s in the living room. I forgot to bring it in with me” Ryeowook explained with a shrug of his shoulders, getting to the heart of the matter. Yesung felt truly grateful to the kind hearted eternal maknae, who has shown so much care to him, to them. He really didn’t know what he would do without him, without the others either, spying Donghae stealing strawberries as well. They were his family and he loved them to death. No matter what happened after he was grateful for every second he had with him, grateful for the love they had always shown to him and Kyuhyun.

“Thank you so much Ryeowook. It means a lot to me, to us” Yesung stated as he pulled Ryeowook into a small hug, holding the younger tightly in his arms, smiling in thankfulness. Kyuhyun didn’t bother to glare, instead also smiled at the eternal maknae warmly, turning his attention to the others as well, showing that despite his moods he was also grateful.

“I feel sorry for your shippers though. It must be hard for them” Ryeowook chuckled sadly when Yesung released him, sparing a thought for the fans that supported them so strongly to even dedicated a day to them, to shower them with presents, love and support, only to be saddled with those two in return. He smiled at them both, but couldn’t keep the sorrow he felt for those poor souls hidden enough.

“I’m sorry we are so unromantic. I really am” Yesung spoke sadly, having given serious consideration to what Ryeowook had said. He knew that the younger man had no malice in his words, just sparing a thought to the fans. Yesung could understand where he was coming from. Since he had realized the meaning of the greetings, he had felt guilty that he had never given the fans anything in return, instead they were hidden away, pretending that the fans were crazy. He hoped one day he could tell them how happy he was to have their support, how much strength it gave him.

“Yah Ryeowook! Look what you did. You upset him” Kyuhyun said a little fiercely as he pulled the obviously perturbed older man into his arms, pulling him against his side strongly, nestling him into place, where his head could rest on his shoulder, strong but gentle, glaring not only at Ryeowook but at everyone in the room. Donghae stopped eating the strawberries actually feeling fright, Sungmin looked at him evenly not being afraid but definitely weary of the look he was shooting and poor Ryeowook nearly choking, eyes going wide and face falling instantly, a firm denial and defence on his tongue, which thankfully he didn’t have to make.

“I’m not upset Kyu ah. Stop scaring Wookie. He was right. Thank you again for everything Ryeowookie” Yesung said with a soft warm smile, pulling himself away from Kyuhyun’s grip, to look at him properly, smiling up at him brightly, hoping to assure him that he was fine. Kyuhyun looked at him critically, up and down, eyes questioning his wellbeing, settled with a nod, before turning to Ryeowook, to smile in apology for Kyuhyun’s conduct. Kyuhyun tends to be protective when he thinks that Yesung is upset, something that Yesung had noticed a while back. He appreciates how much Kyuhyun cares and is happy that he wants to protect him; though sometimes he was a little overprotective, like in the current situation. He wishes that Kyuhyun would let him be the one to protect him, rather than the other way around. He wouldn’t want the maknae to be any other way though, even if he scared poor Ryeowook for no reason.

“Arrhhh…That is so sweet. I’m dying. We so need pictures” Ryeowook gushed, immediately excited by the little display that he had just seen. He forgot that Kyuhyun was being scary and whatever guilt he felt for upsetting Yesung. That was beyond precious. The way they just interacted, the way Kyuhyun was so protective and fierce and then the way Yesung calms him so easily, effortlessly, the way Kyuhyun would look at him for confirmation. Not a word was said but so much had passed between the two. Ryeowook thought he would die from the sweetness of it all. He was desperately envious. He needed to find a nice girl soon, someone that he could have that with. Ryeowook felt jealous that they could be so complete but at the same time he was over the moon that his favourite hyung and possibly his best friend and only dongsaeng when Henry was away, had such happiness. The moment had to be immortalized.

Ryeowook quickly pulled out his phone, snapping a quick nearly paparazzi type picture of the two as Yesung was turning away from Kyuhyun. He smiled at Ryeowook’s enthusiasm, assenting to pictures being taken; grabbing Ryeowook and pulling him close indicated that he wanted a group photo. They all took turns taking pictures with each other, happy to be in each other’s presence, with Ryeowook insisting that the both take a picture together atleast as a souvenir. For some odd reason, Yesung felt shy taking a picture with Kyuhyun. He knows it’s illogical, as he would have taken pictures with Kyuhyun regularly in the course of their activities and even some personally in passing. He supposed, he only felt shy now as this picture was meant to have special meaning. It was meant to commemorate a special day for them as a couple. It was a couple picture, as in one of those things they would do as people that were involved in a relationship. It was not them just taking a picture to pass time but something special now. He felt shy and lost, but was comforted when Kyuhyun just held him close in a causal pose, hand resting on his side. He wondered how Kyuhyun could be so nonchalant about it all. Did it even occur to him why it was significant? He got his answer when he Kyuhyun did not meet his eyes and he spotted the barely there red of his cheeks. He smiled happily at the camera then, causing Ryeowook to actually squeal then.

“You guys are so cute” Ryeowook cheered as he grabbed the both of them in a bone crushing hug, causing everyone to laugh, with Kyuhyun pushing him away playfully. He eventually let go saying that he would be right back, going to fetch their present and the cookies he had made for them. They all watched him go with warm smiles.

“This was weird but definitely entertaining. I love you both so much. Always be happy. I love you Yesungie hyung” Donghae stepped forward after Ryeowook had left, saying his greetings, hugging them both but much more calmly, holding onto Yesung mainly, smiling warmly. Yesung return the hug, smiling tenderly at his cute dongsaeng, patting his head, even Kyuhyun was appreciative of his words. Donghae only let go when Ryeowook returned carrying a plate of heart shaped pink frosted sugar cookies, immediately stealing a couple , making Wookie look at him in reprimand and Hae to laugh cutely.

“We are gonna leave you guys alone now. Enjoy the cake and the cookies. We will see you later” Ryeowook said as he placed the cookies next to the cake, with Donghae stealing a couple more and Wookie glaring at him, both smiling at couple before leaving the room.

“I am sorry about all that. I couldn’t stop him. Anyway have a good night” Sungmin spoke, smiling at him warmly, before he turned and headed to the door, waving cutely as he shut the door, Yesung calling out a final thank you, as the door closed. The second it was closed, Yesung and Kyuhyun looked at each other before bursting out into laughter. Yesung wasn’t sure exactly what they were laughing at but was just really happy in that moment.

“Well that was interesting” Kyuhyun says with a laugh, clearly amused by the occurrences. It was fun in a weird way, though he was annoyed that he was interrupted when he was going to open their presents. He was grateful for the love and care that his brothers were showing to the both of them. He was beyond thankful for their support and love. They even brought cake, so that made him happy as well, so he guessed he could forgive them.

“Stop glaring at hyungs you little demon” Yesung reprimanded, but his tone was teasing and smile too warm for it to have any real effect at all on Kyuhyun. Yesung had finally remembered that there was something he was supposed to do and it came to him then. Kyuhyun was younger than them all and he was glaring at everyone. Wookie may even have nightmares after the way he glared at him. He smacked Kyuhyun on the stomach after he only laughed heartily at his reprimand, laughing along with the established demon despite himself.

 He doesn’t notice when Kyuhyun takes his hand and plate of cookies and lead them to bed, until he is forced to take a seat by the slight tug on his fingers. Kyuhyun releases his hand then, he notices this time, feeling the warmth vanish, as he pulls himself to lean against the wall, stretching his hand forward to pull Yesung gently up to meet him, once again Yesung allowing the action, as it should be quite obvious that he would always take any hand that Kyuhyun extends to him even if he knows he shouldn’t. He settles himself in his spot next to Kyuhyun, lucky to notice that Kyuhyun grabs the hand closest to him, before taking one of the cookies and handing it to Yesung before grabbing one for himself, both just sitting nibbling on the sweet cookie, until Kyuhyun spoke.

“Why today though?” Kyuhyun asked curiously, looking at Yesung with hopeful eyes, hoping that the older man would have an answer to the question that was on his mind. He understood now that they apparently had a day dedicated to them, which was definitely amazing, but it appeared to be rather random. What was the criterion used?

“I think it has to with our numbers” Yesung answers, whilst nibbling on his cookie, not paying much attention to Kyuhyun. It should be worrying how sweet things distracted him, but he was too distracted by the cookie to be worried about the fact that the cookie had distracted him.

“What do you mean Hyung?” Kyuhyun questioned now interested in the idea proposed by Yesung. What did he mean when he said their numbers? Kyuhyun was confused for a second, but did not expect to get Yesung’s undivided attention when the cookie was in his grasp.

“Weren’t we given numbers a long time ago, when we promoted in the early days? All the members were given a number based on their age. I was the 4^th member as I was the fourth oldest and you would have been the 13^th member as you are the youngest. I was thinking about it and I realize that was probably why they choose this date. Today is the 13^th of April, which is the 13^th of the 4^th month. I am not sure but it seems likely.” Yesung explains his theory to Kyuhyun, finally giving the younger boy his attention, looking at him with soft eyes and a warm smile, shrugging his shoulders to indicate that he wasn’t sure. Sometimes he felt bad that he didn’t have the answers to give Kyuhyun. He was the older one , so atleast he should be informed about things, but unfortunately there were lots of things that he didn’t know and it didn’t help that he was so unobservant. He was sure Kyuhyun would be better with someone that had all the answers, but for now he was all that Kyuhyun had and he wished that it remained that way. He hoped that it was atleast helpful.

“Oh I remember that. It makes sense. It is brilliant actually. The 4^th and the 13^th member, the 13^th day of the 4^th month. I like it.” Kyuhyun agrees with the logic put forward by Yesung thinking about it himself, smiling fondly at Yesung, when he realized that regardless of how it was selected, the fact remained that they actually had a day just for them, that somewhere in the world people were supporting them, celebrating their relationship. It made his heart flutter and his insides feel feather light. It was an amazing feeling and he was happy he could share it with Yesung.

“It’s cute. I hope we can actually celebrate it next year….oh well maybe not” Yesung keep silent realizing how awkward he had made the atmosphere. He had brought up something that both were adamant about not discussing, pretending that it wouldn’t happen. They had never mentioned it but Yesung knew that it played on both of their minds. That army enlistment was close, frightfully close. It was more than likely that he wouldn’t be there next year and as far as he knew, he and Kyuhyun may not even have reason to celebrate. By then, with his absence Kyuhyun might finally decide to let go and there would be nothing he could do. He felt sad, so very sad. He didn’t want to look at Kyuhyun, didn’t want to know if he was feeling sad as well.

 It was something that he had to do and he understood that. It was just a scary prospect though. He would most likely have active duty and would be away from everyone he loved. Even if he could survive that part, he didn’t know if he could be away from Kyuhyun, to wonder if in his absence Kyuhyun would finally realize that he made a mistake. It was also stressful. ‘You make it stressful. Why can’t you just believe that he truly loves you, flaws and all?’ his mind pleaded with him to understand. He knew Kyuhyun loved him, he wasn’t doubting that. He was just not sure how long Kyuhyun could love some like him. ‘Let him decide okay? Just let him decide’ his mind pleaded with him almost gently. He could do that. He had made up his mind. He would always take the hand that was extended. He would let Kyuhyun make the choice, though he couldn’t help wonder when he would stop choosing him. ‘Never’ a soft nearly surreal voice whispered from the abyss. He wished with his whole heart and smallest fragments of his soul that it would be true. Would he really always choose him? Oh how he hoped that voice was right.

“We will, one way or the other” Kyuhyun says with so much force that it was as he was engraving them into the universe, challenging it to defy him, to deny him. He was sure that no matter what happened he would be spending the next Kyusung Day with the man next to him, who he was sure, was having doubts. He could feel his radiating off of him like a virus. It sickened Kyuhyun that he was even thinking something other than forever. He never says it, yet Kyuhyun knows; he just feels it. Someone isn’t your other half for no reason. Even if he never says, Kyuhyun knows, he always knows. He holds on the hand in his with force, trying to imprint the permanence of its position, to make it so close that it bruises him; if that is the only way he would understand that they would always be joined together. He doesn’t react and Kyuhyun wants to hold him in a bone crushing grip and shake him till he understands that no matter what they would be together , not just next year but all the years following. When he is the army they would celebrate, even if they do it individually or if they are lucky, with a phone call, the bottom-line being that they would celebrate.

Kyuhyun feels anger and frustration, but most of all he feels sadness. He feels sad that he is yet to convince the older man that he means it when he says forever. He wants to strangle him, but instead he released their joint hands, reaching over and drawing the man to him, holding him in a gentle embrace, letting the warmth spread through their veins, surround them and complete them. Yesung looks at him then, finally meeting his eyes, he sees the concealed doubt that he tries so hard to hide, but Kyuhyun also sees that love, that affection and that trust. Kyuhyun knows then, like he has known each and every time he sees a glimpse of that doubt that he can’t defeat it with frustration or anger, he can’t brand him or bruise him, he can’t convince him with words. Kyuhyun knows it can only be done with action, with tenderness, with love. He promised himself that every day he would stretch his hand out to him, every day he will give him his heart, give him the choice, and everyday he will pray that Yesung takes his hand, that he holds on to him. He prays that one day that shadow of doubt he sees in Yesung’s eyes disappears, but until then he would shower him with love and his own messed up form of affection, until he believes him. Even if he never believes him, they will still have forever together.

“Maybe we should open our gifts? What do you think?”Kyuhyun asked gently. Yesung looked at him with gentle eyes and wondered what he did that was so amazing so deserve that sort of love, to have someone like Kyuhyun look  at him so tenderly. He could see the hopefulness in Kyuhyun’s eyes, hear the desperation in his voice. He knew Kyuhyun just wanted them to focus on the day they were blessed with. He nods his head in agreement and Kyuhyun is back to being the playful maknae, grinning at the thought of presents. Yesung knows, they will both pretend that the last few minutes didn’t happen, they wouldn’t think about it. They will pretend that he didn’t have to go the army and they would both pretend that they were fine with the fact that he eventually did go they would have to act as if it wouldn’t hurt and be painful. It was okay to pretend once in a while. That day would come, it was not as if they were denying that fact, they were just going to enjoy the present and worry about that when it happens.

Kyuhyun squeezes his hands impossibly tight for a second, before he releases it. He smiles at him warmly before he slides his body off the bed, making a beeline for the gifts piled on the table and the floor, grabbing as many as he could, which turned out to be quite a few considering he doesn’t have useless hands. Yesung looks at his baby hands and curse their ineffectiveness, but smiles as he reaches for the one that was left abandoned when Ryeowook entered with his cake. Yesung looked fondly at the small gift bag now in his hands as Kyuhyun made his way back onto the bed, this time choosing to stay at the end of the mattress when he would have room to scatter the bags in his hand and not be clustered. He placed them around him as he took a seat, smiling once more fondly at Yesung, who had shifted so that he could sit closer to Kyuhyun and most likely the presents. He had been curious since he had received them. Now he was even more curious. What exactly would they gift them to celebrate Kyusung day? His interest was definitely piqued.

“The bags are colourful and weird but somehow I think they are cute” Kyuhyun confessed as he held a particularly colourful bag and twirled it in fingers, observing the bright blue colour of the bag, similar to the fandom colour, stuffed with various shades of craft paper, the outside being decorated with various shades of blue textures and shades cute into hearts, a frilly piece of ribbon binding the top in a loopy fashion. Any other day and Kyuhyun would be bored and probably annoyed by the excess of it all, his male mind seeing no practically in it at all. What was the point of all that paper? Was it supposed to conceal the gift; then it didn’t do a particularly good job, seeing as all he had to do was shift the paper. He would probably never see the point of it all, but he was rather fond of these presents, even the odd designs.

“I think they are pretty as well” Yesung concurred, looking at the now special yellow bad he had in his hands with a certain fondness. The gifts were the fans way of showing their love for them, showing their support, not just for him, but their support of his relationship with Kyuhyun. It was very precious to have, which naturally made any expression of that support very precious as well.

“How did you survive getting these? You were probably redder than a fire truck. I am sure it was hilarious” Kyuhyun laughed, having to clutch at his stomach to catch his breath and stop himself from choking, dying from laughter when he imagined Yesung receiving those. He wished he was there. That would have been worth gold. He wondered if any fans took pictures of it. He definitely had to look for it. He was going to tell Yesung as such, when another image of Yesung stuttering and blushing came to him causing him to burst into another fit of giggles, this time nearly choking himself. Yesung’s small hands was on his back instantly, rubbing soothing hands and pats to help ease the force he had unwittingly placed on his body, his fit dying down to soft giggles. That was apparently the moment Yesung was waiting on to smack him hard, using the same hands that had just soothing him, causing a small chuckle accompanied by a subdued protest.

“I nearly die from embarrassment and you laugh? Psshhh” Yesung scolded, his teeth, scrunching his nose in distaste and smacking Kyuhyun one last time for good measure. Kyuhyun should be ashamed of himself. It was a terrifying experience for Yesung. His heart had not pounded so hard nor had he blushed so much since his awkward confession to Kyuhyun. The anxiety should have been enough to kill him and instead Kyuhyun was treating it as joke. He supposed that was Kyuhyun for you, he thought fondly as he returned to rub a soothing hand as Kyuhyun coughed to clear his throat. He was pathetic he realized. The second Kyuhyun coughed he forgot he was just offended. That was love, he supposed.

“It’s still funny” Kyuhyun teased with a soft even chuckle. Yesung would smack him for his tease, but Kyuhyun cleared his throat harshly and he couldn’t find the strength to force his hand to hurt him when he not feeling well. ‘He is clearing his throat, which is only necessary because he was laughing at you’ his mind sighed. He knew that rationally but all he saw was Kyuhyun’s eyes constricting and his hands coming to his chest and he was unable to think anything other than ‘ensure he is fine.’ He knew that it was a rather warped thought process, but he didn’t need his mind judging him.

“Open this one first” Yesung instructed when he saw Kyuhyun looking to open one of the bags. He handed him the yellow bag that he had near him. It was only right. It was the first one he received, so should be the first that he opened. It was special, simply for the fact that it was the first that he received, but he had come to give it special importance and really wanted to open it first. He was curious as to what was in it since he had first received it and was now anxious to finally get to it.

Kyuhyun nodded his head, accepting the parcel, shifting things out the way, so that Yesung could sit next to him or in some sort of similar position that was close to him. Yesung took the hint, shifting until his head was leaning over Kyuhyun’s shoulder, head resting on his back when he didn’t care to lean, though he kept his body mainly independent. Kyuhyun smiled at his presence, then began to unwrap the present, which meant digging through the mountain of the craft paper, finally his hands coming the hold onto the actual gift, lifting it out of the bag, and examining the entity before him.

It was a beautiful framed picture of the two of them standing side by side. The frame was wooden with hand carvings of hearts and other symbols of love as well small words in Korean that spoke of eternal love. One of the words being a charm that Kyuhyun assumed was meant to bless them. The picture was one they took in passing together, standing together at some function. He couldn’t even remember when or where, or what he was thinking then, but he saw what that girl saw, he saw that look in his eye.  He saw the loving gaze he was giving him. How was that even possible? He was sure when this was taken he was not thinking about love in the slightest. He would have been fond of a special hyung, but he wouldn’t have been in love with him then. Well, he supposed he was always in love with him, he was just not conscious to that fact, which the picture was clearly illustrating. He felt Yesung rest his chin on his shoulder, obviously trying to see what they got. With a gentle smile, he handed hit over to him, with Yesung pulling back to examine the picture.

Yesung looked at the picture and was trying to figure out the significance of it. He adorned the beauty of the frame, noting the symbolism, appreciating the charm and the hopes of continued love and a blessed future. He was grateful that they were offering blessing, that she was hoping for the longevity of their love and most of all he was grateful for the support that they were given. He would have been grateful just for sweet words, but that didn’t make the gift less confusing. Why a random picture? It was not as if they were hugging or anything. Hell! They weren’t even touching. He was confused, but then he truly looked. He looked at their eyes and their expressions. He saw the softness in his eyes and the slight upturn of his own lips as he glanced at Kyuhyun, he saw the way Kyuhyun’s eyes constricted slightly, the tender glance, seemed full of love and longing. He was sure the picture was taken before the confession, judging by Kyuhyun’s hair colour. At that stage they weren’t in love, where they? He was finally able to see what that girl saw. He saw the silent love that just radiated off of them even if they weren’t conscious of it. It made the picture precious. He wondered for a second, how many more of those pictures were out there. No matter how discreet they were, it was probably just oozing off them, more so now that ever. Atleast it was concealed and only those who looked saw it. It may be best if less people looked to be truthful. He looked at the picture fondly and decided it would be something he would cherish.

“It’s nice” Yesung acknowledges, looking at the picture he holds firmly in his hands, unable to tear his eyes away from the still Kyuhyun that was looking at him with silent, unspoken affection. It gave his heart a warm feeling that was spreading quickly through his body. Did Kyuhyun really look at him like that ? Was he always that tender, that loving? What he wouldn’t give to have him look him that way forever.

“It is” Kyuhyun agrees simply, eyes taking in the sight of Yesung looking at the picture in admiration, feeling his own heart flutter slightly, knowing that Yesung had spotted what he had seen. He was happy that it made the older man happy, even if he was embarrassed about how lovelorn he looks in the picture. He shifts until he can reach Yesung’s hand, stretching out to grab hold of him tightly, with the older man smiling at him with shining eyes in return.

They smiled at each other, until Yesung suggested that they open the others with a slight blush, no doubt induced by the staring at each other thing. Kyuhyun agreed, attacking the blue bag that he was previously admiring, Yesung shifting the presents aside to be beside him to help open the gifts, this time pulling out a photo album stacked with pictures of them taken from all over and even their early days, with pages left at the back and a cute note telling them to add more memories…hopefully more interesting memories, even hinting at a kiss. Yesung blushed and Kyuhyun chuckled, mumbling that they would work on that causing Yesung to cough a little, which made Kyuhyun chuckle and Yesung look away. They continued opening their presents in joy, making slight comments on all the things they had received, which consisted of mainly couple items. They got a pair of coffee mugs with heart shapes and each other’s name, written nicely on it with an accompanying note telling them to spend their evening together drinking coffee and preferable not wine or wine if that meant things would get interesting. Yesung insisted that he really liked coffee, so that is what it would be. Kyuhyun said that wine had its merits and well…. he would drink coffee, noting privately that he had become rather fond of the bitter brew. He just had to smell it randomly to be reminded of Yesung and as such particularly loved to smell it on days he was away from the older man.

In addition to the coffee mugs, they also got a pair of beautiful crystal wine glasses, that had to be made for them as their names were printed in gold and a phrase about love embedded in the patterning. The note attached to this one in broken Korean, implied the opposite of the coffee mugs, encouraging them to drink wine together. Kyuhyun said that he quite liked the idea and Yesung ignored him, moving to the other bag. This one was a weird mixture of the two. It was neither a wine glass nor coffee mug , but instead crafted glass mix of the two. One attached with a handle in a fancy design and the other a more traditional view of a glass without handles but with a similar fancy design. One was written coffee and the other was written wine, the note being that once they spend the evening together, she didn’t care what they drank. Kyuhyun and Yesung both chuckled in relation to that, with Yesung beyond particularly fond of his coffee glass. The gifts continued in a similar light, having received matching gloves and scarves, a classic couple gift, the note saying that she didn’t care if they never wore it to just keep it with them.  They got other similar couple gifts like key chains and pyjamas as well as a book of poetry to help with the romantic aspect as the note had indicated, as well as many cards and notes of well wishes, followed by a few more framed pictures and a lot of chocolates and heart shaped cookies and things of that nature.

Kyuhyun opened Ryeowook’s gift to discover beautiful sweaters, dark and rich in colour, which would suit their individual taste perfectly, yet they still had a correlated vibe to them. Yesung instantly loved his, though wished for it to be red, only for Kyuhyun to remind him that even if he preferred the colour red, he preferred dark colours in general clothing to which he had to agree, with Kyuhyun laughing that he didn’t even know his own taste. Yesung would only grumble that Kyuhyun should stay quiet and insist that he was more than capable of choosing his own clothes. There were only a few more bags left and those all happened to contain the interesting presents. Yesung opened one to pull out black lacy fabric. He was unsure as to what it actually was and only discovered it to be lingerie when he opened it further dropping it instantly when he realized what it was , blushing cherry.

“Brought back memories from Paris huh?” Kyuhyun teased, picking up the hurriedly discarded present, examining it, to discover that it was couple themed lace adorned briefs. He thought they were funny, particularly the note, which indicated that they should use them well, and shouldn’t rip them off each other or they should if necessary, she wouldn’t mind. He laughed in amusement at the suggestion, but couldn’t help the blush that invaded his face.

“Shut up!” Yesung sputtered refusing to look at the last gift that he had received; annoyed that Kyuhyun had to bring up the Paris incident. He was embarrassed then. Everyone probably knew he was shy. Kyuhyun laughed at him then as well. Wasn’t he supposed to help him? Just glancing at the black lace adorned contraption caused him to blush a blooming red, hastily drawing his eyes away to stare at the wall, Kyuhyun contorted in laughter after he saw his reaction. Yesung being annoyed by the treatment, would smack Kyuhyun on the back for his endless laughter, eventually chuckling as well, though he refused to read the note.

That would not be their only interesting gift, pulling out fluffy handcuffs from a bag with the cutest cookies Yesung had ever seen .Yesung didn’t understand how the person that made those cookies could also send them handcuffs, but Kyuhyun suggested that it was probably a joke, which Yesung was willing to accept. He was horrified by the number of condoms they received as well as the notes instructing them to make use of all. He didn’t even know there was such a thing as chocolate flavoured condoms. Where did those innocent looking girls even find those things? How did they even buy it to give it to them? Yesung thought he would die from embarrassment if he ever had to something like that. He was not amused by the fact that Kyuhyun was actually just amused by it all, the stupid little demon taking pleasure in him choking and burning red. Kyuhyun just continued to laugh at his experience. All in all he loved all their presents though; or rather he loved the sentiment behind them. He was sure he could have done without the condoms and the lingerie. Kyuhyun said that Eunhyuk and Donghae got a lot more interesting things, so they should be grateful that the fans were just teasing them rather than being really dirty as they were with Eunhae. Their notes were more of a suggestive base and in truth the presents were not very risqué, most actually being really very cute and sweet.

“We are really lucky to have so much support. We will definitely need it soon” Yesung comments and is then saddened by his own words. He was grateful for the love they were shown. He couldn’t help but think about what would happen when the public was informed about his and Kyuhyun’s relationship. The hate and condemnation would be significant and downright scary. Even their own ELFs can turn against them. In that moment they would need all the love and support they could get. He was grateful now but was sure he would be relying on those fans to lift them up, to help them be strong, to protect them. ELFs have always been Super Junior’s Reliable Defenders [A/N: He actually calls ELFs that], but would they defend them then? Would anyone defend them then? Their fans would have such a burden. People probably called them delusional now, and later he would be asking them to defend him. Was that even fair of him? Was it fair to ask them to do that, when he was not sure he and Kyuhyun would even survive the fight. It was all so troubling. He was lost in his thoughts, when he felt Kyuhyun pull him into his arms. It was not one of those half hugs he was using earlier, but instead a genuine embrace, pulling him into an uncomfortable mangled position, until he was nearly in Kyuhyun’s lap, with the younger man squishing him firmly against him. What was with Kyuhyun and suffocating him? He wouldn’t know and didn’t care to find out, once Kyuhyun continue to do it.

“We will be fine” Kyuhyun speaks almost nonchalant, giving no importance to any suggestion that they would not survive their dark days. In Kyuhyun’s mind that was not even a possibility. Come Hell or High
Water, he was not going to let it happen. He was sure that no matter what he would end that ordeal with the older man smacking him for being rude and Kyuhyun squishing him against his chest. There would be no other outcome. Kyuhyun would not tolerate even the suggestion of another outcome. He swore to himself, promising he would ensure he spent his life with man he loved held firmly in his arms, naturally tightening his grip on the man he currently had engulfed.

“Kyu ah…You are suffocating me….Let go” Yesung breathed out with effort, uses his hands to push Kyuhyun off of him gently. He appreciated the sentiment but he also had the will to live. It was fine at first but then Kyuhyun brought his hands around him and actually squeezed him tighter and he could feel the air leaving his body. He thought that Kyuhyun would let go, but the grip didn’t wean, even getting tighter. He didn’t know what Kyuhyun was thinking about, but he knew the grip whilst intense was based on love and affection. He endured as long as he could, but he really needed to breathe. Kyuhyun took a second to process what he said but swiftly released him.

“I am sorry. I didn’t realize” Kyuhyun stuttered embarrassed, ruffling the back of his head, eyes looking everywhere but at Yesung, light blush forming due to the embarrassment he was feeling. Yesung didn’t want him to feel guilty or embarrassed, so threw his arms around Kyuhyun pulling him back into a hug, but this one was a lot softer, with Kyuhyun tentatively placing his hands on his back, relaxing the longer Yesung held on to him, with the older man chuckling hoping it would help Kyuhyun understand that no harm was done. It worked as Kyuhyun relaxed in the embrace.

“It’s okay. Come help me move these” Yesung requested after a short while, pointing to the presents that were scattered all over his bed. He felt reassured temporarily by Kyuhyun’s words and if he were to be truthful, he loses the ability to think about anything other than Kyuhyun when he is in Kyuhyun’s arms. Kyuhyun is always so warm and he is easily distracted by hm. It is hard to really contemplate anything as serious as a future without Kyuhyun, when he is pressed against Kyuhyun’s chest or when Kyuhyun’s head is resting against him. For now he would rather just enjoy having the company of the younger man than focus on possibilities that were pointless and not in his control now. Instead he would solicit Kyuhyun’s assistance in removing the presents scattered on his bed. They would need the space to sleep soon anyway. He assumes naturally that Kyuhyun would be staying with him.’You sure about that?’ his mind inquires, though it is probably a tease. No, he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure that Kyuhyun would stay, but he supposed it was likely and that was all there was to it. He was not interested in discussing if his assumption came from the fact that he may or may not want Kyuhyun to stay with him, to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

Kyuhyun nodded his acceptance, with both descending carefully; grabbing whatever was closest to them. Yesung suggested that they just store it on his desk temporarily, until they could find a more permanent residence for all their couple things. They made various trips, choosing to treat the items preciously rather than chance any damage to it. Yesung pointedly ignored the interesting items, making it automatically Kyuhyun’s duty to remove them from his bed. Kyuhyun chose to tease then, asking Yesung if he didn’t like them, to which Yesung just glared at him, causing the maknae to laugh at his lack of verbal response. Soon they had removed all, and had them placed gently on his now covered table, both taking a second to stare fondly at all their couple items, a special look towards that framed picture. The previously abandoned cake then caught Yesung’s attention, he immediately deciding that he had to remedy such a lapse. He made his way over, immediately resumed picking at the strawberries. Well, the strawberries that had escaped Donghae’s stomach anyway. Kyuhyun laughed when he realized that he had been abandoned for a chocolate cake, making his way over to the man.

“It really is very good” Yesung says when he fells Kyuhyun’s presence beside him. He breaks a piece of the moist chocolate treat, as he turned to Kyuhyun smiling at him as he ate it, turning back to the cake once more. Kyuhyun really should have known better. He honestly thought for a second Yesung intended to share with him, maybe even feed him, then remembered that it was Yesung he was thinking that about and could laugh at his own silliness. There was no way Yesung would part with chocolate cake on his behalf. He wasn’t even paying attention to him now. Kyuhyun was mad at himself for feeling upset with a cake. ‘You mean jealous right? You know how sad that is? It’s a cake” his mind taunted. Kyuhyun was not jealous of the cake, he was just caught in that phase where he thought it unbelievable that he was losing to a cake in holding the man’s attention. He would laugh at his own silliness, but it really wasn’t funny.

Kyuhyun decided that if he was ever going to have a taste of their cake or Yesung’s attention he would need to be near that cake. If he waited for Yesung to feed him or even share with him, he would never get to taste it. He approached and broke a piece of the dark goodness, taking a bite. Yesung had been right, the cake was frightfully good. He didn’t have a sweet tooth, like Yesung did, but even he could appreciate the texture and sweetness of it. He broke another piece this time raising his hands to Yesung’s mouth. The older man didn’t bat an eyelash, just accepting it with a satisfied smile, before returning to breaking little pieces off for himself. Kyuhyun laughed. Wasn’t he supposed to reciprocate after such an action? The man was beyond adorable , completely engrossed with his cake. Kyuhyun decided he had to be involved in the love affair that was developing between the two, swiping his finger on the chocolate syrupy frosting that adorned the cake, before running it along the cheek of the older man, who was busy savouring his treats, releasing sounds of appreciation. He finally gave his attention to Kyuhyun, who was smiling cheekily at him. He eyed the taller man up and down before smudging the piece of cake he had not gobbled across Kyuhyun’s face, then chuckled at the sight of a no longer smiling Kyuhyun. With unknown swiftness that even Siwon would be grateful to possess during one of his basketball games, Kyuhyun had covered his fingers in frosting and was rubbing on Yesung’s face, laughing evilly. Yesung was grumbling to himself, slapping Kyuhyun’s hand’s away. He would retaliate but he feared for the safety of his cake.

“Wait.Stop.Stop!! You are wasting my cake and we are all dirty now” Yesung scolded, whilst he slapped Kyuhyun’s hands away. The maknae was not paying attention to his words, too involved in the enjoyment he was receiving from squishing the smooth frosting on the even smoother cheeks, the sight making him feel all warm and fuzzy. Yesung got mad and shoved him off with his hands, effectively staining Kyuhyun’s shirt with his chocolate tinged hands. He glared at him after, with Kyuhyun not even having the decency to look chastised instead just chuckling. He wanted to stay mad at him, but as usual lacked the will do so, chuckling along with him.

“Go shower you idiot” Yesung instructed, smacking Kyuhyun on the stomach, as he looked at his hands and touched his own frost covered cheeks. They were both dirty now, and apparently very idle as people. He felt sorry for his poor cake. It was being wasted. It should be a crime to waste good chocolate cake. He could admit though, it did make him happy to see Kyuhyun smiling so happily, so in the end it would have been worth the sacrifice.

“It is good” Kyuhyun said as he stole one of the strawberries and threatened to attack Yesung again before he ate it, Yesung scoffing at his childishness, shoving him in the direction of the door. Kyuhyun squished his cheeks, with Yesung pushing him off, before he finally left the room.

Yesung smiled to himself, looking fondly at the young man departing. Kyuhyun’s antics were childish and playful, but Yesung knew he was happy as a result of them despite his protest. He was thrilled that Kyuhyun could find happiness squishing his cheeks, that Kyuhyun wanted to play with him, that Kyuhyun wanted to be with him, that Kyuhyun wanted to do anything with him. He was just happy that he had Kyuhyun, that Kyuhyun wanted him. He touched his cheeks and released that he was covered in chocolate. He decided that it was best that he get cleaned up as well. He grabbed his towel and head for the washroom. He took a quick shower, and returned to his room changing into loose sweats. He looked at his cake and decided that it was better placed in the refrigerator, where the chocolate won’t get too soft and things tend to be sweeter when chilled. He really liked sweet.

He placed it in the top shelf and grabbed a bottle of water, taking a few gulps, before returning to his room, which he noticed was in a state. Kyuhyun had thrown all the paper all over. What was he going to do with the child? He didn’t know, just that he rather have the option of finding out than not. He picked up all that he could and folded them neatly, placing them all in one bag, then depositing it with the other presents. The photo album caught his eyes, grabbing it with him as he took his seat on the bed, looking through it, smiling at the pictures, trying to remember when it was taken.

It was in that position Kyuhyun found him in when he eventually returned, also changed into his customary sleeping clothes, smiling as he saw the man looking fondly at something, easing onto the bed, coming to take his position next to him, with Yesung sparing him a smile, then returning  to looking at the book. Kyuhyun then realized that it was the photo album that they had received; bringing a smile to his own face as he watched the randomly taken pictures of them. They weren’t posing for any really. They were all just candid moments, that caught them in natural motion. He was amazed how the look in his eyes progressed over the years. The pictures telling an unlikely story, one he didn’t know himself. He grabbed onto Yesung’s hand as he looked at the picture, Yesung wrapping his fingers around his.

“Do you remember this? What were you even doing?” Yesung asked with a chuckle, looking at a picture that clearly came from their early days as a band. Kyuhyun was reaching out to touch his chest and he was looking at him surprised. Yesung couldn’t even remember when that happened. It was sort of that in the picture form it seemed so significant, but in his mind he couldn’t even remember it. He could see why it would make the album though, he looked surprise but he was still looking at Kyuhyun fondly. It was not the loving aura of some of the more recent ones, but had that sort of fondness. It was a like a beginning. Before Kyuhyun was his life, Kyuhyun was his friend, his dongsaeng. He may have been his love all the while, but was unnoticed then. The relationship built slowly and that meant all those small interactions and fondness that grew over time was now very significant, like stepping stones, so that he would be ready to accept that he loved Kyuhyun.

“I do. That was after a performance. I think we were promoting Reset? I am not sure. What do you mean ‘What was I doing’? Look at your face. You look weird” Kyuhyun argued, pointing to expression on Yesung ‘s face and laughing at it. Yesung elbowing him in the stomach for his jab, not liking Kyuhyun’s accusation that looked weird. He thinks he is rather photogenic actually.

Kyuhyun obviously could not let such ill treatment go unanswered, immediately retaliating , poking the older man a few time, causing him to squirm about, Kyuhyun adding a few tickles that had him begging for mercy. Once they had settled, they returned to looking at album, Yesung settling natural against Kyuhyun’s shoulder, both looking at the pictures, making various comments. They tried to remember when each was taken and ended up sharing whatever they could remember from the moment. It ended up being a rather fulfilling experience for the both of them.  They shared their memories and reminisced   about their thoughts in the moment.  They didn’t say anything particularly romantic, as often or not their memories of the occasions were filled with random things and unrelated to each other, but they still saw the fondness in each other’s eyes, accepting the slow progression through the years. It was clear that even if their minds and hearts didn’t recognize the love they had for each other; it always showed subconsciously, a fact that made Yesung particularly happy, going through the pictures.

In the middle there was one of him and Siwon, which made him chuckle, the attached caption being that she was sorry, but she missed Siwon whilst making the album of them. A nice label attached ‘Isn’t Siwonnie cute?’ It made Yesung chuckle, promising himself to show it to Siwon when he saw him, but for some reason Kyuhyun grumbled that there was nothing cute about Siwon. Yesung figured that Kyuhyun was probably just upset that girl was a Siwon fan and not his. He is sort of competitive about that. Yesung just pinched his cheeks and told him that Siwon was cute, he just couldn’t see it. Kyuhyun grumbled a whatever, and quickly turned the page, where there were more pictures of them. They were more recent and the change was becoming more obvious, silent moments were they would stare at each with a soft glint in their eyes. In their memories they couldn’t remember anything particular, but there it was staring at him. At times they would confess something that might have occurred to them in the moment the picture was taken and at times they would just blush lightly, thinking about all the moments they had unconsciously shared. It was a warm feeling to Yesung that had made him feel light and happy, thrilled that he had those moments with Kyuhyun and happy he could have the moment he was experiencing.

They spent atleast an hour going over the book, both verbally and silently promising each other and themselves , that they would fill the pages she had left for them with genuine moments together, starting with the picture that Ryeowook had taken. During the course of the musing and sometimes teasing, particularly Kyuhyun laughing at some of Yesung’s more interesting hairstyles , and Yesung arguing that some of Kyu’s won’t that spectacular either, they had settled on the bed, lying on their sides, just talking to each other about whatever came to mind with regards to the picture or just in general , following any line of conversation, with Kyuhyun grinding his teeth every time Yesung mentioned Siwon and putting on a fake smile, deciding that he would rather, play with Yesung’s fingers than engage in discourse about Siwon. Eventually though, Yesung would yawn tiredly, causing Kyuhyun to chuckle at the cuteness of the older man.

“Go to sleep Hyung” Kyuhyun instructed gently, tugging at Yesung’s fingers, trying to get him to position himself in a sleeping position.

“But I am not sleepy” Yesung insisted strongly, but was defeated in his argument when he yawned again. He was practically an insomniac and now he was sleepy? He wanted the evening to continue as long as possible. It was still Kyusung day after all. He didn’t want the waste any of it sleeping. He was enjoying just talking to Kyuhyun thoroughly, though he knew Kyuhyun was ignoring him sometimes. The warmth from Kyuhyun and the sensations of his fingers stoking his were so amazing. He didn’t want to lose it. ‘Yeah but Kyuhyun isn’t going anywhere even if you sleep’ his mind reasoned. He knew that Kyuhyun would still be there, but he wouldn’t remember that if he was asleep. Sometimes he wonders about his mind.’ Yeah well…I wonder about you too’ his mind rejoined. He was weird.

“Obviously you aren’t sleepy Hyung. Just sleep” Kyuhyun responded with a chuckle, getting off the bed, startling Yesung at first, as he was unsure as to where Kyuhyun was going, but he settled when he realized that Kyuhyun was just returning the book to the desk, not taking the chance of damaging it when they slept.

Kyuhyun returned to the bed, pulling the comforter back, directing Yesung to enter. Yesung was not pleased that Kyuhyun was treating him as a child but did what he was told, pulling his body until he was under the covers. He was sure he was not sleepy; the burn in his eyes was just that, not drowsiness. He told Kyuhyun that he wasn’t sleepy again but the little devil just ignored him. Once Yesung was under the covers, Kyuhyun slide under to lie besides him. Once Kyuhyun was settled, Yesung felt Kyuhyun tugging on his arms pulling him closer. Yesung makes no protest, as he allows the action. Yesung knows that he always allows the action. It gives him great joy that Kyuhyun is always the one that wants to him to be beside him. He gives Kyuhyun the freedom to make that choice. No matter how much he wants to rest in Kyuhyun’s arms, he always holds himself back.

 It is a dangerous position to be in. He is afraid that he is getting too accustomed to the warmth of Kyuhyun’s head on his chest or the beat of his heart in his ears. It is dangerous for him. It was one of those things that he had failed at preventing; it was making him too attached. He worried about how he would survive when there was no Kyuhyun to rest again. It was a lot smarter to keep his distance, but Yesung has come to realize that he rarely has sense when it comes to Kyuhyun. As usual he seals his fate when he allows Kyuhyun to pull his close, he curses his head as it naturally finds its position on Kyuhyun’s shoulder, he mentally scolds the hand that rest just on Kyuhyun’s heart and he resents the younger man when he rest his hand on the small of his back.

He resents him for making him weak, for making his so dependent on him, so attached to him. He wonders if Kyuhyun ever spares a thought to his wellbeing when he finally abandons him. Does Kyuhyun think about the loss he will inflict on him? Does he even know how dangerous his actions are? Yesung doubts that he ever considers it. Perhaps Kyuhyun just likes the warmth, he doesn’t know. The only thing he is sure of is that he never wants him to stop reaching for him or stop settling against him. He knows he should be stronger, that he should be trying to prevent the attachment, that he shouldn’t enjoy the feel of Kyuhyun so much, but he does and he won’t stop. He knew no matter how many times he has this argument with himself, despite his fears and reservations, that each and every time that hand is extended he will take it, and he would do so without regret. He will tell himself not to get attached, whilst he knows deep down that it is too late.

He closes his eyes as he feels the warmth from Kyuhyun’s body radiate through him, touching him deep in his soul, wrapping around him like some protective cocoon, making him forget everything else other than the fact that Kyuhyun is in his arms, that Kyuhyun is beside him, that its Kyuhyun’s hand that is wrapping around his fingers, rubbing soothing delicate . He doesn’t want to think about anything else then, doesn’t want to worry about tomorrow, worry about the day Kyuhyun stops reaching for him. In that moment he wants to close his eyes and thank God for the fact that he is with Kyuhyun. Nothing else matters.

He can’t fight the drowsiness anymore, Kyuhyun is too soothing to him. He wonders briefly how come it is so much easier to sleep now, but figures it’s probably the warmth that radiates from Kyuhyun. He lets the happiness and contentment wash over him. He feels peacefulness, as he shifts his body to find a comfortable position. He smiles when he felts Kyuhyun shift along with him, trying to make him comfortable, the hold on his back not once weakening. He doesn’t even care that he prefers when he holds Kyuhyun; the warmth is the same either way. Once he is with Kyuhyun it doesn’t matter. He finally finds the position he was looking for, eyes closed, happy and in love. He is ready to sleep now, when it finally comes to him. He was wondering about this a while now, but it finally comes to him when his nose gazes the skin on Kyuhyun’s throat. He finally knows what it is.

“It’s apples. You smell like apples sometimes” Yesung mumbles drowsily, rubbing his nose against the spot a couple of times to confirm that it is apples that he inhaling. He often smelt something on Kyuhyun when he slept with him, but could never put his finger on it, but just realized it then. It is weird that Kyuhyun would always have that faint apple scent to him. Maybe it’s a lotion or something similar. It wasn’t his cologne though, that was a heavier musky scent. The one he was talking about was the scent that seem to cling to Kyuhyun’s skin, that was sort of unique to Kyuhyun. He could never figure out what it reminded him off, but now he knew. It was a sweet aroma, fruity but mild, it was apples. He quite liked it, even if he didn’t know how it was possible for Kyuhyun to smell like apples all the time and even stranger that he was able to smell it above the much stronger musky cologne that Kyuhyun wore. ‘ I like apples’ that was his last thought before the darkness overtook him.

Kyuhyun looks at the man in his arms fondly, trying to figure out what he had said. He thinks that Yesung said that he smelt like apples but he wasn’t sure. His voice is naturally husky and only gets that much lower when he is sleepy and it didn’t help that he had set Kyuhyun’s nerves on flame when he nuzzled his nose on the sensitive skin at the base of his neck and shoulder. Kyuhyun felt as if he was on fire and it was a simple action, that didn’t even last long, the touch bare and temporary. His voice though, was melodic, even if he couldn’t be sure as to what he said. He tightened his grip on his, as he felt his breathing even out, which meant that he was asleep. Kyuhyun placed a soft chaste nonexistent kiss to his hair, as he pulled him even closer, not satisfied, until most of the older man’s upper body was pressed to his chest and their legs entangled. He often found it weird that Yesung always kept his legs apart, but it would shift naturally after he fell asleep. The warmth was drowning Kyuhyun, the aroma intoxicating, the happiness and contentment washing over him, pushing him over the edge, with one last soft glance and  a whispered ‘Happy Kyusung Day ‘ he closed his eyes and allowed sleep to claim him.

♥규성♥