Byunghee had his usual heart-warming smile on his lips while he was speaking to me.

It was probably the only thing I would never get over.
After all these months it still felt like a miracle – or even more like a beautiful dream.
Of course it was hilarious to think that way – so I tried my best to show my love for him without thinking that this illusion may disappear every second.
We didn’t have a lot chances to be together like this so we tried to use the little time we had wisely.

Most of the time Byunghee spoke about his work – it was by far more interesting than my daily work and so I just listened to him while he told me everything about the other members, his manager and their current performances.
Right now he was talking about his latest work again – and it made me happy to see him having a good time.

There was always something in his dark brown eyes that began to shine when he spoke about it and I loved watching them being filled with this passion.

I leaned a bit forward to him on my couch, poking his lovely cheeks with the fingertip of my forefinger, leading to an interruption of his monologue.
He wasn’t mad at me, he just smiled and looked down without losing any intensity in his shining eyes.
“Are you bored?”, he asked me while his fingertips searched for the back of my hand.
“Of course not – you know that I like listening to your voice.”
He chuckled quietly, moving his fingertips gently over my hand and fingers causing my skin to heat up.
My body reacted by his simple touch and I couldn’t stop myself from trembling.

It was always the same - even though we had this kind of relationship for many weeks now.
I was still not used to his gentle and soft touch – even though he was always cautious, trying not to surprise or scare me.
Everything was like a delightful dream from which I never wanted to wake up.
But in fact our time was limited – and the dream always shattered after some hours full of my warm feelings for him.
“I’m glad that you like my voice so much”, he whispered softly, lifting up his lips to a smirk.
He tried to tease me a bit – he always did that when he spotted one of my weak points.  
Usually he only tried to show his affection this way, and he never pulled it too far – staying always cautious and gentle.

I put up a smile, poking his cheeks again in order to a bit as well.
“As much as I love your voice you should take care of yourself. You shouldn’t stress out yourself too much.”
It was hard to hide all my worries – and after a few weeks I gave it up to act like I wouldn’t observe every step of him.
He always worked hard – and I could understand his simple feelings and passion for it.
When he wasn’t working he always gave me a long call, making the other members already jealous about our deep, trusty relationship.
Often it was a unique chance to see him and then he always cared for me – asked how my day was, asked for all my troubles and fears before he started talking about his own work.
He mostly didn’t even mention his fears, his worries and the things that depressed him even though I told him endless times that I want to be informed about everything that involves him.
But instead of telling me he just put up this gentle smile again, hoping that I won’t burden me this way.
“It’s fine.”
He shrugged, still with a smile on his face while his fingertips draw circles on the back of my hand.
“As long as I’m with you everything is fine.”
I pouted a bit, showing him my disagreement.
Byunghee just laughed carefree about it like he always does – bowing his head a bit, lifting his free hand covering his mouth. It was a deep, cheerful laugh – but I didn’t think that it was funny.

“Yesterday you stayed up long again”, I confronted him.
“I had work to do.”
His usual answer.
He was still laughing and smiling at the same time – but it was clear that he didn’t want to tell me more about it.
I raised one eyebrow to show him that I won’t accept this kind of answer.
His cheerful face expression seems to fade a bit and a serious one appeared, staring at my face with all might.
“It was really nothing. Don’t be worried.”
Of course he tried not to worry me – but in fact I was and whatever he was saying it couldn’t change that fact.

Byunghee leaned a bit forward, pulling myself closer to him and obviously hoping that I would forget that topic.
But I couldn’t – even though it was hard to withstand his scent and the warmth that was spreading from his body.
My head rested on his chest for a while, listening to his soft heartbeat and his breathing.
He didn’t move either.
Our relationship was mostly not physical and he managed to change my thoughts for a second before I started remembering that I was mad at him.
And I wouldn’t fall for that one.

“You still have to answer my question”, I remembered him with a half smile on my lips.
“Aish”, he sighed, holding me tight against his chest. “You won’t give up until I tell you, do you?”
I sensed my sweet victory.
“You weren’t busy watching some , am I right?” I just guessed.
“No I wasn’t”, he instantly replied with an innocent, soft voice.
It was suspicious.
Byunghee seemed to notice that I didn’t believe him because he started to sigh again.
“I was really busy working – I’m sorry if you are worried about my health.”
Something in his voice told me that he wasn’t lying and I wanted to believe him but I still had questions.
My heart just didn’t let me ask them.
I completely understood his feelings.
There was something inside me that told me that everything was alright – and I knew that the same feeling was inside him.

There was only him and me, trapped in our beloved, little dream.
I forgot everything just once again, just feeling his hard body against mine.

But then Byunghee started to talk again.

“You want to know the truth? I’ll tell you.”
He lifted his head, forced me to  look at his soft eyes once again, while his hands hold me gently tight in front of him.
“It was only for you. I stayed up so many days only to think about you. I wanted to find a way how I could keep you close to me – how I could show my love for you when there isn’t so much time for us to meet.”
His voice was clear and soft – almost like a gentle whisper.
I looked into his honest, deep eyes, convincing myself that I knew it the whole time.
“I want to give you my heart – and  I figured out how I could do it.”

Byunghee’s usual, heart-warming smile was back on his full lips, giving me a soft, warm feeling inside.
Before I could start to say something he started to sing.
His voice was beautiful, as always – filling the room with flooding emotions.
He looked through my eyes, showing me his true self and put endless effort in his words.

And then I knew what he meant.
I realized that this song was meant for me – only for me.

I couldn’t help but to smile – a smile that perfectly fitted with his gentle, singing face.
At this moment we both knew that we could keep the dream alive.
It didn’t have to be an illusion because our hearts were honest from the very beginning.

Listening to his heavenly voice gave me the feeling of being completed.