The first time Lee Jinki meets Kim Jonghyun, they're both seniors of the same high school. They've known about each other, seeing as they're both good looking and popular for different reasons, but they typically run in different circles and don't have the reason to get to know one another.

Jinki is class president for his senior year, Jonghyun is known as the most popular delinquent. They're as opposite as opposite can be.

And yet, fate works in ways that no one can truly understand.

It's evening time, practically nighttime. Jinki's on his way home after staying later to study for final exams, cutting through Main Street because his parents live in an apartment downtown. The moon is already out, and people of all ages are outside; including drunkards and other dangerous types.

Yes. This also includes Jonghyun. Though he's not a part of illegal things as far as Jinki is aware, he's the typical bad boy that likes to stay out, smoking cigarettes and getting rowdy with his less-than-savory friend group.

As he's making his way towards his family's apartment, Jinki spots him in an alleyway. It can be anyone, sure, but only Jonghyun has hair so pale blond that it can be mistaken for the moon. Only Jonghyun has a voice so sharp and so piercing that it can cut through the entire crowd of men surrounding him and reach Jinki's ears.

He stops walking, frozen at the entrance of the alleyway with his mouth open in shock and concern. Should he stay? Should he intervene? Should he just mind his own business?

"I'm telling you! I didn't know she had a boyfriend!" Jonghyun's voice calls out, full of frustration and a tint of trepidation.

The crowd shifts a little, and even from where he stands, Jinki can get a better glimpse of his face. Jonghyun, whose sharp jawline and perfect skin is marred and bleeding, and his one eye that's nearly swollen shut and black, looks absolutely petrified.

"Who the hell would believe a single thing you had to say?" One of the men in the group bellows, and he reaches out, a hand though Jonghyun's sweat-slicked hair.

Jonghyun visibly winces as he's jostled around, his good eye squeezing shut like he's preparing for another blow.

And in all honesty, Jinki should stay as far away from this as he can. He's not athletic, and definitely isn't the type to fight. He'll probably end up more hurt than Jonghyun himself is.

But when Jonghyun's eye cracks open and meets his gaze even with all the distance and bodies between them, and their gazes hold for just a second longer than Jinki's expecting them to, the decision is made for him.

He barrels in, slamming his shoulders into the group as he pushes his way in, and he reaches out to grab Jonghyun by the wrist. His grip is strong and his presence is sudden enough to surprise the group. With that as his chance, he throws his backpack to slow them down and pulls Jonghyun out with him.

"Come back here!" The man who had grabbed Jonghyun yells out, and there are footsteps pounding after them, but Jinki doesn't slow down, doesn't stop.

"Jinki!" Jonghyun's voice calls, and his voice is filled with concern, possibly fear,

"Why are you doing this?"

"Just shut up and follow me," Jinki snaps, and his breathes are coming out a little laboured. He's not the type to run like this, after all; but adrenaline is coursing through his veins.

They weave through crowds in order to get some distance between them and whoever is still chasing them. Some people are looking at them in concern, others are making space so they don't end up involved themselves.

Together, they run. Well, it's more like Jinki's dragging Jonghyun along. He doesn't even truly know why he felt compelled to get involved, nor does he even truly understand what he's supposed to do from here.

But what he does know is that Jonghyun is bleeding and every glance at him over Jinki's shoulder shows his exhausted, bruised face so clearly. Right now, the priority is to get Jonghyun somewhere safe and tend to all of his wounds, or at least the ones Jinki knows how to take care of.

He runs them all the way into the building he and his parents live in, not taking the chance to glance out to see if they'd followed and instead making a dash for the staircase going upwards. It's a busy enough area with several buildings that look alike. It should buy them enough time to get out of sight.

Without much fanfare, they reach Jinki's home, the door shutting tight behind them as their chests heave and their bodies resting back against the wall to help regain their breaths.

Thankfully, Jinki's parents aren't home. They'd have a lot of questions about what they're seeing, and Jinki wouldn't know how to answer them.

Beside him, Jonghyun sinks to the floor, but his chest is still heaving as his head falls into his hands. He might be crying, in all actuality. It's not entirely clear to Jinki, anyway.

"I'll get you some water," Jinki offers as he takes a step away.

Jonghyun can probably use a few minutes to calm himself down, and Jinki can use the time to find their first aid kit.

Jonghyun scoffs, and it's a bitter sound coming from someone who very obviously needs help.

"I know you're the kind and caring class president or whatever, but did you have to get yourself involved?" Jonghyun asks to his back, and his voice sounds murky, like he's holding back tears,

"What if they come looking for you? Not today, maybe tomorrow? Or another day?"

And that's true. Jinki hadn't really thought about that at the time. He didn't even cover his face when it happened, so they probably got a good look at him, especially considering he was still wearing his uniform. He wouldn't be too hard to find.

Jinki turns back to the battered teen, finding Jonghyun looking right back at him with his brown eyes screaming in sorrow. Well, one of them is still swollen shut, but the good one is continuously streaming tears in the meantime.

And still, even after knowing what kind of danger it can put him under, he finds that he doesn't regret stopping to help. He doesn't regret it, because Jonghyun's sitting there, battered and bruised and still worrying about Jinki, not himself.

They might not have the same lives or friends, but in this moment, none of that matters. In this moment, they both find themselves compelled into caring about someone they barely know.

So, in an answer to Jonghyun's concerns, Jinki reaches forward, wraps his arms around Jonghyun's shoulders, and lifts him off of the ground.

"We can worry about that when it happens," Jinki says to Jonghyun, and he means it,

"For now we should get you changed and disinfect the cuts on your face."

Jonghyun looks at him out of the corner of his eye, but remains silent. The tears are slowing down, but there's no sign of them stopping. That doesn't really matter, though. Jinki will just remain a steady presence until Jonghyun is back to himself.

It's silent for a while. They both get a glass of water and guzzle it down like they've been dehydrated for days, and Jinki hands Jonghyun a pair of clean clothes to change into and shows him in the direction of the bathroom. When the younger of the two, Jonghyun, steps out of the bathroom after a well-needed shower, they sit at the small table in the kitchen and Jinki opens the first aid kit up.

"Do you want to call your parents or something?" Jinki asks, and he's dabbing some antiseptic onto Jonghyun's cheek. His lip is split at the corners, and there's a long line of a cut going down his cheek.

Jonghyun remains silent for too long, and his eye remains focused on Jinki's hands, rather than looking directly at him. He'd been like this the entire time, bashful and regretful and unable to keep eye contact for prolonged periods of time.

So, Jinki forces it. He ducks his head, angling it just the right way so that they're forced to make eye contact again. It works, and Jinki sees the absolute gobsmacked expression on Jonghyun's face when they're looking each other in the eye again.

"I live on my own," Jonghyun replies, his tone reluctant as he moves his head back to give them some space.

And part of Jinki wants to pry, because Jonghyun is still in high school and what would he even know about taking care of himself anyway? But the younger of the pair is getting tense, his eye looking distant the longer they look at one another.

There's a story here and that's for sure, but it's not one Jonghyun wants to share. Jinki won't force it, even if his curiosity is getting stronger. He'll just do what he can to ensure that Jonghyun leaves his apartment feeling better about the situation.

"I really didn't know she was in a relationship," Jonghyun says, his voice so quiet that it nearly goes unheard.

Jinki looks up at him in surprise, but Jonghyun is once again avoiding all eye contact. That had been an unprompted little confession; and it wasn't Jinki's business in the first place, so why did Jonghyun go out of his way to clear that up like it was so important?

"I believe you," Jinki replies as he finishes putting the last bandage on Jonghyun's cheek.

Jonghyun looks a lot less intimidating now that Jinki's had the chance to see him being vulnerable. Who would've thought that he ever could get to see this side of him?

Jonghyun inhales sharply. They'd been icing his swollen eye for a while now with a pack of peas. It'll take a few days to recover fully, but his eye can open just a slight bit more now than earlier.

He inhales, and his eyes turn to Jinki like he'd said something so completely out of place. He's silent for a moment or two, but his expression softens, and he raises his hand, circling his fingers around Jinki's wrist in an effort to keep his hand still.

"You believe me but you barely even know me, Jinki," Jonghyun murmurs; and he turns his face, pressing a kiss into the inside of Jinki's wrist.

It's so intimate, so unexpected. Like Jonghyun said, Jinki barely knows him, and vice versa. They barely know each other, had never really spoken a word to each other prior to this.

And still...

Still...

Being here like this, being able to provide comfort and care to someone like Jonghyun, who's softer than he looks and so gentle, makes Jinki's whole world feel right.

Jinki leans closer, watches Jonghyun's eyes flutter like they're going to close. Their foreheads meet, their breaths intermingling and the tips of their noses brushing together.

It's not a kiss, but it feels so intimate anyway.

From this distance, Jinki can see the little pores on Jonghyun's face, can count the lashes on his eyes and see the warmth in the younger's brown eyes.

Jinki's own eyes close. Jonghyun's breath smells like stale cigarette and Coca Cola, quite the strange mix of scents.

"I'm just glad I was able to get you out of there," Jinki confesses against his breath. Jonghyun's hand moves, releasing his own to move to the nape of his neck. His thumb runs circles into Jinki's shoulder blade, and it feels so warm.

Jonghyun doesn't say anything in response, but the silence is still warm and feels like an embrace more than anything else. It'll do for the time being.

Jinki brings him into his bedroom, where they share Jinki's bed and cuddle as they drift off in a comfortable silence. It's nearing winter, but Jonghyun's body is warm enough and solid against his own, and the need for a blanket is made obsolete.

He's had crushes before, sure, and his first kiss was years ago, but Jinki still finds himself flustered. He was the one who offered, as well as the one who pulled Jonghyun into his arms when he noticed the younger shaking from the shock of the earlier events; but being here now with Jonghyun so close that he can trace the boy's outline with his eyes, Jinki doesn't quite know what to do with himself.

Jonghyun seems to be in the same boat. For a long while, they simply stare at each other. The lights in the room are off, and Jinki's parents won't bother him if they see the lights off anyway. Even with that being the case, the lights from the window and the moon hanging overhead are enough to cast a glow into the room that illuminates Jonghyun's face. He looks so handsome, so unreal.

When sleep pulls at Jinki's mind, and his eyes start to droop closed, Jonghyun raises a hand. He's so gentle, so full of affection. Jinki's never felt this loved by anyone outside of his mother in his life.

Jonghyun's hand, which is only slightly bigger than his own, with fingers that are long and slender, reaches his hair; and his fingers induce a type of calmness as they Jinki's short auburn locks. He wishes time could stop, and that he could live in this present moment for the rest of eternity, where it feels like nothing and no one else exists outside of him and Jonghyun.

"Thank you, Jinki," Jonghyun's voice murmurs. He shifts along Jinki's bed, the movement causing the mattress to squeak.

Jinki's eyes track him until he gets so close that they cross in order to keep watching; and when Jonghyun gets close enough, his lips brush against Jinki's forehead. For something so sweet and so brief, something about it feels so melancholic. He should've seen it as a sign, but Jinki only let the gentle affection lull him to sleep instead.

But when he wakes up in the morning to get ready for the school day, Jonghyun is gone. He could've slipped out at any time during the night, due to Jinki's ability to sleep through basically anything. There's no note left behind, barely a trace of the boy who'd spent the night beside him. The clothes he'd borrowed from Jinki are gone, though, as is the pile of his torn and battered uniform from the night before.

Where could he have gone? Did he feel guilty, like he was inconveniencing Jinki?

The concern makes Jinki's heart constrict, even though he knows whatever Jonghyun's doing or decided is none of his business.

It's none of his business, but Jinki searches for him for days. At school, at the apartment that Jonghyun lives in which is a run-down little place in the bad part of town. He goes back, day after day, for months, until he overhears his teachers talking about Kim Jonghyun, the student who dropped out of school just a few weeks before and moved across the country.

And even though they only really had that one night of memories and that was probably too little to consider anything substantial, Jinki finds himself heartbroken.

They might've been nothing more than strangers that night, but Jinki thought he'd finally met someone who made him feel wanted, cared for.

As time passes, and Jinki graduates from high school, that night's memories fade from his mind. The memories fade, until they feel like nothing more than a dream.

In many ways, maybe they were nothing but a dream.

But still, Jinki would give anything to be able to dream of that gentle little delinquent again.

 

---

 

Fate has a strange way of pulling people together when they're meant to be together. Jinki has always believed in fate, even as a young child and even as an adult.

He's in his mid-twenties now, having transferred to a bigger university in the big city to continue on his doctorate in Literature. He no longer lives with his parents, though that's simply because he wants to venture out into the world and see if he can make it on his own.

It's scary, becoming an adult. Having no one to rely on but one's self is a rude awakening, even for someone who had always been as independent as Jinki was growing up.

But he knows he has to, if only because his parents are getting older and he needs to learn how to take care of his own self without burdening them. He sets out to the big city, with a job as a library assistant lined up for him and his mind set on all the possibilities awaiting him in this new place.

The day he arrives is beautiful, with not a cloud in sight. He's renting a room in a lavish-looking apartment complex in an apartment that's shared with four other roommates. He's never had to share space with so many people aside from his parents, so the idea both excites him and makes nervousness bubble in his stomach.

The man who'd posted the ad looking for a roommate was a little vague about the other residents sharing a space, and even a little vague about his own identity, but Jinki had barely even thought about it. He might be a little naïve, gullible to a fault, but he could at least see where this roommate situation could lead him.

Still, he finds himself a little hesitant when he gets all the way to the top floor where he'll be renting from. There are only two doors on this floor, and while one of them is completely silent, still, there's a lot of noise coming from the other.

And, of course, the noise is coming from the apartment he'll be living in. He doesn't know much about his new suite mates aside from the fact that they're all men in their twenties, but he hadn't expected them to be so lively at --

Its 7 in the morning. Do they not have jobs?

Regardless, Jinki drags his feet to the door and knocks. If they're truly awful, he can go sleep at the library he's going to be working at and look at other options where they can be found.

It's not going to be that bad, he tells himself.

He takes in a deep breath, releases it, and takes another. It's to try and strengthen his resolve, give him some courage to keep him from running away as desperately as he'd like to.

The door swings wide open, and Jinki is staring up at what could possibly be the most handsome man he's ever seen in his life. His face is so handsome, in fact, that Jinki blinks repeatedly to try and see if it's just an illusion.

It's not. The small head with short brown hair, the perfectly bare face, the muscles on his biceps showing through the tank top he's wearing. All of it is real.

All of it is real, and yet this Adonis of a man is looking at Jinki like he's the bewildering one.

Jinki knows he's never truly been a slouch. His muscles aren't as defined as this man's, but they're impressive for someone who's main form of exercise is yoga. His hair is a little unruly, though he'd recently dyed it red to give himself a fresh new look, and his nose is a little crooked; but still, even Jinki knows he's handsome.

But to be stared at like this by someone who is admittedly more handsome? It feels a little surreal.

"Hey," the stranger says with a smile that's so wide and so warm, and he's holding out a hand that looks bigger than Jinki's,

"I'm Minho. You must be the new roommate!"

And wow. His voice is deep. A lot deeper than his face had made it seem like it would be.

It almost feels unfair.

Still, Jinki forces a smile onto his face and reaches out, clasping his hand around the other's.

"I'm Jinki," he answers, and he hopes his nervousness isn't as apparent as it feels,

"Is it a bad time for me to be here?"

He's referring to all of the loud sounds coming from behind Minho, of course. Now that the door is open, the volume seems to have tripled. It's quite the surprise no one else is up here complaining about it.

Then again, they look like they have enough money that it wouldn't even phase them.

Everything about the way Minho looks and dresses screams that he's rich, maybe even a little posh. Unlike Jinki's less-than-wealthy family, Minho has a more confident air about him.

"Not at all," Minho answers, and his tone is so jovial and warm that Jinki immediately regrets his first judgment of the man,

"Your stuff was delivered last night so we moved it to your room. You can come on in and I'll introduce you to the guys."

Oh. Wow. Jinki had said they could leave his belongings in a pile by the door as long as they weren't in the way, but they'd taken the time to move them into his room? Just how badly had he judged these people just based on how the building they lived in looked?

"Thank you," Jinki murmurs as he follows Minho into the apartment. He clicks the door shut behind him, then takes the chance to look around at the space.

He'd seen pictures of the apartment before sending his deposit to move in, of course, but pictures didn't do much justice to the apartment. The walls are an off-white color, but tastefully decorated with pictures and extravagant decor. There is a big black sectional on the other end of the room that nearly takes up half the room, with a glass table sitting before it. Theres a flat screen against the wall, and a console that has several game stations on it.

All in all, simple; but it's also made very apparent that young men are the ones living here.

Speaking of young men, Jinki's eyes happen across two of them. They're both laying across the sectional, legs out as they relax across it and watch whatever show is on the television. They've both got phones in their hands, so Jinki can't really see their expressions, but both of them are sporting full heads of blonde hair.

"Jjong, Taem, say hi," Minho says, more like orders. His tone is a little frustrated, sharp, and he goes up to the television, pressing whatever button that turns the power off and silences the entire apartment that quickly.

The one that rises first is tall and lanky, his face a little round and his nose a little narrow. His lips curve into a smile, though it seems a little more timid in comparison to Minho's smile earlier. He's handsome, too, and seems to have clear skin. He steps closer, holding his hand out.

"Hi, I'm Taemin," the young man introduces himself, and his shake is gentle, a little reluctant,

"I know we all look like pretentious s but I promise we're good people."

Oh. Okay. So he's aware of that. At least there's that? Jinki is a little bewildered by him stating something like that so easily, though.

"Taem," the other person on the couch sighs, and he stands up as well. His sigh is so resigned, like he's questioning Taemin for even bringing it up.

But when he stands fully, taking the phone away from his face, his gaze crosses with Jinki's. They both stare at each other for a good long moment.

And who else would he be staring at without being able to fully process who he's looking at, other than Kim Jonghyun himself? The same Kim Jonghyun he'd shared a night of intimate moments with who had disappeared the very next day?

And Jonghyun, who had left so easily without leaving a trace of himself behind, is staring right back at him. He hasn't changed much. He's still so handsome, with the sharp jawline and the big brown eyes that seem to know so much.

The younger man's eyebrows fly upward in surprise, and his mouth goes slack. He seems to be as surprised to see Jinki as Jinki is to see him.

But Jinki can see it. It might not be more than a spark, but there it is. Fear. Remorse. Regret. Shame. A mix of it all is in Jonghyun's eyes, staring back at him.

"Do you two know each other?" Minho asks, and his eyes shift from Jinki to Jonghyun and back, a little wary of the way they're looking at each other.

Jonghyun remains silent, and his eyes are doing that thing where they avoid looking directly at Jinki the way he'd done that night.

"We went to the same school, that's all," Jonghyun answers the man, and his lips curve into a fake, flimsy smile as he holds his own hand out to shake Jinki's.

"It's good to see you again, hyung." Jonghyun says, but the pleasantness in his tone is as flimsy as the smile on his face.

Jinki's heart sinks. It was so long ago that he shouldn't be as affected as he feels like he is. Sure, Jinki was able to provide Jonghyun with some comfort that night, but that was so long ago and probably meant more to Jinki than it did to Jonghyun anyway.

Still, because he doesn't want to start this chapter off with an unpleasant opening, he reaches out and shakes Jonghyun's hand. It feels so familiar and yet so foreign to be holding his hand again after all this time, and his fingers are tingling from the feeling even after he pulls back.

"It's good to see you, Jonghyun," he answers with the same flimsy pleasantry that Jonghyun had used for him just moments earlier. If Jonghyun has a reaction to it, he hides it well behind his nod.

Jinki turns away. His treacherous heart might be longing for more; more contact, more answers about where to and why Jonghyun had gone, more time to get to know him, but that was so so long ago and Jonghyun obviously didn't think about that time as much as Jinki did.

But to Jinki, who had his share of relationships in the years since last seeing Kim Jonghyun, even the reminder of their brief night together is enough to send his heart into a frenzy.

As he turns to ask Minho or Taemin which one his room happens to be, there's a clattering coming from the one of the bedrooms, followed by a string of curses. While Jinki winces and feels himself growing tense from the onslaught of loud noise, his suite mates seem utterly unphased by it.

A door slams open, and the curses get louder when it does.

"Why didn't anyone wake me up?" A voice asks, heavy in frustration and thick with sleep,

"The new guy should be arriving-"

He gets cut off when he walks into the living room where the group of four are huddled. This last one is also extremely handsome, with narrow eyes, blemish-free skin, and hair that's been dyed with multiple colors at the ends.

How did he end up surrounded by all of these handsome men, anyway? Was it because he was gay, or did that just happen to be a coincidence?

"Bummie, this is Jinki," Minho introduces them, and he clears his throat like everyone's just supposed to ignore the way Kibum continues to stare at Jinki.

There's something in his eyes, something thoughtful. His gaze is intense, like he knows something and doesn't want to share what it is.

As soon as it fills his eyes, however, it's gone; and the young man walks over to Jinki in an entirely too casual manner considering it's their first meeting, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to guide him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jinki," the man says, and his smile is faint but looks genuine enough,

"I'm Kibum, the one who posted the ad for a roommate."

Ah. Right. That was his name. He'd forgotten all about that in his apprehension.

"Thank you again for letting me move in on such short notice," Jinki says, his tone apologetic as he walks in step with the young man.

Kibum's smile widens as he leads Jinki through the apartment, and Jinki is relieved that footsteps aren't following after them. He could use a little reprieve from having seen Jonghyun again after so long.

"It helps us keep the rent down, so you're really helping us out more than we're helping you," Kibum tells him, and they stop at a door at the end of the hall.

He's already known some of the layout from the pictures and from discussions with Kibum earlier. Their apartment was a three bedroom apartment with a shared bathroom, kitchen, and living room. The door to the bathroom is open since it's not in use, so Jinki already knows where that is.

"This is your room," Kibum tells him, gesturing to the room with his head. There are two more rooms on the adjacent walls, as well.

The first, the one closest to the bathroom, Kibum points to and says, "That's the room I share with Ming. We work together and he can get intense in the morning, but I've known him long enough to know how to deal with his moods."

The other room on the other end of the hall, closest to the living room and kitchen, he points to and says, "Jjong and Taeminnie share that one. They're both musicians and have ty sleep schedules so it just works out better that way."

Jinki had already told Kibum it would be okay to share a room with someone else, since he was new and encroaching on their privacy, but Kibum had been extremely kind about it. Since he didn't know them, Kibum wanted to make sure Jinki had time and privacy of his own as he adjusts to living with other people. He wasn't sure if he deserved that kindness, but he was still extremely lucky and grateful to have stumbled across Kibum's ad for this apartment.

Kibum leaves him with a bow and after telling him to join them for breakfast in an hour, and Jinki bashfully accepts the invitation. He'd come straight here after getting off the train and had been too nervous to stop and get breakfast, so this truly works out for him in the end.

So, with an hour before breakfast and then his first day at his new job, Jinki gets to work. He doesn't have much, and the room already comes with a full sized bed and desk, so he unpacks quickly enough that he has time to squeeze in a shower.

How five men are supposed to work out bathroom schedules escapes him.

Except, while he's in the midst of gathering the clothes he's going to be wearing for the library on his first day, there comes a knocking on his door. He glances up in surprise, wondering if Kibum had forgotten to tell him anything earlier.

But it's not Kibum. He'd left the door slightly ajar in case he needed to call out and ask Kibum for help finding supplies to help him unpack, so he can see a familiar head of blonde hair that nearly makes his heart leap into his throat.

"Come in," he nearly squeaks out, and Jinki busies his hands so it's not obvious that they're trembling.

The door opens wider upon his approval, but Jonghyun remains in the threshold. He looks more nervous than Jinki himself feels, which almost feels impossible.

Like before, they stare at one another. Jinki is unsure of what to say after all this time, especially with how tense Jonghyun had seemed when they met again face-to-face, and Jonghyun seems to have so many questions floating in his eyes as he takes in Jinki's appearance with much more intensity than he had around his suitemates.

Seconds of silence tick by, stretching into minutes. Just what did Jonghyun want from him after seeming so disinterested and afraid of Jinki back there, anyway?

Jonghyun his lower lip. It's something he's done out of nervousness, ever since he was a child. While Jinki's never gone out of his way to talk to this boy until that fateful night, Jinki knows enough about him based on observation and what others had told him to know some of his more obvious habits.

He his lips, and his hands tuck into the pockets of his skinny jeans. Despite being a few inches shorter than Jinki, Jonghyun has always had such a strong, tall personality and refused to let himself cower in front of anyone.

But right in this moment, Jonghyun looks small, vulnerable. Almost, Jinki thinks, like that one night years ago.

"You must have been really disappointed in me for disappearing like that, weren't you?" Jonghyun asks, with no preamble, no pleasantry.

Jonghyun's not the type to beat around the bush unless he absolutely has to. That's another thing Jinki knows about him already.

And what, exactly, is going on here, right now?

He stares even harder than he had been, wondering if there's anything Jonghyun wants to add to it. Some part of Jinki wants to demand answers, wants to know why he was left behind without a single ounce of hesitation.

But he can see it clearly in Jonghyun's eyes, in his slouched and trembling frame. Whatever happened back then, whatever caused him to leave, is still haunting him.

Whatever Jonghyun had run from all that time ago, he's still running from it even now.

Jinki bites back a sigh. If Jonghyun is terrified of something but can't bring himself to tell Jinki about it, it wouldn't be fair of Jinki to hold their shared past over him.

Maybe now was the best time to let that go. To let Kim Jonghyun go.

"I'm just glad you're doing okay," Jinki says, and he turns back to the pile of clothes he'd laid out on his bed.

As much as he wishes to act nonchalant, cool, the tears are already threatening the corners of his eyes.

"So you're not... mad?" Jonghyun asks now, and his voice comes out sounding so small, so fragile.

Was that what had bothered Jonghyun earlier, too? That Jinki would be holding a grudge against him? And for what, considering they'd only really had one night of memories together?

Jinki waits to make eye contact until he's brushing past Jonghyun to get to the bathroom. It's a tight fit since Jonghyun has such broad shoulders, but Jinki is sure not to let their bodies brush on his way out.

Just as he finally passes Jonghyun, Jinki looks up into his eyes and has to force himself not to react when he finds Jonghyun looking right at him. He's always been so expressive, even as a child, but Jinki's not used to him showing so much expression towards him.

Jonghyun's eyes are soft, yet the sorrow in them screams so loud they can fill the whole room. He looks heartbroken, for whatever reason, like he himself is seconds away from bursting into tears.

"It was years ago, Jonghyun," Jinki reminds him, and his own voice is quiet, a little less confident than he feels,

"Why is it still bothering you even now?"

Jonghyun takes a moment to think about it, but he steps closer to Jinki, eliminating the space Jinki had tried to create to put him at ease. Jinki's frozen in place, unable to do anything but watch as Jonghyun continues to step closer until there's but an inch between them.

"You were the first person in my life to stop everything and risk themselves just for me like that," Jonghyun explains, and there's something that Jinki can't really discern dancing in his eyes,

"And instead of staying to show you how much I appreciated that, I ran with my tail between my legs."

He looks a little ashamed of himself, the corner of his lips tilting upward in what might just be bashfulness.

"And I knew I should just find you, apologize and explain things to you, but the longer it went on the less courage I had until it was years later and I had no choice to let it go," Jonghyun explains, but it's not really an explanation, is it?

And Jinki should ask. He should ask just what happened that after such a tender night between them, Jonghyun would literally disappear off the face of Jinki's world. But, much like Jonghyun, Jinki is a coward. Jinki is a coward who doesn't want to think about rejection, about how alone he'd felt for months when Jonghyun disappeared without a trace.

"Let's just... forget about back then," Jinki says instead, and he's forcing up a flimsy smile 

"We can start over, leave what happened in the past where it belongs."

Jonghyun's gaze darts between Jinki's eyes. He forces up a smile of his own, but it looks more like a grimace even to Jinki.

"Yeah, I think we can do that, " Jonghyun agrees, and there's just a small ounce of hesitation coming from his agreement that makes Jinki wonder just whether or not this can actually work out between them.

Silence returns. It's brutally awkward between them. It's not going to be easy for them to start over, even if they're both willing to let the past go and try again.

"I'm just going to go and shower," Jinki murmurs, and he turns away, heading to the bathroom without wasting another glance in Jonghyun's direction.

If he looks at Jonghyun right now for even a second longer, his resolve will crumble, and he might just fall in love with him all over again.

But Jinki is older now, and he's learned from their past together. He might be naïve and gullible, but he'd make sure his heart doesn't fall for someone who had already left him behind once.

 

---

 

Living with four roommates is odd, but Jinki thinks he adjusts fairly well, all things considered. It helps that he spends most of the day between work and school and thus doesn't have much time to spend at home dealing with the four loudest people he's ever met.

Again, all in all, it's not too hard to adjust.

Even if part of him wishes he could sleep whenever he wanted and go out partying as much as his suitemates, the ones that seemingly have all the free time in the world to do whatever he wants.

Except that when he stumbles out of his room with half an hour to get ready for work because he forgot to set an alarm and overslept, he's greeted with the sight of all four of his roommates splayed across the living room floor and sectionals with groans and grumbles like they're not even entirely human.

That particular morning, Jinki takes the time to text his boss and ex-slash-best friend Changsun that he'll be a little late and whips up a quick hangover soup. Changsun gives him an okay through text, followed by a paragraph scolding him about why he'd chosen to live with strangers rather than take the room he'd offered.

Jinki merely ignores it.

He'd actually met Changsun in college. He was cool, a little over a year older than Jinki himself, and shared a love for books. He'd graduated and become librarian, and had offered Jinki a job as an assistant as he worked through his doctorate degree. To say Jinki was grateful would be an understatement, but living together with an ex wasn't on his bucket list.

Speaking of which...

He glances at Jonghyun, sleeping on the sectional with a pillow covering his face. He doesn't drink like the others, was outed as a lightweight by Taemin the first night Jinki had moved in when Kibum had whipped together a special dinner to welcome him. Jonghyun doesn't drink much, but his insomnia coupled with all the work he puts into band rehearsals and songwriting and his actual job of bartending leave him exhausted and sleepy at random intervals.

It's not Jinki's fault and he knows it, but he still wishes he could do something to help; even if he and Jonghyun are still awkward around each other and can never seem to look each other in the eye.

Jinki tears his eyes away when the pillow shifts and falls to the ground, and Jonghyun's hand reaches blindly to grab it back. Jinki had been trying to get the soup done so he could get out before the others had a chance to wake up and see him.

His heart constricting in his chest and his eye twitching from the awkwardness that's already building in his stomach, Jinki's eyes focus on the sausage he's slicing up. Hopefully Jonghyun will ignore the kitchen all together and head to his shared room with Tae-

"Jinki, what are you still doing here?" Jonghyun's sleep-thick voice asks from behind Jinki, and his footsteps are getting louder, closer, like Jonghyun is stepping closer to him despite the tension between them,

"Didn't your job start half an hour ago?"

Half an hour? Alarmed, Jinki looks at the clock on the stove. Jonghyun turns out to be right. While Changsun won't give him any slack for it aside from being annoying about Jinki's refusal to live with him, he's still pretty new and doesn't want to cause trouble for his coworkers.

"I figured I'd get some hangover soup going by the time they're up," Jinki explains, though he thinks the sight of him at the stove is pretty self explanatory.

They take turns making dinner, though most of the time, Kibum ushers everyone out so he can take care of it himself. He studied culinary arts and is quite particular about how he likes his kitchen. Aside from Taemin who admits that he barely knows how to use a knife, they're all pretty decent in the kitchen.

When Jinki had told Kibum that his parents ran a butchery and he could likely get some choice meats and seafood sent to them in exchange for letting Jinki cook once in a while so that he could rest more, Kibum had looked at him with such fondness, softness in his eyes. Jinki wasn't sure what the look was about, but hadn't really thought too much about it at the time.

A hand reaches over Jinki's arm, wrapping around his wrist to still him. The touch is so sudden, so painfully familiar in its gentleness, that Jinki startles away all together. It leaves too much space between him and Jonghyun, but Jinki's so focused on the way his heart thuds that he doesn't register the way Jonghyun's entire body seems to deflate.

"You're pretty much done, right?" Jonghyun asks, and he doesn't turn to look at Jinki, instead focusing his entire attention on the knife in his hands,

"I know how much you hate inconveniencing others, so I'll take care of this."

And it's just so unfair, isn't it? Jonghyun, who doesn't seem to want to look at him or spend time with him or even seem to be thrilled to have him living there, using such kindness and thoughtfulness towards Jinki that makes his heart yearn like it hadn't been shattered by the very same person so long ago.

Jinki forces himself to stop thinking about it. Thinking about it won't change the way things are at all, nor will it change how strained their current friendship is.

"I already got some rice cooking, so it should be done soon," Jinki instructs to him, and he hurries to the sink to get his hands cleaned.

His day will stretch far into the evening with his work shift followed by evening lectures, but the exhaustion he knows he'll feel then is far from the forefront of his mind.

But in his frazzled state, he misses how Jonghyun puts the knife down, washes his own hands, picks up the backpack that Jinki had so carelessly dropped by the kitchen table, and follows him all the way to their door.

"Don't forget your bag," Jonghyun's voice calls after him, smooth and full of amusement.

A lightbulb goes off in Jinki's head. He'd forgotten all about it in his flustered movements. He had dropped it onto the floor, pretending his expensive laptop hadn't made a clattering sound because he'd forgotten it was even in there from the last time he'd taken it along.

He turns back in the direction of the kitchen, only to find Jonghyun a mere three inches away. Jinki's backpack is hooked over his finger and held out in Jinki's direction, but Jinki can't seem to drag his eyes away from Jonghyun's.

Why is he still looking at Jinki like this, with so much affection and gentleness in his brown orbs?

Even after all this time, Jinki remembers how full of sorrow they'd been all that time ago, about how Jonghyun had worried over him and cried over him even though one of his eyes were swollen shut.

It was such a long time ago, but Jinki still finds Jonghyun looking at him like there's no one else.

And Jinki hates it. Hates the reminder of it. Hates that it still makes his heart yearn all this time later.

He reaches forward and takes the backpack out of Jonghyun's hand, and their fingers brush again. The reaction that comes from it this time is far more subdued, seeing as it was expected, but Jinki is still quick to pull away before the lingering touch causes him to slip again.

"Thanks, Jonghyunie," Jinki murmurs, and he turns back around to slip his shoes on.

It's a new nickname, one that Jinki had picked up when Kibum had called Jonghyun it. Kibum has a lot of nicknames for all of them, even some for Jinki that the elder had chosen to forget about. Of all the names he gives to Jonghyun, though, Jonghyunie feels soft, precious.

Jonghyun, on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind it at all. He might actually prefer it over his own name, seeing as he follows Jinki out the door, only to lean against the door in wait as Jinki presses the button for the elevator.

"Have a good day at work, Jinki," His smooth voice says as Jinki slips into the elevator.

Jinki risks a glance in his direction, but the door's already closing, and Jonghyun is no longer visible. He's no longer visible for Jinki to see what expression he's making when he says Jinki's voice so sweetly in that manner.

What kind of expression is Jinki even hoping he's making when he says Jinki's name, anyway?

Is Jonghyun even aware of how hot-and-cold he's being? Is it something he's doing intentionally, going back and forth between showing Jinki all of this tenderness and then choosing to ignore him and put all that distance between them?

 

---

 

A few days later, when Jinki gets home in the evening after classes, his phone starts to ring. Incessantly. And loudly, because otherwise Jinki just won't pay it any mind and miss important calls and texts from even his own parents.

It's actually in the living room when his attention is drawn to it. And not just his attention, either. Everyone is drawn to it, because it's a rare night where they're all home at the same time.

Jinki has a long weekend from classes. Minho and Kibum work at the same theater company, where Minho's employed as an actor and Kibum is employed as a costume designer. They're in between productions right now, so it gives them leniency in their usually tight schedules. Jonghyun only really works when he wants to, playing music and bartending at a local pub. Taemin is in the practices for his next dance recital but needs to take some time for himself in the between.

The four of them had been in the middle of watching a movie when Jinki had gotten home from classes, utterly exhausted. He'd stopped only for a minute to see what movie they were watching, but had ultimately decided he wasn't interested.

"How was class, hyung?" Taemin asks, even though the television is pretty loud and nearly drowns his voice out.

At first, Jinki had thought the group was polite to him out of courtesy and obligation; but it turns out that they genuinely want to know about his life and his daily events, and that they like to share their own experiences with him in turn.

"It was so long I thought I'd turn a year older before it ended," Jinki answers with a tired roll of his eyes. While he absolutely loved literature and everything about it, hearing people drone on for hours about things he already knows isn't his idea of a fun time.

Minho raises the television remote and presses pause, and he looks so amused as he turns his head in Jinki's direction. He always seems so amused by Jinki and his antics.

Both Kibum and Jonghyun turn along with him, and they almost seem as amused by Jinki as Minho himself is.

Whatever any of them are going to say is cut off when Jinki's phone rings obnoxiously. And by that, he's not exaggerating in the slightest.

"Why is your ringtone so boring and loud? Are you deaf or something?" Kibum asks between chortles, but Jinki isn't entirely listening to him.

Instead, Jinki's digging through his pockets because he can't remember where he'd tossed his phone earlier in his haste to leave.

"It's coming from your backpack," Jonghyun informs him, and Jinki can't help the way he glances at Jonghyun out of the corner of his eyes.

The four of them are more or less huddled together, and Jonghyun's got an arm slung over the back on the side where Taemin's sitting. Are they dating? Or are they just that close? Jinki can't entirely tell.

"Right," Jinki confirms, and he's quick to take his bag off so he can check who it is calling.

He's entirely expecting it to be his mom or his dad, but his lips contort into a grimace when Changsun's name pops up on his screen.

They'd just seen each other earlier. Did Jinki forget something at work?

"Sorry. It's my boss," Jinki mutters, and he swipes to answer his phone as he turns to his room,

"What do you want, Channie?"

And sure, he could probably stand to be a little more polite or at least a little warmer to his boss and best friend, but he's tired and a little grouchy after all of the day's events.

"Jinki I'm bored," Changsun's whining into the phone, and if he's calling Jinki like this he must truly be desperate for company.

"And?" Jinki asks, bemused. Leave it to Changsun to ignore Jinki's exhaustion because he wants someone to hang out with.

"Come have dinner with me at the place on Main," Changsun suggests, except with how bored he is and how desperate he is, he likely won't take no for an answer.

"I just got home from classes and you want me to go back out?" Jinki snaps, and he doesn't entirely realize he's stopped still in the middle of the hallway, still so close to the living room that he's likely been heard by the others.

"I can always come to you," Changsun suggests next, and judging by the smugness in his tone, he's doing this on purpose. He knows Jinki wouldn't want him coming over and being a nuisance.

Jinki pinches the bridge of his nose and takes in a deep breath, wondering just how he'd ever tolerated Changsun as a partner in the first place when he literally bullies Jinki into compliance whenever he wants something.

"Fine. I'll see you in twenty," Jinki concedes, and he hangs up on Changsun without another moment of wasted time listening to him and his smugness.

When he gets back to the living room, he's almost startled by how silent it is. While he was wrong about a lot of things in regards to his roommates when he first moved in, there was no denying how loud and rambunctious they can be at any given time.

"I thought you said that was your boss," Minho asks, and he's snickering even as a look of disbelief takes over his expression.

Jinki waves a dismissive hand in the air, though it quickly flies to his head to rub the beginnings of a nasty migraine away.

"He's also the biggest pain in my ," Jinki hears himself say, and his tone is so full of frustration and exhaustion that he's not sure if it'll be a good idea to go out at all,

"Bummie, you'll have to excuse me for dinner. He's not good at taking 'no' for an answer and threatened to show up here being a nuisance otherwise."

Kibum stares at him, blinks, then tilts his head, "Where are you going for dinner?"

"The place on main. He probably means the grill so he can get drunk, too," Jinki answers, and all four of his suitemates seem to perk up at the very idea of it.

The four of them look at each other, and Jinki's growing nervous over the excitement that shows clearly on their faces.

All at once, the four of them get up. Absolutely in sync with one another, compelled by the growing hunger and the promise of food and beer.

Without even asking him if it's okay to join. Like they're a package deal of some sort. Weirdly enough, while he should feel annoyed by their self invite, he actually feels relieved in knowing they'll be around. It'll make Changsun that much more bearable, anyway.

So while the others scramble to change into clothes they deem appropriate for their extremely casual plans, Jinki shoots Changsun a text.

"My suitemates are coming," he types out, though he's not sure how the elder will feel about the intrusion,

"Please behave."

Which shouldn't have to be said, but Changsun can occasionally be extremely mischievous and has the tendency to get Jinki into trouble when he does.

"You're close with your boss, aren't you?" A voice asks from behind him. Jinki turns his head, and he's surprised to see Kibum standing there, fiddling with the zipper on his light jacket.

His tone is a little soft, a little uncertain. For what reason isn't entirely sure.

"Ah," Jinki breathes out, and he sheepishly runs a hand through his hair,

"Yeah. We dated for a little while in college. It didn't work out, obviously, but he's been my best friend since we met and I didn't want to lose that."

Not the way he'd lost Jonghyun, that is. To be left behind by someone he barely knew devastated him so much that Jinki had a hard time opening up to anyone in the aftermath; but Changsun had been extremely patient and even though they didn't work out romantically, Jinki had always known they'd remain friends.

"You two used to date," Kibum repeats, and there's something akin to hurt in his tone when he says it.

Its just then that Jinki glances over Kibum's shoulder and spots Jonghyun. He's close enough that he could've heard the whole thing, and the way his eyes sharpens and gazes at him with intensity tells Jinki that he had heard.

And it's not like he's ashamed. They only had one night of memories, Jinki and Jonghyun, and Jonghyun had been the one who disappeared without a trace.

He's not ashamed, but for whatever reason, he's having the hardest time looking Jonghyun in the eye right now. It's usually Jonghyun who can't make eye contact, with Jinki left feeling so desperate for his attention.

Jinki forces his attention to his phone, where Changsun's already answered his prior message with a thumbs up emoji. It's likely he's already there and getting a head start on the drinking portion of their dinner.

Oh. He really hopes Changsun won't embarrass him tonight.

And so, a little while later, the group of five arrives at the aforementioned restaurant, and the four younger suitemates follow after Jinki, seeing as he's the one who knows what Changsun looks like.

And there he is, Lee Changsun, sitting at a large table all by himself with three obviously empty bottles of soju spread out on the table before him. Jinki might have been annoyed about this impromptu dinner before; but seeing Changsun looking so drunk and so alone makes concern build in his chest.

Though he'd come with a group to the restaurant, Jinki abandons them by the entrance and hurries in to get to Changsun. The last time he'd drank like this was the night he and Jinki had broken up, and Jinki had barely kept it together in knowing how torn up Changsun had been at the time.

He crouches down beside Changsun, who sits at the middle of his table, looking up into sharp brown eyes that look almost too far gone already.

"Channie. What are you doing?" Jinki asks, and his voice is quiet, full of concern.

Instead of answering him, Changsun looks up in the direction of the entrance, where Jinki's suitemates are still hovering. They look so unsure of themselves now, compared to how ready they'd looked earlier at the promise of food. Changsun waves them over with a lopsided grin and pushes Jinki so that he stumbles back.

"Are you sure it's okay if we join you?" Kibum asks as he takes one of the seats across from Changsun. There are three seats on either side, so it'll be an equal distribution of their group.

Minho takes the seat next to Kibum. Jinki's not sure if they're dating or just that close with one another, but it seems to be so natural, almost instinctual, whenever they go out of their way to choose one another.

Taemin glances at the open seats, then at Jonghyun, and he takes the seat next to Changsun. Which is weird, Jinki thinks, almost deliberate. Left with only two options, Jonghyun doesn't make eye contact with anyone as he takes the seat across from Taemin, beside Minho.

"It's totally not a big deal," Changsun says with a wave of his hand, but Jinki can't believe it when he hears the wobble in his voice he's trying so hard to hold back,

"It's not like we were going on a date."

Which makes Jinki give him a dirty glare as he takes the seat on Changsun's other side. Why would he even be thinking about them going on a date after all this time?

Jinki pours a glass of water, slides it over to Changsun and yanks the glass of soju he's holding onto so tightly. If he'd known Changsun was this distraught, he wouldn't have let the others come along. Changsun's more likely to open up when it's just the two of them, anyway.

"It feels like we're intruding, somehow," Minho says, and he sounds apologetic, though his eyes are darting back and forth between Jinki and Changsun almost in concern.

Changsun glances down at the glass of water in his hands, then looks over at Jinki, and all of Jinki's fears are confirmed when he sees the tears forming at the edges.

Back during the brief period where Changsun and Jinki had dated, Changsun had met a girl who studied at their same university. It was unexpected, but Changsun had fallen in love with her, and it had started a downward spiral into alcoholism for him when he couldn't decide between his love for Jinki and his love for the girl. When Jinki had finally confronted him about his distancing and his drinking, they'd duked it out in the middle of a bar and broke up rather publicly.

But, as they sat together in a holding cell, Changsun had finally admitted everything to Jinki. He hadn't done anything with her, hadn't even spent any time alone with her or texted her beyond what was necessary; and yet, something had kept compelling Changsun into learning more about her. Something about her had him falling so hard in love that he couldn't see or think of anyone else.

So, and while it was hard to do so, they worked through it. Jinki could be hurt by what happened, but he knew how good of a man Changsun was the entire time they'd been friends. It must've caused him so much pain to even consider this.

But whatever's happened to Changsun and his girlfriend now isn't his business to divulge into. He reaches out, puts a comforting hand on Changsun's shoulder and squeezes it.

"Sorry," Changsun says to Jinki's silent suitemates,

"My girlfriend and I had a fight and I wanted the distraction. I didn't mean to get in my feelings already."

This seems to ease some of the tension around the table, for whatever reason. Kibum's shoulders deflate a little bit, as do Taemin's. Minho remains concerned, his eyebrows furrowed. Jonghyun's face, however, is carefully blank.

"Tell me," Changsun says, an abrupt change of conversation in a valiant attempt to distract himself,

"I know he's a little awkward and clumsy, but how is it living with Jinki?"

Jinki feels like he should be offended, considering this is the person he thinks of as a best friend saying all of this. But even the teasing aimed towards Jinki is causing Changsun's face to loosen up ever so slightly. As annoying as his taunts and jabs can get, Jinki would rather this over the heartbreak Changsun could be dealing with instead.

"It's okay, except for the hundreds of alarms he sets in the morning and still manages to sleep through," Taemin tells him with a sigh of exasperation,

"I mean it's obvious something needs to change if you manage to sleep through a hundred alarms and barely manage to get yourself out of the door to work on time!"

And all three of the other suitemates are nodding. Jinki's jaw falls open.

Of all the...

"And what is the meaning of his obsession with fried chicken?" Kibum asks now, and his hand slaps against the surface of the table,

"Does the man eat nothing else?"

Jinki takes it in, bewildered. Were these genuine concerns? Why hadn't they brought them up to him before?

Changsun, however, is howling in laughter, and there are tears in his eyes.

He takes it back. He'd rather have a heartbroken Changsun over this.

Frustrated, and probably a little more than sulky, Jinki crosses his arms and glances in the direction of the bustling waiters that are bringing their dishes to them, though he manages to finally cross gazes with Jonghyun after spending the past hour or so completely in avoidance of one another.

Jonghyun's looking right back at him. While he's silent as their suitemates continue to pile on insults that Jinki hadn't known they were thinking of him, there's a small, thoughtful smile tugging at the corners of his lips. It's impossible what Jonghyun is thinking, about what he wants from Jinki in a situation like this.

Jinki looks away quickly, feeling flustered from the look he's being given. How is it that even after all this time, Jonghyun can have such an affect on him? Didn't he grow up, learn from their past together?

"-he's good people," Changsun says, and he presses a hand into Jinki's shoulder, shaking him out of his thoughts to refocus on their conversation.

"What?" Jinki asks, lost. Were they still talking about him?

It's silent for a moment as Jinki glances around at the expressions varying from amused to bewildered.

"... even if he's oblivious." Jonghyun says from across the table, and the grin is apparent even in his tone.

Changsun snickers, takes a long sip of the water Jinki had forced him to take.

"You got that right," four voices chorus in agreement.

How unfair. Maybe he shouldn't have let these people meet after all.

Regardless of how Jinki feels like they're ganging up on him, the little group has an extremely fun time together up until Changsun's phone starts to ring.

He glances down at the screen of his phone, then up at Jinki. There's an apology swimming in his eyes even as a natural smile makes its way onto his face.

"It's her, isn't it?" Jinki asks, but he's not apologetic in the slightest. He knows how happy Changsun's been with her in his life, anyway.

Changsun digs his wallet out of his pocket, pulling out way too many bills considering they were going to split the cheque. Jinki thinks about refusing his attempt to pay for all of them, but gets beaten to it when Changsun slips the bills directly to the waiter passing them.

"He might be a little slow and a little hard to understand at times, but please take care of him," Changsun says as he stands up, and Jinki is a little disturbed by this show of politeness coming from him.

And why does it feel like Changsun is a parent giving him away for marriage, anyway?

"Lee Changsun!" Jinki sputters, and he attempts to get up, to follow Changsun and at least make sure he can get into a taxi on his own.

Changsun pushes him back down with a hand in his hair, ruffling it so roughly the way he knows Jinki hates.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jinki," Changsun says, his tone whimsical as he steps away,

"Don't be late making your friends soup tomorrow!"

And Jinki is baffled, to say the least. Baffled and embarrassed, because he should've known Changsun would use that against him.

Three pairs of eyes turn to him, and Jonghyun's wearing a eating grin like he was just waiting for the opportunity to come up.

"Is that going to cut into your rent for the month?" Kibum asks, and his tone is irate. Of course he'd be worried about the money more than anything else.

"No," Jinki promises, even as he shrinks back in his seat,

"I picked up more hours for the long weekend to make up for it."

Which is an offer made in attempt to placate his new group of friends, but Minho's eyebrows fly upward.

"Won't that cut into your study time?" Minho asks, and he sounds about as irate as Kibum had earlier.

And Jinki doesn't know how to respond. His parents only ever had the utmost trust in him when it came to his responsibilities. They would have never been like this.

Taemin just laughs, open and warm, like a kid that's so used to being in trouble watching someone else get into trouble for a change.

Jonghyun, the smug , remains silent. He grills the meat, drinks his singular glass of beer like it's got nothing to do with him at all.

But despite the lectures given to him by two people that are actually younger than him, Jinki enjoys his time together with them, eating food and drinking beer and chatting aimlessly about nonsensical things.

His parents might be living hours away, but he thinks that this could very possibly be his family too.

 

---

 

Jinki falls at work.

Which isn't very surprising, considering how clumsy he is on a good day; but this one isn't so good because he falls off a ladder when two teenagers knock into it despite multiple warnings to behave in the stacks by the staff that work there.

So, Jinki, who feels like his entire body is bruised and falling apart, goes home early and is forced through lectures by Changsun to skip a night of classes.

And he doesn't want to explain the situation to his suitemates because what if they also choose to lecture him about safety and about skipping school? But there's really no way around it aside from hoping it's one of the days everyone is too busy to be home.

Which seems to be the case when he walks into the apartment and all of the lights are off. Taemin is usually the first to come home at the end of the day, followed by Minho and Kibum, and then Jinki. Jonghyun usually leaves later after they've all had dinner for his shift, but his hours aren't steady enough for Jinki to know when he'll be home and when he won't.

But tonight, it feels as though it's going to be peaceful. No loud television sounds, no Minho yelling at sports teams, no Kibum yelling at Minho to stop yelling at the television, no Taemin egging them on, and no Jonghyun trying his best to keep his sanity in check while the others do what they do best.

It's just Jinki tonight, which is both a relief and a harrowing thought.

He makes his way to his bedroom without bothering to turn the lights on. He has supplies for moments like these, pain patches and disposable ice packs he can use to treat himself. He doesn't truly need anyone else around to witness him being vulnerable.

Except it turns out he was wrong. So completely out of it, he doesn't realize the bathroom door is closed, or see the lights coming from underneath the door. He has his arms bundled with clothes and the patches for his skin, and he's not thinking about anything other than sleep when he opens the door. A shower would feel nice and help his aching muscles find some relief.

He gets into the bathroom, where a very and dripping with water Jonghyun just stares at him, shocked and bewildered like seeing Jinki right now is so unexpected.

Jinki's mind takes a moment to catch up with what he's seeing. Oh god. It's like one of those cheesy, cliché Korean drama scenes. He's the girl oblivious enough to walk into the bathroom where a man is minding his damn business.

"I'm so sorry!" Jinki blurts out, and he stumbles backwards into the door, wincing. Of course he'd end up whacking himself in the same spot he'd fallen on earlier. Of course this is how his day is going.

With his eyes squeezing shut so that he doesn't mortify either Jonghyun not himself any longer, Jinki feels around for the doorknob and lets himself out, closing the door behind him with what may be more force than necessary.

"I'm so sorry!" Jinki calls out again, and he retreats to his room like it'll burn out the memory of what he'd just seen.

Oh god. Nope. Not helping. Nope.

He drops his things and himself onto the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands and groaning to himself about what an idiot he is. Their relationship is strained enough as it is. This would only make things worse between them.

Right?

Maybe he can take up Changsun's offer to move in with him and his girlfriend. Surely anything would be less embarrassing than this, right?

Right?

So focused on the whirling thoughts in his mind, he almost missed the knocking on the door to his room.

Almost.

But it continues, getting a little louder and more assured. Jinki already knows who it is, but the blood is pumping in his ears and he's not entirely sure he can face Jonghyun like this.

"I'm done in the bathroom," Jonghyun says through the door,

"Go take a shower and I can help you with your back."

Two things here.

One, if Jonghyun is any bit as embarrassed as Jinki feels, he's making it extremely hard to tell through the calmness of his voice, which is so infuriating.

Two, did Jinki make it that obvious that he'd hurt himself? Or did Jonghyun just happen to see the pain patches in his arms?

Silence stretches between them, like it always seems to. It stretches for too long, and Jinki wishes he could see through the door, see whatever is on Jonghyun's face and decide for himself what kind of expression Jonghyun is making.

"The longer you sit there waiting the more stiff it's going to get," Jonghyun says now, which shocks Jinki back to himself.

That's right. He needs to treat it before it gets worse. He can't stop and worry about things out of his control right now.

Without making eye contact, Jinki opens his door and steps out of his room. He can still feel the way red is holding onto his face, can't seem to burn the image of a Jonghyun out of his mind.

"Thanks," Jinki murmurs, brushing past Jonghyun's lean frame.

"There's no need to overthink it, Jinki," Jonghyun says to his back,

"Back then, if I wasn't so bruised and sore myself, I would've shown you everything that same night. Lankiness and all."

But that doesn't help at all, does it? That probably just serves to make Jinki feel a more intense kind of nervousness as he closes the bathroom door behind himself.

As he stands there under the hot spray of water that feels so good on his reddened, bruised muscles, Jonghyun's words replay in his mind.

While some of it brings comfort, especially in letting Jinki know that they could've actually been more than where they stopped, it also serves as a rude awakening of sorts.

Even if they had crossed that line, even if he had seen all of Jonghyun that night, wouldn't he have left the very next morning either way? So what, then? They would've crossed that line and Jinki would've been a different type of devastated all together when he woke up and Jonghyun was nowhere to be found.

Confused and hurt more than comforted, Jinki loses himself in his thoughts. He thought they'd be able to move past those times, to be able to build a friendship now that they hadn't managed to all that time ago; but bitter reminders like these manage to keep him from lowering his guard.

He has to be careful this time around. He can't let himself get swept into Jonghyun's charm when he knows he can just leave again at any point in time.

When he finally gets out of the shower, with the patches remaining on the bathroom sink, there's another knocking on the door.

"Let me in so I can help?" Jonghyun asks, and Jinki should just say no.

He should say no, but a look in the mirror says it'll be hard to cover all the affected areas alone, and Jonghyun's voice is so soft, so full of concern from the other side of the door.

Relenting, Jinki pulls his boxers and his sweatpants on, then opens the bathroom door. He's modest by nature, so when he realizes Jonghyun is staring at him in that heady way of his, he's forced to look away.

He turns, using the bathroom counter as support to lean against. It's both to avoid looking at Jonghyun and to avoid having Jonghyun notice how his stare truly affects Jinki.

Jonghyun, on the other hand, makes no quips or comments about Jinki's body. He moves around to Jinki's back, whistles as he takes it all in.

"What the hell happened to you?" Is what comes out of the younger's mouth, and he peels one of the pain patches, pressing it against the square of Jinki's shoulders.

Already, the coolness of it makes Jinki's aching shoulders react. Hopefully he'll be able to at least work the following day.

Jinki tells him what happened at work, though he's laughing at himself in hindsight. After all, of the dozens of people that work at the library, he seems to always be the one walking out bruised and battered like this.

"Are you sure you don't want to get checked out by a doctor in case you broke something?" Jonghyun asks now, and his fingers are so gentle as they press the next patch on.

His fingers linger there, at the small of Jinki's back. Why do they linger there, anyway?

"I'm clumsy enough to know the difference between a bruise and a fracture, Jonghyunie," Jinki answers, and he's only acutely aware of how low his voice is, how quiet it sounds even in the emptiness of the apartment.

Jonghyun's fingers falter. Jinki risks a glance upward into the mirror through his eyelashes, finds Jonghyun so close behind him. He's so close, and his eyes are focused on his through the reflection. There's something about the way he looks at Jinki in that moment.

It feels... it feels almost magical, in a way.

"You were always like this, you know?" Jonghyun says, and his tone is distant, a little fond,

"Even back in high school. When you'd fall down. Or when you got hurt in gym. Even that time you were bullied by some foreign jerks. You were always so quick to brush off anyone's offer to help with that annoyingly confident smile on your face."

And, Jinki, not for the first time, is unsure of how to respond to that. Hell, he's not even sure what he's supposed to think about that. They'd mostly stayed out of each other's direct paths in their childhoods, as we've learned previously.

But could it be... that Jonghyun was always secretly watching Jinki the way Jinki was always secretly watching Jonghyun?

"I used to hate that about you," Jonghyun confesses with the smallest quirk of his lips. His eyes pull away from Jinki's, refocusing on the task at hand,

"Until that night. I always thought your strength was just for show, but you literally threw your backpack at the dude and pulled me away even though you were wheezing the whole time and out of breath."

Jinki rolls his eyes, unsure of where this is going.

"If you're just going to make fun of me-" he begins, a little frustrated by Jonghyun's inability to stick to an emotion.

"I'm not," Jonghyun reassures him, and he steps away from Jinki now that his back is covered aptly with patches,

"You were tired, could barely run on your own, and yet none of that stopped you from helping me. You were my hero that night, Lee Jinki."

And he takes another step away, towards the door. He's going to leave it at that, at something so profound that it makes Jinki feels like he's swimming in an ocean.

"Why did you leave?" Jinki asks, unable to help himself.

Jonghyun freezes, looking entirely too frozen where he stands. His shoulders are trembling. He doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to think about it. Jinki should just drop it now, drop it because it still affects him and so obviously.

He should drop it. Should move on from the past the way he keeps telling himself he should; but why does that always change when he's directly face-to-face with the man?

He should, because it really isn't any of his business anyway.

But he can't.

Because being around Jonghyun and remembering that night and what could have been plagues his mind even now, years later. He just wants to know why.

"You know, Jinki? Leaving you was the hardest decision I've ever had to make," Jonghyun tells him with a sigh so deep that it feels unnatural coming from him,

"But if I could go back in time and I had the same options in front of me, I'd still make the same choice. I hate that I had to leave, but I don't regret it."

And then he's gone. So quickly, just like that. Like he was just stating facts. In a way, that's exactly what he was doing.

But the vagueness of it all, the fact that Jinki is still left with more questions than answers, makes Jinki's entire heart feel sore.

He wonders if putting a patch on his chest can stop the pain of heartbreak.

 

---

 

They go back to avoiding each other for the most part. It's hard not to. Jinki is heartbroken all over again, and the pain from the most recent rejection of the situation makes it hard from him to cohabitate with Jonghyun.

He goes out of his way to avoid Jonghyun. If Jonghyun's in the living room, Jinki speed walks to his room with halfhearted greetings. If Jonghyun is having dinner, Jinki waits until the middle of the night when he knows everyone else is asleep to have his own.

Like it was stated, he goes out of his way to avoid Jonghyun. To the point where it gets obvious and probably annoying for everyone else, including Jonghyun.

It comes to a head one night after Jinki comes home from a particularly long and annoying day. He's not entirely sure about when it happened, but Changsun and Minho had managed to get each other's numbers and Minho had texted Changsun about Jinki and Jonghyun, like Jinki had possibly told Changsun about their past together.

But he hadn't. He'd been sure to leave Jonghyun as a subject they never explored together throughout the years of their relationship and friendship. Even now, Jinki had never gone to Changsun talking about Jonghyun or their issues.

It doesn't stop Changsun from prying, though. In all actuality, Changsun hates that there are things Jinki keeps hidden from him. So, Jinki's spent the morning avoiding every single chance that they'd be alone together so that Changsun can stick his nose where it doesn't belong.

He even had to turn his cellphone off when he got to class and the first ten minutes was spent with his head in his hands in shame as he got ping after ping in spam messages from the elder.

How is he supposed to talk to anyone about this when he doesn't even know what to think about it?

And then, to make matters worse, he'd received a less than excellent mark on a mock exam he knows he could have done better on had he not been so distracted recently.

Anyway, he's utterly exhausted by the time he heads open. Part of him is considering turning around and heading to a street bar to get some cheap beers that may just help him forget some of this.

But it'll have to wait. Even if he wants to go out for a drink or two, he should at least stop by his room and dump his bag in there so he doesn't risk losing his expensive laptop.

The apartment door swings open, and the only two that Jinki can see in the living room are Kibum and Jonghyun. They both look over at him, probably because he looks like a discheveled mess.

Kibum glances down at the phone sitting on the sofa beside him and frowns when he looks back up at Jinki,

"You're late today. Everything okay?"

Jinki drags a hand down his face.

"I'm okay, thanks," Jinki answers as he slips his sneakers off. He leaves them by the door rather than putting them away,

"I'm going out for the night so I won't be needing dinner."

Which is more or less alarming, judging by the way both Jonghyun and Kibum are leaning forward in their seats. Not to mention the glance they cast in each other's direction. No matter their busy schedules they always try to eat at least one meal together in a day. Even though he'd been a little distant lately, this is the first time Jinki's choosing to go out alone rather than stay home with them.

But neither of them say anything. Likely because they don't know what to say. They just silently watch him as he cuts through the apartment to drop his things off, and Kibum continues to stare at him in silence when he returns for his shoes.

"Are you going to be out late?" Kibum asks as he gets up from the couch to meet him by the door.

In the time Jinki had walked through the hallway, Jonghyun had seemingly disappeared. Not that Jinki was looking for him, anyway.

"I don't really know at the moment," he replies as honestly as he can manage,

"Sorry, Bummie."

Just as he reaches for the doorknob to let himself out, Kibum reaches out again and wraps his hand around the crook of Jinki's elbow to keep him still.

"You have your phone on you, right? You call me if you need me, no matter what time it is. You hear me, Jinki?" Kibum says, maybe even demands. There's something so sad in his tone that Jinki pretends not to hear.

After all, they barely know each other. It's not really they owe each other anything.

Jinki feels his pockets, making sure the curved edges of his phone can still be felt. His wallet is on the other side, then. That's a relief.

"Okay, Bummie," Jinki says, though it's more of an effort to placate him than a promise to do as requested.

And Kibum knows. Kibum knows, but chooses not to call him out on it, for whatever reason. He just releases Jinki's arm and takes a step back to give him some space.

Jinki slips out without thinking about it. He can't think about it, about the disappointment so clear on Kibum's face. There's no denying that the four of them were close enough to consider themselves a family, and they'd seemingly welcomed Jinki into it just for him to act closed off and distant like this.

Maybe... maybe he should move? They deserve better than this, anyway. Better than someone who constantly finds himself cowering from the present and living in memories of the past instead.

He gets out to the street, and his hands move on his own, digging out the pack of cigarettes he keeps hidden in his pocket, as well as the lighter he'd bought just recently for them. He'd been smoking ever since he'd started college, though he's always managed to keep it a dirty secret from his parents, from Changsun, and now even from the men he lives with.

Its not even anyone else's business, but Jinki's always been a bit of a people-pleaser. He doesn't want to imagine the disappointment he might face from someone else.

Except that the moment he lights the cigarette and pulls it away from his lips to take a drag, it's entirely yanked out of his hand.

And who else in the entire world could it be aside from Jonghyun, who had suspiciously left the apartment earlier, only to be found out here ... what, waiting for Jinki?

Jinki drags his vision from the hand holding onto his cigarette all the way up the arm to his neck to his face, and is momentarily stunned by the look on Jonghyun's face.

He doesn't look disappointed.

No. It's worse than that.

He looks heartbroken.

Why? What does this even have to do with him?

"Is this because of me?" Jonghyun asks, and Jinki watches in silent frustration as Jonghyun steps on the cigarette and puts it out with his heel.

That was utterly unnecessary, and a waste of money.

"Not everything is about you, Jonghyun," Jinki snaps, and the headache he was battling earlier comes back, full force.

He can't do this right now. He needs to give himself some space, needs to get away from this situation.

"Have a good night, Jonghyun," Jinki wishes him, and he turns around. He can smoke later. He just needs to get that drink now before his entire night is ruined.

"Don't you walk away from me right now, Jinki," Jonghyun says from behind him, and there's something like a warning in his tone.

And all things considered, Jinki should probably listen. He should, but he's as stubborn as Jonghyun is, maybe even more so.

He should listen, but his stubbornness won't let him, and he continues taking the steps away.

Until a hand reaches out for his arm and he's pulled away by a grip too strong for him to shake out of.

And that infuriates Jinki like nothing else in life ever could. What right did Jonghyun have confusing him like this when he's the one that left?

So he turns and swings a fist that's so quickly caught by Jonghyun's fist, and the younger man increases the strength he uses to drag Jinki into the side alley right beside their building.

And then he more or less throws Jinki against it, and it comes to him so easily, so effortlessly, that Jinki refuses to even look at him. He glares down at the ground instead, his his shoulders squared and his jaw set.

"I warned you not to walk away," Jonghyun says to him, like that makes it okay.

Jinki rolls his eyes,

"Just say what you have to say and let me go, Jonghyun," Jinki responds, and he shakes his arm again. This time, Jonghyun's hand falls off, reluctant as it may be.

"I know I keep messing things up, Jinki, and you have every right to be mad at me; but please don't take it out on them," Jonghyun says to him, and his tone is pleading, nearly breaking from the pain he's barely able to hold back.

And the fight immediately flies out of Jinki. He might not have been trying to do that intentionally, but of course that's what's been going on.

He sighs, drags a hand down his face the same way he'd done back in the apartment, forces his eyes to blink back the tears that want to escape.

"Yeah. You're right," Jinki admits despite himself, and he pushes himself off of the wall,

"I wasn't even thinking of them. That wasn't fair of me."

Jonghyun is silent for too long, possibly because he's giving Jinki some time to compose himself once more. He waits, so patiently and so kindly despite the fact that Jinki had just tried to punch him out of frustration.

After another long moment of silence, Jinki turns his head and finally manages to look Jonghyun directly in the eye. Will he ever truly be able to let this man go, or is he trapped in a continous fall for him?

Jonghyun is looking right at him, as was expected. He's looking at Jinki, and his eyes are so soft, so full of that adoration that Jinki always gets so surprised by. The same adoration that causes him to lower his guard.

But he can't afford to anymore. He can't afford to let Jonghyun distract or confuse him the way he has been. His score on the mock exam was the perfect sign to do just that. He can't let feelings for a man who had left him so long ago be the reason his grades slip.

Without another word, Jinki turns back in the direction of their apartment building, takes a step headed back that way.

When he makes to take another, Jonghyun reaches out and grasps onto his arm once more.

He pulls Jinki back again, though this time his grip isn't as strong and Jinki knows he'd be able to get out of it if he really wants.

"Listen, Jonghyun. I know I wanted us to start over from the beginning, but I really can't keep doing this with you anymore," Jinki confesses without turning back.

He knows that every ounce of his resolve would crumble if he looks back at Jonghyun in a moment like this.

"I don't know what you want from me now, but you lost every right to do this when you up and disappeared without a single word or even a note."

His voice is trembling from the weight of his emotions, his hands clenched so tightly at his sides. He's not entirely convinced he won't swing again if he's provoked.

"And I looked for you. I looked for you for months without even knowing if you were okay," Jinki continues; because now that it's out, how can he stop himself,

"And I'm not mad at you for running away. I don't know what happened to you but if running meant you were safe and happy, I'm not mad about that. But-"

He turns to look at Jonghyun over his shoulder, takes in the way Jonghyun's teeth are chattering and tears are already streaming down his cheeks. It hurts to see it, knowing that he's the one that's even caused it.

"But you left. Without a word. Without a trace. And now what? I'm just... just supposed to pretend nothing happened back then and that my heart wasn't totally shattered when I found out from other people that you were gone and never coming back?"

He shakes his hand out of Jonghyun's reach once more, runs his trembling hand through his hair, and walks away without another moment lost. He's said all that he's needed to say. Whatever happens next, he's said what he's been meaning to say ever since their paths crossed again after so many years apart. Maybe now he can truly, truly, let Jonghyun slip from his mind the way he's wished to let him go ever since that morning he woke up alone.

He makes it up all the way to his room within minutes due to his urgency, his desperation. He knows his room's window has the perfect view of the alley he'd just been in, but he chooses not to look. He just grabs a change of clothes and heads into the bathroom to shower, ignoring the look of concern on Kibum's face in its entirety.

That night, Jinki forces himself to have dinner with the others. Even Jonghyun is present, though he's been sniffling periodically and the others keep asking him if he's caught a cold. He doesn't answer them, doesn't let any of them linger on the subject of his health and opting to instead bring the subject back to Kibum's dish every time.

Jinki remains silent, only smiling when the others talking to him and humming when an actual response is expected of him. It's not much and he knows it, but tonight isn't the kind of night for chatter. At least, not for Jinki, anyway.

He doesn't make eye contact with Jonghyun even once throughout the meal, and is quick to volunteer to wash the dishes just to keep him busy during the time he knows Jonghyun is going to be out and about getting ready for his shift.

He would very nearly do anything if it meant avoiding the man that causes his heart so much confusion and pain.

Jonghyun makes no effort to change things even if he's unhappy about the situation. He just walks out of the apartment pretending so hard that he's not affected even as his shoulders tremble.

 

---

 

"Jonghyun texted me this morning and said he's going to be staying with another friend for a few days," Kibum announces as he walks into the kitchen where Jinki is currently getting himself a fresh cup of coffee for the morning.

The news startles Jinki and leaves him feeling guilty for his outburst, even as part of him wants to be relieved.

When he looks over at Kibum, there's that familiar spark of sadness in his eyes that he occasionally gets when he looks at Jinki.

"What?" Jinki asks, feeling a little defensive, and like there's something that's going on that Jinki isn't in the loop about.

Kibum is silent, staring at him with a softness that suddenly feels more like pity.

"I don't really know what you two talked about but it must've been serious if Jjong feels like he can't be here," Kibum tells him, and he reaches out to pat Jinki just once on the shoulder,

"Are you going to be okay?"

And that's unexpected. This was Jonghyun's friend group more than his own, after all. Why would Kibum even show him any concern when Jinki drove his actual friend away?

Still, Jinki realizes he has to think about his answer. He should feel better after letting everything off of his chest, so why had he spent all night listening to the sounds outside of his room waiting for that familiar sound of Jonghyun coming home?

And why does Jinki miss him so much in spite of everything he'd gone through because of him?

"I don't know," Jinki admits with a deep breath, and he doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry more in this moment,

"I don't know, Bummie."

Kibum doesn't say anything else. He pulls a slip of paper out of his pocket, places it down next to Jinki's mug of coffee, and then he walks away to get his own day started.

Even without looking down, Jinki knows exactly what is on the slip of paper before him. The number for the only suitemate Jinki hadn't received in the time he's lived here.

Jinki isn't entirely sure why he does it, but he pockets the slip of paper and takes it out with him. He has nothing more to add, nothing he wants to hear from Jonghyun aside from the answer to why he'd left that night. But he isn't sure what having the younger man's phone number would to do help the situation.

Turns out that his day at work isn't going to get much better. Changsun is even more relentless in his pursuit to find out all about Jinki's life and issues, and won't let Jinki out of his sight for even a moment. Jinki tries hard to make sure at least one other assistant is always around him throughout the day, and yet Changsun still manages to get his chance. Of course he does. Because the world always seems to favor the handsome more than average people like Jinki.

It's the end of the work day, and Jinki thinks luck is finally on his side when he looks around and can't see Changsun anywhere near his office or the circulation desk.

But, just like the night before with Jonghyun, Changsun's waiting outside for Jinki to appear. He's so handsome in his black suit and red tie, but also sometimes comes off as intimidating when he's standing like this with his back against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest.

Jinki already knows he's in for an earful.

And he's not wrong.

"My car. Let's go," Changsun instructs, and he nods his head in the direction of the road where his car is sitting parked in front of them.

And sure, Jinki could just make a break for it as Changsun is getting into the car, but with how relentless his ex is, Jinki would just be forced to relive this same situation until Changsun eventually got his way. Like always.

So, and with extreme reluctance, Jinki gets into his car, and Changsun drives off in a direction that's unknown him. They stop somewhere downtown at a bar that seems familiar to Jinki even though he knows for a fact he hasn't yet had the chance to venture down here.

They get a little table for the two of them close to the bar. Changsun pushes him to sit in the chair that faces the entrance, which doesn't seem to be that big of a deal at first.

And at first it's casual, and Jinki is extremely hopeful that Changsun won't-

"So let's start with what your relationship to Jonghyun is," Changsun says, so easily like they're talking about the weather and not the man that broke Jinki's heart so long ago.

And what other choice does Jinki truly have? He's been cornered, after all. Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe Changsun can help him figure out what he's supposed to do to move on from this.

So for the next half hour, Jinki tells him everything. Everything including the brief night they spent together that continues to shape the way Jinki thinks about Jonghyun even now.

"That's not really fair, you know?" Changsun asks, and he swirls the beer in his mug with a pensive look on his face,

"Who cares how long or how short it was? I feel like you focus too much on why things shouldn't work out between you two, and that distracts you from all the things that can work out if only you let them."

Since when has Changsun been the deep thinker out of the two of them, anyway?

Jinki stares at him, stunned into silence. Changsun has surprised him many times in the past; and yet he continues to be surprised by his best friend's surprising insights.

"And I dont think I have to tell you this, Jinki, but all that time that you've been trying so hard not to fall for him because you're scared of being left behind again doesn't seem to have done anything for you. You're still in love with him, and I'm not entirely sure you ever stopped for even a moment."

And the truth of that statement is so heavy that Jinki feels like the breath he draws in is a thousand pounds.

Of course he's in love with Jonghyun, and of course he's never actually stopped. Why did he ever think it were possible for that to be different?

"But does that really outweigh the fact that he left me alone without..." And Jinki trails off, unable to continue the thought alone.

His hand, wrapped around a tall glass of beer, is shaking. The same way it had shaken the night before when he confronted Jonghyun and lashed out because of the weight of his emotions.

"So because you're afraid of losing him again you won't even hold onto him now while you have the chance?" Changsun asks, and his eyes are sharp, daring.

Again, Jinki is shocked into silence.

At that same moment, Changsun raises a hand, flagging down the attention of their table's waiter.

"Two refills of the beer on tap, please," Changsun says with a charming little grin that always gets the waitstaff to give him discounts wherever he goes.

He's a bit of a manipulative bastard, but he's still Jinki's best friend.

Jinki merely shakes his head, spends the next moments downing his glass so he doesn't have to be a part of Changsun's embarrassing display. He's grown a decent tolerance for alcohol over the years, but keeping up with Changsun isn't easy even for him.

"I'm so sorry but the beer you requested is ou-" and that voice that's so familiar, growing closer in Jinki's ear, forces Jinki to turn his head to where Jonghyun's stopped right beside their table.

His face looks pale, paler than usual, and his big eyes have dark rims under them from a lack of sleep. He looks entirely discheveled in comparison to his usual calm.

But more than that, the moment his eyes land on Jinki's, Jonghyun takes a half step back and his throat bobs as he swallows.

"Jinki, Changsun, why are you here?" Jonghyun asks, but his gaze diverts from Jinki's almost frantically.

He must be worried Jinki's come back to continue his verbal assault from the night before.

Jinki, on the other hand, turns to Changsun and glares,

"Why are we here, Channie?"

Changsun rightfully looks a little sheepish as he runs a fingertip through his hair, "Well your roommates told me about you two and your little Cold War and asked if I could talk to you about it, but it turns out this is more than just a pair of roommates having a falling out."

Which is both an explanation and not. Jinki feels his eye twitching, and his hand is squeezing the beer glass hard enough that it might shatter from the force.

"Oh I have to use the bathroom," Changsun says now, abrupt and like he's trying to be subtle about his plan to leave the two of them alone with each other.

"But the beer-" Jonghyun starts off, and it looks entirely like he's just trying to get away from having to talk to Jinki alone.

Not that Jinki would blame him after the last time.

But Changsun beats him to it, practically running with the sense of urgency. Maybe he truly did have to use the bathroom in that moment.

The two of them fall into a silence, and it's tense, awkward. Jinki feels like there's so much to say and nothing to say, and the indecision makes it hard for him to say a thing at all.

But he can't help it. He glances up at Jonghyun through his lashes, finds that Jonghyun is looking right back at him. Just like every other time this happens, Jinki is surprised by the softness in his eyes, by how full of adoration they are even if they're joined with fear, trepidation.

Jonghyun his lips, turns his eyes away, "I didn't leave because of you. Not really, anyway. I just figured we could both use some space."

Which makes sense, and should make Jinki feel better about the whole thing. Instead, Jinki's stomach churns unpleasantly.

"Okay," Jinki says, because what else is he supposed to say about it?

Jonghyun takes a step away now, like he's going to walk away entirely. And for whatever reason, Changsun's stupidly wise words replay in Jinki's mind. They replay, and Jinki's hit with the thought that Jonghyun might never come back, because the more time apart between them might solidify the rift in between them.

Without even really thinking about it, Jinki reaches out, grabs onto Jonghyun's shirt sleeve. It makes the younger startle, but he doesn't make to pull away. He turns his head to Jinki, mouth opened in shock as he waits to hear whatever Jinki has to say.

"Don't... don't be gone for too long, Jonghyun," Jinki tells him; and even though the bar is packed and loud, he's sure that Jonghyun hears him perfectly,

"It'll be hard for me to know what to do if you're not around while I figure it out."

He's referring to his own feelings. Because like it or not, Changsun is right. Despite his best efforts, Jinki is still in love with Jonghyun, even after so many years apart. He might still be working through the negative feelings he feels in regards to them meeting again, but how can he truly know if he's ready to forget or move on if he can't see the younger?

Jonghyun is silent for another moment, and then he crouches down until they're eye level with one another. His hand slips down to where Jinki's still clutching onto his sleeve, and he takes it within his own. It feels tender, like a sort of promise.

"All that time ago, I promised that if we were ever to meet again, I would never leave unless you told me to go," he says to Jinki, his voice soft enough that it can become a mere whisper,

"So I'm giving you the space to decide that now. Take a few days to think about it, whether you want me in your life now or not. I don't want to influence your decision, but I'll respect it, whether or not you want me."

And Jinki feels his heart breaking. Even now, even after his cruel little rant the night before, Jonghyun's being patient with him, giving him space to decide on the course of their relationship from this point forward.

Even now, Jonghyun is caring more for Jinki than he is for himself.

Jinki ducks his head as a tear escapes. He can't show Jonghyun, can't make him worry or feel worse about the situation than he likely already does.

Jonghyun doesn't say anything about it. He just squeezes Jinki's hand in his for a long moment, then releases him and stands up so he can get back to work.

"It's not that I don't love you, Jonghyun," Jinki forces himself to say as he stands up from his seat. He's far from the loudest voice in the bar, but he feels like he's screaming, putting his entire heart out for display.

Jonghyun stops mid-step and looks over his shoulder. And while his eyes are so sad, maybe a little hopeless, his lips are curved upward into a smile. He knows. Of course he does.

"Do you mind telling Channie I've headed home already if you see him?" Jinki asks, but he's not looking in Jonghyun's direction.

He busies himself with getting his things, and he's planning to take the long walk home from here if only to clear his head.

"Sure," Jonghyun agrees with a little dip of his head in acknowledgment,

"Don't get distracted on your way home, and avoid the alleyways."

Jinki scoffs in his amusement and shakes his head. A reference to their first meeting. Maybe Jonghyun really does think about that night as much as Jinki does.

He takes another short glance at Jonghyun, who looks right back at him. The sadness in his eyes is still there, but it doesn't look as haunting as it had earlier. That's probably good enough for now, for until they both decide what it is they want from this.

Jinki turns around, heads out of the bar with no other reason to linger for another moment. Changsun will probably call him and ask about his whereabouts later, or maybe Jonghyun will let Kibum know about Jinki's solitary walk and Kibum will send Minho out looking for him.

Who knows?

But the moment he steps outside of the bar, the cool night air feels like the perfect way to clear his mind.

He takes a step in the direction of their apartment building, even despite knowing it's going to take him at least half an hour to get there.

This street is more empty than not, though. That's a bit of a relief. At least he won't be knocking shoulders with strangers on his way home.

"Jinki!" Jonghyun's voice calls from behind him, and Jinki spins in surprise.

What, did he forget something? He hadn't been out of the bar for more than a few seconds by this point.

But there he is, just outside the door and looking at Jinki with eyes so wide and his chest heaving. Why is his chest heaving? What's going on?

"Jonghyun?" Jinki returns in his confusion, though he makes no attempt to go back.

He doesn't need to. Jonghyun sprints down the sidewalk all the way over to him, then comes to a complete stop just an inch away.

Jinki is more concerned than confused. Was whatever he wanted to add really that important that he felt the need to run all the way out to him?

"Back then, there was another thing I promised myself," Jonghyun says, and his voice is much louder now, because he's still working to regulate his breathing from his little sprint.

Is he supposed to play along here?

"Why does that matter now, Jonghyun?" Jinki can't help but ask.

"I promised... that if your eyes opened before I had to go, that I would do this," Jonghyun continues, much like Jinki hadn't said anything.

The next few moments happen so quickly. Jonghyun reaches up, fists a hand through Jinki's red hair, and pulls, and Jinki goes stumbling forward until their lips meet in the middle.

And he's dreamt about their first kiss since that night. He's wondered how Jonghyun's lips would feel against his own, whether they'd be softer than they looked. He'd wondered what they'd taste like, whether Jonghyun would be a good kisser or not.

And this, he decides, is better than anything he could've dreamt of. Jonghyun's lips are soft, feather light against his own. He tastes like peppermint, probably the gum he preferred to chew throughout the day. And his kiss? He's gentle, kisses deep enough that Jinki can feel every ounce of his passion clearly.

He kisses, and Jinki kisses back like Jonghyun's a fresh drink of water after a hot day.

He kisses back as gentle and as deep as he can, because he'd never loved anyone as much as he's loved Kim Jonghyun.

It ends. Like all things, this ends. Jonghyun pulls back, his eyelids are fluttering as they look up at him. There's a question in his eyes, a spark of hesitation like he's not sure if he should've done that or not.

He should let go, because they both realized they need space away from each other to truly decide what direction their relationship is going in from here.

He should, but his instincts pull Jinki in another direction. Like always.

His arms, which had come up to bracket Jonghyun's hips subconsciously, shift upward. One to wrap around his waist, and one to wrap around his shoulder. And he has to do this before he loses courage, before he second-guesses himself.

He pulls Jonghyun forward, against him, and he reclaims the pink lips belonging to the handsome face of the man he's been in love with since he was a boy.

This one is gentle, too, but slow. It's slow as their mouths open and their tongues meet in the middle. It's slow as Jonghyun's hand moves from the back of Jinki's head to instead cup the side of his face and his neck. It's slow, unhurried, like a promise.

Jinki pulls back first, rests their foreheads together the way he had all that time ago. It's a familiar feeling, even to Jonghyun. They look at each other through the small distance between them, and Jinki wonders if his own lips are smiling in the soft manner that Jonghyun's are.

"A few days," Jinki tells him, a warning hidden in his tone,

"Don't take longer than that to come back home."

And Jonghyun's eyes widen imperceptibly. It's home for both of them, so why does Jonghyun look at him like that? Like he's so surprised Jinki would put it that way?

Jonghyun's smile turns wobbly, watery, around the edges. He releases his hold on Jinki, and Jinki does the same for him.

"A few days," Jonghyun murmurs in return, but there's something like doubt shining in his gaze, like he's unsure if even that amount of time apart will solve their problems.

And with that, they part. It's reluctant by any means, but something that's necessary for the both of them.

And still, when Jinki reaches the end of the street where he has to turn the corner to get home, he can't help but glance over his shoulder. Jonghyun probably isn't even there. Why would he be?

Except, he is. He hasn't moved an inch. He stares as Jinki gets further and further away; and even through all the distance between them and the lack of streetlights to illuminate him, Jinki knows Jonghyun's crying.

Is he that scared that Jinki might decide he doesn't want anything to do with him after all?

With one last lingering glance, Jinki turns and heads home. 
 

 

---

 

A full week passes since the last time Jinki's seen Jonghyun. He's still not entirely sure where they stand, nor whether or not he'll be able to fully heal from their past... but he knows that he hates the idea of being apart from Jonghyun now.

It's Friday night, and it feels utterly strange to be hanging out around the apartment without Jonghyun around. The others carry on like always, rowdy and rambunctious through pointless arguments and yelling at the television, but it feels... empty.

They don't bring up the topic of Jonghyun to Jinki. They're tempted to, and it shows by the looks of concern in their eyes whenever they happen to match gazes with Jinki, but they manage to refrain each and every time.

Until exactly 8 pm that night, when a timid knock on his door pulls Jinki's attention from the paper he's typing up for class. He's a little more than surprised, seeing as none of them typically go out of their way to come to his room.

"Come in," Jinki calls out, and he saves his paper quickly, shutting his laptop and pushing him away from his desk.

He's got his glasses on, and he's in his old pajama set that he's had since freshman year, but he hopes his dressed-down appearance won't be completely off-putting.

He's actually expecting it to be Kibum, seeing as Taemin and Minho spend a lot of time outside of the apartment due to their busy schedules; but is again surprised when the door and Taemin's blond head of hair peeks in.

"Hi," Taemin says with a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips,

"Is this a good time to talk?"

To... talk?

Why does the question make Jinki feel so nervous?

What would they possibly have to talk about, anyway?

"About?" Jinki asks in turn, but he gestures to his bed anyway so that Taemin knows he has a place to sit down.

Taemin closes the door behind him and takes the offered seat at the edge of Jinki's bed. He doesn't make eye contact for a good minute or so, looks entirely too nervous considering his typical casual demeanor.

"It's not really my business or my place and I know it, but I wanted to talk to you about hyung," Taemin explains, and his head tilts up so he can look directly at Jinki.

His expression is complete with a sheepish grin and a nervous crinkle of his eyes.

Jinki stares at him in silence. Could Jonghyun have told them about their past? It would make sense, since they'd been living together for so long, but what did that mean for Jinki?

"How much do you know?" Jinki asks quietly, and his fingers are wringing together.

Why is he feeling so terrified about all of this?

"Not all that much, not the details," Taemin confesses, and that fills Jinki with relief,

"But we've all seen Jonghyun's phone screen enough times that we recognized you the moment you moved in, and some things clicked together."

What? His phone screen? What does that have to do with anything?

Taemin must see the confusion in his expression. He clears his throat, but his ears are turning his red and he looks a little bashful.

"Sorry. Forget I said that," Taemin says now with a wave of his hand, and he launches into a story.

This apartment started out being a rental for himself and Jonghyun. They'd met absolutely by chance when a younger Taemin was walking home with family and happened across a battered looking homeless boy that looked so desolate with his swollen face and black eye, that he had no choice but to intervene. His parents were kind, thankfully, and the little family of four was eventually able to convince the homeless boy to go home with them. He was closed off at first, nervous and skittish, but had eventually warmed up to them and had become a new addition to their family.

He'd been running from his father, Taemin learned. His father, who was involved in the politics of the town Jonghyun had originally come from and was exceptionally cruel to his son because of his open biuality. Jonghyun had been nearly disowned, forced to live quietly on his own and threatened into lying low-- up until that one fateful night where he'd been caught running around with an unknown male student.

Word had gotten back to Jonghyun's father about the two of them rather quickly, and instead of focusing on the fact that his child had been ganged up on and beaten in the middle of town, he'd been more furious about Jonghyun and the way his uality would make others question his father's reputation.

He'd called Jonghyun in the middle of the night that night, had threatened him to go home or else his father would get Jinki arrested and charged for assault and abduction. And while there wasn't any real proof of that, Jonghyun had been entirely convinced that his father really would find a way to pin all of it on Jinki.

And so, Jonghyun had heeded the warning. He'd taken everything he owned and everything he deemed necessary, and he slipped out of the open window in Jinki's room so that his parents wouldn't know.

"Why... why did he tell you all of this but not me?" Jinki asks, and his voice is so soft, so defeated in his ear that he's not even fully aware of what he's even saying.

Why hadn't Jonghyun just been honest with him? Why -- why would he make such a selfish decision all on his own like it didn't affect Jinki at all? Why would he take on all of that burden by himself when Jinki would have gladly shared it with him?

"He didn't want to," Taemin laughs, though it sounds a little hollow in light of everything else,

"It took him three years to tell me about it, actually. I caught him crying by himself on the rooftop and I just kept pestering him about it until he cracked."

Which, considering the friendship between Jonghyun and Taemin, is entirely plausible. They're extremely close, and Jonghyun is often so quickly manipulated into doing anything Taemin wants him to.

"And why are you... why are you telling me any of this?" Jinki asks, and he swallows thickly,

"Shouldn't you be more mad at me? I drove your friend away because I just can't let go of the past."

It's silent for a long beat. Jinki risks looking up through his lashes, happens to cross gazes with Taemin. He doesn't look mad, not in the slightest. He looks almost sad, more than anything.

"Why would I be mad at you about it when I see how much it torments you?" Taemin asks with a shrug of his shoulders; and he gets up from Jinki's bed, reaching forward to clasp a hand on the elder's shoulder,

"I know it's hard to know what the right move to make for you two from here is, but maybe you're beating yourself up too much to decide on it."

And why does that sound so... profound?

"I'm still not sure if I can let the past go on and move on with him, and I don't know if I can let him go and move on without him," Jinki admits, and he drops his head into his hands.

"And that's okay, Jinki," Taemin says to him in the same soft manner he's been using to speak to Jinki this whole time,

"But it's also okay to want to be beside him as you figure it out. None of us know what the future holds, only what we want it to."

And anything that builds up on Jinki's tongue to answer that with has to wait because the door to their shared apartment slams shut and it's loud, followed by loud exclamations from Minho; and Jinki knows exactly what that means.

"Who knows," Taemin says lightly as he pulls back to head for the door to Jinki's room,

"Maybe you'll find your answer when you see him now."

And he slips out of Jinki's room, his voice soon joining along with Minho's jovial voice. Feeling more nervous than he probably should, Jinki takes a little longer than he probably needs to in order to join them in welcoming Jonghyun back home.

When he gets to the living room, he spots Minho and Taemin sitting on either side of Jonghyun, and Minho's showing Jonghyun something on his phone with his tone so bright, so excited. Kibum's standing at the other end of the living room, in the threshold leading into the kitchen. He's smiling, arms crossed loosely against his chest. There are tears forming in the corners of his eyes, but he looks so relieved to see Jonghyun again.

And Jinki is very nearly in tears himself for the very same reason. Jonghyun doesn't seem to have noticed him there yet, but that's fine; because Jinki's sure he'll be able to welcome Jonghyun home later on his own. Right now, he'll just hang back and let Jonghyun smile and joke around with Minho and Taemin.

Anyway, just like Taemin had said in the privacy of Jinki's room earlier, just looking at Jonghyun for the first time after he'd left a week ago is enough. Jinki's found his answer, just like that, like a key turning in his mind and unlocking the answer for him.

Movement out of the corner of his eye draws his attention back to Kibum, who's looking back at Jinki with a spark of knowing in his eyes. Is he truly being that obvious in this moment?

Kibum gestures to the kitchen with a nod of his head, and a bashful Jinki follows him in without risking a glance in the trio's direction. He might have his answer now, but he doesn't have the courage to face Jonghyun just yet.

The aromas in the kitchen makes Jinki's stomach growl in excitement. Kibum really, truly, is an amazing cook. He can whip up the most delicious meals with enough time and silence to do so; and while he has complaints to share about them, he loves to cook for them anyway.

"You're starting to regain some color on your face, so I guess you've figured things out," Kibum says as he plates some japchae for the group.

Jinki feels the grin erupt on his expression as he opens the fridge to get out some side dishes for them.

"I guess so," Jinki agrees with a cheeky smile in repsponse.

Kibum scoffs, but it sounds too amused to be annoyed. He doesn't say anything about Jinki's cheeky remark.

"Do you want me to drag Minnie and Taeminnie out so you can get some privacy?" Kibum asks now, and he's so thoughtful to have even considered that.

Jinki's face feels like it's burning. He clears his throat and ducks his head, hoping it's enough to hide it. It probably isn't.

"Do you two need any help?" The voice of the person Jinki isn't entirely ready to face yet is asking, and it's coming from the direction of the entrance to the kitchen.

Jinki glances up at Kibum through his lashes to find him smirking. He's looking right back at Jinki, his eyebrows wiggling in a teasing manner that Jinki wasn't expecting from him.

"You and Jinki can set the table, Jjong," Kibum offers, and he brushes past Jonghyun's frame to give them a little space,

"I forgot I had something to do."

Which is so obviously a lie and a ploy, but Jinki's mouth has dried up and he can't even formulate a word to say.

Jonghyun remains silent, setting out to do the task he was given. He works silently to set the table, with Jinki stumbling to catch up.

And then it happens. Jinki's placing down the container of kimchi they'll all be sharing, and Jonghyun's placing a pair of chopsticks down; and instead of moving his hand so Jonghyun can have easier access to the place settings, Jinki reaches out and circles his fingers around Jonghyun's wrist.

Much like Jonghyun had done all that time ago. Jonghyun's hand twitches, and Jinki forces himself to look up and let their gazes cross.

It feels so long ago since the last time they were able to look directly at each other.

Jonghyun looks a little terrified, and his eyebrows are drawn to reflect that.

"Should I... should I go?" Jonghyun asks, and his voice is a lot less sure than it had sounded while he was talking to Minho and Taemin.

Jinki hates that he has the ability to take his smile away.

"If you leave me ever again, I won't forgive you," Jinki tells him. It's meant to be stern, cool in his delivery of it, but it comes out wobbly, as unsure as Jonghyun had been.

And Jonghyun, poor Jonghyun, is rendered speechless. His eyes flicker back and forth between Jinki's pair, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly like he just doesn't know if he should say something in response.

So, because he's growing a little more confidence in himself, Jinki brings Jonghyun's wrist to his face and presses a kiss to the inside of it, just the same way Jonghyun had all those years ago.

"Welcome home, Jonghyunie," Jinki murmurs against his skin, and he releases the appendage, hurrying out of the kitchen before the blush can truly be made clear on his expression.

"Dinner's ready!" He calls out as he flees, because he's worried that Jonghyun will follow him out before he's truly ready to talk about everything.

He might be coming to terms with his feelings and the decision he's made, but that doesn't stop the nervousness from spreading in his stomach.

 

---

 

An hour or so later, after everyone's eaten dinner and Minho has offered to do the dishes, Jinki retreats to his bedroom once more.

He's a little delusional, telling himself that it's so that he can get back to working on his paper; but he leaves the door open ajar. He'll say he'd done it by accident if anyone asks, even though it's obvious enough as to why he'd done such a thing.

But Jonghyun isn't in a rush. It'd been a week since he's last seen his friends, after all. He and Taemin are especially loud as they converse in the living room. He's actually playing a racing game against Minho, judging by the way Minho's swearing at him and generally being a poor sport about it.

It doesn't really matter, Jinki thinks. He gets lost in the paper he'd started earlier, just the way he'd expected to. Now that Jonghyun is home and everything is right back to how it should be, Jinki is relieved enough that he can focus on his own responsibilities again.

Hours later, possibly past midnight, the door to his bedroom squeaks open and then clicks shut. Jinki hears it but doesn't pay attention to it. He's too focused on his assignment to really pay attention to anything else, anyway.

But his attention is forced away from his screen once more when the lights dim around him. Startled, he looks up just in time to see Jonghyun's silhouette crawl onto Jinki's bed.

He knows it's Jonghyun, because who else would do such a thing? Plus, the light emitted from his laptop is bright enough to illuminate Jonghyun's face and blond hair. There are only two people living here with the blond hair, and Taemin would have no reason to crawl into Jinki's bed.

"Are you coming or what?" Jonghyun asks, his voice thick with amusement. He pulls Jinki's pillow up and uses it to rest his back, his legs outstretched before him. He looks entirely too comfortable sitting there, even in spite of the fact that it's not his own bed or room.

"Sorry. I didn't realize this wasn't my bedroom," Jinki answers dryly. He makes quick work of saving his assignment, then gets up and moves in the direction of his bed. He reaches for the lamp on the nightstand beside it, clicking the light on.

Unlike when they were younger and it didn't matter as much, Jinki's eyesight is no longer as sharp in the dark.

The yellow light from the lamp is more than enough, providing just enough that they won't be disturbing the others outside. That being done, Jinki crawls his way onto the bed beside Jonghyun, and Jonghyun is quick to wrap an arm around him and bring him in.

It's nice, to be cuddling like this; but also just a little weird. Jonghyun's wearing a tank top, which is nice, but Jinki's wearing a whole sweater. There's no chance for skin-to-skin contact, even when they shift so that Jinki's ear is pressing against Jonghyun's chest.

"Don't get mad at him, but Taemin told me about what happened to you that night," Jinki says, his voice hushed. Jonghyun's hand is rubbing up and down his arm, and he feels so warm, so comfortable.

Jinki wants to sink entirely into his heat.

Jonghyun hums, but he doesn't stop his ministrations. He tilts his head back, and there's a dull thud to be heard when it knocks against the wall behind them. Jinki startles, makes to shift and make sure his head is okay, but Jonghyun's quick, strong enough to pull him back without much effort.

"I wanted to call you, or stop by school and tell you. I wanted to, so many times," Jonghyun confesses into the room,

"But I was so scared that someone would tell my dad; and then the longer I let my fear of my dad's reaction control me, the less courage I had in my ability to face you."

Jinki takes in his explanation. His chest still feels a little tight. After all, why did Jonghyun think it was okay to decide all of that for him, anyway? And why not tell Jinki himself after he moved in here?

It's like Jonghyun can read his mind. Like always, he just seems to know the thoughts circulating in Jinki's mind better than he does.

"When you moved in here that day, and you said you wanted to start over, I wanted to believe that we could," Jonghyun continues to explain, unprompted,

"But in reality I was just being a coward. I didn't want to think about all the pain I know I caused you when I left, didn't want to think about how selfish I was that night, putting you at risk for my little acts of rebellion against my ty old dad; and I was just so ashamed of all of it that even though I knew I should've just told you about all of it I kept pushing it off to protect myself."

Jonghyun's trembling from the weight of his emotions. As calm as his voice is, Jonghyun feels the vibrations in his chest. He might even be close to tears.

Wanting to provide some warmth, some support, Jinki reaches out and takes his hand. It's a small gesture made in an attempt to provide comfort, but it looks to be appreciated when Jonghyun squeezes his hand in turn.

"What about now?" Jinki asks, and he can feel the way Jonghyun's head turns, just a little bit in his direction.

"What do you mean?" Jonghyun asks, and the confusion is evident in his tone.

Jinki pulls back just enough to look up at him, traces the dark shadows under the man's eyes and the worry lines that are made more apparent now that he's older.

"Are you still worried about what your dad can do? To either me or you?" Jinki asks, because he remembers how haunted Jonghyun had looked that night they met again.

Just because they've both moved hours away from his home town didn't mean there weren't people willing to out Jonghyun's business, after all.

"I'm more worried about what he can say and do to hurt you, since he is well known throughout our town and even people here seem to know of him," Jonghyun mutters, and his fingers are fiddling with Jinki's.

His gaze is distant, tinged with sadness. He really must be more worried about this than he's trying to let Jinki know about.

Jinki removes his hand from Jonghyun's. Jonghyun's grip is loose enough that he can remove it, but he looks a little hurt when it happens.

It hurts to see that look on his face more than anything in the world. He hates hurting Jonghyun, hates the way tears form in his eyes like he's worried Jinki is about to reject him.

Jinki's hand goes up to his face, cupping the side of his cheek and brushing at his lower eyelid to wipe the tear that's forming away.

"I'm not afraid of getting hurt, and I promise you that nothing he can say or do to me will change anything," Jinki swears to him, and he uses Jonghyun's body as leverage.

He uses Jonghyun's body as leverage, bringing himself closer, higher, until their lips can meet once more. He says everything he doesn't know how to voice with his lips; all of the apologies, the forgiveness, the silent begging to have Jonghyun accept him now.

And Jonghyun responds in kind; actually, he's a lot more open in his kisses than Jinki is. His passion is as raw as it's always been even in their high school days. He draws out every single breath from Jinki's lips, entices moan after moan with gentle coaxing from his tongue and his fingertips on the small bits of bare skin that he can find on Jinki's body. His hands move down to Jinki's hips, and he pulls and guides the elder onto his lap, their groins in perfect alignment.

And it's not perfect. It's sloppy, desperate more than anything else. Neither of them were prepared to get this far this suddenly, so neither of them had enough time to clean themselves out and so they stick to blowing each other; but when they're both exhausted and covered in sweat and still clinging to each other in the dead of the night, it's clear that the little inconveniences had been nothing but.

They have a whole lifetime to get it right, after all.

"Stay with me tonight?" Jinki asks as his eyes start to droop shut.

He still has the paper he needs to work on and he has to work in the morning, but he won't let himself drift off until he knows for certain that he won't wake up alone again.

They're facing each other the way they had all that time ago. Jonghyun reaches over him to turn the light off, but instead of returning to his position in lying across from Jinki, he leans down and brushes a kiss to Jinki's forehead.

This kiss is a little sad, filled with regret with how they'd parted all that time ago; but when Jonghyun moves down, trailing kisses all along Jinki's face and ending it with a kiss to Jinki's lips that feels so sweet, Jinki knows.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jinki," Jonghyun promises in a whisper.

And that's enough.

 

---

 

The next morning, when Jinki kisses Jonghyun on the forehead and is rewarded with a sleepy little smile, Jinki comes to a decision.

"I'm gonna head out for the day," Jinki says as he slips out of bed, gathering his clothes. He has to at least make it seem like he's going out to work.

"Have a good day at work, Jinki," Jonghyun wishes him, and he looks like he's in absolutely no rush to get out of bed and get his own day started.

Except that when Jinki turns, wearing a little smile on his face, Jonghyun reaches out and smacks him on his boxer-clad .

Jinki yelps, turns to the younger with a glare, says, "I think you've forgotten that I'm your hyung!"

Jonghyun snickers and turns back around so that he's facing the wall rather than Jink, but his entire frame continues to shake even as he does. He's entirely too amused by the situation.

Jinki glances at the screen of his alarm clock to make sure he has time to mess around.

Thirty minutes. More than enough time.

"You asked for this," Jinki alerts the man, and then he throws the entire weight of his body onto the bed and on top of him.

Jonghyun groans from the added pressure, but bursts into squirming laughter when Jinki tickles at his sides.

"Hey! Hey!" Jonghyun cries out, and he's trying so hard to get out from under Jinki's touch. He's pushing at Jinki's chest and stomach and his knees come up to throw him off.

"Call me hyung and I'll let you go," Jinki tells him with a twisted grin.

This is probably sadistic of him, but he loves the laughter coming from Jonghyun, loves the feeling of their bare skin against one another.

"Okay! Ok-ay!" Jonghyun concedes, and he's nearly wheezing from laughing so hard,

"Gi-Give me a second to c-catch my br-eath!"

So what can Jinki do besides stop his hands, and he's pitched forward, nearly toppling over Jonghyun with his laughter making his entire body feel weak.

And then it stops, and Jonghyun arches his neck enough to bring his lips to Jinki's ear. He takes a deep breath, the sound of it so loud.

"Baaaaaaaaaby," Jonghyun says into his ear, low and teasing, sounding so filthy coming from his mouth.

And before Jinki can get his revenge and return to his tickle torture, Jonghyun has them flipped over. He has them flipped over and his lips kiss the canvas of Jinki's torso, pressing teasing little bites into Jinki's skin as he does.

"Jonghyun I have to go to work!" He protests, even though it nearly kills him to do so.

It's a lie. He's not going to work at all. Still, he needs to get out and get the day going so he can get back sooner and continue off from where they've started.

Jonghyun relents, his hands coming up to cup Jinki's face like he's something so precious. He presses Jinki down into the mattress, claiming a long, soft kiss from the elder's lips.

"I love you," Jonghyun says against his lips, and there's no doubt, no hesitation.

Jonghyun's as sure about this as he'd been the night before. That, in itself, is promising and reassuring.

He makes to pull back, but Jinki can't let him do that so easily. He hooks a hand around the younger's neck, pulls him back in with a little tug.

"I love you," Jinki returns against his lips, and it's so satisfying to feel Jonghyun smiling against his lips like this.

He gives a rough little push when he's done, and Jonghyun goes without much urging, falling back onto the bed and laughing all the way there.

"But I really have to go now so please don't distract me," Jinki pleads as he gets out of bed and hurries to get his things.

Jonghyun's chuckles follow him all the way out the door on his way to the bathroom. By the time he gets back to his room, Jonghyun's gone. Likely back to his room, judging by the bickering coming from the closed bedroom door.

Oh well. That's not something he's got to worry about right now. He grabs his phone and his jacket and heads to the door.

As he's slipping his shoes on, he shoots off a series of texts to Changsun.

"I'm going to take the day off," he sends out first, followed by,

"I'm going to need to borrow your car for the day, too."

The answer is almost instantaneous, though Changsun is always going to be a little cheeky.

"Just clean up any stains and take your garbage out with you."

Jinki rolls his eyes, but he's grateful Changsun's at least willing to let him use the vehicle after all.

 

---

 

A little after four hours later, Jinki stops in front of the Kim family home. A quick call to his parents with an explanation about what's going had resulted in everything he needed to know, including the address of the man that Jinki detested with all of his heart even without knowing personally.

He'd come out to his parents during his first year of college, and had shared a brief retelling of his history with Jonghyun with his mother. She'd given him an earned scolding about having a strange boy in their house overnight, but had held him and loved him despite all of it.

While Jonghyun hadn't been as lucky with his family and his uality, Jinki was more than grateful to know his parents were on his side throughout all of it. They would always be on his side, even if Jonghyun's dad wanted to be the dirty, spiteful kind of person he already sounds like he is.

He stops at the front door; but before he makes to knock on it, he presses the recording button on the voice memo app. Whatever happens, at least Jinki can be sure to record it.

Minutes later, an assistant is guiding him in, straight towards a cold-feeling office. The woman that guides him looks utterly nervous, terrified even. Jinki hates that this man spreads so much fear just by existing.

"Sir? Your guest is here," the woman introduces him, and they're both just standing there tense.

Jonghyun's dad, who looks nothing like the gentle loving man that Jinki knows, doesn't even seem to notice them for a long time. They mean that little to him.

Jinki clears his throat to get his attention. He doesn't have all day for this, after all. He has a man to get back to that he'd rather be with than this pathetic excuse of a homophobic asshat.

The sound of his clearing throat is enough to draw the man's attention after all. His head lifts, his mouth opened so slightly in surprise. Otherwise, his expression is blank, disinterested.

"You are dismissed, Sodam," he says to the woman with a sharp, dismissive nod of his head.

The woman, Sodam, doesn't stop to question it, doesn't even bother looking in Jinki's direction. She flees much like Jinki wants to do for himself.

But he'll stand his ground. If not for himself, then for Jonghyun, who continues to be haunted by this man.

"Mister... Lee, was it? What's brought you here to visit me today?" Mister Kim asks, and his smile is so flimsy, so fake in all the obvious ways.

"Jonghyun," is all that Jinki answers with. He's not going to waste time with false pleasantries. He wants this over and done with.

Mister Kim's eyebrow barely twitches, but there's fury in his eyes when his lips curl back into his sneer.

"What about him?" Mister Kim asks, and his tone is so full of hatred.

Hatred. Towards his own son, the one he should have nothing but love for.

"Have you absolutely no shame?" Jinki spits out, bewildered and disgusted by the man before him.

How dare he act like he's the victim in all of this when Jonghyun spent years running and feeling like he doesn't deserve his own happiness.

"Excuse me?" Mister Kim asks, and his eyes narrow, fists clenching across his desk. He looks like he's going to swing a fist at Jinki.

"I already know. Not from Jonghyun, of course, because he'd want me nowhere near you," Jinki says with the same narrowed eyes and barely concealed fury,

"I know you were willing to have me arrested and framed for a crime I didn't commit because the alternative would've been have the town know that your son was spending time with another boy."

And hearing the truth, rather than deny it or feel ashamed by it, doesn't do anything to change this vulgar man's expression.

"I won't let the town think I let a disgusting homoual tempt my son with his lack of morals!" Mister Kim shoots back at him, and he rises from his desk. He really might throw a fist at Jinki after all.

"The only one disgusting here is you and your close-minded insults," Jinki says, and his fists are shaking, clenched at his sides.

Mister Kim looks like he's either about to kick Jinki out of his office or knock him out entirely. Jinki can't go just yet. He has more to say.

"Do you know my parents own the butchery in town? Also the only place to get meats outside of the city an hour away?" Jinki asks the old fart of a man,

"And that they're respected in town more than you're feared in it?"

And, much like he was hoping it would, his words cause Mister Kim to falter, maybe even take a half step back in concern. He knows Jinki's parents and their reputation, after all. One word from them would be enough to topple his entire political career, and Jinki already knows they would back him up without a complaint.

"Are you threatening the town's councilman?" Mister Kim asks, but the earlier fury is gone. He sounds a little afraid of Jinki.

"No," Jinki disagrees, but it feels so good to say it anyway,

"I'm threatening a disgusting old homophobe who should be protecting his constituents, including his child."

Mister Kim seems to be shrinking in on himself. He may be overstepping his boundaries here, but it's time someone stands up for Jonghyun the way he deserves.

"Let's make a fair trade here, Mister Kim," Jinki suggests, his tone polite and cordial and all together fake,

"You leave Jonghyun alone. Don't come after him, don't come after me. If you can manage to keep his beautiful name out of your hideous mouth, you and I will never have to see or hear of each other again," Jinki continues in the same tone.

The rage that had momentarily left Mister Kim's face comes back full force, and he hurries around the table, but he's too slow for Jinki.

"Mister Kim, I don't see why you're so upset with this if he's living his life away from you," Jinki says, his voice a little quiet in his disappointment,

"As a father, especially. You should love your son, and you should care more about his wellbeing and happiness than your reputation. I look at a man like you who has everything and chooses to still be so cruel to someone whose had to cover up who he is for so long, and my heart breaks. How can someone like you ever call yourself a father?"

Again, Mister Kim falters. Once more, his mouth opens and closes in shock. It must be the first time someone's ever stood up to the man.

Jinki reaches for the door. He's said his peace, or at least everything that's come to mind for him to say. It's time to make the trek back home now.

"If you're so against him being part of your family, Mister Kim, I'll be more than honored to make him part of mine," he ends the conversation with, and then he's out the door, heading to the front door.

But, and Jinki is utterly surprised to find, that woman named Sodam had been hanging outside the door. Her phones being held up to it and her eyes are wide with tears in the corners of them.

She's quick to pocket the phone, but Jinki finds himself suspicious. Was she... recording them? For what purpose? To protect the councilman?

She stares at him for a moment, then heads in the direction of the stairs leading down to the front entrance. It's clear what she's expecting, that he follow her. So he does, without hesitation.

Because now that he's looking closer, her face is almost identical to the one he'd stared at so lovingly that same morning.

"Sorry," Sodam says when they're far enough away from the office that Mister Kim won't likely be listening to them,

"I remembered your face from back then when he had private investigators following Jonghyun around. We haven't heard from him in years so when you walked in I immediately knew it had to do with you. I recorded it so I can send it to mom later. We've both missed him so much."

Jinki listens to her talk and feels the way his heart cracks. Of course it would be painful. Mister Kim probably has a tighter leash on the two women of the family after he felt like Jonghyun's very existence threatened his career. The two poor women probably had little choice but to do what he wanted.

"He's doing okay now," Jinki says quietly, and her shoulders deflate a little bit. She sighs, and it's full of relief.

A lightbulb moment. Jinki digs into his pocket for his phone, then takes the little case off of it. He'd done it that day Kibum slipped the note to him, reluctant to save the number on the phone but knowing that he should carry it with him should he need it.

And what more would he need it for? He can get Jonghyun's number later when he went back home. This is Jinki's chance to reunite Jonghyun with someone else who loves him with all of her heart.

"Sodam?" He asks gently, and her head turns in his direction. Her eyes are a little puffy and her nose is turning red from the onslaught of her emotions.

It must be hereditary, considering how quickly Jonghyun is always brought to tears.

He holds the little slip of paper out to him, and she stares at it for a long moment.

"Is this...?" Sodam trails off, and she takes the paper with obvious reluctance.

She gasps when she sees it, cries a little harder, then throws her arms around Jinki and squeezes him so tightly like they're actual family.

"I'm so glad he has you," Sodam says into his collar, and his shirt soaks through with her tears rather quick.

He can't say he minds, though.

"I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life making sure no one else breaks his heart like he did," Jinki swears into her hair, and she laughs through her tears.

Laughing and crying at the same time. Another shared trait with Jonghyun.

She lets him go a few minutes later and lets him leave without much of a fuss. She gets his number, too, types her own into Jinki's and saves it so that he doesn't put it off the way he had for Jonghyun's, and then she walks Jinki all the way to his car and waves him off.

And though part of him wonders if it's okay that he did all of this, he can only hope that it works out for the best. After all, the most important thing to him is that Jonghyun no longer feels like he has to hide himself or run.

 

---

 

The four hours back to his new home is a lot longer than the trip to their hometown had been. In part it's due to how desperately he wants to be with Jonghyun, and the other part is because he feels guilty for not stopping by to greet his own parents. They understand, of course, since it's supposed to be a short trip anyway; but on days like this after being reminded of how much he loves his family, he would love to spend more time with them.

No matter, he thinks to himself. He'll bring Jonghyun along the next time he goes to visit, so that Jonghyun can meet his parents and know he can consider them his own as well.

His phone rings multiple times, but Jinki lets it continue. It's probably just Changsun to ask him where he is and when he'll have his car back, or maybe it's Kibum to see if he'll be coming back in time for dinner.

He doesn't answer, just focuses on the road and uses his imagination to remind him of what waits for him when he gets back to their apartment.

It's about dinner time when he makes it home. Changsun hadn't been home when he dropped off the car, which is a relief for Jinki, seeing as he doesn't want to explain what it is he actually needed his car for. He hands the keys to Changsun's girlfriend instead, smiles at her when she asks if he's okay, appreciates her when she nods in that understanding way of hers, and then he heads home.

Home, which is on the top floor of an apartment building, one of two doors in the floor that's always so loud and a little daunting when he remembers he's supposed to be living there.

Really. One of these days someone's going to come up and demand that they lower the vol-

Wait.

Why can he hear his own voice?

And why does it sound so loud?

He hurriedly types in the passcode to get inside their apartment, not even stopping to slip his shoes off and instead following the sound of his own voice to the living room, where on the television there's a video of him talking to Mister Kim playing on the screen.

It's clearly taken through a crack in the door, and Jinki is suddenly reminded of how Sodam had pocketed her phone in that suspicious way of hers.

All four of his roommates are sitting on the sectional and watching it, and judging by the sniffles coming from Jonghyun and Kibum, it's not the first time they've seen it through.

"I would've never taken you for such a romantic," another voice chimes in all of a sudden, and Jinki freezes in horror.

His head turns ever so slowly, mouth agape as he crosses gazes with Changsun standing in the threshold for the kitchen.

His eyes are watery as well.

When he'd gone to Changsun's apartment and hadn't actually seen him there, he figured his best friend was either at work or drinking at a bar. Not that he'd be at Jinki's apartment cooking for his friends and watching a video that has nothing to do with him but he'll still use to humiliate Jinki with anyway.

Jinki's attention is torn away when all of a sudden, Jonghyun's leapt over the sectional and barreled into him, arms so tight around him and squeezing.

"I love you," Jonghyun reminds him, the very same way he had earlier that day.

And the embarrassment he'd felt just minutes prior disappears. Just like that. Even if Minho's cooing and Taemin's mimicking Jonghyun. Even if Kibum's wiping his own tears with his sleeves and smacking Minho's hand out of the air when the tall man attempts to pull him into a hug.

Nothing else matters. Nothing else has ever mattered to Jinki more than the man in his arms.

"Thank you, Jonghyun," Jinki says, which is directly reminiscent of what Jonghyun had said to him all that time ago.

Like back then, it's not necessary to say now. There are so many things he can say, should say; but all of that can wait. All of that will just have to wait, because he's done taking all the small moments he has with Jonghyun for granted.

Even if he's not planning on ever letting Jonghyun go again, he's going to savor every single moment they spend together.

Later that night, when Jonghyun's drifting off to sleep thoroughly exhausted by his hours of crying and then a passionate round of , his phone laying on Jinki's nightstand vibrates.

Jinki knows it's not any of his business, but he finds himself glancing at the screen anyway.

And then Taemin's words from the other day replay in his mind.

He said something about this, didn't he?

It turns out, Jonghyun had taken a picture of them together all those years ago, though Jinki is so obviously asleep in it. They're curled together, looking so peaceful despite Jonghyun's swollen face.

Jinki chuckles, grabs his phone. If Jonghyun could do it, why couldn't he?

He takes a picture of them curled up together, with his chin tucked neatly in the crook of Jonghyun's shoulder. Even in the picture, they fit so well together. Jinki stares at it until he starts feeling the pull of sleep, then tosses his phone beside Jonghyun's and stares at the man's face until he can no longer keep his eyes open.

 

---

 

The following morning, Jinki walks into the kitchen and finds Kibum standing there alone, preparing what looks to be pancakes for breakfast.

Pancakes.

He must be in a good mood.

And because Kibum knows everyone else's schedules better than any of them do, he knows Jinki's joined him in it. He's even got a fresh mug of coffee on the counter that he slides in Jinki's direction.

"Bummie, I have something I've been meaning to ask you," Jinki says, and his voice is quiet, unsure. It's something that's been bugging him since the night Taemin had told him all of them basically knew about his past with Jonghyun.

"Mmm," Kibum answers in a hum, but his lips are twitching. He knows exactly where this conversation is headed.

"I always thought that getting to move in here was a little too easy, considering none of you actually knew me," Jinki begins, and his finger traces along the rim of his mug,

"But now I'm wondering if that was ever the case at all?"

"The four of make more than enough money to cover rent," Kibum tells him, and he's smirking a little as he glances at Jinki out of the corner of his eye.

"Then... because of Jonghyun?" Jinki asks, just because he has to be sure.

Kibum is silent for a moment as he flips a pancake. It looks fluffy and smells so sweet. It's causing Jinki's stomach to growl in excitement.

"Not just because of him," Kibum admits, and his tone sounds a little distant now,

"I kept thinking about the boy from his story, the one he was so guilty about leaving behind because his gentle, delicate heart probably broke so many times over because of him leaving. When I saw your response to the ad I put up on nothing more than a whim, and I clicked on your profile and saw the same face Jonghyun's looked at every single night since I first met him, I decided this was one nice thing I could do to help both of you."

And Jinki is shocked, to say the least.

So... does this mean that fate had brought them together?

...

Or was it actually Kim Kibum?

 

---

 

Later on in the same day, as Jinki's just about finished editing the paper that accounts for more than half of his final grade, his bedroom door creaks open, then clicks shut ever so quietly.

Once again, Jinki is too focused to really pay it any mind, his fingertips furiously typing away at this essay.

But his attention is pulled away when a dirty, torn up backpack is placed right on the keyboard in front of him. He's partially annoyed to be distracted in the middle of his work, of course; but then he sees the little name tag his mother had stitched into the bag that he'd had from kindergarten all the way to his senior year of high school.

"Jonghyun, what?" Jinki breathes out, and he abandons his schoolwork to stand up, turning the bag over and over in his hands.

Its only a backpack and Jinki would've been fine without ever having to see it again; and still, he's so utterly touched by the fact that Jonghyun had held onto it for so long.

He turns to look at Jonghyun, because the younger had fallen silent, probably bashful at receiving the attention from Jinki now.

He looks at Jonghyun, and his eyes immediately widen in shock. He inhales, and it sounds as sharp as it feels. Donned in the same tee shirt and sweats he'd borrowed from Jinki that first night they ever spent together, seeing Jonghyun dressed in them now has a spark of possessiveness and love coursing through Jinki's veins.

"That night, my dad managed to contact the guys, you know the ones," Jonghyun explains with a sheepish little grin,

"I met up with them and said my piece, and they let me go because they didn't want anything to do with my dad. Sorry. They took whatever was inside so it's just the b-"

And Jinki cuts him off, dropping his sentimental bag to the ground, cupping Jonghyun by his face face and pulling him in for a kiss full of desperation and need, of a hunger that fills him entirely from his skin to his soul and can only be satisfied by him and him alone. And Jonghyun, loving, caring Jonghyun who spent so much time running and unable to feel the love he deserved, merely chuckles against his lips and falls into bed with him.

Jinki goes back to his paper as soon as they're done, though his attention keeps slipping away, drifting over to where Jonghyun's dozed off and snoring into his pillow. He's fully , still, and Jinki marvels at the tanned skin, the tattoo patterns decorating it.

Jonghyun's already told him about all of them, had given Jinki a detailed report about his life in the years they hadn't seen each other, had urged him to do the same with that fond, loving look he loved to shower Jinki with.

Jinki stares, continues staring as the sun starts to set in the window. His pale hair stands out, they same way it had all that time ago when Jinki had been unable to mind his own business and just had to get involved to protect him.

And while he'd regretted letting himself get involved in the past during the years of his hurt and their separation, he has no such regrets now.

How could he?

Jonghyun's home now with him where he belongs.

 

---

 

That night at dinner, they're celebrating Kibum's birthday. It's very lowkey, with a bowl of seaweed soup that he didn't have in the morning because he was busy at work and didn't have the time to stop and eat breakfast.

Jinki cooked dinner this time, a simple fried rice dish with braised pork that his mother and father had sent through courier service and some choice vegetables from the local market.

Kibum had been touched, but he had a hard time accepting anyone's kindness. He always seemed to think it meant he had to repay it, was left burdened by thoughts of it.

But its endearing in its own right to see tear up as he blows out the candles to the cake Minho had stepped out to buy for him. And its endearing to see him sniffle as he unwraps the gift of beauty masks Taemin had custom ordered for him when Kibum recently complained about the dry air making his skin crack. It's even endearing when Jonghyun hands Kibum a bottle of wine that was nearly impossible to track down but he had to just because Kibum's now passed grandmother loved it so much and it was a sentimental thing for him.

Dinner goes well. There's no bickering. Minho's kept the television off and has all of his attention on Kibum instead, eyes so soft and smile so fond. He might not have been sure if they were dating when he first moved in, but there's no denying it now. The two are more or less perfect together.

"I've been thinking about something," Taemin says as Jonghyun passes around dishes of cake for all five of them.

And all four of the them tense. Taemin is a wonderful, extremely intelligent person, but he's also very sharp and has a knack for catching them all off guard. He must feel like they're having too much fun and needs to cause friction. That must be it.

His eyes turn to Jinki.

Jinki immediately breaks into a sweat.

"You made it seem like you were going out for another normal day of work and class but went all the way out to your hometown to confront his old man," Taemin says, a note of skepticism in his tone as he brandishes his cake-filled fork in Jonghyun's direction,

"So doesn't that mean you skipped an entire day of work and class?"

Oh no. Oh no. Leave it to Taemin to point that out. He'd thought that no one would pick up on that, had hoped he'd get away from it at leas so that he wouldn't have to deal with another lec-

"Lee Jinki!" Kibum shouts as he stands up, and he looks more flustered than furious even as his eyebrows furrow,

"What if you lose your job? You can't keep taking time off and being late! The four of us can handle rent without you but you need your money for tuition! You're going into a career field that's hard enough to find work in!"

He's then joined by Minho, who's sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed and a singular eyebrow raised,

"What tuition? At this rate he won't even be able to continue his studies if he's missing so many classes. Did you come all the way out here from your hometown just to rack up debt and take your studies easy?"

And Jinki is torn between wanting to melt into the floor, glaring at Taemin for putting him in this kind of situation again, and laughing because don't any of them realize he's the eldest in the group?

"Hey, be kind to him," Jonghyun says through his laughter, and it's a valiant effort to try and get the others to back off, even if he's enjoying it.

Kibum and Minho's eyes turn sharp and focus on Jonghyun instead, and they're quick to berate him, telling him not to enable Jinki's bad behavior.

Jinki flees. That's the only word he can use to describe it. He abandons his slice of cake and retreats to his room to save himself. Jonghyun can save himself this time. He's older now, and has to learn at some point.

He stumbles into Jinki's room much later with a box filled to the brim with his personal items. Jinki stares at him in perplexity. Just what does he think he's doing?

"I'm moving in," Jonghyun says decidedly, but there's a twitch in his jaw and his eyes are glancing behind him in the direction of his room with Taemin in barely concealed irritation.

Turns out that Kibum and Minho had lectured him enough about how he needs to be careful about not distracting Jinki, and then Taemin had relentlessly teased Jonghyun about how well things were going for him and that he can finally stop moping around the way he'd been doing for years.

"Can you even believe it?" Jonghyun huffs as he crawls onto Jinki's bed with his guitar to get some composing done.

And yeah. Jinki really can.

Taemin's got a point. In comparison to the dull, muted personality he'd been wearing when Jinki first moved in here, Jonghyun's laughing a lot more and just genuinely happier than he'd seemed. He didn't want to gloat and make himself seem more important than he actually was; but part of him still hopes he's the reason for it.

Jinki saves his work on his laptop for the final time that night. He's all done with it, anyway; and the semester is almost done. He'd done wonderfully on his final exams, including for the exam following the mock exam he hadn't done too well on. His grades are fine and are going to continue to be fine even if he's constantly getting distracted by this precious man who looks nothing like the delinquent he'd been back in high school.

He crawls into bed and sits close enough to share bodyheat with Jonghyun without getting in his way. His eyes close and his head tilts back against the wall, and this moment is so perfect in its simplicity that Jinki hopes their lives will be filled with moments like this.

 

---

 

hi. I hope this one is satisfying to read. when I say I don't really know what I was going for here, I mean it. I was feeling all angsty when I started this and it just kind of spiraled into this. hahaha. anyway. please let me know how you feel about this, even if you don't like it. I hope you give my other works a chance too, regardless about how you feel about this one. thank you for all of your continued support. be well, friends.