Hyukjae had just ended his dance practice in preparation for the upcoming D&E concert and as much as he loved dancing, performing, entertaining — it gets so tiring sometimes. It didn’t help with the fact that he just seemed to be missing his family and worrying about his mom more these few days. He wished he could get a day off just to hide in his room and listen to sad songs so he could wallow in his emotions for awhile, instead of just repressing them to focus on his idol duties. 

Donghae had already left the studio, saying something about meeting his brother for supper, which left Hyukjae alone, the studio now deafeningly quiet and oddly sterile, for a place that was just filled with blaring music and noisy cheering from the whole crew. He was so exhausted. 

Hyukjae found himself drifting towards the sound system in the corner of the room, and he chose a slow, melancholic song. The voice of his Jongwoon hyung flowed through the speaker and Hyukjae gradually felt a sense of comfort wrap around him like a warm hug. He moved to the centre of the room, faced the mirror, closed his eyes. And he danced.

His limbs moved smoothly. Hyukjae mentally told himself to just move and flow and bask in the music, and he felt so light. It felt like he was in a trance, as he listened to his body and just moved along. He realised that it had been awhile since he felt so carefree while dancing — the meticulous choreographies and gruelling back to back dance practices during concert preparations sometimes do make him dread what he always loved. 

But this. In this exact moment in the studio, as his hyung’s husky voice soared above him, Hyukjae felt liberated and at home. This feeling of letting himself loose in the dance, of forgetting everything else and just drowning in the atmosphere of the music and movement — he missed it. 

The song came to an end and Hyukjae tried to catch his breath. The room was silent once again and he found himself missing his hyung — his hyung whose voice just made him feel whole again. Hyukjae strode towards his phone at the bench and dialled a familiar number. 

“Hyung, where are you?” 

—

Jongwoon was surprised when Hyukjae showed up at his album photoshoot venue. It was 1AM, for god’s sake. 

“Hyukjae? What are you doing here? It’s so late! Did something happen?”

Hyukjae was quiet as he took in the presence of his hyung. Jongwoon’s hair was slicked back and he was dressed in loose ripped jeans, with a simple ragged band tshirt. There were small earrings hanging down from Jongwoon’s ears. Jongwoon’s concerned voice made him felt so safe and at ease, that Hyukjae found himself breaking into a small, tired but excited smile. 

“Hi hyung.” The younger reached forward and fiddled with the silver accessory on his hyung’s left ear. Jongwoon reached up and held Hyukjae’s extended wrist. 

“Hi Dongba, what are you doing here, hmm?”

“Nothing. Just ended practice. Wanted to see you, so.” Hyukjae retracted his hand from Jongwoon’s ears, but Jongwoon continued to hold onto the younger. “Your earrings are pretty.” 

Jongwoon chuckled shyly, but wondered what brought this on. He was over the moon, alright, the photoshoot was dragging on longer than expected and he was getting kind of drowsy, but he found his heart skipping excitedly when Hyukjae made his presence known with a noooo hyung, why are you trying to make that y face? when he was in the middle of posing for a shot. 

“Thank you Hyukjae-yah, are you staying around? I’m going to finish up soon.” 

“I’ll wait for you, hyung.”

“You should take a nap though, go to the dressing room and rest for awhile, will you?” 

“No, I want to watch you.” 

Jongwoon didn’t know if it was right for his stomach to lurch at how straightforward Hyukjae was. Do not read into it, do not read into it, do not read into it. 

“You are so stubborn. Go and sit at the side and look pretty. I’ll wrap it up as fast as possible for you.” 

Hyukjae smiled, he was really so happy to be around Jongwoon after a week of not seeing the other in person. “I always look pretty.” 

“I know.” And with a coy smile on his face, Jongwoon turned around and returned to the set. Hyukjae stood frozen at the spot for a moment as he looked yearningly at the older’s slim retreating figure. He shook his head in disbelief at himself, how can Jongwoon make him feel so shy so easily?! “Aish, this hyung… really.” 

Hyukjae found a cosy little spot at the side of the room and settled down. He watched as Jongwoon adjusted his arms and settled into flattering positions effortlessly, almost like he just knew how good he looked and what poses to strike to make his fans (Hyukjae included) squeal. He watched as Jongwoon smouldered into the camera for a few seconds, then raised an eyebrow in the next moment while he stared teasingly into the lens. It didn’t help that Jongwoon had spread his legs wide open enticingly like an invitation. Hyukjae wanted to bang his head on the wall — god, his hyung was… insufferable!!! 

It was almost as if Hyukjae’s presence woken up the showy side of Jongwoon. Jongwoon could feel Hyukjae’s eyes on him and his pulse quickened. Why did he feel so nervous? So he stretched and twisted, confidently arranging himself into poses that he knew his fans would swoon over, it almost felt like he was putting on a performance, but there was only one audience whose reactions Jongwoon would care about. At the same time, he couldn’t wait for the photoshoot to end so he could return to Hyukjae’s company. 

It only took 40 more minutes for the shoot wrap up. Hyukjae felt so comfortable observing Jongwoon that he could have fallen asleep right there and then. The younger did not even realised that he had his eyes closed until he felt hot air blowing at his face. 

Hyukjae roused from his little catnap to see Jongwoon’s face right in front of his, a handsome, indulgent smile on the older’s face that made Hyukjae’s heart race. 

“You’re really an idiot, aren’t you? I told you to take a nap in the dressing room! It’s more comfortable there. I bet your neck hurts now.” 

Hyukjae stuck his tongue out. “I’m young, unlike you, my neck is fine!” He straightened his clothes and stood up, expecting a retort from Jongwoon, but all Jongwoon did was caress his cheek with the back of his hand. 

“So why did you come here?” Jongwoon led the way and the two walked side by side towards the private changing room. Their shoulders and the length of their arms brushed every now and then. Hyukjae thought it was funny that he felt so alive when it was literally 2 in the morning, and he just had a whole day of rehearsals and dance practices. 

“I told you, hyung, it’s nothing.” 

They reached the room and Jongwoon immediately turned to lock the door. Hyukjae was about to make a comment about hyung, you’re horrible, what if someone needs something from the room?, when Jongwoon pushed him down to sit on the couch. The older knelt down in front of Hyukjae so that they were eye-leveled, then reached out to hold Hyukjae’s hands. Jongwoon’s warm and concerned stare bore into Hyukjae’s eyes and Hyukjae thought, at the back of his mind, this is why he wanted to come here, to visit a random faraway studio set at 2AM on a weekday after a long day of work — it’s all for the warmth from Jongwoon. 

“Come on, Hyukkie, tell me. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

Hyukjae found it hard to lie when Jongwoon was so genuinely worried about him. “I was just… kind of tired, hyung.” 

“Tired of… your schedules? Tired of life? Or are you finally tired of teasing me?” 

Jongwoon chuckled quietly. Hyukjae knew that the older was trying to make it easier for him to talk, since that was what they were familiar with — all the care for each other hidden behind teasing and bantering. 

“In your dreams, Kim Jongwoon. I will never stop teasing you.” 

“I know, I’m counting on it.” Jongwoon smiled. “What are you tired of, then?” 

Hyukjae struggled to articulate himself. “It wasn’t even anything in particular, actually. I just… it just felt like a lot was happening lately? And… I miss my family, my dad. I know it’s been awhile but, sometimes the sadness comes back and takes me by surprise. And I’ve been busy lately, so I didn’t have time to hide in my room and mope in peace. I need my homebody moments, you know?” 

“Mhmm, right. I forgot that you’re the unemployed, lazy bum.” 

Hyukjae pouted, and whined, thank they were alone, no one would ever let him live this down if they saw him pouting like a kid, “Hyung… you’re mean.” 

“This is why you should have went home to rest, Hyukjae-yah. I could tell you were exhausted the past two weeks. You could have just told me to drop by your place earlier on. You know I would be there as soon as I was done here.” 

“I didn’t want to wait, wanted to see you immediately.” 

Jongwoon’s smile softened. “You’ve worked hard, Hyukjae. I’m always so proud of you, I hope you know that. I know things have been hard for you, but look at you! You’re still shining so bright, like the pretty moon in the sky. That’s what you are, right? You shine the brightest even amidst the darkness, Mr Dalnim?” 

Hyukjae felt like he might cry. “Jongwoon hyung…” 

“I’m always here for you, Dongba. I’m very happy and very thankful that you came to me when you’re feeling like this.” Jongwoon’s warm grip on Hyukjae’s hands tightened for a bit, before the older reached up and brushed a strand of stray hair away from Hyukjae’s eyes. “I have no schedule for the rest of the day, so hyung is now at your disposal to do whatever you want. If you have practice, I can tag along. If you have nothing on, we can go out and do anything you want. We can stay at home all day and eat noodles too, I’ll ditch my diet just for you — how does that sound?” 

If he was a lesser man, Hyukjae thought he may just kiss Jongwoon right there and then. But he knew that his hyung deserved a better confession, so he reigned in the emotions and simply pulled Jongwoon into a hug. 

“Thank you, hyung. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Hyukjae.” 

The pair stayed in the embrace for awhile longer than Jongwoon expected, and even as his knees started to hurt, Jongwoon simply tightened his hold on the younger as Hyukjae burrowed his face into the other’s neck. 

When Hyukjae finally pulled away, he stayed close, leaning onto Jongwoon, his body pliant and languid. “Hyung, stay over with me.” 

- 

Jongwoon drove them back to Hyukjae’s apartment using Hyukjae’s car. Hyukjae’s bedroom was basking in the moonlight when the two stepped in. Jongwoon came out of the bathroom to a freshly-showered Hyukjae with damp hair, sitting up, leaning against the pillows. 

“Hyung, come here!” 

“You should dry your hair, you’re gonna get a headache sleeping like this.” 

“Who says we are sleeping?” The younger complained, but it was clear as day that his eyes were half-closed and his movements were lazy. 

Jongwoon got under the cover too, and sat beside Hyukjae, their sides pressing into each other warmly. “Ah yes, so what does the big baby want us to do?” 

“I want to sleep.” 

Jongwoon rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face remained. “Of course. You . Turn around and let me dry your hair.” 

The younger obliged, not before he asked, “Can you sing for me, hyung?”

“Of course.” 

The lyrics and tune of ‘My Dear’ flowed out from Jongwoon’s lips. Hyukjae thought this was so much better than what he can hear through the best speakers in the studio. 

When the lights are finally turned off, the room was once again basking in the pale moonlight as the two laid side by side, facing each other. 

“You always sing so beautifully, Jongwoon hyung, our main vocal.” Hyukjae murmured quietly.

It would be so easy, Jongwoon thought, to just pull the younger into his arms and kiss him, but he didn’t. Instead, he simply smiled, “I love your voice when you’re singing too, Hyukjae. I love watching you dance too.”

“Really?”

“Really.” 

“You just want to steal my position in the group, don’t you?” 

“. You got me.” 

There were smiles on both their faces, which was followed by a bout of comforting silence. Hyukjae was about to doze off, when suddenly — 

“I’m not lying when I said that I like to watch you dance, you know?” 

Hyukjae almost jerked at the sudden, quiet admission. He stayed silent, but held the stare from Jongwoon. 

“You always dance so beautifully, so smoothly, like you were born to do it, Hyukkie. You don’t even need a stage for you to shine. Every time I watch you, it feels like I’m watching your passion and love for dancing materialise in your movements and expressions.” 

“Sometimes, when I feel tired from our dance practices — you know how I always take awhile to catch onto choreographies, right? — I would watch videos of you dancing. And I would always be so in awe at how mesmerising you look. Tell me, Lee Hyukjae, do you know how to cast spells through your dance? Because that’s how you make me feel.” 

“I would be so enchanted by the way you move that, I would end up feeling less tired from dancing, because I would be so inspired.” 

“But, Hyukjae-ah, lately, it feels like I don’t see that shine in your eyes anymore when you dance.” 

Hyukjae felt breathless. He wondered if Jongwoon was casting spells with his voice instead, because he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the man in front of him. 

“And I don’t know if that’s related to you feeling tired recently, like what you told me today, or if there is something else that is bothering you. But I hope you know that I am your biggest supporter, okay? On stage and off stage, I will always be here for you, watching you and… loving you.”

In that moment, it felt as if the stars in the universe aligned for him, he didn’t want to and he didn’t have to wait anymore. Right now, right here, Hyukjae needed to let Jongwoon know that —

“Jongwoon hyung… I love you so, so much. Please, let’s be together. I want to be with you so bad. I’m in love with you.” 

And when Jongwoon smiled that breathtaking smile and nodded with tears in his eyes, as he pulled Hyukjae into his arms, their lips meeting for their first kiss, Hyukjae realised that going home has never been about the space.