“Hyung.” 

“Hmm?”

“Hyung, Kyuhyun loves you.” 

Jongwoon looked up from his phone and set it aside. Both men were in bed, with Kyuhyun smothering himself on top of Jongwoon, who was half propped up against the bed frame. The younger had his face buried in Jongwoon’s chest as he breathed in the comforting smell of fresh linen from Jongwoon’s sweater. Kyuhyun had been so still laying on him, that Jongwoon thought the younger had already fallen asleep. Apparently not. 

“Suddenly? Is something wrong?” 

“Mhmm. Nothing is wrong.” Kyuhyun murmured, his quiet voice muffled by Jongwoon’s sweater. The younger had returned to the dorm past midnight and plopped onto his awaiting hyung immediately after he had taken a quick shower. Jongwoon figured Kyuhyun must have been tired, so he stayed quiet and simply settled for through his lover’s damp hair while dropping kisses on Kyuhyun’s forehead every few minutes. It was a comfortable silence that they shared often, where they could just rest and be alone with each other, away from prying eyes and teasing members, and express the full volumes of their love for each other. 

“I just love hyung a lot.” Kyuhyun peered up from Jongwoon’s chest and in his wide eyes, Jongwoon saw sincerity and so, so much love. Jongwoon’s heart clenched. Without any makeup on, Kyuhyun looked so young, yet older at the same time. The little acne scars and blemished skin, shimmering eyes and naturally pouty lips — Jongwoon felt so overwhelmed in the face of the younger’s devotion — how did he get so lucky in his life to experience such a love that is so all-encompassing, so warm, so right?  

“Yeah? And I, you, Kyuhyun-ah.” The older leaned down and kissed Kyuhyun’s eyelids, which fluttered shut beautifully. “Hyung loves you so much that hyung wouldn’t know what to do if I don’t have you with me.” 

“Me too, Jongwoon hyung.” 

Jongwoon’s arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulders tightened. “So tell me, what’s wrong?” 

There was a bout of silence. “I just—” Kyuhyun choked. “I just don’t know how our relationship will end, hyung.” 

Taken aback by the abrupt topic that the two always dreaded discussing, Jongwoon paused, feeling his own throat constricting upon hearing his maknae’s wavering, choked up voice. He willed his tears away and caressed Kyuhyun’s cheek with his free hand. He hated seeing Kyuhyun upset. 

“It won’t end, Kyuhyun-ah.” Jongwoon tried to smile, but it pained him to think of how their love will never see the light of day too.

“I know my love for you will never stop, hyung.” There were actual tears slipping out of Kyuhyun’s eyes by then. “But… there are just so many things against us, hyung. And I’m just so, so angry — that I can’t love you fully the way I want to, the way others can to their lovers. I just want to show the world that you’re mine and I’m yours, that you own my heart and I own yours. I don’t want to be with anyone else. It’s only you for me, Jongwoon. It’s so unfair that I can’t marry you, and exchange outrageous wedding vows and show off our love. It's unfair that I can't even hold your hand on the streets. I think our love is something so special, that everyone should know about it. People would be jealous about it, they would admire it! But we can’t do any of that. And I’m just— so angry.” 

Jongwoon had so many emotions running through him — devastation, desperation, resignation, fondness, gratitude. Did he mention how lucky he was to have Kyuhyun in his life already? 

Jongwoon’s fingers swiped away the tears on the younger’s face and he leaned down to rain another round of kisses all over the tear-stained face. "Kyuhyun-ah, my sweet maknae. Do you know how much I really, really love you?” 

Kyuhyun hmph-ed, “Of course I know, Jongwoon! What kind of—”

“Then that’s all that matters, baby.” 

Jongwoon pulled Kyuhyun infinitesimally closer, their bodies pressed against each other, skin on skin, heartbeat to heartbeat, their warmth seeping into each other's skin.

“Sometimes, I dream about us, you know?” Jongwoon began, a faraway smile finding its way onto his face as he thought of the flashes of memories from his sleep. “I dream of us going on our honeymoon in Europe, I dream of us adopting a cat together and arguing over what to name our new baby, I dream of coming home to your home-cooked dinner after a long day of work.” 

“That’s a nice dream.” 

“It is.” 

“But it’s just a dream.” 

Jongwoon shushed the other man with a peck on the cheek and continued. “But some other times, I dream of us being torn apart. I dream of our parents forcing us to leave each other to marry other girls. I dream of the media exposing us, I dream of the downfall of our group because of us, I dream of our families being implicated in our mess, I dream of the pain I might cause to the loved ones around me, just because I love you. I dream of the pain you might have to go through because of us, and I don't want that to ever happen to you, baby."

Kyuhyun stayed silent.

“And then, sometimes, I dream of us never being idols. It felt like we would be so much happier if we could just be us, Cho Kyuhyun and Kim Jongwoon, just in love, in our normal lives. But in that dream, we didn’t even meet, you know? We never crossed paths, we never had the chance to talk to each other. I mean, we are so different, right? 18 year old Cho Kyuhyun would never step into the cafe that 22 year old Kim Jongwoon frequented because the cafe was two hours away from his school. Young Cho Kyuhyun would never pass by the court that young Kim Jongwoon played basketball at because Cho Kyuhyun wasn’t interested in the sport. Just like how Kim Jongwoon would never even be paired with Cho Kyuhyun for a simple round of League of Legends online since Kim Jongwoon thought that game was too hard. Then what now, Kyuhyun ah?” 

Jongwoon dropped a kiss on Kyuhyun’s forehead. “What I’m trying to say, Kyu, is that maybe things are just meant to be this way. Maybe it is precisely this predicament that we were facing, that makes our love so strong. Maybe it is because we have so much to lose, that we love harder too.”

“Not a single day goes by without me thinking about how much I love you, Kyuhyun. You’re so precious to me, and I think sometimes, we take that for granted? We take for granted that we even have someone so important to us and we wish for more. Some people don’t even have that precious someone, right?” 

“I think we are right where we are supposed to be, Kyuhyun-ah. We might not even have met each other without this idol life. You don’t believe in the multiverse, right? But I do, baby. And maybe in another universe Cho Kyuhyun and Kim Jongwoon got their typical happily ever after, they got married and adopted kids and grew old together. And in another one, maybe you wouldn’t be such a brat, and I wouldn’t be such a pushover for your aegyo.” 

“But in the end, there will also be universes where Cho Kyuhyun and Kim Jongwoon never met, where Cho Kyuhyun and Kim Jongwoon hated each other, where Cho Kyuhyun and Kim Jongwoon tried to date but ended things bitterly. Or even universes where either one of us do not even exist."

“That’s why, Kyu-ah, all I need, is for you to know that I love you. We don’t need anything else, if we have that, right?” 

The silence that followed was a long one. Jongwoon wondered if any of his words even made sense in Kyuhyun’s already gloomy mind. The topic of the future of their relationship was always a hard one for both of them — just how do you discuss the idea of be apart from your beloved willingly? 

Jongwoon almost thought Kyuhyun had fallen asleep on him, when suddenly the younger sat up, shifted himself further up, leaned over Jongwoon, face to face. 

“You’re wrong, hyung.” 

Jongwoon frowned. “I was just—”

“No, hyung, you are wrong.” 

“And why is that so.” 

Kyuhyun’s eyes bored into Jongwoon’s, then his gaze traced a route on Jongwoon’s face. Kyuhyun admired his lover’s features softly, before leaning down for a kiss on Jongwoon’s pink lips. 

“You’re wrong, Jongwoon hyung, because even if I have nothing to lose, I will still love you just as hard. And you’re right, I don’t believe that there are other universes out there. But even if there is, I believe that in all other universes, I will be meant to love you too." 

Jongwoon thought he could see the stars in Kyuhyun's dark eyes as they shared a longing gaze.

"I will always find my way back to you, Jongwoon hyung, because I am stubborn and annoying like that and I speak for all other Cho Kyuhyuns that I will always love you, Kim Jongwoon.”