"We tried our best, Winter. We did... right?" Karina asked Winter as if she was begging for the latter to agree with her.

 

Yes.

Yes, because Karina's grown tired of having to give her false hopes. Mixed signals.

 

For the love of God, Winter knows just how much Karina tried to fall in love with her.

 

Tried to learn.

 

But you just can't teach your heart who to love, right?

 

Because even if

 

Winter always goes to her training just so she can show her support to Karina-- you see, Karina is a member of Mamba All-Stars, a dance group in their university,

Winter brings her favorite cola and pink pringles whenever she's feeling grumpy,

Winter watches her favorite movie with her for the nth time, Winter probably knows every line in Frozen by now,

Winter cooks her food because she's so damn tired from her classes and training, not that Winter isn't because she, too, has classes and organizations to handle,

Winter writes her songs, poems, or whatever it is that pops up on the younger's mind (because Karina's her muse),

Winter drives and fetches her to school whenever she doesn't feel like driving (Karina may not admit it but she thinks that a driving Winter looks really cool),

Winter makes sure to take her out to dinner or movies every Friday night just so she can destress, it's become their thing (they both look forward to this day, always),

Winter takes care of her whenever she's feeling sick or even when she's feeling down (although all that Winter really does is hold her hand),

Winter never fails to make her smile, to make her feel happy.

 

They can enumerate the things that Winter does for Karina but they're sure that a day wouldn't be enough.

 

Winter... makes Karina happy.

 

For that reason, it shouldn't be hard for Karina to fall for Winter.

 

But, why is it so difficult?

 

Why is it that Karina never felt those butterflies in her stomach, raging as if wanting to go out?

No breathtaking moments, as if she's suffocating; because she's breathless.

She doesn't feel nervous nor tensed whenever Winter does those things to her. It feels... normal.

Her heart doesn't even race, it doesn't skip a beat and absolutely no palpitations.

She doesn't even feel jealous when other people try to flirt with Winter.

 

For Karina, falling in love means feeling all of those.

Because that's what she felt for her exes.

 

And so, when Winter finally said "yes, we tried," with a smile that's showing her both sadness and acceptance, why did Karina felt a sharp pain in her chest?

It suddenly felt hard to swallow, her palms suddenly turned sweaty, and she felt like her knees are about to give up.

 

Weird, Karina thought.

Because this is what she wanted.

 

"I'm really sorry that you felt like you need to reciprocate whatever it is that I'm feeling for you, you didn't have to, but still, you tried." Winter sighed before biting her lower lip.

 

She looked at the girl in front of her.

 

She removed her right hand from being buried in her pocket and lifted it to cup Karina's cheek.

 

Winter caressed her cheek with her thumb, "I love you, J." She said with a genuine smile that's plastered on her face not noticing that a tear fell down her eyes.

 

Finally, after years of holding back, Winter finally let out the words that's been dying to escape from .

 

Karina couldn't contain her emotions so she hugged the smaller girl.

 

"T-thank you, pib," was all she can say as she was sobbing.

 

Winter smiled after suddenly remembering where J and Pib came from.

 

Karina likes Jellies.

Winter likes Peanut Butter.

 

They used to fight over which filling they'll be having whenever they go on group picnics.

Giselle at some point got so pissed that they just went ahead and put both.

They were scared at some point because the taste might be weird but they were glad that it went well perfectly.

The combination was a really good match as per Ningning who actually voted for Nutella instead.

 

Winter kind of looks like Buttercup, as per Karina.

It was because of her bangs and short hair.

Winter couldn't think of a comeback so she just called Karina, Jelly faced.

 

And so, that's where the PB&J came from.

 

"Hey, y'all are acting way too dramatic. What did we miss?" Giselle appeared out of nowhere while holding their coffees.

 

"You know that Karina's a drama queen, babe. For sure, she'll come calling us at midnight about how she can't function without Winter," Ningning teased which earned a snort from Karina.

 

"I certainly am not!" She defended, glaring at the younger girl as if she just said something she shouldn't have. "It's her who wouldn't be able to function without me so I'm just power hugging her for the last time."

 

Winter laughed as she shook her head. She patted Karina's back as she tried to lean back, trying to break the hug.

 

Karina didn't let her.

 

"See," Ningning smirked and Giselle just shrugged.

 

These two witnessed everything that has happened between Winter and Karina their whole college life as they're in the same circle.

Hidden feelings. Denials. Name it.

And they chose to be a bystander because it is not their life to mess with.

Although it gets frustrating for the lovers sometimes.

 

"You know that you should check in already, right?" Winter reminded her friend.

 

Karina whine and buried her face in the crook of Winter's neck.

 

"Such a baby," Winter teased which earned her a smack on her shoulder. "But seriously, Karina. You have to go."

 

Karina stiffened at the mention of her name.

 

Winter felt it.

 

But she chose to ignore it,

 

because she has to.

 

Even the lovers stopped for a moment when they heard Winter call Karina by her name.

 

Because none of them can remember when was the last time she did.

 

It's always J, baby, buddy, and everything else but her name.

 

Sure, Karina calls her Winter sometimes just to friend but Winter, she hasn't done it for years.

 

It's like she's forgotten Karina's name and all of a sudden, she remembered it.

 

Winter broke the hug.

 

"What? You should've just given me the ticket if you're not gonna leave. Man, flying to Canada is expensive," Winter, trying to ease the mood.

 

Giselle cleared , "she's right, hon."

 

Ningning hugged Karina and whispered something which made her look hopeful at the former.

 

Giselle did the same which confused Winter, "we're keeping secrets now?"

 

The three girls rolled their eyes at Winter, "what?" she shrugged then pouted.

 

"My God, and here I thought that I was the baby here?" Karina giggled before pinching Winter's cheeks. "That hurts!"

 

"Girl, don't you dare forget about us once you're there because I swear to God, I'm gonna go there and shave your head," Giselle warned.

 

"I'm seriously gonna sell Winter here," Ning threatened.

 

"I'd be thankful, Ning," Karina laughed at her threat.

 

They continued teasing one another until an announcement about Karina's flight has been made.

 

"Safe skies, Kars," Ning as she kissed Karina on her cheeks.

"See you when we see you, hon," Giselle as she patted Karina on her shoulders.

 

"Goodbye," Winter, smiling.

 

🍞

 

After 4 years

 

"Do I have to drag you or are you going to peacefully come to my wedding, Karina Yu?" Giselle threatened.

 

Karina chuckled, "first, congrats! I'm glad Ning said yes, wait, did you even give her a choice?"

 

A burst of laughter can be heard in the background, "she didn't! She straight-up said marry me then gave me the wedding ring when we were having dinner," Ning answered.

 

Karina didn't try to stop herself from cracking up, "thought so!"

 

"I'd appreciate it if you answer my question so that I can bring a shaver, just in case," Giselle not allowing her friend to dodge her question.

 

"Is... is she-"

 

"Of course, she's coming. She's my bridesmaid," Ning answered as if this should be known by Karina already.

 

Karina laughed nervously at that.

 

"I don't get you guys, you were acting all sweet and when you were here, and then boom, radio silence once you landed in Canada. Are y'all dumb or what?" Giselle repeating the same question no one's answered for the last four years.

 

Because for some reason, it seems that Winter and Karina had this non-verbal agreement to completely stop talking just so Winter can finally move on.

 

"You guys don't even ask how the other one's doing, but don't worry. We give her updates that you're still alive, she is too," Ning butted in.

 

"We're absolutely fine, really," Karina giving them a tight-lipped smile.

 

"Whatever, for all we know, you've been trying to stalk Winter but miserably failed because dude's barely touched her social media account ever since you left," Ning spitting facts.

 

It's true though.

 

Karina's never been able to stop thinking about her friend ever since that day, after everything that went down.

 

God, she was so sure that they were just friends.

 

She was ing sure as hell that she doesn't have feelings for Winter.

 

She was, not until she landed in Toronto.

 

It hasn't dawned on her, not until Winter called her by her name-- which she's come to hate. She realized that her name coming out of Winter's mouth is something that enrages her.

Not until Ning told her that she'll look after Winter to make sure that no other woman or man will be able to steal her from Karina-- it was odd at first but she sure felt relieved which made her look hopeful that day.

Not until Giselle told her that she can take her time figuring out what she really feels for the other girl but not to take too long because they don't know if Winter will be able to wait for her.

 

That not having Winter in her life is the worst thing ever.

And that Ningning was right, she couldn't function during the first few months that she was in Canada because all she can think of was Winter.

But she already chose this.

And she knows that Winter will always be cheering for her on the sidelines, that she's happy for her.

And she's going to be really mad once she hears that Karina's been slacking at her work.

Which made her strive.

 

Because then, she realized, Winter is her Unconditional Love.

 

The reason why she didn't feel what she felt when she was with her exes was because she's way past that.

And with Winter, she feels safe, contented, and happy.

Cliche as it sounds, but she felt like home.

Winter might've not been vocal about her feelings before but she was really good at making Karina feel loved.

That's why Karina never felt jealous as well, there was no reason for her to feel that way.

 

And Karina knows that she messed up real bad for not realizing it sooner.

 

But dang, selfish as it sounds but Karina's been working hard, waiting for the other girl to reach out, hoping that she still feels the same.

Because Winter once told her that once they're both settled, once they've come to achieve their dreams, Winter being a well-known producer, and Karina being a partner in an accounting firm, Winter will marry the girl of her dreams.

 

So Karina's hoping she's still Winter's dream girl.

 

Ridiculous, she knows.

But she's holding on to that.

 

"Look, she's daydreaming again, babe." Ning laughed while teasing the older girl.

 

Karina blushed but didn't forget to glare at the camera, "Ning, I swear to God, when I see you," she said with a hint of threat.

 

"You're gonna see her too so good luck," the younger stuck out her tongue just to piss Karina more.

 

"And if she brings Hye-," Giselle was stopped by Ningning. "Call me when you hear this song, I think you know who you are," she raised the volume of the speakers.

 

Karina's eyebrow raised, "Hye?"

 

Giselle shrugged while Ningning shook her head, "she's no one, don't mind her." Dismissing the slip of her tongue.

 

"Anyway, do you have a new love interest there? You might really grow old alone if you don't start dating," Karina hummed at Giselle's statement.

 

Is this some kind of a spoiler alert that Winter has finally moved on and is already in a happy relationship?

 

Karina suddenly felt nervous.

 

"Wait, don't tell me that you're still in love with Winter?" Ning with the sudden realization.

 

"No waaaay," Giselle denied it but saw the change in Karina's expression. "What the heck, hon. No way?!"

 

"See, told you, babe." Ning held out her hand and Giselle gave her a thousand pesos before looking back at Karina. "This is why you guys , you love each other but you're like this. Who's going to adjust? God?" Ning snorted.

 

Now, Karina's even more confused.

 

Is that a present tense or past tense?

 

Who's Hye? She thought.

 

"How are my favorite lovebirds? I'm here-- ," Karina got out of her trance once she heard her voice in the background.

 

"You okay?" Karina saw Ning standing up right away.

 

"Yeah, just forgot about the dinner with Hyewon, I'm so gonna get killed, I'm leaving before she realizes, bye!"

 

Not going to lie, that made Karina's chest tighten.

 

Giselle suddenly looked at her apologetically.

 

"Oh, my break's up. I'm going to have to go back to work guys, talk to you soon!" Karina even though she still has half an hour before her break ends.

 

🍞

 

"If you're looking for that season, she won't be here until tomorrow," Giselle broke out the news to Karina whose eyes have been wandering ever since they landed.

 

"What do you mean? I'm not looking for her," Karina denied the allegation before helping them out with their luggage.

 

"Girl, I missed you but you're still a dummy," Ning hugged Karina. "She had to stay for work, she said that there were last-minute changes with the album she was working on so, yeah." She explained.

 

Karina just hummed.

 

They went inside her car, had brunch somewhere near the airport, and toured around Toronto before going to Karina's house.

 

"So this is my house," she shyly said while scratching the back of her neck.

 

"House? This freaking looks like a mansion in Manila!" Ningning couldn't contain her excitement.

 

"Damn, hon! You weren't kidding when you said you had A LOT of space," Giselle commented.

 

Karina laughed a little, "told you, you guys can just stay here."

 

"What about them?" Ningning suddenly turned to Giselle. "Them?" Karina asked.

 

Giselle bit her lip and looked like she was asking Ning for help but her fiance just shrugged.

 

"Not sure, I haven't asked her yet," Giselle answered.

 

Karina raised her brows. "Who's them?"

 

"W squared," Ning joked.

 

Giselle sighed, "Winter and Hyewon."

 

There it is again, that shortness of breath and tightening of the chest.

 

"Are they... like together?" Karina asked in a quiet manner.

 

The lovers looked at each other because this is the first time that Karina asked about Winter, "not sure, they already broke up as far as I know but with the way that they're acting," Ning gave her a heads up.

 

Karina bit her lip, trying to contain her emotions.

 

Thank God that they're already at her house.

 

"But Winter hasn't told us anything about them being together again so..." Giselle quickly tried to ease up the tension.

 

"Yeah, she'd tell us right away if there's something going on between them," Ning agreed with Giselle.

 

Karina shook her head, "it's fine. She can literally date anyone, I'm okay, you two." She tried to assure them by giving them a tight-lipped smile,

 

🍞

 

"You must be Karina! Hi!" An excited Hyewon suddenly hugged her which not only confused her but shocked her to the core as well.

 

"Hi, guys, how's the flight?" Giselle asked with her hands resting on Ningning's waist.

 

"It was tiring because Hyewon kept on bugging me," Winter answered with a pout.

 

Cute, Karina thought.

 

"Karina, hey," Winter greeted her with a smile.

 

Hyewon finally let go of Karina and went beside Winter.

 

She whispered something to the smaller girl while giggling which made Winter blush.

 

" you," Winter cursed her.

 

"You already did," she joked which made Winter glare at her.

 

Oh, I'm already late. Karina cleared before looking away from the two.

 

The lovebirds suddenly tensed up.

 

"I was just kidding, please." Hyewon tried to clear up the misunderstanding caused by her joke.

 

Winter went to Karina as she noticed that the girl wasn't looking good, "you feeling alright?"

 

Karina didn't expect Winter to touch her forehead, checking if she wasn't feeling well. "You're hot."

 

Karina was already blushing because of Winter's sudden action but now she's sure as heck that her ears had already turned red.

 

Ningning snickered at what she heard.

 

"Are you sick? You shouldn't have fetched us," Winter scolded the older girl like they didn't not talk for years. "Gi. you drive," Winter said with finality, and Karina couldn't do a thing but let Winter drag her as if she knew where the car was parked at.

 

"Dummies, right?"

 

"Yeah," Hyewon agreed with Ningning.

 

🍞

 

"J, your house is massive as heck," Winter after seeing Karina's house.

 

Karina couldn't help but smile. Winter called her J.

 

"Must be lonely to live in such a huge house with just you in it, right hon?" Giselle as if she's insinuating something.

 

"Just like Winter's house, girlie here isn't even dating anyone yet she bought a huge house. Be honest, Win, do you have a secret family?" Hyewon accidentally reveals Winter's real status which made her eyes grow bigger.

 

The three girls turned their heads at the two.

 

"Oh, wait- I thought you guys were dating again?" Ning blurted out.

 

"What?" The two asked in unison before bursting into laughter.

 

"No, ew," Winter denied which caused her a slap at her back. "Aw," she eyed Hyewon.

 

"Ew? Really, Win? When you were the one who had a huge crush on me?" Hyewon casually dropped the information like it wasn't a secret.

 

Ningning laughed hard while Giselle looked at Karina with worried eyes.

 

Winter rolled her eyes.

 

She noticed that Karina's been quiet so she went to her. "You should rest, you know?" She suggested.

 

Karina gave her a small smile before shaking her head. "I'm fine."

 

Winter's forehead creased, "I wasn't really asking, I was telling you to rest, ma'am."

 

Ning's mouth formed an O after hearing Winter.

 

Giselle tried to stop herself from smiling because she's proud of her chicken.

 

"Her room's upstairs, it's the only room you'll see if you turn left," Giselle told Winter.

 

Winter mouthed her thanks before dragging Karina to her room who's still speechless.

 

Winter made Karina lay on her bed while she sat beside the older girl.

 

"What do you want to eat? Do you even have food in your fridge? Anything you've been craving?" Winter bombarded Karina with questions.

 

For some reason, Karina felt at ease.

 

She can't explain it, but at this moment, everything feels right.

 

"Baby, you gotta answer a question with an answer. Not with a smile."

 

Wait.

 

Did Karina hear Winter right?

 

Winter touched her forehead, smoothening out the crease.

 

"You know that you have to use your mouth to answer, right?" Winter chuckled because Karina seemed to have forgotten how to talk.

 

"I-," 

 

"Tonkatsu it is," Winter answered her own question and was about to leave when Karina stopped her by holding her wrist.

 

Winter looked at Karina and sat by her side again.

 

Karina sat as well, leaning her back against her headboard.

 

"What... what are you doing, win?" She asked because she's totally clueless about what's happening right now.

 

"What I'm supposed to do?" She answered, unsure.

 

Karina couldn't help but raise a brow, "what do you mean?"

 

"I always do this though?"

 

"Four years ago, yes."

 

"Exactly?"

 

"Ugh, you're such a dumbo Win! How are you going to get the girl?!" Hyewon shouted who was eavesdropping on their conversation with Giselle and Ningning.

 

Winter quickly looked their way and glared at the three who in turn raised their hands as if admitting their defeat and left.

 

"Going to get the girl, huh?" Karina's not that slow but she doesn't want to assume.

 

Winter who was confident earlier suddenly laughed nervously.

 

"Am I?" She asked before biting her lip.

 

Karina chuckled at the sight of Winter's demeanor changing a hundred eighty degrees.

 

"Not sure, I mean, I don't think that you were faithf--"

 

Winter cut her off, "I may not have been faithful but I definitely am loyal, ma'am," She confessed.

 

Karina huffed, "Karina, hey," she mocked the way Winter greeted her earlier, letting the younger girl that she didn't like it.

 

Winter started fidgeting, "I... I didn't really know what to say earlier, it's been a while since I last saw you," she looked away, scratching her nape.

 

Karina held Winter's chin and made her face her. "Reasons, you were so natural when you called me baby a while ago like you've been saying it a lot, though?"

 

Winter's eyes widened at the accusation, "I definitely am not a player if that's what you're thinking!" She defended herself. "It sounded natural because it was you who I was calling baby."

 

Karina was so not ready at that, she now feels like a high school girl for blushing at that remark.

 

"Sweet talker," she muttered.

 

"That, I agree with." Winter grinned which made Karina roll her eyes.

 

"But buddy, I'm really sorry because I haven't been able to move on from you and now, just like Giselle didn't really give Ningning an option, you don't have a choice but to fall for me too. That's decided already. Heads up, I'll be courting you while I'm here and you'll marry me. As you've heard, I already bought us a house in Manila so I'll just straight up assume that you bought this for us as well. We work in different countries right now but we can work things out. You've had your chance to date within those four years, now's my time. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, I don't care, their time's up. Although I'm sure you're single because I kind of overheard the two talking about how you might grow old alone. So yeah, congrats. You're not. You have me. I'm actually a pretty well-known producer in Manila already, not bragging and I know that you want to be a partner first and that's totally fine, I can wait. Just like what I told you, I'm just giving you a heads up on what's going to happen. Alright?"

 

Now, Karina's totally dumbfounded.

 

"Good, now rest and I'll do the cooking," Winter kissed Karina's forehead before gently laying her down.

 

🍞

 

A month ago, when Giselle, Ningning, and Karina were on a video call

 

Winter arrived at the lovebirds unit earlier than expected and she was actually planning to surprise the two so she tried to sneak in but what she heard surprised her more.

 

"Wait, don't tell me that you're still in love with Winter?" She heard Ningning asking someone.

 

Who's still in love with me?

 

"No waaaay," She heard Giselle deny the allegation. "What the heck, hon. No way?!"

 

"See, told you, babe. This is why you guys , you love each other but you're like this. Who's going to adjust? God?"

 

We love each other? Karina?

 

"How are my favorite lovebirds? I'm here-- ," Winter acted as if she just got there.

 

"You okay?" Ningning stood up and checked her out.

 

"Yeah, just forgot about the dinner with Hyewon, I'm so gonna get killed, I'm leaving before she realizes, bye!" She reasons even though they didn't really plan a dinner.

 

She just really needs to let her feelings out, she might be feeling giddy but she doesn't want to assume.

 

And she's sure she cannot tell her friends that she's still hung up on Karina so she's going to go with Hyewon.

 

And she's glad that they weren't awkward after breaking up.

 

Sure, Winter had a crush on Hyewon and vice versa. But it just didn't work out.

 

Because both of them knew that they didn't love each other.

 

Hyewon was still in love with her ex, Eunbi, a producer in their company as well.

 

Of course, Winter's still in love with Karina. She'll always be.

 

She even wrote a song telling her to call Winter once she hears the song but she guessed that Karina's never heard of it.

 

🍞

 

Karina actually did call Winter that day, it just so happened that Winter was busy gushing about Karina that she put her phone on airplane mode.

 

Hyewon patiently listened to Winter's story and plans that night.

 

🍞

 

"Hold oooonnnnn," Winter couldn't contain the information she's heard over dinner. "We could've been flirting for years already and I didn't know? Baby?!" She turned to Karina who's now laughing because of how Winter's sulking. She even crossed her arms and huffed.

 

The three who were watching them were dumbfounded.

 

"The way things escalated..."

 

"Wow..."

 

"Is it my fault that you suddenly stopped talking to me?" Karina rebutted.

 

"I was waiting for you to message me that you've already landed but you didn't so I thought that you realized how awkward it was after I confessed and everything," Winter reasoned out.

 

"You confessed?!" Ningning was shocked.

 

Karina nodded, shyly.

 

"That's why we were crying and all at the airport, she said thank you as an answer," Winter said nonchalantly like it didn't hurt her.

 

"You called me Karina."

 

"J, that's your name, why are you still pissed that I called you Ka--," Winter didn't continue because Karina glared at her. "Sorry, okay? Don't be mad," she raised both of her hands as a sign of defeat then proceeded to hold the angry bird's older girl's hand.

 

Hyewon whistled, "under."

 

"I still feel dumb as , I let 4 years go to waste," Winter whined.

 

"Hey, you literally won't be able to write and produce those bomb songs if you were busy flirting," Hyewon tried to cheer her up.

 

"I still would've been able to do that, but it'd be happy love songs not sappy, world-ending kind of songs."

 

Now everyone's just laughing at how Winter's acting.

 

Karina leaned towards Winter and rested her head on her shoulders, "if it makes you feel better, you can just begin writing them while flirting with me. You're with your muse now. We can start where we left off."

 

Winter chuckled, "now you're just bragging." Trying hard to stop herself from smiling.

 

Karina smiled proudly before adjusting her position, "I love you too." She whispered.

 

🍞🍞🍞

 

yo, spur of the moment kind of thing-- had the plot in mind for a while now because of seungwann's we're absolutely fine line my !!!! didn't really proofread this one and am just basically posting it right after I write this so belated sorry for the typos or errors in grammar. if you've got questions, you can ask them. ill try to answer them, asap. hoping that this one's worth reading. now, ciao! :)