How did it end up this way?

 

The next thing Chaewon knows, Minju's lips already linger against hers, nibbling on her lower lip slowly. She can't hear anything except for gasps and moans inside the dimly lighted room. It's very hard to think straight when Minju's hands are exploring the sensitive parts of her body, and the younger one even has the audacity to smirk against Chaewon's lips. The last ounce of her sanity is screaming inside her mind, telling her that it's wrong, that they shouldn't be doing this while Minju's friend is just in the next door, waiting for her to come back, for God's sake.

 

And yet.. All that Chaewon could think about is how sweet Minju's lips are, and that kissing has never felt this good. Chaewon doesn’t even realize that she's laying down on her bed now, while Minju's wet lips move to explore her exposed neck. When the younger starts to , Chaewon just couldn't take it anymore. She bites her index finger, clamps her eyes shut. It's not even their first kiss, or the first time they’ve done something like this, and yet.. Minju's touch is too intoxicating, too addicting. Her lips taste like heaven and all the good things that she could never have.

 

"Don't," Minju softly says, tugging Chaewon's hand slightly. She's about to ask, but Minju already kisses her wrist and nibbles on her skin in a way that the older loves, instantly earning another gasp from Chaewon. "Don't hold it back," she goes on. "I want to hear it," she shifts her attention to Chaewon's ear now, her earlobe slowly. "Moan for me," she whispers, and  if that didn't turn her on even more. Thus Chaewon does as she's told.

 

Because what Minju wants, Minju gets.

 

Another loud moan escaped her lips as Minju touches her chest now, expertly sliding her hand inside Chaewon's disheveled shirt and finding her bra clasp. She feels like burning from Minju’s touches. She wonders if Minju feels it too.

 

"Minju, please-"

 

Ding dong.

 

Chaewon immediately freezes, hands gripping on Minju's shoulders even tighter. The latter doesn't seem to mind or pay attention, she even grazes her teeth on Chaewon's collarbone now. As much as she loves it, she still shakes Minju's shoulders, telling her to stop.

 

"Minju, hey! Listen!" Chaewon mutters when Minju isn't stopping. Finally she raises her face, eyebrows furrowed, the kind of expression she always makes whenever Chaewon rejects her kisses, or when Chaewon urges her to eat more vegetables.

 

"It's probably Sakura, that witch." Minju rolls her eyes, clicking her tongue in distaste. But Chaewon's heart clenched, as it always does whenever that name escapes from Minju's mouth.

 

"Chae? What's wrong?" Minju already sits on the bed, tidying up her shirt and her hair. By looking at her swollen lips, Chaewon's sure that it certainly won't escape Sakura's sight.

 

Everything's wrong , she wanted to say. Or, why are we doing this? Didn’t you say you like Sakura?

 

What are we, Minju?

 

Instead, she reaches to help her, tidying Minju's black locks. She couldn't say anything, she couldn't ask, she didn't trust herself enough to not break down if she opened her lips. So she's focusing on Minju's scalp instead, ignoring the latter's intense stare at her. Then suddenly, Minju pecks her lips, a mischievous smile on her face. Her heart clenched, again. It's that damn smile, she's more than willing to do anything to see that smile everyday.

 

"I'll come again tonight," she says, before getting up and collecting her phone and a switch on a table. That's right, Minju initially came to borrow her switch, until suddenly she was pinning her against the wall and.. well, the rest happened.

 

"Wait, tonight? Isn't Sakura sleeping over?" Chaewon asks as she gets up as well.

 

"Yeah she is," Minju replies nonchalantly. She's already walking out of Chaewon's room, rushing to the front door and taking her sandals, while Chaewon's following behind.

 

"Huh..? Then why would you come here tonight?"

 

The annoyed look on Minju's face confuses her even more. "It's fine if you don't want me to."

 

"What? No! Of course not.” Minju could stay in her room for as long as she wishes, not that Chaewon would mind. “But aren't you gonna.. spend the night with her..?"

 

"Why would I?"

 

"Because you like her..?" The words taste so bitter in her tongue, Chaewon has to grip on her arms to keep her voice steady.

 

"So?" Minju asks, eyebrows arched.

 

Chaewon heaves a long sigh. She still couldn't understand how Minju's mind works sometimes despite already being friends with her for more than 10 years. "Min, I'm asking you seriously here."

 

"And so am I. Why can't I spend my time with my best friend?"

 

The last word feels like a slap across her face. A hard one. Bestfriend. Right. Of course that's what she is and she’ll ever be. Not more, not less.

 

But bestfriends don't kiss each other, she wants to say. Against her better judgement, she mumbled instead. "Okay, fine."

 

A wide smile spreads on Minju's face as she steals a kiss on Chaewon's cheek before walking away. "Okay, see you tonight, Chae."

 

When Minju opens the door, a sight of Sakura crossing her arms greets them, and the look on her face instantly makes Chaewon’s heart filled with guilt. "What took you so long? I thought you fainted or something," Sakura rushes to Minju, but the younger only walks past her, towards her own room next door.

 

"You're so noisy."

 

"Chaewon, I'm sorry if Minju's bothering you.." Sakura approaches Chaewon again as she smiles apologetically.

 

It’s actually me who’s getting in the way of you two. "Nothing I couldn't handle."

 

"Wanna join us? We'll probably play Mario Kart again."

 

“Um, I’m not sure Minju’d be happy if I crashed on her date.”

 

"I won’t call it a date though,” Sakura smiles, scratching her cheek. Chaewon recognizes that look. ‘The dumb lovesick look’, her friend Yena’d usually say. Chaewon hears that a lot from her, especially when she’s just alone with Minju. “Actually, Chaewon..”

 

“Yeah?”

 

"I.. I was planning to confess today."

 

“Oh,” she manages to say. She has seen it coming, truly. She did, ever since Minju told her about the encounter with a certain senior months ago, and when Minju showed her a picture, asking for Chaewon’s opinion on the said senior. Or when Minju cancelled one of their mandatory movie nights on Fridays, claiming that she had a ‘pressing matter’. She learned from Yena, later, that Minju and Sakura had their first date that night.

 

She saw it coming, she has even braced herself. And yet..

 

“I think it’s best to do it privately. Minju wouldn’t like a public confession.”

 

Sakura’s eyes widened at that. “Oh, you think so too? Actually I wasn’t so sure before, but I had an inkling that she’d prefer a private confession. Thanks for telling me, Chaewon.” Sakura reaches to hold her hands, and Chaewon’s surprised that she managed to not flinch. “You’ve always been so.. supportive. I don’t know if I and Minju could reach this point if it’s not for your help.”

 

She could only nod, ignoring the big lump inside , or the big hole in her heart. Her eyes are burning, and she grips on her own arms tighter, willing herself to not cry. Not in front of Sakura, at least. Because, what did she expect? For Minju to reject Sakura like she always did all this time? Did she really hope that their kisses and make out sessions will mean something to Minju? That mayhaps, one day, Minju’d realize that she has always loved her? She can’t blame Minju, and she can’t especially blame Sakura. Not when she has been kissing Minju behind her back. She lets herself get swayed, lets herself hope. She forgets her own role as the supporting best friend, and that is her biggest mistake.

 

“Stupid.”

 

At the end of the day, she’s got no one but herself to blame. After all, she already gave her heart to Kim Minju a long time ago. It has always belonged to her since forever. It's hers to mend, or to break. She just didn't expect Minju'd choose to do the latter. Or perhaps she did. But she willingly let Minju do it.

 

"Maybe I should listen to Yena.." She swipes her phone screen, and stops whatever she's about to do when she sees her own home screen.

 

It's a picture from 3 years ago, at their high school graduation. They were hugging each other tightly, smiling so wide to the camera. Minju had a stain of tears on her cheek, and Chaewon could recall how she teased the younger about it endlessly. Back then, it was just Minju and Chaewon. Chaewon and Minju. Two of them, together, always. At every entrance and graduation ceremonies, at every sleepovers, and at every holiday periods. The two shared so many things together; secrets, memories of a lifetime, their first time experiences, even their first kiss.

 

It has always been the two of them. Minju was (or is, she supposes) a constant in Chaewon's life. Though clearly, she's the only one who thinks so.

 

She draws another sharp breath as her vision starts to get blurry again. Her thumb presses several buttons as she lifts the phone to her ear level.

 

When the other person accepts her call, she wastes no time and says, "Yena, I'll do the blind date."

 

 

 

 

 

Later, she could hear multiple knocks on her room's door, growing louder and louder.

 

Chaewon keeps herself hidden under several warm blankets, wills her swollen eyes to shut.