—////—

 

“Chul, please wake up. I'm always here, baby” he paused, intertwined his fingers on heechul's while the said man was still indeed sleeping 

 

“You promised, right? You'll never leave me so please.. please come back to me and tell me that everything is going to be okay” he added, as expected no one answer him and silence was slowly killing him. 

 

“Chul, i'm so....”

 

Once again, he laid down next to him while caressing his face hoping it would last longer but no, he knew how ed up what he did. 

 

“Sorry” he finally said, observing the bruises, bloods and his lifeless body. 

 

—

 

Jungsoo's eyes were wet and immediately shot open when he remembered what happened 3 years ago. 

 

Even in his dreams, guilt was following him. 

 

Sweats all over his body, trembling hands and wet eyes, he tried his best to get up from his bed. 

 

“I'm going to be fine. Past is past” he murmured, opening the curtains and observing the welcoming view outside. 

 

But no, he was still haunted but as a man, perfect man as they defined him, he always denied it... acting like that so called past never happened or exists.

 

“I need to work and get my there even tho i didn't want to” he said, finally have his courage to do his daily routines

 

He grabbed his phone somewhere and checking if someone texted him or called him but no one. 

 

'No one' 

 

I miss him so much.... it hurts 

 

—

 

“How about my schedules?” he calmly said as he tried to loosened his tie to make himself comfortable. 

 

“Sir. You have a sudden meeting this afternoon around 3PM and we already settled everything” the man informed, scanning the folder on his both hands not minding if his boss was staring at him but yes, it bothers him a lot. 

 

His secretary suddenly cleared his throat and Jungsoo snapped back into reality. He looked away feeling uncomfortable by the atmosphere and just hummed as his answer. 

 

“The venue and foods. All you have to do is go there and meet him” his secretary added, again he just nodded 

 

Not wanting to know more about the sudden meeting, Jungsoo chose to be alone and as soon as he reached his office, once again he felt safe. 

 

He loved the atmosphere inside his office, the silence and darkness felt so good. But it didn't last long when his phone lit up and suddenly rang loudy. 

 

Jungsoo didn't bother to check the id caller and the sound of his phone really annoys him, he chose to answer the call and placed it on his ear. 

 

“Hyung!” 

 

“Donghae? Why are you calling me? As you can see, I'm busy right now so you better—” 

 

“Have you seen him?” 

 

Unstable to maintain his heartbeat, he just sat down and tightened his hold on the phone he was holding. Panicking as if the said man would see him right now. 

 

“N-no” 

 

“You better not” 

 

A long paused after Donghae answered him. Silence was killing him and he swore, he just want to disappear and erase all the memories that happened 3 years ago.

 

“W-why?”

 

“He's doing great, hyung” 

 

This time he wants to vomit and something was really bothering him inside of his mind and heart but he took all his courage and shut his eyes, he let himself to say what he really wanted to say. 

 

“3 years wasn't still enough? Donghae, i'm still suffering and that incident is still haunting me. You know how much i love—” 

 

“Your so called love almost killed him” 

 

He was right. No, he was always right. He stayed silent for so long not knowing what to say because Donghae's accusations were right. 

 

“Aren't you happy? He's happy now and you should be happy too. Hyung, are you happy at your surroundings? You still have Sungmin but you know i mean we know.... after that incident, he started to distance himself from you. You ain't dumb and you also feel it. Sungmin can't even look into your eyes, he felt disgusted having you by his side but he stayed because work is work and nothing is wrong with that” 

 

Quietly listening, Jungsoo couldn't breathe enough and felt like his surroundings were suffocating. 

 

“Our friends are still suffering from that incident because we almost lost him” 

 

“Donghae, i need to see—” 

 

“Don't.”

 

It pained him upon hearing the younger's words, Donghae knows better than him. 

 

“If you really love him...”

 

No, he didn't want to hear it. Jungsoo wasn't ready—

 

“Let him go” 

 

But it was too late now. 

—

 

“I'm on my way now” he said, hanging up the call and his eyes were on the road

 

He was driving and of course he was ed up until now after the confrontation between him and Donghae.

 

“Happy? Do i deserve to be happy?” he chuckled and shook his head

 

After an hour, he arrived and of course he greeted everyone—displaying his fake smile to convince everyone that he was okay and still perfect as they said.

 

“! Where is he? I thought he already arrived here” he started to feel irritated knowing that his client was nowhere to be found 

 

Someone led him at their reserved table and he immediately sat down. He couldn't even calm himself and pinching the bridge of his nose out of annoyance and frustration.

 

“Dammit. Where the hell—” his phone rang loudly and once again, annoyance was running up into his blood.

 

Not bothering to see the caller name, he immediately answered the call. 

 

“Sir. Our client canceled the meeting because something came up and it's urgent as he explained. I'm sorry—”

 

“I got it.”

 

He inhaled deeply and Sungmin did the same thing on the other line. 

 

“Hyung—i mean Sir. It was clearly my fault because our client sent their apologies an hour ago but i—”

 

He smiled, although the other man couldn't see the smile, he did. 

 

'Hyung'

 

Its been a long time since the last time Sungmin called him hyung and it felt so nice. 

 

“No need to apologize, Min. It's okay. I'll go back there and.....”

 

He paused, blinking his eyes hoping it was only hallucinations but yet it was indeed true.

 

“Hee...heechul?” not knowing the call was still going on, Sungmin heard it clearly.

 

Sungmin immediately ended the call and dialed someone's number. 

 

After ringing so long, finally someone picked up the call and his throat felt so dry that he couldn't even talk properly. 

 

“What's up, Little—”

 

“Hae, we're doomed”

 

“The are you talking about, Min?”

 

“He saw him!!!”

 

“Saw him? Who?

 

“Jungsoo saw Heechul hyung and i heard it clearly when Jungsoo called his name”

 

“! Give me the damn address and get your there too!”

 

Too bad, the luck wasn't on their side. 

 

—

“Heechul” he repeated, observing the man he missed to death.

 

Heechul's steps makes his heart clenched. He felt dizzy, vomiting and his heart was beating so fast. 

 

His gummy smile, dimples and contagious laugh could be seen and heard inside the restaurant.

 

He shut his eyes tightly and hoping if it was only a dream—please don't wake him up.

 

For the nth time before opening his eyes, he inhaled deeply and decided to finally opened his eyes and he was there... Heechul was in front of him, standing and looking straight into his eyes. 

 

“Are you okay?” he calmly asked and tilting his head to see the other man who was looking at him deeply

 

“Y-yes” he replied, was still a bit stunned when he finally heard his voice again.

 

“Mmmm i thought something was wrong. Anyway, have a good day!” he cheerily said and was about to walk away but Jungsoo quickly pulled him back

 

Both of them were stunned by the sudden physical contact. Of course Heechul frowned, dropped his gaze down onto their hands. It felt so wronged.

 

“What? Hey, let me go. You're hurting me” Jungsoo unconsciously tightening his hold while looking at Heechul

 

“O-ouch” Heechul managed to said, he tried to free himself on Jungsoo's grip and he snapped back into reality when he heard heechul's voice. Jungsoo immediately loosened his grip on him.

 

“Mr. Are you sure you're really okay?” He murmured and just enough for Jungsoo to hear.

 

“I'm sorry” he said, Jungsoo sensed someone was on his behind since Heechul's face lit up and a smile flashed on his face

 

“Chul?” someone called Heechul, that voice was very familiar

 

“Siwoooon!!!” as expected, Heechul ran towards him and welcomed him into a tight hug. 

 

Jungsoo never dare to turn around, he wasn't ready or prepared to see the lovers.

 

“Why are you already here? I told you to come here around 3:30 not this too early. You're so stubborn” Siwon jokingly scolded but Heechul pouted and leaned his head on Siwon's shoulder.

 

“Why? I want to see you” Heechul whined, rolling his eyes and snuggled up on him, the other man only smile while humming and heechul loves it

 

His eyes landed on someone, he knew it was him. Even tho the man was still on his back, he knew the owner very well.

 

“Jungsoo?” Siwon called him and he saw how Jungsoo's body reacted.

 

Once again, Heechul looked up and met Siwon's eyes. Siwon only gave him a smile while the man he called turned around, both of them landed their gaze on Jungsoo the moment he turned around to see them.

 

Heechul smiled and Jungsoo also did but his eyes were still fixed on Heechul's. He couldn't even control his heartbeats and it felt like it was going to explode. 

 

“Long time no see, Jungsoo” Siwon greeted, he just nod and suddenly Heechul averted his eyes from Jungsoo's.

 

“Hmm? Do you know him?” Heechul asked him and Siwon only hummed

 

—

 

“Yes, my client canceled our meeting today. I was about to go but both of you suddenly showed up” Jungsoo explained and smiled bitterly. 

 

No, he only saw Heechul first but out of nowhere—Siwon suddenly showed up and they were planning to have a date here. In the end, Siwon insisted Jungsoo to tag along with them. 

 

Siwon was on Heechul's side while Jungsoo was facing his ex-lover.

 

'Donghae was right. He looks happier than before' he thought

 

“Hmm yes, we always went here. Let's just say this restaurant is our meeting place.” Siwon said, he only nodded.

 

The pain, the pain was coming back. 3 years ago when he almost lost Heechul—no, he already lost him. 

 

“Can i excuse myself?” Heechul asked and waiting for their answer.

 

He knew, he knew something was very wrong. Jungsoo only nod and he turned his gaze back to Siwon, who was already looking at him. 

 

“Hey, are you okay? Babe, is there something wrong?” Siwon caressed his back and Heechul shook his head. 

 

“Silly” Heechul said and playfully smacked his chest

 

Jungsoo, on the other hand almost lost his composure hearing their sweet talks and sweet gestures. 

 

'That should've been me' Jungsoo thought, trying to focus in his food. 

 

“Do you want to go home?” Heechul knew, his lover was worried, again. 

 

'C-can we?' Heechul thought 

 

“No. Let's stay for a while and talk to your friend. I need to go to the restroom and i won't be there long” Heechul softly said and Siwon pouted, Out of nowhere Heechul suddenly cupped his both cheeks and kissed Siwon's reddish cheek. 

 

Jungsoo looked around and averted his eyes from them after seeing how clingy Heechul was. Siwon was stunned but in the end, he smiled and giggled. 

 

Siwon stood up and helped his lover to stand up. Siwon knew that something was bothering the older but Heechul simply ignored it.

 

“Be careful and i'll wait for you” Siwon whispered and earned another smile from Heechul

 

“Don't miss me that much, Babe” Heechul replied jokingly and winked at him.

 

When Heechul disappeared from his sight, Siwon sat down and again, their eyes met—an intense look. 

 

“What are you planning to do?” Siwon calmed his voice not wanting to start a fight. 

 

“No, Siwon. What are you planning to do?” He asked back and earned a smirked from Siwon. 

 

“I thought you're smart but i guess...” unable to finish what he was trying to say, he only shook his head and leaned his back

 

“Anyway, you're doing good and I'm glad to see you” Siwon said, he slightly stretched his arms and smile a little 

 

“He's safe” Siwon added and Jungsoo remained silent as if there was something in his throat. 

 

'He's safe' those words were like a music on Jungsoo. It keeps echoing inside of his mind and ears; very secured, assurance but painful to be heard—'Yes, he's safe because Siwon saved him.' Jungsoo thought. 

​​​

 

In a few minutes, Heechul went back to their table and sat down beside Siwon.

 

“You okay?” Siwon asked worriedly, Heechul looked at him and pinched his left cheek.

 

“Yes, i am. Stop worrying about me and talk to your friend.” Heechul said while bitting his lower lip

 

Siwon only chuckled, he held Heechul's hand and rubbed his thumb on heechul's to calm him down. The said man got his message and smiled at him.

 

“We already talked. Do you want to say something?” Siwon asked, Jungsoo's eyes widened because of his boldness to asked Heechul.

 

“Why would i? I don't even know him.” Heechul replied, he felt nervous at the moment but tried to calm himself.

 

“Heechul, you already know him” Siwon raised a brow, teasing him and Heechul only rolled his eyes.

 

Siwon already introduced the older to him when Heechul accidentally saw a picture and asked about those persons; In that picture, Hae, Min, Siwon and Jungsoo were there. The one who took the picture was Heechul. 

 

On the other hand, Jungsoo was watching the two lovers in front of him. While watching the lovers, he admitted that Siwon and Heechul were indeed cute and happy the way he saw how comfortable they were. 

 

Should he be thankful or mad because Siwon betrayed him? 

 

'You already know me, Chul' He thought, his mind was messed up

 

“Jungsoo” Jungsoo's heartbeat suddenly quickened when he heard how Heechul called his name.

 

He missed that voice. He missed everything about him and it really hurts. It was so gentle and overwhelming—he finally heard his voice. 

 

“I've already saw you. I mean you look very familiar like i saw you on tv, magazines and Siwon has already told me about you” Heechul started, Jungsoo remained silent and listening on him, not bothering to answer him back anytime sooner because Jungsoo waned to stay for a few more hours and wishing their conversation would last longer.

 

“He said that you're very successful now and I'm glad that you achieved your dreams.” Heechul added and he brought his hand to Jungsoo, offering to shake hands with him.

 

Jungsoo gladly accepted the waiting hand and held it tightly. Siwon stayed still and let the two to feel each other's skin.

 

“Heechul, nice to meet you, again.” Jungsoo said and closing his eyes, a lone tear escaped.

 

“Same here, Jungsoo” Heechul whispered softly and slowly pulled back his hand when he felt something on his hand, a warm tear.

 

“Siwon, let's go home” his voice suddenly trembled and Siwon snapped his head up when he heard Heechul's voice.

 

“Why? Why are you crying?” It surprised Siwon seeing Heechul right now. He looks scared and his eyes looks like were asking for a help

 

Heechul clung himself to him like a child and started to cry. Everyone were looking but Siwon didn't even care. All he wanted to do was to calm him down.

 

He knew how to calm the older. Meanwhile Jungsoo stood up and offering to help them but Heechul rejected him.

 

“I'm scared... Siwon, something was wrong in this place. I feel like im going to die!! I can't breathe, i feel dizzy and my leg started to hurt as hell” he was being ridiculous, who was he kidding? Heechul clutched his lover's coat desperately as if his life was depended on it

 

“Yes, we'll go home but please do me a favor first”  Siwon whispered and still rubbing his back trying his best to calm his boyfriend down 

 

“Wh-what?” Heechul asked and tears started to fall again.

 

“Heechul, inhale, exhale. No one's gonna hurt you and i'm here to protect you. Heechul, i love you” Siwon softly said while looking at his eyes. Heechul followed him and he felt safe again after hearing those words from Siwon

 

Jungsoo loosened his tie and trying to suppress his emotions while hearing those words and yes, it made Heechul calmed.

 

“Feeling better now? Can you stand up?” Siwon patiently asked and baby-ing Heechul. While the forgotten man—Jungsoo was only looking at them and he had mixed emotions.

 

'I feel like I'm going to die'

 

'My leg started to hurt as hell'

 

Jungsoo's ears were burning hearing what the younger said. He knew it was from the accident 3 years ago.

 

“L-let's go home” Heechul weakly said and Siwon guided him to stand up

 

“Jungsoo, sorry but we need to go first.” Siwon said and held Heechul's waist to guide and support him. 

 

“It's okay. Go ahead” Jungsoo answered and for the last time, Heechul looked at him and apologetic smile suddenly appeared on Heechul's face. Jungsoo's heart clenched and felt a pang seeing how devastated his ex lover was. 

 

They were ready to go but two people suddenly appeared and saw Heechul's condition. 

 

“What did you do?” Donghae asked not bothering to look at Jungsoo and his gaze were still on Heechul who was being guided by Siwon

 

When Siwon saw Hae and Min, their friends, he just nod and smile, mouthed his friends that everything's going to be okay. 

 

“What did you do?!” Sungmin repeated, he was already crying and it shocked the older seeing him crying, unexpectedly.

 

“I didn't do anything. Siwon saw me and they let me stay to had a meal with them. Heechul was okay with that and we were just talking not until he broke down. He cried and he said his leg was in pain. I didn't do anything—” Donghae cut him off

 

“I told you to leave him alone, hyung. He's still in pain and the accident that happened 3 years ago is still fresh for him and haunting him as well. Hyung, why are you so selfish? Let him be happy” Donghae remarks makes his body shivers.

 

They knew better..

 

“If only you had followed what he said that night  maybe these s wouldn't happened. If only you let him to stay there maybe the accident didn't happen. You shouted at him, cursed and blaming him as if he did something horrible when in fact, he was just having fun with us but your ing instinct said that Heechul was cheating behind your back when we all know that he wasn't.” Sungmin said, he was right.

 

Donghae only stood there and calming himself while the other one was ready to confront him again.

 

“Are you scared? Scared of losing him that's why you kept following him whenever he goes somewhere? Scared to be left alone that's why you chose to showed your possessiveness thinking it was good enough to make him stay but we all know that wasn't good at the very first place” Sungmin continued, clenching his fists when he recalled everything

 

Pain, sacrifices and untold stories—they needed to be said, if this was the only way to protect Heechul from Jungsoo—Sungmin didn't care. 

 

“The car accident made him like that, Jungsoo. He can't even walk properly without someone's help. His nightmares, sleepless nights and tears are still haunting him like yours. Yes, it's been 3 years but the pain is still there. Jungsoo—” he paused, biting his lower lip to stop himself to cry again because he didn't want to cry, not in front of this man. Never again. 

 

Car accident, he lost him after that incident. He still remember how they fought inside of his car.

 

'Stop this ing car!!! Jungsoo, please' Heechul was crying and begging, Jungsoo knew how scared his boyfriend was but jealousy was on his mind—running into his blood. 

 

'No, we'll go home! Stop cheating on me, Heechul. Do you think im blind? —' Jungsoo yelled and the other man only covered his ears

 

Heechul was scared because this wasn't Jungsoo. His Jungsoo wasn't this man who was sitting beside him. He couldn't be the Jungsoo—the man he loved and this Jungsoo wasn't the old Jungsoo when he first met him and before they became a lovers. He changed a lot. 

 

'I'm not c-cheating on you, Jungsoo. I love you, why would i cheat? You know i—' Jungsoo cut him off

 

His ears were bleeding hearing those words from Heechul. He hated it. He hated being this knowing that Jungsoo doesn't have any proof or evidence of Heechul who he was accusing of cheating. 

 

'STOP! SHUT UP!!!' he shouted, Heechul was startled. His body was trembling and all he wanted was to go back to his friends.

 

'Please... let's go back there. Jungsoo, I'm scared' Heechul managed to say while trying to reach the older's hand to calm him down

 

'Now you're scared of me? Heechul look what happened to you! No, let's go home' Jungsoo firmly said, his eyes were still on the road and driving as fast as he could.

 

Heechul remained silent and let his boyfriend to do whatever he wants. Jungsoo wouldn't listen to him—not anymore.

 

After their fight, Jungsoo glanced sideways and he saw Heechul. Heechul was curling his body and his eyes were on outside the car.

 

Jungsoo inhaled deeply and he finally took Heechul's hand.

 

Heechul flinched by the sudden touch. He missed the old Jungsoo—the Jungsoo he knew would never let him cry because he couldn't stand seeing him crying, never hurt him verbally because Jungsoo knows how soft hearted the other one and lastly, the old Jungsoo who was confident and trusting him 24/7 because he knew how much Heechul loves him. 

 

'Where's my Jungsoo?' Heechul thought 

 

Jungsoo held his hand tightly and felt Heechul's hand was very cold means he was really scared to death.
 

 

'I'm sorry... Heechul, are you okay?' Jungsoo sighed while rubbing his hand lovingly

 

Heechul knew the monster was still there; inside of his boyfriend's body but Heechul dared himself to convinced his boyfriend to go back there. 

 

'J-jungsoo, let's go back there' Heechul replied weakly and the tears started to fall again.

 

Of course, who was he kidding?

 

Jungsoo's eyes were on fire again and looked at him as if Heechul did something wrong. 

 

'! WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK THERE? YOUR OTHER MAN IS STILL THERE, HUH? F—' Jungsoo was unable to finish his sentence when Heechul suddenly screamed

 

'JUNGSOO!!!'

 

“Jungsoo, he's happy now. Leave him alone” Sungmin said, finally his tears started to fall. He thought he could control his tears but who was he kidding? If it was about Heechul—no one could control their tears not even Sungmin, himself. 

 

He couldn't hold back his feeling. He also lost his bestfriend. Sungmin witnessed how Jungsoo treated Heechul. Jungsoo treated him as if Heechul wasn't his lover. 

 

He witnessed everything and saw how Heechul suffered from his ugly memories. He made Heechul the happiest at the very beginning of their relationship but in the end, Jungsoo made Heechul miserable. 

 

Jungsoo only stared at him. He wanted to hug his friend but he knew, he couldn't. 

 

“Glad he forgot everything—including his ugly memories. He's safe with Siwon now. Hyung, just leave him alone” Donghae calmly said and cracked a smiled at him

 

“We're begging” Sungmin added, there was a long paused. No one wanted to speak after that.

 

'But i love him and i still do' Jungsoo thought, closing his eyes and tears started to fall

 

“Hae, Min. I'm really sorry. I know you also lost him. We almost lost him but i-i can't let him go” Jungsoo said, shutting his eyes tightly.

 

He couldn't and he would never—

 

“Let him” Donghae stopped  Sungmin and watched Jungsoo ran and went outside to see if Heechul was still there

 

“B-but” Sungmin tried to stop the older but Donghae pulled him back

 

“Calm down and let him hurt himself” Donghae said while observing the older and saw that Jungsoo stopped running to approach the new lovers. He failed. 

 

Heechul forgot everything. He lost his memories and even Sungmin, Donghae were both forgotten. 

 

Heechul started his new life, his new self and everything felt new to him. 

 

“Are you okay?” Siwon asked while his hair lovingly and Heechul only hummed

 

Was he really okay? After seeing his ex lover—was he still okay? What happened 3 years ago was supposed to be gone not to remain as his painful memory. He already forgot the accident but the moment he saw him—everything went back. 

 

“Are you feeling better now? Do you want to go to the hospital? Chul—” 

 

“I'm fine, You silly” Heechul chuckled and leaned his head on Siwon's shoulder while the younger's arm was still on Heechul's waist, supporting him to walk. 

 

“I love you” Siwon sweetly said that made him smiled. 

 

“I love you too” Heechul replied and looked up to met his eyes. 

 

Everything feels new to him—thanks to Siwon who stayed by his side and made him the happiest. 

 

The happiness he really deserves—the happiness he really wants to feel. 

 

“Jungsoo...”

 

“Hmm? What about him?” 

 

“I hate his name. It's kind of weird hearing his name.”

 

“Then forget his name” Siwon said, sniffing Heechul's hair scent and slowly closed his eyes to feel the moment 

 

“Siwon..”

 

“Hmm?” 

 

Heechul stood straight and again, their eyes met for the nth time. 

 

He felt safe—especially when Siwon was always around. He loves it, he loves everything; his new beginning. 

 

“I hate this city. Can we move out again? Let's live somewhere” Heechul requested, Siwon was a bit flustered but there was still a smile on his face. 

 

“We just moved here a month ago and you want to move out again? Why?” Siwon teased, raising his eyebrows even though Siwon already knew the answer, he tried again. 

 

“I hate this city and i hate everything about here. I feel like i—” Siwon jerked his body and pulled him into a tight hug as if his life was depended on Heechul. 

 

“Shhh. let's do that” Siwon simply answered and kissed heechul's crown

 

Heechul who was smiling from ear to ear suddenly giggled while burying his head on Siwon's neck.

 

“Thank you” he whispered and hugged him back

 

On the other hand, Jungsoo was watching the lovers from a far. They were right, Heechul looks so happy now. 

 

“Should i give up? Chul, please turn around and look at me”

 

Jungsoo couldn't even breathe properly and there was a loud pang inside of his heart that keeps bothering him. It felt like his heart was about to explode in a split second. 

 

One.. 

 

Two.. 

 

Three...

 

Four....

 

F-fi....

 

Heechul turned around and met his eyes. He was smiling, Heechul was smiling while looking at him. 

 

“Heechul...”

 

Then again, he turned his back and clung himself to Siwon.

 

He knew it after the accident, Jungsoo lost him. 

 

—He already lost him. 

 

'Of course i remembered you, Jungsoo' Heechul wanted to say those words out loud but he chose to kept it into himself

 

Again, Heechul chose to ran away from everything.

 

From his ugly memories, pain and to the man he loved once—He chose to ran away from Jungsoo, again.

 

Maybe in another lifetime, we could be together for the second time and let's promise not hurt each other, again.