Donghae's tears keep coming. His eyes fill up. He blinks really hard. His tears drop onto his keyboard. But he still can't see.

What's he trying to do again?

Eventually, he notices: it's a couple minutes to midnight. Donghae closes everything. Opens his email. Types a few sentences. Sends it out to everyone.

He slumps back. Shuts his eyes. To try to keep his tears in this way.

His nose gets full.

"."

Donghae grabs some tissues. Blows his nose. Wipes his face. Dries his eyes. Sits up. He feels so exhausted. He's definitely sick.

He might as well just... sleep...

But how can he just act as usual? As if he didn't hear anything? What's he supposed to do now? What's the right thing to do?

Wait for Hyukjae to dump him?

Confront Hyukjae now?

Get dumped now?

Dump Hyukjae first?

He drops his head. It bangs the desk.

He doesn't want to break up. What the ? He loves Hyukjae. Loved him even when Hyukjae loved someone else! He kept it to himself. Just waited. Hoped. Focused on school.

He's quite good at that. He can forget about anything. Maybe–

The door clicks open. Donghae's head bolts up.

"Hae?" Hyukjae comes in quietly. Worriedly. "Are you okay?"

Donghae nods. His throat's tight.

"Um..." Hyukjae steps closer. "Hae... I was thinking... maybe you could stay home tomorrow? I think you need some rest..."

Donghae blinks back. Wordlessly. Hyukjae takes another step.

"I'd thought I could just email your supervisor for you, if you seemed like you'd be sleeping through the evening. You can get excused for a day or two, right? Even if you got to finish your work. I'm sure she'll be fine with it. You work so hard all the time..."

Donghae... did just ask. For an extension. He canceled some office hours. A tutorial session.

"I didn't email, by the way..." Hyukjae smiles reassuringly. "You woke up and instantly came here, so... and I know you don't like to fall behind..."

"Thanks," Donghae manages.

Hyukjae comes around the desk. Beside him. He caresses his hair. Feels his face.

"Are you feeling better, babe?"

"Not really," Donghae mumbles.

Hyukjae's eyes sadden. He leans down. Kisses his head.

"Hae... you shouldn't be here, then..." Hyukjae's mouth pouts. "Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"Okay..."

Hyukjae has the gummiest smiles. Donghae just adores them. He smiles so easily. Pouts so easily. It's too cute.

"Come on, then..."

Hyukjae gets him to his feet. Brings his arm around him.

"Do you want more soup, Hae?"

"No..." Donghae says. Stops in their bedroom.

Theirs...

Will they go back to being roommates? Or would Hyukjae leave immediately?

"Um... I've told everyone I'm sick," Donghae says. "So... I didn't really do anything today..."

This makes him feel worse. But Hyukjae squeezes him.

"Oh, Hae, that's okay. You did great! You'll get the rest you need – you couldn't have gotten much done like this. Does your head still hurt?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh, my poor baby..."

------

Donghae's confused. But the care from Hyukjae feels good. He lets himself receive it. He can't do anything anyway.

Except... hurt inside. Tear up. Hyukjae sees that as him not feeling well. So he comforts further. Tries to soothe him. Holds him tightly. his hair. Kisses his temple.

Donghae leans into Hyukjae's warmth. Closes his eyes.

It's true. Donghae's always been academically inclined. He can get absorbed in studies and projects. So he can ignore this night. Just... continue. Keep Hyukjae for a bit longer. Let him choose. When to reveal. Separate.

But can Donghae just continue?

Yes.

He can focus well. Great, in fact.

Unless something's wrong with Hyukjae.

This was true even before. The time they were just roommates. Isn't it why Donghae accepted? Hyukjae's stupid idea? Practice-date him for a week. So he can gain some confidence. Experience. Confess to Yunho.

It was the panic over losing him. That's what made Donghae feel unwell. Skip class. Chase after him. Then forget all his classes that day. Cry in bed, instead.

And...

It's the exact same. Now. Donghae's focus has been ty. Because he felt Hyukjae's sad. Because of him.

. Donghae can handle work stress. Studies. Deadlines. But not losing his favourite weirdo.

"You – you want to break up with me?"

The word's have left his mouth. Before he has fully finished his thoughts.

Hyukjae has gone still. Donghae shifts. To look at him. Hyukjae's staring. Then, that same sadness takes over. His face. His eyes. His lips don’t pout, however. They part. Quiver. Suddenly, he slips out of bed. Leaves the room.

Donghae’s heart beats loudly.

What does this mean?

Why did he look even more upset?

Donghae’s the one hurt! Devastated! He’s asking to be certain! Because his heart can’t handle this. He won’t be able to act like he doesn’t know. Doesn’t see. Doesn’t feel Hyukjae’s unhappiness. He especially can’t go around acting normal. Not when he loves Hyukjae so much!

He sniffles. Wipes his eyes. Gets out of bed.

Donghae finds Hyukjae on the couch. He's folded his legs. His face is turned. Towards the window. It's dark outside. There's just the faint glow of the moon. The lights of the streets. Donghae moves closer. Apprehensively. He turns on the lamp. Hyukjae's face appears. On the glass. Their eyes meet.

He's crying.

"Hyukjae...”

The other turns. Dries his eyes. Faces him as Donghae sits. He gently pulls his arms back. From Donghae’s touch.

"I'm fine," Hyukjae says. "I should've expected it. I don't know why I thought– never mind. Say what you need to. You've been wanting to talk for this reason."

“What?” Donghae says. "E-Expected what?"

“This…” Hyukjae smiles with effort. “That we’d have to break up by the end of the semester, but looks like you’re pretty sick of it and would rather not wait…” He chuckles. Blinks down quickly. Tearfully. “W-What did it?”

Donghae can’t understand. Pretty sick of it? Of what? Rather not wait? What did it?

What did what?

“Please, wait…” Donghae says. “What are you talking about? W-Why did you think we’d have to break–break up?”

“Because…”

Donghae has to lean closer. Catch his words. Hyukjae keeps his gaze down. His voice remains soft.

“You don't… I don’t know your actual reasons, but I-I mean, I can tell it’s not the most important thing to you – and I’m not saying it should be. You have your goals in life and everything you want to accomplish… so…” Hyukjae sniffles. His nose has turned pink. “I get why you’d want to break up…”

"What... what's not the most important thing to me?"

"This, Donghae. Our relationship."

"What?"

"Sorry. I-It's okay, I get it. You have stuff you need to focus on more and this... is basically a hindrance..." He wipes his tears again. Tries to smile. "I understand."

Donghae clenches his teeth. Clasps his own hands. He realizes; his own question to Hyukjae. Minutes ago.

“You idiot… I wasn’t suggesting we break up!”

Hyukjae's head snaps up. "What?"

"I was asking if that's what you'd been all ing sad for, if that's what you'd been thinking about – I don't want to break up with you!"

"Y-You... don't?"

"No!"

"W-Why?"

"Why? Are you stupid? Why the hell would I–? I love you..." Donghae takes his hands now. Holds them firmly. "Hyukjae... have I made you feel that I don't? W-What's going on? You have to tell me, babe, we can talk about it..."

Hyukjae's eyes pool once more. His hands slip out of Donghae's.

"When can we talk about it?" Hyukjae says. "How?" He shakes his head. Faces ahead. Mutters. "The fact that you don't want to break up is probably worse..."

"W-What – you do want us to break up?"

Hyukjae closes his eyes. His head tilts back.

"No, Donghae, I don't want us to break up. Alright? But I know that we’ll need to…”

There’s a growing lump. It’s obstructing Donghae's voice. He’s so confused:

Hyukjae was upset; he thought Donghae was breaking up with him. He’s upset that Donghae isn’t. He says he doesn’t want to. But says they need to?

What the ?

“W-Why?” Donghae finally manages. “I-I don’t get it…”

Hyukjae bites his lip. His eyes flit around his face. Drop down.

“Okay… Hae,” Hyukjae says. “W-Why do you think we shouldn’t?”

“Because I love you,” Donghae answers again. Instantly. “Do you… do you not...?" He can't complete the question.

Hyukjae’s lips turn down. He glances away. Donghae’s chest hurts.

“H-Hyukjae…”

“This wouldn’t be so hard if I didn’t love you, Hae...” Hyukjae says. Takes a shaky breath. Doesn’t look at him. “I’m here because I’m stupid and I keep wishing you’d… you’d get a single moment in your day to just think and ask about how I feel–”

“Hyukjae! I do think about you! Constantly!”

“No, you don’t, Donghae. I don’t mean like that – you only remember me when you’re stressed and you need an escape! It’s exactly the kind of relationship you had with Jun!”

Hyukjae a long inhale.

"Oh my god," he says. In a lower voice. “I’ve just turned into a replacement for Jun, haven’t I?”

Donghae’s trying hard. Really hard. Is this something else he missed? Forgot?

“Who’s… Jun?”

Hyukjae’s lips part. Close. Press thin.

“You don’t remember Jun…” He rubs his eyes. Looks away. “Great. In a couple months, y