"Donghae, we need to get back home, let's go."

"No."

"Come on, Hae. Don't be such a child."

"So you do see me as a child? Is that why you still can’t accept my confession?"

Hyukjae inhaled sharply, the harsh, winter air prickling his lungs. He frowned at Donghae glaring daggers at him with his arms crossed petulantly.

It was late and it was dead quiet. The playground they're at deserted from its usual patrons. More importantly, it was ing cold as it was already the start of winter and Hyukjae was freezing his off. He wasn't able to get a proper jacket when he ran out of their house to go after Donghae.

Honestly, he has no idea why Donghae ran away in the first place.

They were at Hyukjae's house, having their usual Saturday movie night with both their families. As always, they were all joking around until it landed on the topic of Donghae still not having a boyfriend and he did remember hearing the younger saying something along the lines of: "I'm waiting for someone."

Hyukjae, however, did not clearly hear what was said next as he was actually focused on the film they were supposed to be watching. The next thing he knew, Donghae's already running out of the house.

Following his instincts from over a decade of knowing Donghae, Hyukjae went after him without thinking twice or asking about what happened.

And now, he's confused.

"Hae, I don't understand. Wha-"

"You can't be this dense, Hyukjae!" Donghae shouted.

Much to his surprise, Hyukjae could see frustrated tears running down Donghae's face. A frown marring his usual cheerful visage, his normally sad eyes that he usually denies as something natural now actually filled with genuine distress and pain.

Now, Hyukjae is not the best at handling people's emotions nor could he control his. So he reacted in a way he knew how. Which was probably a mistake.

"Ya, Lee Donghae. What's wro—"

But Donghae's already blinded by his anger, "See?!” he scoffed, “You wanna know what's wrong? It's you, Hyukjae! You and your way of treating me like a ing kid!"

"Donghae, you need to give me more context here," the older begged exasperatedly, "I never treated you like a kid."

Donghae remained silent for a moment, shifting his weight from one leg to another, restlessly looking around. When he spoke, Hyukjae swore he felt his heart crack at the pained sound within the younger’s tone.

"You laughed! You laughed when Donghwa hyung said that the person I'm waiting for probably doesn’t want to be with me because I'm childish! The person I love, the one I'm waiting for laughed at me! How do you think would that make me feel?!"

Hyukjae blinked dumbfounded at the fuming boy—no, man—standing a few steps away from him. He could hear the utter betrayal in Donghae’s tone and he watched as more tears continuously poured down Donghae's already beet-red face. The sight made his whole being ache as though he was feeling the younger’s emotions ten times its intensity.

He has been hurting Donghae for so long and he didn't even notice. Hyukjae promised years ago that he would protect Donghae from the things that could harm him, to only give him love and affection because Lee Donghae deserves nothing but the nicest things in this world.

It was his life-long mission but here he was, unknowingly putting the most important person in his life in misery.

"I confessed to you when I was fifteen, told you I've liked you for so long but you only said that I'll get over it, that I'll find someone better than you," Donghae managed to choke out, "But I never did, Hyuk, and I tried, alright? But they're nothing compared to you. I kept telling you that I like you but you always have so many excuses," he spat out with so much venom lacing his tone that it made Hyukjae flinch.

He could recall all those moments clearly; of Donghae confidently telling him of his feelings and his own sorry excuses. So he could only close his eyes, every word that came out of Donghae’s mouth like sharp, little stones thrown at him.

"You're still young, Hae. You'll find someone better than me. What about your friend Kyuhyun? What about that guy you met at music camp, he has a crush on you. Your hyung will be mad at me. Your parents will be mad at me. I'm older than you," Donghae’s indignation increasing with every phrase he uttered.

"You act as if you're decades older than me. Our is only ing four years!" he yelled followed by a bitter laugh, "I was ing ready to move on. Okay, maybe Hyukjae's not interested even though he really never said he's not interested in me."

Hyuykjae opened his mouth to say something, anything, to explain himself and hopefully calm Donghae down but before he could even do so, the younger surprised him by storming forward, making him stumble back slightly.

"Shut up, you can't ing talk. You have no right," Donghae hissed, jaw clenching furiously, his usually soft gaze now replaced with unforgiving rage and sorrow.

So Hyukjae kept his mouth shut. Simply staring back at Donghae with eyes wide open in disbelief. Hyukjae has never seen him this mad, not even when someone broke his things, or when a person was outright rude towards him. Lee Donghae has always had a sunny disposition but this man in front of him was the complete opposite and honestly? Hyukjae's a little terrified. Cause he must have really ed up. Royally.

"I was prepared to move on," Donghae repeated, his voice suddenly eerily even, "But you kept doing things that just confuses me and I can't even chalk it on you being kind 'cause you only do it to me. You hold my hand during movie nights, giving me a damned back hug when I least expect it, bringing me lunch at school, fetching me to go on spontaneous 'friendly dates', acting jealous when someone's obviously flirting with me."

Hyukjae's fingers twitched as he saw a tear fall down from Donghae's eyes, itching to wipe it away.

"At the same time, you kept telling me that I'm better off with someone else, and yet…you never even explicitly rejected me. All you have to do is tell me that you'll never like me, that you'll only see me as that annoyingly clingy brother that your friend has," Donghae muttered, voice cracking at the end but straining through the lump in his throat to continue.

"But you kept doing all those things and I'm so confused and so tired and it hurts so much, Hyuk. It hurts when you act like my boyfriend and the next thing I know, you're treating me like a kid, not even taking me seriously, pushing me towards someone else when all I want—" he inhaled sharply, suddenly hyperaware of Hyukjae's almond eyes at him. He scanned the older's face, desperately looking for a reaction, a recognition of what he has been going through for years and he saw a flicker of it but it wasn't enough.

Donghae finds it funny that Hyukjae's literally right in front of him, he could reach him so easily, could fall into his arms at any given moment. Except, he doesn't even know if Hyukjae's going to catch him; if he would wrap him in his arms and shield him from the cold; if he would kiss his tears away.

Donghae wants Hyukjae to be his so bad but how can that be when his feelings would never be returned?

"When all I want is you," he finished meekly, finally tearing his gaze away from the raven-haired man.

Hyukjae let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He willed his tears back—he doesn’t deserve to cry, not when he was the one at fault—and finally, let himself raise his hands and cradle Donghae's face tenderly. His lips quirked just slightly when he saw the stunned look on the younger as he gently wiped his tears.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," he mumbled sincerely, stepping forward to get closer to Donghae, "I thought I was doing what's best for you."

Donghae scoffed, glowering at him.

"Hear me out," he chastised softly, "Perhaps I really am dense for thinking that what you had for me was a silly infatuation. I thought you just think I'm cool or something like that. Besides, you were 15 and I was already 19. I've known you since you were five, Hae, and—" he breathed in shakily, "And it felt wrong to me. It worried me cause our families probably see us as brothers."

"I never saw you as a brother," Donghae interrupted, brows furrowed deeply, "But you did, didn't you?"

Hyukjae sighed dejectedly, chuckling lightly when he shook his head, "No. I know I care for you though. More than I ever did with my other friends. I wanted to protect you," he confessed, brushing Donghae's fringe away from his