It was late at night, very late. The streets of Seoul virtually empty, the usual party crowds nowhere to be found due to curfews set because of the pandemic. This was something common now, everyone has gotten used to the fact that over the past year, no one’s really out so late at night anymore. In one of the dance studios at the new SM building (or ‘kwangya’ as Donghae loves to call it as), music was still blasting from the speakers. “It’s California Love Oh… uri durui Love Oh Oh… We gotta go Where we goin’… I just feel like I’m in dream Oh…” In the middle of the room stood Donghae, who was still grooving to the beat, practicing the choreography, and ensuring it’s being imprinted into his brain for the upcoming music show performances. The rest of his dance crew had left a few hours ago, but Donghae insisted he wanted to stay behind a little more to practice. It wasn’t that the choreography was difficult, in fact, it was pretty simple and Donghae was known to be one of the artistes of SM who memorizes dance steps easily. It was just that his knee was bothering him earlier and he knew that during his practice with the whole crew, he wasn’t able to fully utilize his potential as he tried to accommodate the condition of his knees. He was determined now, however, after popping some painkillers, to push himself past the pain to showcase the choreography to what he knows is the best that can be.  

As his body whipped through a particular twirl and jump however, a surge of pain shot through his knee and Donghae stumbled onto the ground. Out of frustration, he fisted his hands and struck them onto his knees, which obviously made matters worse. A grimace formed on his face from the additional self-inflicted pain and a groan escaped his lips. Slumping down onto the ground, Donghae tried to calm himself down. His knees which were already in pretty bad shape from years of dancing and sports had gotten really bad ever since he started working on the dance for ‘California Love.’ Wanting to show his best side to the fans for their unwavering support for D&E the past 10 years, he had pushed himself even harder in hopes to achieve perfection in his performance. This had resulted in him injuring the cartilage in his knees. His doctor had said that thankfully, he wouldn’t need surgery yet and had started him on a course of treatment involving injections, painkillers, anti-inflammatory pills and of course, physical therapy as part of rehabilitation. He understands that his knees will never really heal until he actually rests and put off dancing and physical activities for weeks but with his solo promotions and shortly after, D&E’s coming up, it’s not like that could be an option now. After a few minutes of just lying flat on the floor, Donghae finally sat up. He rationalized that he could not keep pushing himself tonight or he probably wouldn’t even be able to walk tomorrow, let alone come by for another dance practice session. Letting out a huge sigh, he finally peeled himself off the ground and headed out of the studio to head home.  

After a quick shower when he reached home, Donghae flopped down onto his bed, it was close to 3am. He was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep the night away, but his mind just couldn’t shut up. He thought about how exhausting comeback preparations were and how he had stayed awake for nights in a row to compose his songs and how he physically couldn’t stomach any food because of nerves and had opted for skipping meals altogether. It had gotten a little better now that the songs had been completed but the anxiety he had from knowing that he will be performing alone for the first time since his debut 16 years ago, coupled with the condition of his knees, and the stress from preparing for his solo promotions on top of ongoing preparations for D&E’s upcoming activities still kept Donghae up at night. He considered himself lucky if he could squeeze in 3 or 4 hours of sleep because majority of the nights, he stayed awake tossing and turning or just staring at his ceiling until daybreak. He had considered getting a prescription for sleeping pills, especially for nights where he knew he really needed to sleep to take on his packed schedule the next day but he was worried he would become reliant on them and so, never actually got around to doing it. He could eat slightly more now but he knew his weight would continue decreasing until the whole comeback was over, and he could finally relax.  

As Donghae’s mind races with everything that he was worrying about, he settled on one thought that probably hurts him the most. The other half of the D&E duo and his other half, Hyukjae. Hyukjae would be in Dubai for his upcoming birthday and could not be around to see him through his solo promotions. Thinking back, he thought of how he was supposed to be in Dubai with his boyfriend, performing overseas for the first time in close to 2 years with fans who were actually physically going to be there. Hyukjae and him were so excited for it! They would be able to perform in front of a live audience, hype up their upcoming album a little, and then, watch the world’s largest water fountain show with ‘House Party’ as the background music! As if that would not be a good enough birthday present for Donghae, he could also get to be with his boyfriend on his birthday, in a foreign country, something they haven’t got to do in so long. Even if they could not be out and about Duabi since fans would certainly be tailing them, they had thought of ordering a feast to their hotel room and having a quiet birthday celebration, with just the both of them. It wasn’t as if they haven’t been spending much time together. Quite the contrary, they have been with one another a lot recently, what with their weekly radio shows and their album preparations. But all these were for work and Donghae was really looking forward to spending some private alone time as a couple, and not colleagues working together. Alas, due to the delay of the album, ‘California Love’ was set to be released later and it ended up being confirmed to be out on the week of Donghae’s birthday. Also, his knee condition meant that there was no way he would be flying halfway across the world to perform. His Dubai appearance had then been cancelled and Kyuhyun would be replacing him instead. 

The more Donghae thought about it, the more frustrated he grew. He was angry at the world for putting him in these circumstances. He slammed his arms down onto his bed with a yell. He knew he had to stop thinking or he would end up crying and that was certainly not what he needed at this time of the night. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to relax and try to go to sleep. By the time he managed to actually fall asleep, it was nearly 630am, the early hints of sunrise already painting the skies.  

_______ 

Donghae jolted awake to the sound of something crashing and breaking onto the floor outside his room. He sat up in shock, still trying to understand what had happened. He heard the sounds of some muttering and what seemed to be someone trying to sweep whatever that had broken. He got scared for a moment, wondering who the heck had managed to get into his house. His brother or his mother perhaps? But they would usually inform him beforehand before coming over and he hasn’t heard from them. Donghae reached for his phone, unlocking it and saw that it was around 8am, which meant that he had only been asleep for an hour and a half. He groaned at that realization, he had just gotten into a deep sleep and now he was awake, and he knew there was no way he would be able to fall back sleep. Grabbing his phone rather aggressively, he made his way out of his room to check on who and what had dragged him away from his much-needed rest. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Hyukjae, who was emptying a dustpan filled with ceramic shards into the bin.  

Donghae wasn’t sure if it was because of the lingering frustrations he had felt just before he went to bed or because of the annoyance of being woken up when he so badly needed to continue sleeping after he had just managed to fall asleep, but for the first time, he wasn’t happy seeing his boyfriend appear in his apartment.  

“What are you doing here?” Donghae said rather irritably. 

Hyukjae, who was busy cleaning up and hadn’t noticed Donghae standing behind him, startled and turned around, eyes wide in surprise but immediately relaxed after seeing it was just his boyfriend.  

“Oh. Hey baby, you scared me,” he replied with a grin, clearly happy to see Donghae. 

“I asked you what you were doing here,” Donghae’s voice remained cold and didn’t seem at all excited about Hyukjae being in his house. 

Hyukjae couldn’t understand why Donghae was behaving this way. Had he made him mad about something? He started to get nervous. “Umm... I- I brought you breakfast? I remembered you mentioned you wanted to have the fluffy pancakes from the café near my place a while ago?” <