"I'll get over it." 

Was the first thing that Chaeryeong said to Jisu, stirring her cup of coffee with her spoon as the two of them stood by the kitchen counter.

What were they doing here again? 

Ah, right. 

Chaeryeong wasn't exactly subtle about hiding her feelings. Or maybe Jisu was just too observant to just let this slide. 

Chaeryeong doesn't know how and when she started seeing Ryujin as someone more than a friend. It must've started when Ryujin and her spent several nights engaging in deep conversations that somehow always ended up with Ryujin comforting a teary-eyed Chaeryeong.

Or maybe the way Ryujin held her hand as they left for whatever schedule they had for the day, providing her even the slightest amount of warmth.

Or maybe the way Ryujin laughed at her lame jokes.

Or maybe the way Ryujin's cheeks formed small whiskers whenever she gave Chaeryeong the biggest smile she could muster.

Or maybe their mere eye contacts that never failed to make the butterflies in her stomach go insane at the sight of Ryujin's beautiful brown eyes.

Chaeryeong doesn't know how it all started, the way all she feels is   or when her lips automatically curl into a soft smile whenever Ryujin entered the room.

And it was scaring her because she knew what that meant. 

She doesn't know how innocent adoration for the blonde bloomed into something else – a four-letter word that started with the letter 'L' and ended with the letter 'E' (which one of the two is it?).

Chaeryeong remembers liking the feeling of it – the attraction and admiration for Ryujin. She liked the way her chest was filled to the brim with warmth whenever Ryujin smiled at her and whenever Ryujin hugged her out of nowhere. She's always liked Ryujin since they were trainees – Ryujin's mere presence gave her comfort during the evaluations that made her question if they were debuting in a group together.

But more importantly, Chaeryeong doesn't understand how that feeling of comfort and adoration morphed into a bittersweet feeling that kept on bugging her.

She doesn't miss the way Ryujin looked at Yeji in a different light than she did with Chaeryeong.

She doesn't miss the way Ryujin smiled at Yeji as if she was the only person in the room.

She vividly remembers that one Sunday morning. The redhead remembered leaving something in Ryujin and Yeji's shared room the night before when she and Ryujin were having one of those deep talks again. But then Yeji entered the room, forcing the two to cut their conversation short.

She remembers how the next morning, when she entered the room to quietly get her belongings, she had a realization.

Ryujin looked beautiful, of course. She has always been beautiful. Ryujin still looked pretty even when her hair was tousled and even when her face lacked any makeup. The smile on her face was endearing.

But instead of feeling happy as she usually would whenever she saw Ryujin smile, a bittersweet feeling washes over her. Ryujin's smile was beautiful. 

But it isn't directed to me, thought Chaeryeong, as she watched Ryujin gently pat Yeji's shoulder, whispering with the softest voice Chaeryeong's ever heard from her, as she woke her up. The smile – that loving smile – on Ryujin's face only squeezed Chaeryeong's heart painfully. She watches as Ryujin gazed at Yeji with such love and warmth.

Ryujin has not looked at her like that before.

And will never look at her like that.

Because the only person Ryujin would actually look at like that would be Yeji. Not Chaeryeong.

Ryujin has never looked or smiled at anyone like that, not even to Chaeryeong. She's never looked at anyone as if they were the one that put up all of the brightest stars in the sky. As if they were the one who made Ryujin the happiest person ever.

As if she was in love.

And she truly was in love with someone who isn't Chaeryeong. 

The warmth that Chaeryeong used to get because of Ryujin was replaced by excruciatingly painful jabs at her heart.

She doesn't understand how she doesn't pay any attention to her surroundings and how all she sees now – unfortunately – is how Ryujin and Yeji looked at each other whenever they thought that no one was watching. Embarrassingly so, it made Chaeryeong fall deeper in the pit of her insecurities, the more she remembers how Ryujin would never love someone like her.

She ignores the envy, the jealousy, the pain, as she tells herself over and over again.

I'll get over it.

–

"You love Ryujin."

Jisu says the moment she steps into the kitchen just as Chaeryeong was pouring hot water into her mug. The latter stops halfway through, chuckling wryly.

"Who doesn't? She's a likeable young lady, that Shin Ryujin."

"No, you're missing the point," Jisu presses on, staring at Chaeryeong seriously.

"You're in love with Ryujin."

Chaeryeong nods and pours the contents of the instant coffee into her mug, stirring it slowly. 

They were millionaires, yes, but sometimes, Chaeryeong preferred the taste of the cheap, instant coffee bought at the old convenience store nearby than the fancy, brewed coffee at their dorm.

"I know. You didn't need to tell me."

Jisu sighs exasperatedly, crossing her thin arms as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

"Well? What are you going to do about it then?"

Right. What was Chaeryeong gonna do about it? Nothing.

"Nothing."

She pauses, eyeing Jisu warily. "Are you gonna tell her?"

Jisu looks at her in horror, shaking her head fervently.

"Of course not. I'm not in the position to do so because it should be you telling her that."

Chaeryeong laughs coldly. She laughs at the thought of telling Ryujin how she feels when she knows that Ryujin is in love too. In love with someone who isn't Chaeryeong. 

"What's the point of telling her if she's already whipped for someone else?" asked Chaeryeong, her heart painfully crumbling into smaller pieces as she sips from her mug, the bitter taste filling her senses, nose flaring as the hot liquid made contact with her lips.

"Well, even if she wouldn't return her feelings for you, at least you've let her know, no?" Jisu said. And it annoyed Chaeryeong for some reason. She was annoyed at how Jisu stated it as if it was easy. As if it was easy telling someone how you felt, knowing fully well that they aren't gonna return your feelings.

"I'll get over it."

The words slip out of as she ignores the subtle breaking of her heart inside her ribcage. 

"I'll be fine and I'll be able to get over my feelings for her," continued Chaeryeong as she drank the remnants of her drink. She wasn't in the mood to talk about this. 

"But- But you're not okay, Chaeryeong-ah."

Chaeryeong resists the urge to roll her eyes. As much as she loves Jisu's concern and unnieness towards her, she doesn't want it at the moment.

"Maybe, but don't worry too much about it, Lia-unnie."

"Talk to me about it, at least? I don't want you bottling it all up inside," said Jisu.

Chaeryeong contemplates and nods, putting her mug down in the sink. 

"Get dressed. Let's take a walk at the park and I'll tell you about it."

–

"How?"

"I don't know either. It just happens, I guess."

It was a Sunday, so not a lot of people were out. So there was a slimmer chance of people seeing them.

And even if people did see them, it wasn't a big deal anyway. It's not like they were caught doing anything bad, right? 

"Ah, yeah. Falling in love, you wouldn't know how and when exactly did it happen."

Chaeryeong doesn't answer.

"Since when?"

She pauses from walking, making Lia stop too.

"Uh… I realized that I lik- loved her somewhere around last year but maybe it started off earlier than that."

Lia slowly nods. Then she gasps.

"So you already knew you were attracted to her since last year? That's pretty-"

"Long? A long period of time of longing for someone I could never have, Chaeryeong chuckles without mirth. 

"You're too pessimistic, be p