To Irene.

The flowers grow more colorful when you were here. The paintings on the wall, they are all dusty now. The whole room is soundless; no chatter, nothing. The shoes on the shelf are unorganized. Things are better when you were here. I was better.

That winter night when you left with a slam on my door, now I realised the fault was never yours. It has always been mine since the first place yet I've always been too arrogant to admit so.

And no days shall pass without regrets isolating me in a dark room of miseries and walls of beautiful memories we used to have.

I'm starting to lose my senses; everything is so stiff. Eyes blurry, things are fading, and at the end, it's only you whom I see.

I am sorry.

For I have wasted the time we had. For I have wasted you.

It's all meanness now here and I could barely feel my feet touching the floor. And it's always feel like the air is trying to choke me whenever I catch some breathes. When I look out to the window, up to the sky, the clouds are grey and they get darker and darker. And the raindrops that used to be a bunch of friendly little drizzles have now changed to be as sharp as swords.

And just when I thought my candle has lost its light, a glimmer is still there to warm what's left from the frozen atmosphere. That's what exactly I feel when Wendy came knocking my door on Christmas eve and gave me a gift wrapped in bunny wrapping paper. Even without any words she spoke to me, I knew the gift was from you.

I was as happy as ever. Something within my heart was heated up that I could no longer feel the strong wind and the thick ice road I stepped on that same night. I headed towards your place; wrapping the gift in my arms, the tiny little hope. I was planning to win you back.

But all was gone just as quickly as a blink of eyes when I reached your front door. You and your suitcase, the red scarf around your neck, and a passport tucked on your small little fingers. My last hope flied with the wind.

You looked at me with a strange expression I had never seen on your eyes ever since the first day we met. A mixture of surprise, sadness, anger, and confusion. We both stood still.

“Merry Christmas, Irene.”

It was all I could ever let out.

And youㅡ you let out a smile that was so dainty, and both of your lips corners were seen rising up from behind the scarf which covered your chin.

“Goodbye, Seulgi.”

The glimmer on my candle has now gone as well. I was in a dark place once more. I could still hear the sound of those suitcase wheels, fading away. I could have turned and reached you, but I didn't. It felt like things had been set up to go that way.

As the sound of your boots steps and suitcase wheels started to get so vague, I was thrown back to the room of miseries when it's all dark and quiet, and on its wall I saw you again. And there was me. In my house, drawing Santa. And faintly I heard a chattering, fulfilling the room in my head;

“Seulgi, Christmas is near. What do you want for Christmas this year?”

“I want you to be here.”

“That's a very easy thing to do!”

Then it was all fading away, like a broken tape, it started to lose its sound, and everything was back to become so quiet.

To Irene.

My world falls apart.

Ever since you left

Everything has never been the same.

Things are better when you were here.

Merry Christmas once again. Live well, my love.

From Seulgi.