In a lonesome breeze, you’re shimmering

Long straight hair and that fragrance

I get so drunk on it, yeah

A straight road, after running

Let’s narrow it down

Our minds and bodies

 

;;;

 

The weather is perfect. 

Minjoo and her don't have matching tastes most of the time. But they agree that days like this are the best. 

It’s not too sunny, it’s not too cloudy either. The wind is just right. Something in the air, probably.

She feels good.

“It looks like an elephant.”

“Ooh, it kinda does. Looks like a flamingo from here though,” 

Chaewon gets a weak hit on her stomach. After that, butterflies seem to fill it up. “Isn’t your imagination running a little wild?” Minjoo chuckles and moves up a bit to rest her head on her shoulder. “That’s weird, it does look like a flamingo!”

“Tch. You should listen to me sometimes, baby.”

Her girlfriend sits up. She leans into her. Out of the blue? 

Chaewon expects a kiss, so she’s not really complaining. “Chaewon.”

“What is it?”

“Kim Chaewon.” Her voice is sterner. “What?”

“Kim Chaewon!”

It’s not Minjoo’s honey-sweet, the-kind-you-want-to-keep-listening-to voice. It’s Chaeyeon’s and that is not something she wants to wake up to. “The , Chaeyeon…”

“If you keep up your kissy faces while you sleep we’re gonna end up being late for the meeting. Eunbi is already on my for screwing up the presentation last week, now stop dreaming about your girl and get up.” 

“What time is it?” She asks, searching for her phone lost in the sheets and heaves herself up with a sigh. “7: 30.”

Chaeyeon is all dressed up and stands in front of her the same way her mom did when she was late for school (which was basically, everyday. She’ll never get the image out of her mind.)

“There’s still like, an hour left, why don’t you chill,”

She scoffs. “Last time I checked I wasn’t the one getting praised by the manager for sealing the deal with—”

A frown creases her features when she looks at her notifications. “Why didn’t you wake me up last night? I got a call from Minjoo.”

Her roommate doesn’t look pleased with her interruption but she’s too drowsy and caught up in her dream to care. And just when we were about to kiss, too. “You were dead tired from all the work we did yesterday.”

“What if it was important?”

“Then she would’ve called again.”

That’s true. 

The truth isn’t enough to stop her from pouting, though. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Why don’t you move any slower? We’ve got all the time in the world, anyway,”

She wills her feet to touch the floor and spares her a glance. “What’s your problem today? Eunbi and Sakura got you all messed up?” 

It gets Chaeyeon to stop talking for a while and she seizes the precious time to do some simple math. If it’s 7: 30 here, then it must be evening in Korea. Thirteen hours apart, so 8: 30? 

She peeks at Chaeyeon and then her phone.

“Don’t even think about it. Kim Chaewon. You’re not gonna hang up until there’s ten minutes left to leave and make us panic. I am not willing to go through that again.” 

Chaewon huffs. 

A message will have to do.

 

sorry baby, I fell asleep last night :((

ill call you when you wake up, okay?

I miss you TTTTTTTTTT

and I love youuuuuuu    ~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She swears Chaeyeon whispers God, I hate couples the second she smiles. Well, it’s not her fault she’s miserable and single, so she brushes it off.

 

;;;

 

I don’t know where this is

The way to you

Under the sunshine, look at me more intensely

Give me more of this rain

Oh, in my mind

 

;;;

 

Yuri nudges her with her shoulder.. “What’s up with you?”

“It’s been two weeks already…” 

Minjoo knows she looks pathetic at the moment. Slouched over the table, face painted in a scowl and hands almost crushing her phone in frustration. That’s not her main concern at the moment. “Yeah, but you guys talk and video call each other every day so it doesn’t count.”

“Of course it does. It’d be different if she was here, you know?”

The woman shivers following her words and she ignores it. “You don’t need to remind me of the mornings she stands outside of class to give you your lunch because that’s just ew. You are aware that the students can see you two, right?”

She raises her brows. “But… I make sure to close the door behind me..?”

“Yujin sits at the first desk just to open it up a bit.”

A sigh. That brat. 

“How much longer does she have to stay there?”

“She said it’d be another month before she comes back…”

“Wow, how are you going to survive until then?”

“I have no idea.”

The bell rings and half her lunch remains in the box. Hyewon scolds her for two minutes and some for wallowing over absolutely nothing but her sulk only deepens. 

Why did her girlfriend need to be literally continents away from her? Why couldn’t her company station her at like, Japan or something? Why—

“—Canada! I saw it on her instagram,” 

She can hear the students’ shouts a good ten feet away from the classroom. Of course it’s Jisu. Only her voice could be that loud. She’s surprised it isn’t Yujin or Wonyoung. 

Telling the students her instagram handle was a bad idea, in retrospect.

Minjoo is kinda tempted to call Chaewon for some emotional support to face the devils of class 2-A, (Chaewon’s words, not hers) but she’s probably sleeping.

Unfortunately, they have world history today. 

“Ms. Kim, the world wars are interesting and all, but can’t you tell us about some different countries? I dunno, maybe... Canada?”

Whew, they must be devils changes to you gotta admit, your students are pretty witty when she whines to Chaewon in the night. “I wasn’t like that in high school,”

“Yeah, you were probably a nerd. Who even likes history? It’s the most boring subject ever,”

“Hmph. I bet you were a bully or something. No wonder Yena calls you ssamachi.”

“I’m kidding, babe. I was in the poetry club—that means automatic loser, so I wasn’t the one doing the bullying.” Chaewon laughs. 

“You were in the poetry club?”

She sees regret taking over the older woman’s face and she groans. 

(Minjoo tells her that she won’t go to sleep until she recites her one of the poems she wrote as a sentimental teenager—but that only leads to them talking for another hour, until Chaeyeon butts in, greets her, apologizes, and cuts their call short.)

 

;;;

 

I was cold, and sometimes I freeze up

But when you look at me, why

I just keep melting babe

When you leave it’s not exciting

Let’s run around this town,

You don’t realize this one thing

I can always regain my smile back

 

;;;

 

“Don’t worry, Chaewon! There’s always that saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder or something.” 

The way Eunbi smiles at her—threatening, a little awkward to be honest—is disturbing. “Yeah, distance makes the heart grow fonder…”

“Exactly! So you should stop pouring all your attention into staring at your girlfriend and focus on the project instead!” 

She manages a polite smile. 

 

everyone keeps reminding me that ur not here :(

 

:(

its only a month baby 

im sorry

and dont tell me not to be bc i cant help it…

btw who's doing that?

 

i swear these kids are gonna be the death of me

they are not subtle in the least

i gave them the choice to study up on the history of a country of their choice

and the number of canada submissions…

 

lmao

dw min

at least theyre finally learning something

and ill always be there for you

always

 

“Okay lover girl, you can tone it down a little…” Eunbi's voice startles her. She slams her phone face down on her desk and glowers. “What do you think you're doing?” 

“What do you think you're doing?”

It was getting hard. Though her boss doesn't seem to be in the mood to listen, she can't help but let her feelings flow. “It's just a little difficult, okay… I hate not being able to wake up to her.” 

And since Eunbi is her friend before her boss, she listens. “How long have you been together?”

“Almost three years, now.”

“Wow.”

Three years ago, when Chaewon was still struggling to get this job and Minjoo was starting out as a high school teacher. Three years ago, when Minjoo mustered up the courage to ask her out. Three years that she spent with Minjoo. 

“I miss her so much.”

A soothing hand across her back. “How did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That she's the one for you.” 

“Oh, um…”

“Yes, I did catch you searching up rings on your computer and I'll let it slide this once, Kim.” Eunbi latches an arm around her neck and she struggles out of her hold. Once she's free, she takes a look at her lock screen. 

“I don't think anyone else in the world could complement me like her,”

“That's the only way I can describe it… she completes me in a way I didn't know I needed—,” She takes in the words and winces. Judging by Eunbi's face, maybe she was being too cheesy.

“It wasn't a eureka moment. I just; gradually I realized that she's the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with.” 

 

Silence, then her boss flicks her forehead and tells her to concentrate on work. She does, of course. 

 

i know baby <3

god i miss you so much 

it how much is a ticket to canada

um…

anyways

are you busy? dont halfass at work bc of me 

i love you

don't forget :*~~~~~~~~

 

i love you too, i love you sm

 

;;;

 

We couldn’t see

Everything is in the end

A hot sparkle of love, burned

Being breathless, one by one

When I lifted my head

You were waiting there

 

;;;

 

Minjoo frowns and Chaewon's words rush out in a flurry. “Don't tell me that Ahn Yujin did something again. What is wrong with teenagers these days? I swear to god, I was never this wild and neither was anyone in my class, they're doing this to—”

“Hey, hey, hey… slow down,” she chuckles. “Of course you weren't wild, Ms. Poetry Club.”

“And it's nothing. I need to go back soon, I can't have these kids burning down this park.”

“Oh.”

She watches as her girlfriend rubs her eyes and succumbs into her messed up bedsheets and pillows. Her voice is drowsy, lethargic even, but she doesn't relent. “Hmm, what kinda school takes 12th graders to an amusement park? Don't they wanna do more exciting stuff? Like trips to different cities or countries?”

“You know it's a cheap school, babe. All they care about is the academics—the field trips are more out of obligation than necessity.”

Chaewon hums. It descends into her humming a random song, fighting back sleep and gazing at her. “Why won't you sleep, hmm?” 

“It's been days since I last saw you, let me indulge for a moment.”

Minjoo hugs her knees to her chest. Chaewon's voice has always been beautiful. 

“I love you, you know.”

A pause, and she watches the smile paint itself across her face. “I love you too.” 

“There’s a ferris wheel here, you know. I kinda want to ride it but the trauma from last time is just,”

“C’mon, it wasn’t that bad. Don’t exaggerate, that was such a nice day!”

“I don’t think getting stuck at the top on a rainy day classifies as a nice day, Chae. I was sick for almost a week.”

She groans. “I meant for us, baby. It was the—”

Hyewon bangs on the window of the bus, startling her. “What?”

“It’s time to go! Apparently there’s an Avengers themed ride that opens now and everyone’s fussing over it already,”

Her smile is apologetic, it grows into fondness when she notices her girlfriend falling asleep.

Minjoo rides the ferris wheel later in the day and the melancholy in her chest, paradoxically, is comforting.

 

;;;

 

Don’t take this away from me

Gimme the good kinda love,

Don’t stop loving me

Sometimes it is darker for

The better light of day

Then, I’ll look at you

 

;;;

 

Chaeyeon swears she hates couples.

They’re so sickening. Vomit inducing. Deranged. Insane. Why on earth would you devote all of your time and energy into someone that is not you? And the way they act, oh my god. Like the world around them doesn’t exist. Just safe inside the lil’ bubble they create for themselves. The PDA is the worst. No one, literally no one wants to see you flex your relationship onto everyone else. Stop shoving your happiness into a public domain. It kinda hurts, though she’d never say it out loud.

Chaewon and her girlfriend are the worst couple ever, probably. It was bad when they were in Korea: she’d spot her slacking for a few minutes of pointless conversation, like they were teenagers saying like “No, I love you more” until Eunbi would come check on them. But it’s even worse in Canada. The first thing she does in the morning is respond to the messages Minjoo sent her the night before. 

Every break she gets, they talk over the phone and right before they sleep, she sees the cringe before her eyes because Chaewon always insists on video calling her every single night. 

And now this. 

Chaewon sleeps like a log so she had to drag herself out of bed to answer the door.

Couples are sick. Chaewon’s girlfriend sent her flowers with a card: call me when you get this~

Begrudgingly, she wakes the woman up. Chaewon’s curses stop when she notices the flowers and she hands them over with a sigh. It’s sick, the way Chaewon’s face softens and she gives her a sheepish smile. It’s sick, when she hears them speaking in whispers about their third anniversary together and Chaewon’s girlfriend teases her for forgetting about it.

Sick, when Chaewon tells her girlfriend to open the drawer beside their bed and sick when she hears the exclamations over the phone about something she isn’t privy to. Sick when Chaewon says she’s never going to let her get the upper hand over something like this. 

Chaewon insists that they explore the city today. She doesn’t have the heart to say no because the smile on her face is frightening, almost. 

 

;;;

 

I’m your sunflower

Me, who only looks at you

You’re my sunshine

Look at me, won’t you?

 

;;;

 

It was spontaneous. Neither of them was the type to disappear for an entire day without prior notice, but that day, something was different. Minjoo started it. 

They had a rather ambiguous relationship at the time. Like friends turned into an embarrassing one night stand then to more than friends. But not dating. No, not yet. Minjoo had called her over to troubleshoot whatever caused her laptop to crash — honestly, she doesn’t remember if she even had a reason to call her over in the first place: she just wanted to see her — and she came, no questions asked. 

She knew. The later the night got, the more unreal it would feel. The more intense feelings would become. The more bizarre her thoughts would be. She knew, so she didn’t give second thought to Chaewon’s offer of driving off to wherever the night would lead them. The later the night got, the heavier her heart would feel. Emotions hiding behind an unwavering smirk and her haughty tone. 

The charm in Chaewon’s recklessness was inexplicable. She was sure they weren’t even in Seoul anymore. The charm in her quiet concentration. Trying her best to answer the countless questions she asked. Listening to all the anecdotes she had to tell. And when her eyes would focus on her for the slightest moment; the intensity — a maze of feelings she couldn’t understand — it was too much for Minjoo to bear, so she would look away.

Minjoo hated irresponsibility with a passion. Be it in her students, in herself, or anyone that she held close enough to tell off, she despised it. In these hours, however, rational thought failed her. Chaewon had stopped by an unattended field of sunflowers. Sunflowers, with no sun to look to in the dark of the night. How pointless they must feel in the night. Their yellow petals were luminescent. Beckoning her to get lost in them. 

“Why are they so tall,” Chaewon had whispered. A flower drooped near her crown as if it was facing her. There was no need for whispers. No one was around them, except the silence of the night. Yet, she continued. As if she was letting her in on a secret, untold. She teased the woman about her height and the shift in her expressions was a sight to behold. From the crease in her brows, seemingly terrifying for only a second, to the relaxation and pout forming on her lips. 

With the sunrise spent lying on the hood of her car, she could only feel her heartbeat gnawing to the top of . What could it be?

Was it the perfection of her silhouette against the blue of dawn? Was it the softness of her tone every time she said her name? Was it the faint scent of strawberries because they were too close for comfort? Was it the dull plaid she wore? Was it her eyes? Was it her smile? Was it everything about her? 

In the turmoil of questions she was asking herself, Chaewon interjected with a sigh. “How much longer till the sun rises?”

She looked at peace. Serene. Tranquil. Void of any tension in contrast to what she felt. 

A statement. 

That was all it would take. She cleared . Ignoring Chaewon’s expectant eyes.

“You know that I like you, right? More than you’d think.”

She sat up, looking at the sun hanging on the horizon. Feeling her ears heat up in a wavering breeze. A chuckle from behind her. “I know that you know I do.”

Maybe it’s just her eyes, but Chaewon dazzles in the sunlight. It feels good against her skin, the sunlight. Light, almost hesitant to pierce any further. Gentle, leaving her wanting more. Why did the warmth of the sunrise feel so different?

“Don’t you know I feel the same for you?”

 

“So basically what I’m saying is just choose! Just do what your heart says. Don’t let it stress you out so much.” 

Yuri gives her a long hard look. “How does you telling me how you and Chaewon got together help me out at all? My love triangle situation literally has nothing to do with what you said…”

“I just told you, —just do what feels right. It’s not that serious.”

Then Minjoo regrets giving Yuri advice in the first place because she goes off on a tangent about her history with the two girls and she listens with a smile on her face: she doesn’t have the heart to tell Yuri she isn’t that invested in her love life to hear her talk about it for an hour. 

 

(“I’m rooting for Yena, by the way. That woman has been in love with Yuri for too long that it’s kinda pathetic to see how lovesick she is.” Chaewon snickers like a child and she frowns. “But Hyewon is like… her soulmate. They’re perfect for each other.” 

“But she broke her heart. If they’re so perfect together why would she do that?”

Maybe she is too invested in Yuri’s love life because she ends up talking about it with her girlfriend longer than she’d like to admit.)

 

;;;

 

Jet lag must be the worst thing in the world.

No, the sickness that intensifies with each flight she boards must be the worst thing in the world. Or maybe the congestion that comes from her ears not popping in the worst thing in the world. She can’t decide. Everything is just plain horrible. her cheap company preponing their flight with no prior notice and forcing her to wake up at four a.m. 

An eleven hour flight gives you a lot of time to think and she tried to make the best of it. If she spent half the time sleeping and the other half thinking, at least one good idea would come to mind. Five and a half hours is a long time to leave to her thoughts. 

Minjoo doesn't like cheesy things. 

It wouldn't make sense to go to a restaurant and place the ring in her cake or her wine glass or something. It's so cliche. Maybe she should try to make it meaningful. Like doing it at the place they first met. Or where they had their first kiss. Or where they made it official. But that's too many possibilities. Maybe she should fly them out to Jeju and do it as the sunsets on the shore. Maybe she should make a grand gesture at her school. But Minjoo would hate her for sensationalizing it in front of all her colleagues and students. 

She doesn't make good use of her time. Only about half an hour is spent “thinking” and she sleeps for the rest of the flight. 

 

It's fine. Despite the jet lag, congestion and sickness, it's fine. 

She's finally back in Korea. 

After an excruciating month and a half, she was here. 

Her ride back home is quiet. It's too late in the night for the city to have its distinctive buzz welcome her. When she reaches her apartment, a strange gratitude fills her chest. It was nice to see it after so long. Even if the elevator was still out of service, even if the lighting was not enough to find her way upstairs. She was appreciative of it all. Somehow, it was reassuring to see everything still went on without her presence. 106 was still blasting noise music in spite of the complaints from the community. The landlord was still sneaking a cigarette out at night to avoid an earful from her daughter. 

The silver 205 (and the poorly inscribed 801 beside it) was still the same. She laughs at the memory of Minjoo apologizing profusely to the landlord not to evict them for her “out of character” actions.

It’s easy. The night, the way her hands effortlessly unlock the door. 

Home. 

Chaewon is careful to place her bags down quietly, despite the temptation to take out her exhaustion on them. Everything is neat and in place; considering Minjoo’s hatred for cleaning up. She spots finally <333 in marker on the calender for the day after tomorrow. How would Minjoo take her surprise appearance, anyway? How did she not think of that?

Home. 

Minjoo always looks beautiful when she sleeps. It’s hard settling beside her without waking her up but she tries her best. Apparently she had a parent teacher meeting tomorrow (today?) and she knows how nervous Minjoo gets when meeting her students’ parents and it wouldn’t be good if she lost sleep just for her. 

It feels right. It feels nice, as she relaxes into the mattress; it feels nice, and she falls asleep.

 

;

 

Well, it’s not like she could stay asleep for so long, anyway. She already slept so much on the flight. Chaewon is surprised herself when she sees the clock in their room read 6 am. But she's more surprised by the death grip Minjoo has on her waist and her silent sobbing against her shoulder. “Baby… don’t cry. Why are you crying?”

She can’t help the smile breaking out when she sees her eyes drooping. She sounds sleepy, still. “You’re here,” Minjoo’s cheeks are warm under her thumb as she wipes the wasted tears away. “Yeah.”

“You’re here.”

Chaewon wraps her arms around her when Minjoo rests her head against her again. “You’re home.”

“You don’t wanna sleep? There’s still two hours before classes start, right?”

“No…”

“I missed you so much.”

Minjoo props her chin onto her chest and gives her a lazy smile. How did I get so lucky?

“I missed you too.”

She watches the creases form on Chaewon’s face as she frowns. Her fingers gliding under her eyes. “You’re such a crybaby.”

Yellow light fills the room. Chaewon hums a random love song she can’t remember the name to. She feels the vibrations, reminding her. It’s real. She’s here. 

“Minjoo.” 

“Hmm?”

“Would you marry me?”

Her laugh is reassuring, almost. “What kind of question is that?”

“I dunno, just asking.”

“Of course I will.”

“Woah, woah. I’m not asking if you will. I’m asking if you would. There’s a difference… I’m just making sure of it.”

She scoffs. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Your idiot,” It comes out without much thought and when Chaewon hears it out loud, maybe Chaeyeon was right. Maybe they were too cringey. 

“Ugh, shut up. I can’t even look at you if you say things like that!”

And it’s ironic, because her ears clearly turn red. “You’re so cute~”

It’s perfect. Golden rays travelling all that distance just to fill their room with golden light.

 

You’re shining next to me

All of your beauty is breathtaking

Our love’s destination leads to the universe

Love is everywhere, everywhere

 

 

 

---

sunflower - colde