Hyung, what would you consider being a bad friend, a bad dongsaeng, a bad boyfriend? I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I swear I didn’t. I just wanted you to be happy, at any expense.

I never lied; I was completely honest. I answered all your questions. It’s not my fault you didn’t ask the right ones. Why couldn’t you ask that one question hyung?

I loved you hyung. I really did. Why could you never see it? Why couldn’t you see me?

I grew up hyung, I grew for you hyung. Why didn’t you notice? I stopped whining so much. I stopped pouting. I worked out. I danced for hours, until my legs gave out.

It’s not my fault Jonghyun was there to catch me that night. If I knew he was there, I would have stopped.

I wanted you to be there to hold me as I trembled from exhaustion. I wanted you to wipe away my tears. I wanted you to steal my first kiss. I wanted you hyung.

So why weren’t you there?

Were you with him? Were you doing everything Jonghyun was doing to me, to him? Is it then that you discovered you loved him and not me? Was it then hyung?

I don’t understand how any of this happened hyung. Was it because you found out that it was you and nobody else? Is that why you drifted from my side?

Hyung, why were you so angry when Jonghyun never went away? Why did you say I couldn’t go out, when Jonghyun arrived on my doorstep that one day, and you were there? Why did you react that way?

When I ask you why, you just said nevermind. But hyung, why? I want to know. Why was it then that you lost control?

Why did you lie? Why did you hit him? He didn’t do anything but put me back together.

I can’t help it that I fell for him. He was patient. He waited; he waited, and he showed me a sweetness I had never known.

I didn’t mean to hyung, but he gave me everything you held back.

I loved you but you chose Key.

Why?

You had the key to my soul, was that not enough for you hyung?

You’ll never know this but you were my world, my very breath. Yet I could never let you know…

I’m sorry for making you fell it was him instead.

I never meant for any of this to happen.

At least you’re happy right? That’s all that matters tonight.

Hyung, I doubt you care but I have a secret to share. I’m not in love with him, I never was.

How could I be? When my heart you did hold?

Don’t you know, we broke up once, long ago? The night I refused him my ity, he knew it was you it was for.

Sadly, it was our first fight and it was all my fault. Because, no one, no one could compare to you and Jonghyun knew, he knew.

Do you want to know why? Because, when I looked at him, it was in your eyes, I looked, especially late at night. But somehow, his love never died, and so, to him I lied.

He took everything I had named as yours but never did I say no because after all, he believed I could love him like I did you.

Yes, hyung, I gave in to his love, his touch, his kiss, because after all, I could never hurt someone like you did me.

So tell me, how’s Key? How does his flesh feel against your adoring fingertips?

I remember that night when it was me. When we drank away our troubles and we stumbled into that bedroom. I gave you my all…

Hyung, don’t you get it?  I cheated. I cheated a friend, a savior, who thought I could do no wrong.

I’m sorry hyung, for running away with the dawn break. I’m sorry I pretended nothing happened. I’m sorry I just didn’t want you to go home to Key with the same guilt I not felt.

Do you want to know what Jonghyun did, when I told him that of my new sin? Do you know what he did, when I told him that you had been my first?

He cried.

He cried.

That strong, beautiful man cried because he knew that no matter what it wasn’t him that it never would be, that no matter what…it’d always be you.

Do you want to know what he said?

He said, “No matter what I love you Taemin-ah. Promise me to stay, as long as he doesn’t love you, pretend to love me because I just can’t let you go.”

That was six months ago, and now I’m standing here, before a door I don’t want to open.

Do you know what day it is? It’s the seventh anniversary of the day I fell in love with you. It’s also my wedding day…to Jonghyun and not you.

I don’t love but I can’t hurt him anymore.

Yet not that the doors are opening and I’m on my way towards to alter where my days with will you be over, I can’t help but catch your eye and hope you’ll scream for me to halt.

Now I’m face to face with and you’ve still nothing to say.

The priest is calling for objections and I’m waiting for those two words but they don’t come.

I bow my head knowing this is the end. I’ll say “I do” but happiness he does deserve, just like you.

But then it comes, loud and strong…

“I object.”

And I cry because it’s you, it’s finally you…

I’m sorry Jonghyun…