Pebble

                                  

March 2016

 

Jinjin awoke with a start, he felt a thin sheet of sweat on his forehead as it took him a second to notice that it was still dark out and MJ beside him was still sleeping soundly in his bed. It has already been a few days since he would wake up in the middle of the night like this. He usually woke up later than anyone in the dorm, well saved for Bin he supposed but still he wasn’t a morning person.

 

He glanced at the bedside table clock and took notice that it wasn't night per se but rather 4am in the morning. He groggily rubbed his eyes as the last vestiges of sleep was starting to leave his senses. Sighing heavily Jinjin rolled on his bed getting his eyes to adjust to the darkness, the only light in the room was the dim light that showed through the window from the streetlights outside their room.

 

Jinjin gingerly sat up, since he was well aware that he wouldn’t be able to sleep again for the duration of the morning so he might as well start his day early. He heard a soft noise from the upper bunk and momentarily wondered if he inadvertently woke someone up. He stood up and slowly looked at the upper bunk, seeing Sanha snoring while sleeping was the first thing he saw and he looked around above the bunk and noticed that Rocky was not in his bed. Jinjin tried to think back to yesterday and he was sure that Rocky went home last night together with Bin and Dongmin. He also vividly remember Rocky sleeping on his bed and not on the other room with Bin and Dongmin which he usually does when he and Bin was in the mood to hang out.

 

Jinjin remembered that Rocky had a knack for sleeping in the living room, he would always sleep in the living room in their past dormitory especially when him and Jinjin’s futon was beside each other. Rocky was like that towards him, he knew Rocky considered him as a friend but he supposed the boy was still a bit awkward around him. The boy had an aloof yet passionate personality, aside from Bin and Sanha the boy was awkward mostly towards him and Dongmin. MJ was an aggressive friend so there really was very little leeway of getting the eldest at an arm’s length.

 

Jinjin left the room to get himself a cup of coffee but stopped abruptly when he noticed that the living room was devoid of Rocky. This made Jinjin feel unsettled, feeling that unconsciously seeing Rocky in the living room when he went out would give him a bit of relief. But relief wasn’t the feeling he got right now, it was uneasiness, he knew the boy could take care of himself but still he was young and not yet an adult. Pushing his thoughts aside Jinjin checked the bathroom and even peeked at Bin and Min’s room but no Rocky was to be seen.

 

‘Where could have that kid gone off to’ Jinjin thought to himself. The others knew that if they ever have somewhere they would go it was a must to tell Jinjin where they were going off to. Feeling a bit off and unsettled Jinjin walked outside and went towards the entrance of the building, thinking that maybe Rocky just went off to the convenience store looking for some snack. Though he knew that was very unlikely since Rocky was mostly the one who stacks the fridge with his favorite food and milk. Jinjin stood outside the building finally aware that he was still wearing his pajama. The cold morning air seemingly sticking him with sharp pins and needles.

 

That’s right he shouldn’t worry too much, Rocky was a smart boy maybe he just went out for a breath of fresh air. Even though Jinjin was thinking of Rocky’s good judgment he still slowly walked around the block and found that Rocky was not around and the convenience store close to the building was devoid of Rocky. Jinjin became more unsettled it was too early right now, there was barely any traffic, too early for people to go to work and late enough that people coming back from the bar would have either already passed out on the street or back in the confines of their homes or police stations. This was just about the time that everyone in Seoul was sleeping… well aside from him and Rocky apparently.

 

Getting a bit irritated Jinjin shoved his hand on his pajama pockets and felt a hard object. He pulled it out and huffed hard he had unconsciously brought his phone and if he was in his right mind from the get go he would have had the idea of just texting or calling Rocky. Hopefully the boy brought his phone with him as he sent a message “Where are you?”

 

A short and concise message that he thought would be appropriate without sounding like he was out of his mind thinking where the younger was at this hour of the day. Jinjin impatiently walked around the front of the building debating if he should call to see if the younger would answer him but stopping himself that maybe he was just being paranoid. Finally after a minute or two in which he was about to call the aforementioned boy his phone chimed and he quickly looked at the message.

 

“Outside. I needed fresh air.” Jinjin released a sigh of relief. He looked around frowning, that’s right Rocky probably just went out for a run. Maybe Rocky went out a few more blocks away that’s why he wasn’t around the area. Rocky was responsible, he shouldn’t act like he was a baby, he wasn’t Sanha by any length of the word. Even if Jinjin was thinking these thoughts he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that when he was Rocky’s age he didn’t tell anyone what he felt either he would just bottle it up and it would explode by itself. He shook his head shaking the feeling away, Rocky wasn’t like him the younger can take care of himself.

 

“Get back home. It’s late as it is.” Even with all his justification Jinjin couldn’t stop himself from being concerned for the younger. He sat on the pavement just outside their building, shivering as the chilly morning air once again blew in his direction. He silently cursed himself for not getting a sweater or something before leaving the dorm.

 

Jinjin was about to message the boy again when he saw Rocky appearing around the corner 10 minutes later. Jinjin was about to call him out when he noticed that Rocky’s long sleeves were wiping his face, he couldn’t decide if it was because of tears or sweat. The boy was staggering a bit as if he wasn’t fully in control of his movements which was very rare for Rocky. Since the dawn was silent he could clearly hear a muffled sob coming from the younger teen. Even without seeing Rocky’s face he knew that the younger had been crying and from the sound of it he must have been crying pretty hard if the muffled sob was any indication. When the younger was much closer to the building he stopped sniffling into his sleeves and looked at where he was walking and stopped suddenly. His face and eyes were red, tear streaks was still apparent on his cheeks as the younger looked at the older dumbfounded. He looked very distraught and this made Jinjin feel bad, he was well aware that Rocky did not appreciate being seen in such a situation. He supposed it wasn’t just Rocky, boys had a tendency to keep their sad emotions in check, well maybe except for himself since he was a big cry baby.

 

Rocky was still in a standstill a few paces away from the building looking like an actual rock that didn’t know how to make the situation less awkward. Jinjin himself wasn’t really thinking much and just did what he naturally did. He gave Rocky a sympathetic smile and walked towards the younger boy, even if he was currently hurting seeing the younger in that state he kept his emotions in check lest he cry harder than the younger. He clapped Rocky’s arm with his smile still in place. “What’s wrong Rocky-ah?”

 

It took a while before Rocky reacted to Jinjin’s question. Rocky looked at Jinjin with a slacked jawed look that seemed confused. “Why are you outside Jinjin-hyung?”

 

Jinjin returned Rocky’s confused stare with the same look. “I was waiting for you to come home...” Jinjin gave another smile. “I was worried since you weren’t around”

 

“Oh…” Rocky uttered with a face that Jinjin could not really describe, it was one of those fascinating faces Rocky made that Jinjin could never really understand what it meant. It was a stare that bordered to glaring but didn’t have the animosity that a glare should have.

 

“So… what’s wrong Rocky-ah”

 

“I…It’s nothing, I just needed some fresh air.” Rocky said. Jinjin gave a disappointed sigh, he should have known better than actually getting something out of Rocky. The boy was always surrounded by his shell the only one who can actually talk to him is Bin and even when he hated to admit it Bin can make the younger feel better.

 

“Did it help?” Jinjin asked with a sad smile creeping on his face, momentarily having his guard down. Rocky noticed the smile.

 

“No… not really” Rocky answered honestly a tear falling from his eyes as Jinjin’s sad smile was still on the olders face.

 

“Well, when I’m not in my right state of mind, I like to run… wanna do it with me?” Jinjin asked a more genuine smile beaming at his face. Rocky smiled back at his hyung, the sad face that he had sported just a few moments before was gone but his feelings was still in the brink of destruction. Jinjin liked to see the younger happy and it was so much better if he was the one who could make him happy. It might seem selfish but he wanted the privilege to be the one to make the younger rapper happy. It made him feel like he was a good friend, a good leader and a good hyung. Rocky was the only one who didn’t bully him about his looks or his slow personality. He might mention it once in a blue moon but he would say it so sweetly that he couldn’t afford to be offended by it.

 

“I might never stop running.” Rocky answered him with a whisper that Jinjin barely heard, the younger’s smile becoming a little smaller than it originally was.

 

“Let’s start then” Jinjin said with a smile as he took Rocky’s elbow and started to jog dragging the younger along with him. The chilly air whipping at his face and thin pajama’s, he knew he looked stupid jogging in his pajamas but that was a secondary problem right now. What he needed to do right now was to make Rocky feel better even if it ended up with him looking like an idiot, luckily he had the presence of mind to wear a pair of sneakers. A few minutes into the run and Rocky seemed to have gotten into running since he was now slight ahead of Jinjin, his tears streaking his face again. Jinjin kept his mouth shut as Rocky started to sprint keeping a slight distance ahead of the older boy. Few more minutes and Rocky was ahead of him more and Jinjin kept a few steps behind the younger to give the boy some space just running enough to have the younger within his line of sight.

 

Slightly an hour after they first started running Rocky stopped as he fell down, his hand propping him up beside a building. He must have reached his limit and Jinjin ran towards him. Rocky sat down on the pavement his face glistening with sweat and his hair damp. Jinjin stared at Rocky for a few seconds appreciating the beautiful boy in front of him. The morning light shining off of Rocky’s wet hair and face, the younger’s breath making small puffs of hot air and his chest heaving up and down. It was breathtakingly beautiful and Jinjin let himself give a sweet content smile on his lips as he looked at the younger. “Did it help?”

 

Rocky looked up as Jinjin stared at him, he blushed as he noticed his hyung staring at his hair, his face, his lips, his chest… He wasn’t used to being stared by Jinjin so bluntly, he couldn’t even really remember Jinjin looking at him the way the older was looking at him right now. It was very unsettling, but in a good expectant way. It took Rocky a few moments before it registered to him that his hyung was asking him a question repeatedly. Jinjin’s face a bit anxious as Rocky had not given an answer to the question at all.

 

“I guess” Rocky answered as he shook himself from his reverie. Pulling himself off of the fantasy that he had put in his head. He noticed Jinjin shivering as another puff of cold air passed by the morning air, it was roughly pass 5 now but the cold morning air was still around. It took Rocky a few seconds to register that Jinjin was wearing a tank top and a flimsy pajama bottoms and the only appropriate piece was a sneaker on his feet. Rocky shrugged off his hoodie revealing that he was still wearing a long sleeved shirt underneath. Rocky gave his hoodie to the older as he stood up with his help.

 

“Thanks…” Jinjin said as he wore the hoodie that smelled a lot like Rocky… which it should since the younger had been wearing it