Renjun could feel his hands shaking as he put down his pen and blew on his colored sketch, making sure it was dry enough to not get smudged or have tiny pieces of dirt stuck on it. After that he just leaned back on his chair, feeling a hollow, empty feeling in his chest.

He had just poured his whole heart into this project. He had given it all his emotions, all the frustration, helplessness, everything. And now, after countless amounts of crumpled scraps and miscalculations he had needed to fix in order to make it work, he was finally convinced he was done. He couldn't do any better than this.

He marvelled at the finished drawing in front of him, running a hand over every and silently taking in the feeling it gave him. It filled his chest with an ache that made him want to call his family, to get the reassurance that they were fine and healthy, and to just hear their voices for even a second while he still could.

He couldn't even imagine how Jeno would react if he saw it. Would he be touched? Would he appreciate it? Or would it make him too sad to really take in the message behind it?

Those were the worries he had carried with him for two months now, and with them in mind, he had tried fixing every little detail that didn’t quite satisfy him, trying his hardest to use the perspective of his boyfriend in order to make sure the emotion it gave off would be exactly what he had strived for all along.

It had been a rather painful experience to try to channel the sentiment of loss and happiness in this one small entity so it would look as beautiful and elegant, and just… as Jeno as possible.

The time he had spent working on it had instilled a huge fear of certain consequences of growing old inside of him, but he had pushed all that aside, trying to focus solely on his work. Now that he was done, he needed more than anything to just hear what his boyfriend would think of it – if he really saw the beauty in it or not.

But before that, he’d need the confirmation from the people closest to him. So after gathering his wits, Renjun took his phone and sent Jaemin, Jeno's best friend and a close friend of his own, a quick text.

To: Jaemin

I'm done. Come take a look?

Renjun was nervous. Showing his art was something he should already be used to, but this project had hit too close to home for him to be able to stay confident. It was a personal, abstract way for him to express his feelings to one very special person in his life, and it made him feel incredibly vulnerable in the face of judgement.

It was silly for him to feel that way since he had been friends with Jaemin for couple years now and they were definitely very close.

But the fact that he had planned this whole thing like he’d been married with Jeno for a decade or something really made him feel like he was wearing a glass heart on his sleeve, and that with just one look Jaemin would see right through him like it was nothing but a magnifying glass, leaving him more than just a little exposed.

And it was extremely important to him that Jaemin liked it. He was Jeno's oldest friend after all and knew him better than anyone, including his brother.

With an anxious heart, Renjun observed Jaemin as he looked through his sketches, reading all the notes explaining the small details he had made sure to think through properly and with time till he was sure the one-time opportunity in his hands wasn’t getting wasted on stupid mistakes.

He watched as Jaemin's eyes turned glassy and he turned to face him, jaw dropping lightly as if wanting to say something but being unable to actually form the words. The longer it took for him to say anything, the more doubts started swirling inside his head. It wasn't good enough. He should've planned it better. He should've known it wasn't–

"It's amazing."

Renjun blanked, “What?"

"Renjun, this..." Jaemin couldn't even find it in him to finish the sentence. He stood up and rounded the table so he could come up to him and crush him into a spine-breaking hug. "It's so perfect," he whispered against his shoulder, voice cracking. "He's going to love it."

Renjun could only let out a relieved sigh as he brought up a comforting hand against his friend’s back.

Jaemin was sniffling in his arms at this point and he knew the wounds were still fresh with him, too, as he was Jeno's childhood friend and quite literally the unofficially adopted nonbiological son of Jeno's parents, like they had once kindly put it themselves.

He let himself close his eyes as he tried to share any kind of strength he could just by embracing the younger a bit tighter, hoping his consolation was worth even a bit.

It took a few cups of coffee and some casual chatter for Jaemin to feel better again. His eyes were red and puffy, but he kept encouraging him with his project, assuring him time after time that his surprise would be worth it. That he was doing something Jeno would definitely love and appreciate after getting to see the results.

But Renjun, as always, was scared of ruining things like he felt he usually did with everything he really put his mind into.

"I should really ask his permission first. If he hates it, he's never going to forgive me for doing this."

Jaemin honestly couldn't even fathom a reality where Jeno would hate something so thoughtfully crafted.

"And what if they it up? What if it looks ugly when they give it back to me? What if it isn't as perfect as I imagine it to be, what if–"

No, this was absolute nonsense and even Renjun should be aware of it.

"You don't have even a single reason to worry, Injun. He will love it. I know he will. And I know it's a bit of a risky move, but trust me, it’ll be just fine. And you know what, why don't you go talk to Doyoung and ask his opinion about it as well? I’m sure he’d love to see what you came up with."

"No, wait, you're right. I should ask his opinion on it, too. He's just as involved in this decision as Jeno is even if Jeno doesn't know how horrible his boyfriend is for planning all this and causing him so much unnecessary stress."

Jaemin decided to for that, sarcastically calling him 'oh so horrible for being thoughtful and wanting to show his love for his boyfriend, who needed his support more than ever right now', and that he must be 'so sickeningly selfish for spending every free hour of his days and nights just to make sure it will work out fine and won’t break in unexpected ways'.

It gave Renjun the mental boost he didn't even know he needed, especially since Jaemin and Jeno were the ones that needed it more than him, but he appreciated it and promised to meet with Doyoung right away the moment the other's schedules would let him.

Jeno’s older brother Doyoung had been on board with Renjun’s plan since he first brought it up – him having asked his opinion before even getting started on it – but he had never actually seen the sketches he had made.

He wanted him to look them over before he'd take the ring Jeno was so insisted on wearing almost every day, wanting to hear his completely honest opinion before going through the next step.

Maybe there was something he wanted him to fix or improve or just make more like his brother before it was too late to change anything. Or maybe Doyoung would notice a flaw Jaemin hadn’t due to his emotional state. Or maybe he had already changed his mind about this whole thing and wanted Renjun to just forget all about his plans.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. He could only find out if he asked.

He would definitely make sure one more time that Doyoung was sure he should go through with this before doing anything anyway, because he was all too familiar with second thoughts and regrets himself.

If he’d hesitate even for a second, Renjun would respect his opinion and just throw the whole plan straight to trash, no questions asked.

But Doyoung didn't. His eyes only sparkled brighter at the sight of the sketches, much like they did when Renjun had first discussed with him about his plans two months prior to this. He just never expected Doyoung to love it so much.

"Oh my god," the older exclaimed through the hand he had moved to cover his open mouth. "It's even more beautiful than I imagined! Jaemin really sold it short when he described how wonderful it is."

Renjun flushed, quite embarrassed and shy with the compliment, "So you think Jeno will love it?"

Doyoung almost dropped his sketchbook. "Love? Honey, he will cry his eyes out."

And maybe Renjun was sort of fine with that.

Renjun ran a hand through his hair, exhausted. 

Everything was screaming at him to just get it over with already, every necessary green flag had been raised and he had two enthusiastic supporters telling him they wouldn't let him back out of it now, bombing him with texts every day, asking if he had already gotten the ring and given his sketches to the jeweller.

"I still have to gather the rest of the money and hope starving myself for a few months isn't as bad as it sounds. You can buy me noodles right? I'll pay you back once I get my feet on the ground again. I just... I have to do this or I'll burst."

"You could wait for a few months I guess? But I don't mind loaning you the money for it either. I won't even ask it back, and I'm sure even Doyoung would offer his help if you just asked him. You know how excited he is about this."

"I know, I know. But then I'll just feel guilty and indebted, which is exactly the opposite of the point I'm trying to make. This was something I wanted to do myself, not something either of you have to help me to fund. But also, if I don't do it now, I will talk myself out of it because none of this is giving me anything but stress and guilt for wanting to steal his ring."

"He will understand."

"But he will be so upset! I don't want him to be any more upset than he already is. Not now at least."

"Hey, don't think about it too much. Jeno is a grown man and he loves you very much. He will be fine, I promise. I'll even distract him and assure him everything is going to be okay. You just take care of the ring, okay?"

Renjun sighed, his shoulders slumping under the weight of this decision. "Okay. If I even get it in my hands... Maybe I can distract him long enough this evening so you can sneak in and steal it?"

"What?" Jaemin asked with a raised brow. "Don’t tell me you’re talking about having with him and expecting me to come in while you're at it? No thanks, I’ll pass. You’ll have to deal with it on your own."

"Wha– No! But okay, fine, I'll just... hide it somewhere, somehow. Oh god, I should just give up and not do this. He's going to notice the moment it goes missing and when he can't find it for a month, he's going to be so broken, and I can't–"

"Renjun. It's going to be okay, really. It’s just a ring. Sure, he'll be upset about it and mope around a bit, but you know Jeno. He won't let a ring all the fight out of him. He’ll get over it. And when you present him your gift... he'll be ecstatic."

"Well, at least we hope so," Renjun mumbled. He was already feeling queasy in his stomach and he hadn't even gotten the ring weighing on his conscience yet.

Renjun sighed, his fingers tracing against the edges of the ring.

He felt so incredibly guilty for doing this, and he could even imagine Jeno's mom frowning at him from the corner of his room, disappointed in him for making her son's life so much more difficult for him.

But he also felt the obligation to see this through now that he had already gotten started.

He was doing this for Jeno after all, but the existing possibility of really hurting his feelings was terrifying to deal with. He didn't want him to be upset with him for something he had done with good intentions and especially after putting so much effort in it.

It was the last thing he really wanted right now – Jeno to feel even worse. But now he had to lie to his boyfriend and watch him feel down for a whole month all the while knowing he was the reason behind his sullen face. Yay, fun.

Not.

Renjun couldn't even begin to imagine how painful it is to have lost both of your parents. Both his mom and dad were still fine and dandy, even if they lived countless miles apart from him.

He just couldn't think of a life where he couldn’t call them when he missed them, or without seeing either of them ever again. Despite their occasional fights and disagreements, they were both there for him if he ever needed it, and he would probably be beyond devastated if that was taken away from him.

Jeno had lost his father when he was 14, and now just recently, only six months ago, he had lost his mother. It was a painful period and Renjun wanted to do his everything to show him he would be there for him and that he would let him mourn as long as he wanted even if the rest of the world was telling his boyfriend to just get over it and move on.

But how could anyone truly ever get over such tragedy?

And even if Jeno rarely showed it these days, Renjun knew there were times when the younger missed them both dearly. He would start sentences with "I need to tell my mom about this–", "I could ask mom–", "We should go to mom's house and–". And every time that he saw the sudden realization hit him, his eyes turning so full of sorrow, Renjun’s heart broke.

He just wanted Jeno to be able to cherish all those good, precious memories with his parents that had passed away so suddenly, and make sure the younger knew his mom and dad would always be there with him even if they weren’t physically available.

That's why he did it.

The ring.

It wasn't really that amazing – it was mostly just full of personal sentiment that no one else would understand unless explained. But it was special nevertheless.

Renjun had designed it himself, drawing dozens of sketches with every detail carefully thought out and enhanced till he was happy enough with the design.

It really helped that he had his own experience in making jewelleries since he had signed up for some classes at some point – creating beautiful things being his passion – so he knew the limits of what would work and what would not.

The ring he had ended up creating was going to be made with two different rings – one of Jeno's mother's, and one of his father's – and they would be melded together as one ring.

The important point was that neither of them would lose what made them them. They were still recognizable but conjoined with small, beautiful gems in the middle in the colors of their birth months.

It would have four gems in total; one for Jeno, one for his mom, one for his dad, and one for his older brother Doyoung.

As an artist, Renjun had naturally had passing thought of adding his own small signature somewhere there, be it a stone or a small mark of some kind, but he’d eventually decided against it.

He didn't want to include himself because it wasn't about him at all. It was just about Jeno and his family – the constant that had been there since he was born and not something as fickle and uncertain as a relationship with some guy he liked for a few years.

No. Renjun knew that when it came to family, he was incomparable. He wouldn't have it any other way either as family came first for him in most things as well, and there was little chance for him to think otherwise if it wasn't for some certain circumstances.

Jeno shared that and many other similar values with him, and that’s what made being with him so easy.

But that didn't stop Renjun from fretting because that exact reason was why this could possibly ruin everything they had. Family was too important and Renjun doing what he did was probably not a good thing in any way despite his intentions.

He should've at least asked him first, but Jaemin and Doyoung got him so hyped up about it that he had gone through with it despite his doubts and worries.

But now.... Now that he saw the finished ring and held it in his own two hands? He couldn't help but to cry.

It was exactly how he imagined it.

It was perfect.

When Jaemin finally forced him to reveal the ring to him in all of its glory in advance, they found themselves in a mess of limbs on Jaemin’s sofa, weeping together as they just stared at it, some sappy romantic chick-flick running in the background in case they needed an excuse to cry.

Renjun couldn’t help his budding excitement, especially when Jaemin had already let it slip to Doyoung that the ring was ready and he should join them in crying, to which Doyoung promptly agreed, wanting to see it ‘so, so bad’.

Renjun really wanted him to see it, too. Knowing Jeno, if he liked it, he wouldn’t ever take it off and let others admire it out of his finger, so this could very well be the last chance to really take a good look at it before he presented it to his boyfriend.

Doyoung did end up getting teary-eyed as well, obviously trying hard to keep himself together better than them so he wouldn’t look like such a hot mess, and instead focused on showering him with compliments because he didn’t just adore it, he loved it to bits.

It made Renjun feel confident that he had made the right choice despite his fear of not knowing what Jeno would think of it. He just wished he wouldn’t get too mad at him once he found out what he had done to his mother’s ring.

Though Doyoung did quickly assure him there was fat chance he wouldn't absolutely love it to the moon and back. And, if such thing was to occur for some unbelievable reason, he would force his brother to behave and appreciate it like it deserved to be appreciated.

Renjun laughed at that but pleaded him not to, since that just wouldn’t be fair to Jeno at all.

Despite remembering all the positive reactions from his friends, it did little to calm his nerves when he sat on the opposite side of the kitchen table, observing his boyfriend as he ate his cereal and looked like the ground had risen and personally punched him in the face the first in the morning. 

He had been so blue since the ring went missing that Renjun was ready to book a date with the guillotine if this all went down the drain.

But this was it.

He had the ring securely placed in this black ring box in the pocket of his morning hoodie, and it was time to show the fruit of his labor and possibly even cheer him up a bit.

But god, Renjun's heart was ready to jump out of his chest in favor of not dealing with this all this anxiety, ready to take a vacation away from his over-stressed body.

"Jeno," he decided to start with as he reached over the table, giving the top of his boyfriend’s hand a light squeeze, "Do you trust me?"

His throat was suddenly so parched his voice turned a bit gruff, making him cringe internally. He hoped he didn’t sound too dry.

Jeno gave him a worried gaze, turning his hand around so he could grasp his hand back.

"Of course. But do you have to look so serious? You're kind of scaring me."

Renjun gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand again. It was crazy how much he needed Jeno’s silent support and encouragement to get through this hurdle he had built for himself, and how easily Jeno was offering it without even uttering a word, just silently signalling him he should take his time and talk when he was ready.

He was so unsure of everything at that very moment. He was scared of his reaction, scared of how badly he could’ve possibly messed up if Jeno didn't like it. He was an inch away from backing away and never telling him about any of this.

But there he was. Jeno. With his soft, sad eyes and worry etched on his face as he tried to read him, his warm hand giving him the strength he craved for but couldn't find it in himself to ask.

It was in that moment that he was reminded of how many times Jeno had helped him when he felt like he couldn't handle anything anymore, of how many times he had been patient with him and coaxed out the problem that was affecting his mood when he himself didn't even know he had one, and of how many times he had dropped everything he had in his hands to come and hug him when he had broken down crying, giving up in everything.

And now was his chance to give back even a bit of that. If he didn't do this, he would regret it for the rest of his life. It had already been done anyway – there was little chance he would ever get the rings back to what they once were, even if he paid with everything he had left.

So Renjun took a deep breath and let it out. He repeated it one more time before meeting Jeno's eyes again, determined to finally come clean about what he had been up to. It was going to be hard, but he needed to do it despite the tears welling up in his eyes.

"I know you've been looking for your mom's ring. And I lied to you about not knowing where it was, I'm so sorry about that. But I really just wanted to give you something special that would make you happy and give you strength like how you've given me without me even having to ask. I wasn't sure if I should, but both Doyoung and Jaemin told me that if I didn't do it after showing them what I had planned, they would do it themselves, and I couldn't let that happen. I had to be the one to make sure it came out exactly the way I pictured it, or it wouldn’t be the same. Because then you’d never really know my heart and how much you mean to me.”

He shortly let go of Jeno's hand to go through his pockets, taking out the small ring box. He hesitated only for a second, staring at it like it was about to either make or break his entire world. And maybe it would all things considered, but the choice wasn't up to him.

He gave a shaky smile at Jeno's puzzled – and slightly frightened – face.

"This isn't a proposal, if that's the vibe you’re getting from this. But... I just wanted to give you this."

Jeno took the box from his hands, carefully inspecting it from the outside before actually opening it, his eyes going wide, "Renjun, what–" Renjun could see the exact moment something clicked inside his mind and Jeno gasped, "Is this–? Renjun, did you–? Oh my god, is this my mother's ring?"

Renjun was relieved that Jeno didn't look that appalled when he said it, so he took that as a sign to forge forward. He had to explain what exactly made this ring so special or it might be hard to understand what this all was about.

"It's a ring I designed from your mom's and dad's old wedding rings. I know you wore your mom's ring a lot after she passed, but I know you love your father just as much. I wanted you to be able to carry them both with you alongside with Doyoung, so that you’re always reminded of just how much you’re loved wherever you go. I just wanted this to be something that would give you the strength to continue when things get too hard and when I might not be able to be there for you.”

"I– When did you even– Did you steal my ring? To make this?"

Renjun lowered his head, suddenly very much ashamed, "It was selfish of me to just take it like that and get it done without asking you. I shouldn't have ever done that, especially considering how much you valued it. I know. I’m sorry. I just... I just wanted to make you something special to thank you for everything. But if you hate it, I can ask them to undo it and make sure the rings stay as unchanged as possible, even if it's nearly–"

He was rendered speechless with the way Jeno suddenly threw himself at him, his hands wrapping so tight around him he felt like he couldn't breathe.

He hadn't even noticed when Jeno had moved, but now that he had his warmth wrapped all around him, he let his earlier fear break free, gripping onto his shirt tightly and holding him as close as he could as his eyes stung with unshed tears, trying to just take in big breaths of air and letting it all out again.

"I love it," Jeno assured as if he knew just how terrified he had been about his reaction. About how much he wished he knew he loved him despite being poor at showing it, pouring it all into this ring that Jeno hadn't even dared to take out of the ring box. "It's so beautiful I have no words for it. Thank you. Thank you. It reminds me of them both, and it reminds me of how glad I am that I have you here with me."

“I’m glad. Really glad. You can’t even imagine, I–” Renjun stopped to take a breath, huffing a small smile on his face as he used the moment to wipe his tears. It was impossible to stop them at this point. "I was so worried. I wanted you to be able to understand how I feel but I couldn’t dare to include anything about myself in it because what if we break up? What if we one day just decide it's better to separate, and there I'd be, ruining a ring specifically made for you and the memory of your family. I couldn't do that. I would never forgive myself."

"Renjun, the whole ring is so you. You designed it. You put it together. You made this happen. And that is what makes me love it ten times more than I would if I didn’t know how much you worked for it, and how much attention you paid to all the little details to the point that every part of it counts as something special. You put your whole heart into it, and I can see it. Trust me."

And Renjun did, finally letting himself turn to the emotional mess they both knew he was instead of trying to forcefully keep himself together.

He was just so relieved. He had been so scared Jeno was going to hate it or hate him for getting it done behind his back, but knowing the hard work of three months had finally paid off with his boyfriend hugging him like he was the light of his life...

Renjun was happy. So incredibly happy he didn't even know what to do with himself.

And neither did Jeno, if his thousand soft kisses and mumbles of 'thank you, thank you so much' against his face were anything to go by. He smiled against the longer, more tender kiss against his lips, loving how tightly Jeno was still holding onto him, and how safe he made him feel in his arms.

"I'm going to marry you,” Jeno whispered once they had both calmed down from the sudden storm of emotions and just stood there, foreheads pressing against each other.

"What?" Renjun mumbled, feeling a bit numb after crying so much.

"I'm going to marry you."

Renjun tried not to let the burst of anticipation to get to him, "You can't know that for sure yet. Decisions like that take time."

He could feel Jeno shake his head at him, his forehead rubbing against his and his eyes so fond it made his heart hurt from all the love he was feeling reciprocated tenfold.

"After this," Jeno said as he pointed at the ring, "I know for sure. And I don't think you can say there's anything stopping you from saying yes. You wouldn't have done this all if you didn't really love me."

"I do," Renjun admitted softly, "I do love you."

"And I love you, so so much."

Renjun smiled at him the widest he had in a very long time. At that moment it didn’t matter how awful life seemed, or whatever insecurities decided to eat him alive at the moment.

The only thing that mattered was that smile on Jeno’s face and his gentle whispers as he held him close, shutting the rest of the world out their minds and leaving just the two of them together, wrapped up inside a special world of their own.

Jeno was, after all, Renjun's something special.

I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave any kind of feedback you want, I won't bite!

(♡＾▽＾♡)