"Yes, sweetheart, don't worry, as soon as I finish this article I will get out of the office and go home, see you soon". 

Finally it was my last work day, summer was finally here, I could feel it with the tip of my fingers. Finally I was going to be able to rest and spend time with my boyfriend. All I needed to do to be free was just finish it. 

While I was picking all my stuff and keeping them into boxes so that it wouldn't get dirty because of the dust during the a photo fell out from somewhere I didn’t know. I slowly walked over to flip that photo over and put it back to where it was again. But, when I saw it, I noticed that it was not an odd photo, it was a photo from ten years ago, while was in high school.

In that photo, there were just two boys, me and my high school crush. I still think it funny that he came to my class and by destiny’s chance. My first thought of him was that he was a very nice and friendly boy, but nothing else.

I just remember thinking that he would be from the popular group. He was too handsome so I didn’t have any doubt that they were going to drag him.

The popular ones at that time were an outlier, they had a lot of money, wore expensive clothes, the latest technology and also the ones who went every weekend to eat at the most expensive restaurants in the city.

They were the ones who looked at you over their shoulders and made fun of you for not being like them. Besides that, they had Japanese classes next to the English ones. Not all of them were this cheeky, but generally ...

On very rare occasions, they made exceptions and brought someone into their group who wasn't in the Japanese bilingual group. Exceptions included being attractive, smart, having money, or being liked by someone of them.

And he had all those characteristics.

I remember that during his first classes we were introduced and this boy already caught our attention. He was second again in high school, with a strong jaw, some intense black eyes, good anatomy, and although I do not remember exactly what he said to appear, I remember thinking "oh my god ..."

I was from the group B, the group of fools from the point of view of the students from group A. Nobody at the high school new my name, as well for the teachers I was "the boy who sits next to Kang".

They tried to take him to his field many times, but for some strange reason, he didn't fit in with them. Maybe he didn't want to join them.

One day, I don’t remember how or why, but he hung up with my group of friends. We talked about being left apart, about our hobbies, about everything. We also went to have dinner together, but we went to fast-food restaurants, we couldn’t afford anything else.

But we had a good time. He was having a good time with us, too, apparently.

Most of the people we hung out with had a return time. Maximum twelve o’clock.

My father didn’t set me a return time because "you are not going to be left on the street without friends, I know you. And they have a curfew. If I don’t set one to you, I will be the cool father."

He wasn’t set a return time either, so when people started to go home he and I stayed until later, it was still very early and neither of us wanted to leave.

That night we talked a lot about everything we wanted, what we had lived through. Family problems, very dodgy circumstances we had been through. Also of our suicidal thoughts.

He never knew, but he saved me from trying to kill myself because I never talked about this to anyone else, I remembered that conversation with him. He has always been a great support for me, and I will always be thankful

One night we ended up laying in a park, one leaning against the other, talking about music, we had similar musical tastes. His eyes were sparkling when he talked about his favorite group. Her lips also made a beautiful smile.

These situations were repeated every time we hung up with our friends. I didn’t want to fall in love with him, but I couldn’t help it, he was so clever, I liked talking to him so much and I felt very comfortable with him.

Little by little, we had a new habit, going to a pub to order a white chocolate milkshake for me and a strawberry one for him. People looked at us very strangely for ordering that at three in the morning, but we didn’t care, we drank it without stopping talking.

I have a very good memory of those nights: him, me, the shakes, our terrace, and the moonlight.

During these talks, he did talk about the odd girl he had been with and had problems with. We were talking about how difficult it was to find someone to connect with.

"It's hard to meet a girl and connect the way you and I have connected, you know," he said, sighing.

"Yeah, it's lucky we got along so well."

I agreed with him without going into too much detail. I never spoke of my romantic interests, because I didn’t want him to know about what my feelings for him were.

"You know what Hee Chul?" I don't know how to read you. I don't know if you like boys or girls. I usually know that, but with you ... You baffle me. And that makes you so interesting.”

I just smiled innocently and denied slowly, shrugging my shoulders.

"Well, I’m sorry about this, but I will never tell you about it."

He laughed.

"What a bastard. I want to know!”

I just laughed without saying a word. Maybe because I didn't have the courage to tell him, maybe I was just afraid of being rejected.

One day he picked me up by car. He and I went together to a poetry reading in downtown Seoul. I didn't even know about the existence of these places and I let myself be amazed by them.

Dim light, live poetry. He was wearing an elegant black coat. I had even consented to put on a sweater and fixed myself. I had combed my hair! I wanted to be handsome, for once in my life. It was the first time we had been alone.

I don't remember the poems, but I can recite the times I saw him breathe that night. I swear. My God, I couldn't stop looking at him. It was there when I realized my feelings. My heart was pounding, I was happy, very happy to be honest.

At some point, because of the number of people, our hands brushed. Neither of us did anything to push them away. Nor for grabbing.

It was a beautiful night and I really enjoyed the poetry, him and everything. I don't remember going back home, I don't remember as well saying goodbye.

I was only able to remember the place, the light and him.

We didn’t meet again until some weeks after that. It was for a makeshift theater thing somewhere in Nowon that I don't remember now. He picked me up by car and, in the end, a friend of his also came.

I thought that this would be my chance to talk about my feelings towards him but in the end, he brought a friend. I had a great time, but I remember that the colleague was trying to show off his skills in bed saying that he could last for three rounds non-stop. Of course, I didn’t care about that, but he seemed to be proud. Hyuk Jae was indifferent about that information.

After all, Hyuk Jae and I were just friends. I liked him, but it was a secret, it was normal that on some occasions he would bring some friends the times we hung out. I didn't care too much about not being just with him.

Which didn't mean I wasn't excited when it happened.

At some point in the night, his friend left, and he and I were left alone. He asked me if I wanted to drive. It was the first time I drove a car, with him helping me steer it in the middle of the morning.

The nights were always our best moments, I was never going to be able to forget about the time we spent together.

I remember that my group of friends suspected that something was going on between us. Whenever they went home and they left us by ourselves one of my friends interrogated me the next morning. 

And I would just laugh and deny it.

One night, I don't remember when we were having a shake and he said suddenly.

"I'm curious to know what it feels like to kiss a boy. I have never done it, actually, I really wish I would like a boy to try it out .”

"Then you know, find a guy and give it a try," I replied, with one of my characteristic smiles.

"Have you ever kissed a boy?"

I started to laugh loudly and he looked at me dumbfounded.

"You're not going to know if I like boys or girls, Hyuk Jae, just give up."

And he laughed too.

The course ended, we had our farewell. As usual in summer everyone traveled, either to the coast, abroad, to the countryside... We already had the habit of spending a few days on the beach at Kang's house. I could say that I was almost adopted by his family because they always used to spoil me a lot. 

While I was having a walk near the shore he came to my mind, the sunsets were so pretty, and I really wished I could see them with him, so I decided to send him a message. I told him about where I was, and what I was doing, surprisingly, he was on the same coast village as me, so we did all we could to meet.

We meet several times to go to the beach together with some other friends who were also there. It was not uncommon for the two of us to stay together in the towel talking and listening to music.

It was in one of those countless times when the photo of us was taken.

On the last day, we stayed up late. Actually we all stayed until late together, while having some snacks we told stories and play games. But as always we ended up being left together. When we were together, I really felt like we were in an alternative universe, because I just cared about what he told me.

We laid on the sand, side by side. In silence.

It was a little bit cold, because on the beach at night it cools down, so we leaned closer, arm to arm. Our hands brushed to the sand, but no one said anything.

We looked at the stars, we pointed out the fleeting so that the other wouldn’t miss it.

"Hee Chul, make a wish."

My heart was pounding and I was afraid he could hear it, I really felt like my beats were louder than the sounds of the waves. 

I looked at him because damn, it had been a long time I hadn’t looking at him. And he looked at me too. We were so close, on the beach, alone. Away from everyone and everything. Only the stars and the sea saw us.

Hyuk Jae grabbed my hand and my heart skipped a beat.

"I'm going abroad."

The stars went out in an instant.

"I'm going abroad this late August, I'm just sorry I didn't tell you anything about it before." He continued.

"That’s so cool! Where are you going?” I said as I tried to compose myself.

My mind was just screaming "don't go please," but I didn't say it, I couldn't. I was unable to say those words. I smiled, the same way I smiled at the pub when I laughed when he said he wanted to kiss a boy. And I squeezed his hand so hard that my knuckles hurt.

He squeezed mine too.

"It's getting late,  we should be thinking about going back, apparently our friends have already left a long time ago," I said as I got up because if I stayed more time laying next to him, I would have died.

He got up too, brushed off the sand of his trousers. I watched him. He didn't seem worried, he didn't seem hurt. It was just me and my silliness, as always.

“Yes, let's go”.

And I turned to start walking. Suddenly Hyuk Jae grabbed my arm. When I realized my face was buried in his shoulder, so was his face. He curled his arms around me, pulled me close and hummed softly. We hug each other tightly, in silence.

I was shivering and it wasn't because of the cold.

“I'm going to miss you.”

I didn't know how I could say those words, but by the time I wanted to realize they were already there, in the air. Free and real.

"So will I." he replied to my neck, still hugging me.

He had to be feeling my heart beating fast to his chest because there was no space between us. If not, my hands rubbed his back pulling him. I thought this would make it clear that I didn’t want to break the hug.

So, in the end, I was the one who broke the hug.

I broke it because I didn’t know if he was going to do it. And because, definitely, it would hurt less if I did it than if he would.

"You have to tell me everything when you come back."

We walked along the beach, leaving the coast behind and reaching the area of ​​houses where Kang lived. The rest of the friends were having some cocktails at the pub.

They saw us arrive, close to each other. Without looking at us, we talked about how cool it would be to travel together.

We talked about a trip that we would never do since after that night it would take me two years to see him again. Fate wanted it to be a sunny day in Seoul, I was walking with my boyfriend and he was with his girlfriend.

I was very happy to see him and we hugged as soon as we saw each other. It was a happy hug, much less intense, it was a hug of two friends.

"So, in the end, you did like boys, huh?" He said, nudging me.

"It seems like I do." I said, laughing too.

"Why are you still being mysterious about this? You could have said it before.”

I raised an eyebrow and he just laughed.

After that, we lost contact again. I still have his phone number. Occasionally I look at his profile in Kakao, last time he had a photo of a trip, of that trip we never did, I guess.

The phone rang again, bringing me back to reality, I blinked and put the photo on the desk, it was my boyfriend again.

“Yes, darling, I'm going home, I've been picking everything up. I know, I know ... No ... I haven’t forgotten ... We still have a lot of time left, we won’t miss the flight, do not worry ... See you soon, Kyuhyunnie ...

I looked at the photo for the last time, while I smiled sighing, I left the office. It's been ten years already, but I still smile when I think about Hyuk Jae, no matter what, he will always be my euonia.