“I love you” those words escaped your lips, you said it so smoothly like you never doubted what you were saying. I gazed up straight to your eyes, i felt the sincerity in every word you just said. I stared for a moment and watched as the bright pool of browns you own shine brightly as it looks back at me holding emotions that i can’t quite tell.

“I don't understand” I turned away from you, feeling of fear is present in my nerves, afraid that I might have caused you pain with what i just said. I can’t form the right description as to why because I myself don’t know how to fix this muddled mind of mine. There are things I haven’t learned yet and I needed to know them.

“Mina, I love you” you stated again and I know your eyes remained watching over me as I internally scream at myself for not realizing what to do. After a while you reached for my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. I always like the way you hold my hands, full of warmth. full of tenderness.

“Sana... I can't understand” I bring myself to look back once again, gaining eye contact between us, hoping that you would understand what I was trying to say. You smiled, though it faltered at first you actually managed to give a small one, you smiled. Then you gave me a hug, your hand cradled the back of my head slowly guiding it to lean on your shoulder as your other arm embraced my body pulling me closer to you. It’s the kind of hug I always wanted to receive from you, it made me feel comfortable and safe in your arms.

“It's okay. You don't have to” you whispered as you tighten your hold on me as if our bodies not flushed enough. As we finally let go, our hands connected automatically like they have been meant to be clasped tightly together.

Months passed since you confessed to me... months yet I still failed to say the same words to you. Because... Because I don't understand love.

How can love be patient?

How can love be considerate?

How can love be blissful when it can also be painful?

How can love be so complicated that I can't risk what I have to what I wanted to have?

How can love be felt when I don’t even know what it felt? 

How can she say she love me so easily when I don't even know what love is?

There are too many questions... answers that i needed for myself. 

“Sana, what is love?” I asked as soon as you take a seat on my side and carefully placed a hand on my lap. That was the same repetitive question i have been asking you from the day you confessed to me up to now and i’m glad you were willing to respond without getting tired of me.

“Love... there’s no definition, no exact explanation-“ I looked at you with anticipation waiting as to what kind of reply you would give me for today. “But you don’t need it to learn about love”

The time passed by with the both of us and i continued searching for answers to that very same question again.

“