I sighed for the umpteenth time today watching another one of these chick flick movies. I kept wondering to myself why in the name of god I was doing this. Well answer is quite simple, I don't know. I don't know why I decided to be stuck in this house when I can go out with friends and do something. But this one day every year, I decide to hate to go outside. 

I can't stand to watch these people. 

It makes me want to throw up. 

All this hugging and holding hands, it makes me want to shout at them to get a freaking room. But I can't do that. It's this day of the year where all the couples in the world get to show their affection, anywhere.

Why? Well isn't it obvious? Many others do this so they would be like, 'hey let's go on a date since everyone's doing that.' At least that's what I think. 

But I knew that I only hated them because I wanted to be there as well. To hold his hand and feel his soft fingers.

I want to be the one to say when a girl hits on him and I would step forward and say "Back off. He's mine." I want to hug him like there's no tomorrow, hugging him is like getting my best birthday present. Seeing him is enough to let me go through the hardships that are headed for me for the day.  He's like a beacon of light. That guides through the darkness, I know I sound so corny but I can't help it. 

And his smile, it's the one thing I want to treasure for the rest of my life. His smile it seems to remind me of the sea. When the tide is low it would allow me to open up my arms and just savor the fresh feeling as much as possible.

But when it's a high tide it's impossible to make it low again. It's his own nature to change it as he likes.

I hate them. I stood from the couch and walked over to the window. I peeked outside to see one of my maids go to the gate where a man with roses was waiting there. I saw how her face lit up like a Christmas tree and her cheeks turned to a bright shade of pink as she walked over to her lover. I tore my eyes away from them and walked back to the couch.

I stared at the ceiling thinking deeply, it's been 4 years since I realized my feelings for him yet I can't say it. This love is one of the most forbidden things in life. But then again, love doesn't matter who you’re with... That's what I learned.

From watching all these movies for the past few years all of them were romantic ones. I could have picked action, horror, or anything but that specific genre. 

But I didn't. 

The person I love with all my heart is my own brother, Jo Youngmin.

Every day I practised in the mirror how I would confess. 

I wrote in notebooks. I read romantic novels. I looked up quotes. But nothing was coming to my head. I came to a realization that I’ve loved him too much.

I was an idiot for falling for him.

One day, he told me he was gay. I was probably the happiest person in the world it encouraged me even more to confess.

I had that tiny hope in my heart that there was a slight feeling that I could have a chance with him.

I was wrong.

What he didn’t tell me was that he already had a boyfriend. No Minwoo.

It crushed me. Of course I was happy for him. I was so happy that he found his love. But... What about me?

The only one for me was him. How could I be happy if the love his life wasn’t me? I realized that there was no way in hell he would love me.  More than a brother.

In my life, there’s this border line that’s stored in my feelings. It’s this feeling that I shouldn’t dare cross. But I did. I fell in love with my own twin brother. And I fell for him, hard.

But I don’t ever regret falling in love with him.

The way my heart skips a beat when our skin touches, it’s not a painful feeling. I do feel like I would die but it’s a happy feeling.

Suddenly the door slammed open revealing a sobbing Youngmin. He took off his shoes and his eyes scanned the house looking for something, or someone.

“Kwangmin! Where are you?” He yelled out.

“I’m here, Youngmin.” I said quickly, his eyes snapped to my direction as he wailed running to me.

I felt as if Minwoo had something do to with this.

“I… Minwoo... He...” He stammered.

I pulled him to my arms his hair. I soothed him down with words trying to calm him down.

After a few minutes, his cries died down and only hiccupped a few times.

Minwoo had something to do with this. I just know it. Youngmin might be the one leading the relationship but I also know is that Minwoo isn’t really the ‘innocent’ type either.

I let him lie down on my lap on the sofa. It seemed to calm him more, his eyes met mine. We stared at each other. Although we’re twins our traits were always different.

He was more outgoing and confident while I’d rather read a book all day than play games with my friends.

I didn’t mind having no friends.

Even though Youngmin was popular and had more friends, he somehow always had time for me. And he was all I needed.

“Do you want to tell me now?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. His eyes looked away from mine looking at the television instead.

He nodded and said, “Hold my hand?”

I laced our fingers together getting more curious by the minute. He didn’t usually do this.

“Ok.”

He took a deep breath before explaining from the beginning to the end. It brought him to tears at the end but I had to know why he was crying. And who made him cry.

But my suspicions were right. It was Minwoo.

That lying bastard dumped him for a girl. He said that he only used him for his body. Who the hell  does that to Youngmin?

Youngmin is now holding my arm for dear life as he tried to hold me down from beating the crap out Minwoo.

“Kwangmin don’t. He’s not worth it.” He pleaded.

I sighed and gave in slumping back down on the sofa.

I didn’t know why I could still act the same knowing that Youngmin was always so near me. So close to me.

“Your right. But I guess we’re both single now.” I said, “Chocolate?”

He smiled and took a piece of chocolate and placed it in his mouth. His eyes closed in satisfaction. “Mm. This is yummy!”

I chuckled, “Youngmin. No one says that ‘yummy’ when you’re 17 years old.” I told him.

He pouted and I had to pinch my arm from squeezing his cheeks. It was so adorable.

“But I say that!”

I smiled. He’s back to his old self.

This was one of the magic I could do to him. One minute he’s crying his heart out as if someone had died but when I cheer him up, and I always succeed, it’s like he never cried.

“Are you okay now?” I asked, knowing what the answer is.

He will smile.

That warm tender smile that only he gives me.

And he does smile.

“Yes and it’s all thanks to you.” He said leaning over to peck my lips. It was a simple gesture that only me and him shared. I didn’t mind.

“Thank you Kwangmin. I love you.”

My cheeks burns and I hug him tight. “I love you too, so much.” I confess, next thing I knew I was crying.

He pulls away from the hug and cupped my cheeks. “Why are you crying?”

“Because it hurts.” I whisper.

It did. Countless of times we say these three words and it hurts me that our way of saying it has different feelings. I just couldn’t bear it anymore.

Youngmin gave me a confusing look. He smiles reassuringly and kisses my forehead, “What hurts, Kwang?”

That nickname. It makes me happy that we are so close not like other twins.

I am sad for Youngmin that Minwoo and him aren’t together anymore. But my insides are so full of energy that makes me want to confess right here, right now.

But I don’t know if this is the right time.

“This. The way you’re so clueless about everything.” I said not looking at him.

“Clueless about what Kwangmin? What’s wrong?” His voice was now a bit serious; I could feel his eyes on me telling me to look at him. But I can’t. I couldn’t.

“My feelings… Can’t you see that I love you!?” My voice was higher than the last time.

How can he be so dense at this time?

I could feel his body stiffen as he pulled his arms away from my cheeks, the warmth was gone.

“W-what? Kwangmin. You’re joking right?”

I shook my head, “I know this is wrong but I... I can’t help it.”

There. I said it, in a way. I waited for Youngmin’s yells and pushes but nothing happened.

“Look at me.” He said, I was surprised when his voice was clam and soft.

I slowly turned my head and I locked eyes with his. It was so full of caring and love.

He’s... Not mad?

“Do you still love me?” I asked it sounded a bit like I was pleading but I didn’t dare say anything else.

My eyes never left his as I waited for his response.

He grabbed my arms and pulled me closer to him. Our faces got closer and closer. I closed my eyes, and felt his lips against mine.

It only lasted for three seconds but to me, it felt like forever. Even when he pulled away I could still feel as if his lip was still on top of mine.

“Does that answer your question?” He asked smirking.

I could only nod shyly as I looked down.

But I was still a bit curious, does that mean we’re a couple now?

“Was that your first kiss, Kwangmin?” He asked me, when I realized it was I only covered my face with hands in embarrassment.

He laughed and pulled me in for a hug.

“You’re so cute.”

“Sh-shut up!”

Author's note: I'm sorry for the late update gais. TT-TT I failed you guys once again..

I kind of rushed the ending. *sigh* 

I hope you guys like it! 

BTW, Don't ask for a sequel 'cuz I'm not planning of making one!