Doyoung was sure of what he felt for s, like respect for Taeil, Johnny and Taeyong, admiration for  Yuta, Kun and Ten, and  care for all the younger members, yet the one he’s feeling for Jaehyun wasn’t as clear as he thought he should. It started when they were trainees, and it bloomed when they hosted Enana, to the point that he had to consult his brother for it.

Eventually realizing the blooming crush he had, Doyoung tried to be neutral about his feelings and not let it get in the way of his prospering career or their group relationship. He knew of failed friendships because of unrequited love and that is something Doyoung didn’t want to happen to him and Jaehyun especially their group who had yet to reach their dreams.

So with a determined mind and a conflicted heart, he set out to put his dreams before anything else.

Doyoung noticed the gradual shift in Jaehyun’s attitude as he was always observing the younger, and Doyoung was sensitive enough to decipher what that meant so he steeled his heart and prepared to divert his emotions to his work and to people he knew would not mind his affection. He pampered Jeno, and made him like his son; eventually treating the dreamies like his adopted sons that even Taeyong or Kun couldn’t contradict.

Doyoung smiled sadly every time he watches Jaehyun and Taeyong interact at the center, and so it made him realize that Jaehyun won’t really notice him like that. He sighed and stepped a little to the side and schooled his face, because anything negative would affect their reputation.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked as they stepped to the side while 127 performed fire truck and  the younger nodded. “You seemed a little down, what gives?” Johnny asked and Doyoung sighed.

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t as stupid or boring so people can like me.” Doyoung confessed and Johnny frowned a little before putting on his trademark smile.

“You know that’s not true.” Johnny patted his shoulder. “People need to warm up to you, to us.” Johnny said and Doyoung wished that it was the case.

But he knew no one liked him, not in a way that he wanted. Sure he has a small amount of fans and he get to have singing parts which is always vital but wasn’t he just called the other vocals who took Jaehyun’s lines? He sighed as he read the comments, of being barely noticed as a member and being a forgettable face and voice, to being fake and cold which hurts because he was trying his best.

“Hey hyung want to hangout before Enana?” Jaehyun asked Doyoung who looked at Jaehyun and shook his head.

“I have to help the dreamies with their homework.” Doyoung declined.

“Live a little hyung, stop being a nerd for once.” Jaehyun remarked and Doyoung felt the words pierce through him.

“Someone’s gotta help the kids.” Doyougn shrugged and grabbed his bag to leave for the dreamies dorm, only letting out his tears at the comfort of the car.

“Anything wrong Doyoung?” His manager asked and Doyoung nodded.

“Just been reading some comments.” Doyoung lied and his manager sighed as he started driving.

“People are hard to please Doyoung, hang in there.” His manager said and he thanked him, no matter what people say about them and their managers, they are good people who take care of them like their own brothers or sons.

“Thanks hyung, I’ll cheer up.” Doyoung said and wiped the tears from his face.

Doyoung wasn’t blind when Jaehyun took a liking to Yuta, and the younger seemed to gravitate to the sun personified, which is understandable, Yuta is a character you won’t miss and a person who cares for people around him, a solid pillar for Taeyong and a friend so dear to everyone. And Doyoung, he was labeled as the grumpy bunny which he hated to no end.

“Hey bunny hyung.” Doyoung looked at Jaehyun and glared at him.

“Stop calling me that.” Doyoung lashed out.

“Okay, fine grumpy bunny.” Jaehyun said and Doyoung gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, he had to endure this.

Doyoung wasn’t sure how to deal with the stirring emotions inside him to the point that Kun had to pull him into a studio to sit down and talk about it. Kun had always been perceptive and Doyoung had long accepted that he is the China line’s mom as much as he was Dream’s mom. Kun radiated warmth and he cried on his friend’s shoulder because he knew Kun would not judge him unlike other who may mistook this as a flaw or weakness; Kun saw it as something entirely different.

“It’s okay Doie, it makes you human.” Kun assured him and Doyoung thanked him, what will he do without Kun?

“Can you help me?” Doyoung asked and Kun nodded.

“Of course.” Kun answered and it made Doyoung smile a little bit.

Releasing a song in English gave Doyoung a bit of confidence to do an English song cover so he did just that, but the deeper meaning of doing it is more on to release such strong emotions that he knew was unhealthy. Kun helped him with the piano arrangement and he was thankful for it, his friend really did pull through. The pain he conveyed was raw and real that Kun, who had come to support him during the filming was quietly crying. Doyoung poured out his heart on the song that when he finished, he smiled so wide, it was refreshing to release all those emotions.

It was timely too because he had to work on the world tour and his emotions should not hinder his work ethics.

A week before the said concert, they were off to Chile for SM Town and while he had enjoyed the stage and the tour, being teased by Jaehyun for having low alcohol tolerance soured his mood, accompanied by the constant clinginess of the younger to Taeyong and Yuta. He found himself standing closer to Taeil and Jungwoo, and for the love of softness and Uwu, Jungwoo had wrapped him in warm hugs as if understanding what he was feeling.

Lunch was a weird one because as he sat on one of the reserved table with Yuta, Jaehyun approached them and asked Yuta why he was sitting with Doyoung but Yuta glared at him and shooed him away because apparently it was a date.

“With Doyoung hyung?” Jaehyun looked disgusted and Doyoung frowned at that.

‘Yes, we’re having a bff date shoo!” Yuta waved him off and then smiled at Doyoung just as Taeyong joined them.

‘Sorry, got caught up with Leeteuk sunbaenim.” Taeyogn apologized and sat next to Yuta and kissed his cheek. “What did I miss?” Taeyong asked and Doyoung gaped at him.

“Lee Taeyong!” Yuta pushed the leader away from him.

“ I’m sorry!” Taeyong shouted.

“Are you two…together?” Doyoung asked and Yuta sighed.

“Yeah, a little over a year.” Yuta confessed. “we tried to keep it in the downlow, you know how people prefer others ships than us.” Yuta answered.

“Aren’t you afraid dispatch will find out?” Doyoung asked and Taeyong shook his head.

“They already did and I had to bargain with them to take that photoshoot with Jaehyun to cover it up.” Taeyong replied and Doyoung was confused.

“Because he can’t keep his hands to himself!” Yuta groaned and Taeyong sheepishly grinned at him.

“Sorry.” Taeyong apologized and Doyougn burst out laughing, Yuta and Taeyong looked a lot like soulmates and he was glad they had found each other.

“Congratulations then hyungs.” He beamed and Doyoung was genuinely happy for them, and maybe it really was time for him to move on.

The tour had been monumental for Doyoung as he slowly accepted a lot of things and let go of feelings that are draining him. The Japan tour started with celebrating his birthday and it felt like this was the fresh start that he needed. In the midst of chaos, Doyoung was thankful that he could smile more and the pain was being washed away. He asked Johnny to help him with a project when they were in Sapporo and while the older was clueless, he obliged with the request. It turned out to be a cover song MV and Johnny felt like he was helping Doyoung a whole lot with this even if he does not know the full story. The smile that Doyoung had after completion was really mesmerizing and he wished that Doyoung could keep smiling like that for the rest of his life.

“Who is it?” Johnny asked when they boarded their car and Doyoung sighed.

“Jaehyun.” Doyoung replied. “He’s dating Shuhua.” He quickly added.

“He’s not.” Johnny assured him but Doyoung shook his head.

“It’s okay, I feel better now.” Doyoung assured him and Johnny could only wish for his happiness.

It’s been a whole lot of preparations that lead to the final show in Saitama and with everything he had, Doyoung let it all out. They were to act out a little when they sang their lines but the way Doyoung expressed himself, how he took the words to heart and sang it like telling his story, Doyoung felt free.

And so he donned the happiest smile he could ever conjure and got the courage to hug Jaehyun for one last time before he set him free and lock those feelings deep in the pits of darkness.

“Are you okay hyung?” Jaehyun asked and Doyoung gave him a bright smile and nodded.

“Never been better.” He replied and ran out to the stage to film their final encore.

a/n: well that was crappy