Choi Soobin’s always been extremely affectionate, that’s just the way things were. While most would think he would only show cute actions towards Yeonjun, who was the only one older than him in the group, that was actually a very false statement. He was cute and cuddly towards everybody, but especially towards the younger members, who generally paid him no mind and accepted him. He was like a large puppy who liked seeking attention. Nobody was really bothered by it.

Of course, it did help that for the most part, Soobin clung onto the youngest member the most.

Sometimes, just sometimes, Huening Kai wondered whether he actually was bothered.

He was more than used to how Soobin was, though. He was used to the way Soobin would ruffle his hair before and after practice, coupled with gentle words of encouragement each time. He was used to the way Soobin would wink at him from across the room, as long as they make eye contact, and the way he would respond by playfully rolling his eyes. He was used to Soobin’s warm hugs the most, always the most comforting of all the other members.

Maybe Kai wouldn’t call it being bothered, but he did feel something, which he would usually bury in the back of his mind for next time. There was no need to dwell on the fact that he was beginning to look forward to getting his hair ruffled, or wonder what it would be like if he winked back for once, or even how he wouldn’t even fight being in between Soobin’s arms anymore, fitting in the space like he was made to be there.

At least, he usually tried not to dwell on it.  Most of the time, Kai was successful.

Until the day came where he wasn’t.

With debut coming up, practice has gotten longer and a lot more tiring. Along with the rest of the members, Kai spent almost all day in the practice room, sweaty and tired. After hours of doing the same few moves over and over again, making sure all the angles and timing were perfect, their instructor finally called for a break. Kai collapsed onto the floor immediately, breathing hard. The rest of the members followed suit.

“My legs are burning,” Beomgyu whined, lying down closest to the younger boy.

“Same here,” Kai agreed, rolling over to rest on his side. Most of the time, he’d have one or two of the other members using him as a pillow. Sometimes, the position went to Taehyun though, but something that was definite was how Soobin would choose Kai. Always. There was just no questioning it. So when Kai rolled over and inspected the room only to find Soobin resting on Taehyun’s leg, he felt something within him lurch.

In the end, he didn’t have enough time to think about it more, since Yeonjun announced they should probably work on the smaller details. One by one, they all got back up on their feet, with Soobin helping Taehyun by pulling him up from the floor, laughing when the younger boy almost tumbled back down. Kai stayed on the floor for a few extra seconds trying to process what he felt before he got up, by himself.

Later that day, when practice ended, they gathered on the floor again.

“So what are we getting tonight?” Soobin asked, rifling through their collection of delivery fliers. It was always everybody’s favourite time of the day; figuring out what to eat. Everybody had their own preferences, but it usually wasn’t hard to decide on just one thing. If that happened, they usually just did a blind vote. “Pizza? Sushi? Jjajjangmyeon?”

“All of the above,” Yeonjun answered, making the rest of them laugh.

“Same, I could eat so much right now,” the leader agreed with a pout, patting his tummy.

Next to him, unable to help it, Kai grinned, “you always eat a lot, anyway.”

“Hey, take that back!” Soobin said with a laugh, pulling Kai down so he could wrap one arm around the younger boy’s shoulders in a hug, one that was probably supposed to seem threatening. His other arm went around the brunette’s stomach. Any other day, Kai would have just went along with it, purposely flailing around and pretending to escape. He would always end up staying in place, anyway.

Instead of doing that, Kai froze for a second before quickly pushing Soobin’s arm away.

The older boy looked surprised, but soon his expression shifted into one of worry.

“Are you alright? You don’t look too good.”

All the while, the younger boy was trying to calm himself down without giving himself away; why would he suddenly panic like that, anyway? Unfortunately, Kai was more than aware of the way his heart was racing, along with the warmth on his cheeks. Sometimes, having such fair skin was a curse, since it made his blushing so much more obvious. It got worse when Soobin placed the back of his hand of the other’s forehead.

“You don’t feel all too warm, but you’re kinda red,” Soobin continued, frowning. “Did you exert yourself too hard today? You should drink some water, let me—“

“I’m alright, hyung,” Kai managed to croak out, glad he didn’t stutter or anything. He could feel the other members watch the situation with equal worry and he didn’t want more of them to be concerned. It was nothing, anyway. He was fine. His heart may still be beating like it wanted to escape his chest, but he was fine, overall. “It’s just hot in here, that’s all.”

It was a lie; a pretty obvious one, at that, since despite how much they sweated during practice, the room was always freezing cold. Not to mention, Kai was always the one bundled up in a large jacket over his sweater due to how cold he easily got. Thankfully, Soobin didn’t question it, worry overriding his system. He still got up to fetch the younger boy some water, anyway.

If Kai purposely wouldn’t look at Taehyun, aware that his friend could tell through his lie, he refused to admit it.

That night, Kai found it hard to fall asleep, everything that happened earlier just replaying through his mind. For starters, there was the weird discomfort he felt when he saw Soobin hanging around Taehyun. They were all in the same group, of course Soobin would be around other people. Some part of him knew the right term was jealousy, but admitting it to himself would just bring up another question.

Why was he jealous?

Even then, if he was jealous of Soobin’s contact with another member, why would his initial response be pushing the older boy away when he finally got the attention he wanted? Granted, Kai just reacted automatically, but it was mostly since he didn’t expect the action. He didn’t expect being so close to Soobin all of a sudden in an almost hug that made him blush and feel butterflies in his stomach that shouldn’t be there.

Things just got more complicated from there, at least for Kai. It felt like he was hyperaware of his surroundings, but mainly, everything Soobin did. Whenever the older boy was around, it felt like he was in a constan