I love my husband. I love my husband even his snoring wakes me up early in the morning. So I scare him up and he would tickle me.
“Say sorry!”

“No!”

“You know I won’t stop until you said you are sorry!”

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry!”

Jaehyun likes pancakes for breakfast. Not any ordinary pancakes, chocolate chip pancake with stuffed Nutella and whipped cream on top. Too much sugar to start off the day, but, I don’t mind. As long as he likes it, I’m going to love it too.

“Hey honey, I can’t find my blue tie!”

I smile. “It’s in the second drawer.”

Within seconds, he comes back. “Honey, where’s my phone?”

“On the dressing table, babe.”

Jaehyun walks into the kitchen with his crooked necktie. “Honey, where’s my morning kiss?”

I gladly give him one kiss. “There you go.”

We always take a turn to do house chores but I always do the laundry. My mum told me that a man with dirty clothes is a man that is not loved by his wife. Old fashion much.

“Can you let me do the laundry next time, honey?” He asks as he watches me separating the clothes according to its color.

I shake my head. “No, darling. As long as I’m still alive, I’m in charge. Okay?”

At 9.00AM, we both walk out of our house to work.

“Hey, I’ll cook dinner okay?” Jaehyun said before he walks away. Our office is in the opposite direction, so we will always part ways in front of our house. Even though we went on different ways, I know he always watches me.

“Deal! Ice-cream for dessert?”

Jaehyun smiles. “Cheesecake?”

“Cheesecake.”

“Hey, honey!”

“Yes?”

“You look beautiful.”

One of my favorite thing commuting to work is I have time for myself. It helps me to clear my head before the stress comes in.

I’m going blind on some disease of the name that I can’t pronounce. And I am probably going to lose my whole career over it. I won’t be able to scare Jaehyun anymore. I was sitting at the edge of the bed and staring at the window, or I assume that I was staring at the window when Jaehyun scares me.

“Good Morning!”

“Stop it!” I said as I push his hand away when he was trying to give me a back hug.

“Hey, are you okay?” His voice is shaky.

“Just, leave me alone.”

Jaehyun grabs my wrist and trying to stop me from going away when I stand up. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Just leave me alone, Jaehyun!”

“Okay, honey. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

What am I going to tell him? I pretend to act like how I used to. Now, I can’t get the right measurement for the pancake. I heard his footstep walking into the kitchen. Is he watching me? Did he notice it? I accidentally drop the eggs on the floor.

“Oh, .”

“Hey, I got this honey. Let me help you.”

“No!”

“Honey, I’ll help…”

“Can you just lay off?”

I can hear Jaehyun sighs heavily. “I’m sorry honey.”

The people he works with going to start thinking that I am not doing my duty as his wife perfectly. I’m mad at myself. I am mad at everything because now, I’m useless. I’m blind.
Little did I know that Jaehyun watches me crying my eyes out on the floor in the laundry room.

“Honey, just talk to me okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about anything right now! I’m late for work!”

“Okay, let me walk you okay?”

“No, Jaehyun! I can manage okay!”

He held my arm and makes me face him. “Honey, look, this is not okay! You are not talking to me. Something must be wrong! Please tell me what is going on!”

And now, all I want to do is to walk alone. I can’t because Jaehyun won’t let me. How do you tell the person that you love you are going blind? I can’t help but think that I am becoming his patient. Not his partner. Maybe he will be happy with someone else. Someone who won’t be a burden to him.

***

My wife is going blind. She does not want my help. I want to wake up every morning and tell her that I love her. That it is all going to be okay. But she does not want to hear any of it. I wish I could do the cooking, but she insisted she wants to do it alone. She even figured out the laundry all by herself. She still insists on going to work and taking the bus alone. My heart stops every time I think of her crossing the street alone. So, even when she doesn’t want me to, I still follow her every day, without her knowing because that is what true love is. It is more than just a feeling. It is an action.

Her fingers are looking for eggs on the counter. I rolled the eggs closer to her.

She will smell the clothes and feel it. That is how she did the laundry now.

My wife will never know how much I have done for her. And I don’t need her to know. That is how I still love her.
I still give her kisses her every day.

“Hey, honey! Let me give you your morning kiss!”

“Thanks, honey.”
And I still tell her she looks beautiful.

The sound of recording comes to end.

“I’ll leave you alone for a while mum. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks, sweetheart,” I say to my only daughter as she closes the door. I crease the frame that has been in my arms since my daughter put on the recordings. My tears roll down my wrinkle cheeks and I wipe it away.

“I miss you, honey.”

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