« He is an . Clearly he doesn’t deserve you. »

Sobs, sobs was all i can hear in this freaking corridor. Facing the door that separated us i stuck my head against it, just wanting to feel a little bit closer to her.

« It’s all my fault.. »

If she continue saying non sense i will breake my hands’ bones, my phalanx were already turning white.

« Come on stop saying that if he broke up with you was your fault when it’s obviously not! »

« You don’t even know... He broke up with me because we didn’t know each other that much. Maybe i was the one knowing nothing about him... Maybe he felt it like this. »

« Because you really think he know things about you? You want me to prove you that he is an ? Because i will gladly do it, i can give you thousand of reasons of why he is the in all this .»

Silence, she didn’t answer me telling me to continue, to prove her that she wasn’t the bad person in all of this and that he clearly was.

« Does he know that you’re born the 10th february, 1999 at Cheongju? Does he know that you know how to play piano, violin and guitar? That you have worn braces and that you still wear them? That you absolutly want to see an aurora borealis during winter? That you hate lotus root? Does he know all of that? I didn’t even say all that figures in my mind actually. »

I began to laugh, the amount of facts that i know about her is so huge, i could definitely write an entire book just by telling how much things i know about her. 

« You have a mole on your tummy, does he even notice? If he doesn’t then it’s not the right guy. Who would ignore it when it’s the cutest thing in the world? »

Saying this made her laugh, oh god her laugh... I missed it, i missed her. Touching the door with my bare hands i was thinking of how her smile could be, of how our hands would fit perfectly. Just by imagining her i could already feel the heat on my cheeks.

« He don’t even like you for you personnality, just for your body. »

I know that saying this would hurt her but i had to, for her, to made her understand that getting away from him was the best thing to do. Her laugh, she immediately stopped it. No don’t. I want to hear it everyday, every hours, every minutes and seconds of my life.

« He was just busy putting his in you that he don’t even notice your mole. THIS mole, does he know how much i have it? it? »

I decided to ignore the blush spreading everywhere while remembering thoses moments, my cheeks, my ears and even the back of my neck were red. To be honest with her, with myself i have to do as if thoses blushes weren’t there. I was litteraly opening my heart for her, telling her all the things that keept coming inside of my head everytime i wasn’t busy.

« You can’t ignore me as if i was nobody Jungeun. I’m your bestfriend but you’re more to me, a lot more. Heck a mole isn’t a normal behavior between bestfriends. Don’t tell me that kissing my jaw was normal for you. Don’t please, don’t tell me that i raised my hope for nothing.»

Met with silence another time i almost gived up but i couldn’t. After all it was Jungeun, my bestfriend and the girl that i like. She wasn’t a foreigner.

« You know what Jungeun? I’m tired to pretend. To pretend that i’m not in love with you when i’m so wipped.»

Feeling a tear falling i was quick to react, removing it with my sleeve, quickly it turned black with all my make up on it, great.

« Why are you so oblivious tho? It wasn’t a part of our friendship pact, you were always the first to know when i was in a bad mood, you were reading me like you will read a freaking book so why you haven’t find my feelings for you when they were obvious? »

Taking a breath i was knocking on the door with the hope to make her react. I should know that she won’t answer but my hopes were there...

« So please, believe me when i say that you deserve a better person. »

« Who then? » 

Taken aback by her sudden answer it takes me a lot of time to finally talk, speak my thoughts up, it literally takes me one minute to say one sentence, one word.

« Me. »

Without knowing my mouth started to make weird noises, chuckles, nervous chuckles. I was nervous about how much my guts were going to betray me. And then soft cries were heard quickly followed by loud sobs, no no no it wasn’t what i was expecting.

« Please Jungeun open THIS freaking door or i will break it. I don’t care if the only thing that will be broken will be my arm, i will open this door even if it means that i will lose my arm.»

Hitting the door with all my strenght i was living some red stains, blood. But you know what? I didn’t care.

« You stupid crackhead... I already know it... »

Stopping my hitting session i asked her what she was talking about since i didn’t know what she was reffering at.

« What? » 

« That you’re the perfect person for me. I already know it but i just can’t- please understand Soulie... »

it.

Backing off a little bit i trained my muscles before running right in the door, breaking it at the same time. I didn’t know how it happened but i managed to make it in front of Jungeun, sat on the floor i joined her, shoulder hitting the floor first.

« Jinsoul what the fuc-. »

« Don’t. »

I know what she was going to do, help me to get up but i don’t want her help. I don’t want to look miserable in front of her. Holding me thanks to my other shoulder i managed to get up, breathing a bit before looking into her eyes.

« It’s okay, i’m okay, look, I’m smiling so it’s not  a big deal. »

« You broke your shoulder! »

« So what? »

I look at her with my piercing, emotionless eyes while grabbing her hands. I was grimacing because of the pain but acting as if it was nothing, worrying Jungeun wasn’t a part of my plans. To be honest the pain was unbearable but i have to do with it, at least for the moment.

« So what? It doesn’t matter if my shoulder is broken, the thing here is that your heart is broken and it shouldn’t. »

I managed to get my arm up to touch her chest, right where her heart is. Smiling at her i can see some tears falling from her eyes, hell no.

« A shoulder is a shoulder but a heart is a heart. »

Letting my arm hit the ground i grunt a bit, the pain was really high this time, i didn’t know that breaking her own shoulder would hurt like a . Sensing that i was in pain Jungeun began to take my hand in hers before i can react. The way her thumb rubbed against my skin made me blush. How can she do that to me? 

« I won’t let anyone break your heart like that another time, even if it means that i will break my shoulder, heck even my bones Jungie. You deserve all the love of the world, i really mean it. »

I started to smile before crying like a kid who didn’t get what he wanted. I must worried her but it’s not what i want, i just want her to be happy.

« Even if it means that you won’t see me as a possible lover, i don’t care. I just want you to be happy even if it recquires me to get away from you. You know i will do it if it’s for you. »

I approached her and kissed her forehead before getting up to leave, her hand, she was still holding mine and refused to let me go. 

« Stop making it harder for me Jungeun, for the both of us. »

« Jinsoul I-. »

« No please Jungeun... »

Tears in my eyes i whitedrawed my hand from hers slowly, as if i really didn’t want to, if i do that i know i won’t be able to see her, to face her again. 

« Bye . »

« No Jinsou-! »

Closing the broken door i start running, running from her. My shoulder was hurting as well but it was as if the only pain i can sensed was the one in my heart. 

Ah, a broken heart hurt this bad?

Drops of sweat started to flow down my forehead while i was running. Where? I don’t know. Breathless i take my phone out of my pocket and dialed Sooyoung’s number.

« Soo? Can you get me? I’m at Jungeun’s appartment, it’s a long story but can you bring me to the hospital? I think i broke my shoulder... Yeah yeah i’m okay but i think Jungeun’s not, bring Jiwoo here please... Thanks.»