Buttderella
Ding!
Irene’s phone made a noise, signifying a message she received from Seulgi.
23:13, Nov 30, 2018, Friday
SEULGI:
(heart) Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!
Ding!
Ding!
Ding!
Or three.
23:13, Nov 30, 2018, Friday
SEULGI:
mt
23:14, Nov 30, 2018, Friday
SEULGI:
That was meant for Joy.
23:14, Nov 30, 2018, Friday
SEULGI:
Sorry :)
Irene was now wide awake and desperately needed to use the bathroom.
She hated going to the bathroom at night. Not only did it disrupt her sleep schedule, she also had to walk down the long, empty hallway. The hallway was usually quiet, but there would be sudden, loud commotion coming from dormitory rooms along it, as if the occupants of the rooms knew she was a scaredy-cat.
Irene entered the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the lights, as the moonlight was enough to illuminate the bathroom. She just wanted to finish her business as soon as possible, so she hurried and opened the curtain of the first stall.
Wait.
A curtain? That did not seem right. Did the bathroom undergo a renovation recently?
The screams Irene and the occupant of the shower stall let out answered the question, and proved how wrong the situation was.
Irene went to the wrong side of the bathroom. She walked to the side with the showers and came upon an occupied stall. Unless using the lavatory wrapped only in a towel was the current trend.
It definitely was not.
Towel Girl turned around so fast that Irene could not see her face, which she was glad, because she was too embarrassed.
Irene decided to run away.
At least, she tried, which did not work out so well. She should not be surprised by now; barely anything in her life worked out well.
She slipped.
Normally, a person would try everything break his or her fall by grabbing onto anything within reach. Since Irene was a normal person, she grabbed the most reachable thing in sight—the poor girl’s towel.
Ah, she was definitely a genius.
Irene fell and caused a loud crash. She took the towel with her, with lack-of-towel girl still facing Irene with her back.
Irene truly felt apologetic for causing so much trouble. The best course of action, she concluded, was to help restore everything back to its original state. She wrapped the towel around the girl.
Irene swore she did not mean to touch the . She only did it out of habit.
It was the best decision she had made in her whole life.
The was exquisite. Irene had never touched anything like it. It had the perfect firmness to it,
but it was still soft to the touch. The tiny little gasp Towel Girl let out held a suitable amount of surprise and ism.
One touch, and Irene was addicted. She was in heaven.
However, she was still horrified by the whole event.
She ran.
But not before grabbing Towel Girl’s again. Just so Irene would be able to recognize her and apologize when they meet again.
The next morning, Irene sat at her desk. She had planned to study, but instead, her brain was replaying the events from last night. She fidgeted in her seat; she could not sit still. She desperately needed to touch the , so she tried to recreate the squishy feeling.
Water balloons. Yarn. Pillows. Bricks. Her own . Nothing worked.
Irene devised an alternate plan.
Irene invited Joy to her room. The younger girl was known for her intelligence and investigative skills.
“Why are you looking at your hand?” Joy entered the room and asked.
“This hand was blessed by the most beautiful last night.”
Joy stared blankly at Irene; she could not offer a suitable response. It was not needed, anyway, because Irene continued speaking.
“You are going to help me find the owner of it.”
Joy could not see anything good coming out of this plan.
"I really don't think--"
Halfway through her sentence, Irene looked her dead in the eye.
Joy would die before she could refuse to help.
"--this will be difficult. We can totally find girl."
"Also, please call her Towel Girl."
Irene acted as if her main reason for searching for the girl was because of something other than her .
Sounds of knocking came from the entrance of the dorm room.
“Oh, here they are!”
The door to the room opened once again. A bleary eyed Yeri walked into the room with a definitely still asleep Seulgi in tow. Apparently, for some unknown reason, Irene also enlisted their help.
“Why are you two butting in on this business?” Joy asked, massaging her temples to soothe her slowly building headache.
“. That was funny.” Yeri commented. Seulgi woke up hearing Joy’s voice and laughed along with Yeri.
Joy did not find it humorous at all.
“What do you know about Towel Girl?” Joy’s sole purpose was to finish this torture quickly. She commenced the investigation by gathering information.
“Her is heavenly.”
“And?”
“Her voice is also heavenly. Her moans—”
“Stop.”
Joy should stab herself to death, and it would be a better decision than helping Irene.
“Unnie, maybe say something more descriptive.”
Joy suddenly found Yeri’s voice oh so heavenly, as opposed to being annoying as the Annoying Orange.
"Tell us about her distinctive features, for example, hair color and height."
Seulgi was being sensible, too. Joy might be dying. She was starting to hallucinate.
“She has blue towel. She’s very short. I think she has long, dark hair, but pale skin.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t a ghost?” Joy was beginning to think this girl was a figment of Irene’s imagination.
“Even if she were a ghost, I still would like to find her.”
Irene was determined to find the .
“How short is she would you say?”
“Yeri’s height. Very short.”
Yeri would like to rebut, but she had no authority. Plus, Joy was there as a comparison. What possibly could she say?
“I’ll have a list of possible Towel Girls by noon.”
“Thank you, all, truly. However, I cannot shake hands with you because I haven’t washed it since last night. I don’t want your filth to taint my blessed hand.
Seulgi, Joy, and Yeri gathered at the newspaper club room and began their investigation.
“This is fun.” Seulgi was content, as she always was.
“No.”
“We get to spend time together with our daughter!”
“I don’t think I have a daughter that short.”
“That is very hurtful.” Yeri felt attacked.
“I’m sorry you’re so short.”
Joy tried to be compassionate. She really did, but her superior genes did not allow her.
“I am sure someone shorter than Yeri will join us soon.”
Seulgi smiled and patted Yeri’s Head.
“What do you mean?”
Yeri and Joy looked at Seulgi curiously, hoping to get an explanation from her.
“Nothing!”
With Seulgi and Yeri’s help, Joy compiled a list of students attending this university and filtered out people who fit Irene’s descriptions.
There was no one.
“Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” Joy questioned. She had never made a mistake in her reports. Given how vague Irene’s description was, it was not impossible that she might have dreamt it.
“No, I am sure I touched it!”
They were stumped.
“I’m sorry, but there is nothing we can do to help you.”
Irene nodded, but she clearly was not satisfied by the results.
Joy bid farewell to everyone and left the room.
“It’s getting cold. I hope the windows are not opened!” Seulgi said before she headed back to her dorm on the other side of the building.
Yeri remained.
“Why are you still here?” Irene asked.
“It is time for the greatest detective of all time to take over the investigation.” The younger girl announced.
“Who?”
Yeri gestured at herself, looking confident and determined.
For the first time, Irene felt like maybe she was not meant to find Towel Girl.
Joy walked around the building. She needed time to think about the event.
She had never encountered this kind of mystery before. How could Irene have touched a that did not exist? There must be something wrong with their approach.
Perhaps, Irene’s description was wrong? Maybe it was a pudding she touched? Or could it have been a plush doll? There were many factors Joy had to consider, even if they all sounded ridiculous in her standards. Mind you, she was very open to multiple possibilities. For example, she would believe if Irene actually touched her own and imagined the whole sequence of events.
Joy could not make sense of anything.
Then a leaf hit her in the face.
“My beautiful face!”
Joy was indignant. Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to open all the windows along the hallway during winter?
Then an idea hit her.
What if, like the leaf, Towel Girl was an outsider? Their earlier report included only students who lived in school, and neglected everyone else.
Joy went to the RA’s office to check the sign-in book; guests visiting the dorms were required to register at the office.
“Were there any visitors last night?” Joy asked.
The RA seemed amused as she flipped through the record book.
“There was exactly one visitor. Why, are you checking in on Seulgi?”
Joy was confused by her words.
“The visitor was Seulgi's guest.”
The investigation just became more interesting.
Joy confronted Seulgi.
“Who is Wendy?”
Seulgi’s face lit up at her question.
“Wendy! My best friend!”
Alright. This was the first time Joy had ever heard about this “Wendy.” Not that she cared, but still.
“She visited me last night even though she was super busy.”
“Late night visits, huh.”
Seulgi fell into silence. She was trying to recall what happened the day of her friend’s visit.
“I remember she told me about something weird at the shower.”
That attracted Joy’s attention.
“Do tell.”
A weird event Wendy encountered and Irene’s story about Towel Girl both occurred at the showers on the same day. The odds that they were the same event were high, but Seulgi surely would have linked them together?
“Wendy said she felt someone touch her . Then her towel got loose, but it wrapped around her again.”
“Right.”
“She was probably just too tired and imagined things.”
“Sure.”
Seulgi smiled so brightly at Joy.
“I’m glad you agree!”
Joy did not know if she wanted to save this adorable idiot or punch her in the face for not realizing the truth.
There was not time for either, however, Joy decided.
“Call your friend to meet us here.”
Seulgi nodded, confusedly.
“What happens then?”
“Then, we find Irene unnie.”
Joy was close to being free.
Yeri did something bad; she did something worse than stealing food from Joy and Seulgi.
Irene was currently on a rampage.
Why, you ask? Well, the Greatest Detective of All Time, Yeri had suggested Irene to touch every person’s to find Towel Girl. She did not think the older girl would take it seriously. After all, it was a pretty crazy idea. She just did not expect Irene to be crazier than “pretty crazy” and went ahead with her plan without objections.
Was it Yeri’s fault that things were in this situation, you ask? Yeri would not think so. It was simply caused by Irene’s love for Towel Girl.
However, it was extremely discomforting to see Irene randomly touching people and pretending to be uninvolved. She did it with such ease, as if she had years of practice in sneaking a touch, or “sneak-a-,” as Yeri had coined it.
“Yeri!”
Yeri spotted Seulgi and Joy running towards her.
“What’s up?”
“Do you see Irene unnie?”
Yeri gestured around them.
“She is around here, touching people’s butts.”
Seulgi and Joy were horrified upon learning about the situation.
“If you wanna find her, just stand here, and she will come to us eventually.”
The older girls nodded understandingly; they knew scarifices must be made.
But it did not, as two screams were heard.
One was a scream of terror; one was a scream of happiness.
Yeri was happy to announce that none of their butts were harmed in this investigation.
Irene enjoyed Yeri’s plan immensely. Sure, there were no butts that could compare to Towel Girl’s, but it was fun. Plus, she got to train her reaction time for sneak-a-.
Speaking of butts, a new player had joined the field. Irene was headed towards her direction.
Irene was ready. Her arms were out, but not too much so that she would be suspicious. Her fingers were prepared to seize the moment, to seize the .
There it was, right in front of her, a very luscious . Could she be her Towel Girl?
Irene attacked.
Oh.
She found Towel Girl.
She screamed out of joy.
She was discovered.
Gears were turning in Irene’s Head. If she ran away, she would not be able to talk to Towel Girl. If she did not, Towel Girl would know what she was a ert. Yes, Irene was a self-aware ert.
While she was struggling to make a decision, the three detectives came over and saved the day, somewhat.
“Wendy!” Seulgi cried as she spotted Irene and, unsurprisingly, Wendy.
Her friend was extremely grateful to see her. She rushed to her friend’s side to seek shelter from the attacker. Irene followed.
“Seulgi, how could you not tell me your friend’s was heaven?” Irene whispered to Seulgi in frustration. They could have saved so much time and trouble.
“Because unlike you, I don’t touch people’s just because I like it.” A witty Seulgi appeared in the wild.
Irene stomped her feet and became a petulant child, since the heavenly escaped from her grasp.
“Seulgi, who is this?” Wendy’s question pulled them back to reality.
Who is this person who touched, no, grabbed and squeezed my ? Seulgi finished the question in her head.
“This is my, uh...” Seulgi struggled to find words to describe Irene in a normal light.
“I’m her life mentor. I teach her about the philosophy of life.”
Wendy stared at Irene in awe. When did she become so gullible?
“Thank you for taking care of Seulgi.”
“Oh, not a problem, but if you want to thank me in a different way, I would be more than happy to accept.”
Irene enticed Wendy into a conversation, ignoring the three girls.
Seulgi wondered why Irene and Wendy were getting tinier. Was she falling asleep? Were her eyes getting smaller?
“Are we just gonna let them leave?” Yeri said worriedly. Even she knew Irene wanted to do something weird to Wendy.
Oh. Perhaps Seulgi should do something. She really would have, if it weren’t for Irene’s glare.
“I mean, our job is done.” Joy reasoned.
“And you never wanna cross Irene unnie.”
Yeri learned a great deal today.
Wendy would like to know what possessed her to follow Irene back to her room. Was it her face? It was probably her face.
“You have a great .” Irene spoke earnestly behind Wendy.
Wendy could feel a burning gaze on her rear.
“Thanks. You, uh, have great eyes?”
“I’ll let you look into my eyes if you let me touch your .”
Wendy must have gone crazy.
“Great.”
Things she was willing to do for pretty girls.
Dear diary,
I can’t believe this worked. I know Irene unnie loved butts, so it was unsurprising that she fell in love with Wendy’s.
But I mean, me, planning an accidental meeting between Irene unnie and Wendy? Timing everything perfectly so Wendy would be showering when unnie woke up and went to the bathroom?
Man, I’m good at this.
I have to admit that I hid the truth from Joy, because watching her work was fascinating.
Oh, I should explain how I know Wendy has a great . Joy told me. I can’t believe she didn’t know Wendy is Seungwan’s English name. They almost spend more time together than either of them spends with me. Sad bear here.
I need to find a babysitter for Yeri. Wait. Do 20 year olds need babysitters? I should google that.
Anyway, with Irene unnie and Wendy out of the picture, Joy can spend more time with me!
Seulgi out!
P.S. Praying for Wendy’s .
“Please be my girlfriend because I don’t think I can live without your .”
“It doesn’t feel like I have one anymore anyway.”
“So, girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend.”
Irene low-five’d with Wendy’s .
**********
I hope you were surprised by the ending.
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