Midnight Iced Americano

 

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The music was loud and people obnoxious, but the drinks were cheap. Unfortunately, the lines to the bar way ridiculously long and the waiting stretched on forever. Nevertheless, Jongdae found himself standing in one of these lines, trying to avoid having anything spilled on him. Twenty minutes later he came back to join his friends by one of the tables, four drinks and a line of shots in his hands.

“I see you reached for the hard caliber?” Yixing laughed, helping him set everything on the table.

“Well, we’ve reached an iceberg, so what else is there than to go down? Better sooner than later.”

“I don’t think this is how it works, Jongdae,” Sehun laughed, moving to make some room for the elder.

“It’s very simple. The simplest things about relationships—”

“Break ups?” Baekhyun interrupted, already dunking his drink.

“Of course! There is only way out of that! You cry, you hurt, you hit the bottom and then you climb up,” he shrugged, “you’ll have to go through it all sooner than later, Baekhyun, why just not do it all tonight?”

The three of his friends gave him a silent look.

“Oh, come on! It’s not like it’s his first break up! And probably not the last one!”

Baekhyun groaned, hitting his head against the table, “I’m gonna be forever alone.”

“Great, look what you’ve done now,” Sehun scolded him, running his hand up and down Baekhyun’s back.

“She broke up with me while we were having , for ’s sake!” he yelled, “what the hell is wrong with me?!”

Jongdae, Yixing and Sehun looked at each other.

“You deal with this one,” Jongdae mentioned, “I’m only gonna make it worse, we all know it.”

Sehun rolled his eyes, laughing quietly, “do you wanna leave here, buddy?” he asked, looking at Baekhyun.

“I don’t know what I want,” the other mumbled, taking a shot and then another one.

“It’ll get better, Baekhyun,” Yixing smiled at his friend, “it’s been only—”

“One week, four hours, twenty three minutes,” Baekhyun replied, taking another shot.

“And you’ve already made progress!” Jongdae cheered, “I mean, small steps, right?”

“Have you ever had your heart broken? So much that it would’ve felt better had you not had it at all?”

“Lee AiLing, highschool, I thought I could steal stars for her, and then she left me for a college student,” Yixing sighed, smiling in nostalgy.

“Choo Chahee, senior year of college, cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend,” Sehun mentioned, raising his glass, “may she be forever alone!” he cheered.

When silence followed Sehun’s confession, the three of the men looked towards their last friend.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?” Jongdae asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Who was the first one to break your heart?” Yixing repeated, and Jongdae only sipped on his drink.

“You… have never had your heart broken?” Sehun concluded, surprised.

Jongdae only shrugged, “I keep it well protected,” he chuckled, smiling widely at his friends. The three of the boys stayed silent, and the air around them turned tense. “Oh, come on!” Jongdae whined, “what’s your problem now? It’s not like I have the same endless amount of choice of people to fall in love with as you guys!”

“It’s just...” Yixing started.

“I’m just not into it as much as you are, okay. Let’s just leave it at that. We’re not here to talk about me.”

“You’re not into what?” Baekhyun asked, “please, anything to take my mind off of her!” he begged, after Jongdae gave the look of annoyance.

The younger sighed, “I’m just not into… love, okay? Relationships don’t seem like my type of thing…”

“Have you ever even been in one?” Sehun inquired. Jongdae stayed silent. “So how do you know it’s not for you?”

“I’ve been doing just fine on my own my whole life, Sehun. I didn’t need anyone to hold my hand when I was in high school, why would I need anyone now? I’m good on my own, I don’t need it to change. I have things to do in life that do not necessary include another person.”

“But isn’t it… lonely?” Yixing asked sympathetically.

Jongdae smiled at him softly, “for all the things that could make me feel lonely, I have you guys, and for all the other things, I am doing great on my own. I like being alone,” he smiled.

“Alone and lonely are to different things, Jongdae,” Baekhyun pointed, staring at his friend.

“I’m not lonely, guys.”

 ***

“Thanks for letting me stay over,” Baekhyun smiled at his friend, sitting on the couch in his living room.

“You’ve no idea how glad I am that you’re here. I don’t like it when you just shut yourself off in your room. Want a beer?” Jongdae asked, opening the fridge.

“Always,” the elder smiled, wrapping a blank around his arms.

“There you go. Wanna watch something?”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you, Jongdae… but I need it to stay between the two of us, okay?”

“Of course. Has anything happened?” Jongdae sat down, making himself comfortable, and looked at his friend with concern.

Baekhyun took a few breaths in, and without looking at his friend, mumbled out:

“Have you ever been with a woman, Dae?”

Jondgae rasied an eyebrow, confused, “what do you mean? Are you asking if I had with a girl?”

Baekhyun sighed heavily, and looked up at his friend, “no… yes… maybe?”

Jongdae frowned, “Baekhyun, what do you want to know?”

“Have you ever been into a girl? Have you ever… kissed one? Have… yeah, did you have with a girl?”

The younger chuckled, “yes, yes, and yes. I’ve been into a girl, her name was Hwasa, I was sixteen, she was my brother’s girlfriend’s friend. Also older than me. We kissed, we had . But we didn’t live happily ever after,” he laughed.

“Why?”

“Surprisingly, it was my fault!” Jongdae laughed, “turned out she was actually into my brother,” he shrugged.

Baekhyun wrinkled his nose, “bleh, you’re defo the one who got the looks,” he made a face and drunk some beer.

“Thanks, I guess?” Jongdae laughed.

“So how did you know that you were… you know… into guys?”

Jongdae leant back, looking at the ceiling, “you’ve never asked any of this. Why are you asking now?”

“How did you know, Jongdae?” Baekhyun pushed.

“I just… knew? There was… there was this one guy, an exchange student from the UK… I guess I realized something was… off… when I caught myself picturing him… you know…”

“That’s a lot of detail,” Baekhyun mumbled.

“You wanted to know,” Jongdae shrugged, taking a sip of his beer.

“That’s how you knew?”

Jongdae sighed again, “I presume it actually hit me when my brother found gay on my computer…”

“Oh…”

“I didn’t really tell anyone tho until after I came back from LA.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t wanna go and venture in my hometown… too many people know my parents… when I was studying in LA my friends took me on a weekend trip to San Francisco, we went to Castro… one too many beers and I was kissing a random guy. And I guess I liked it just a little bit more than I liked kissing Hwasa,” he confessed.

Baekhyun looked at his friend for a moment in silence, before he spoke again, “you never talk about your life, Jongdae.”

The younger looked at him and smiled, “there’s not much to talk about,” he whispered, looking at the elder through his eyelashes, “but I still don’t understand why you are asking me all these questions—”

Baekhyun’s eyes were resting on Jongdae’s lips. The younger could see his friend stuggles to speak, but when the elder leant closer to him and hoovered over him, his heart stopped, “Baekhyun, what are yo—” he started, but Baekhyun just pressed his lips against his.

Jongdae’s eyes widened at the sudden warmth on his lips and the unexpected invasion of his space. His eyes were wide open, his body frozen. His best friend was just kissing him. A best friend that he knew for a fact was not supposed to be into him. It took him a second, but he finally remembered how to move again, and quickly pushed the elder away.

“What are you doing?!” he asked, scared.

Baekhyun looked like a puppy. His eyes were glassy, his lips shaking, cheeks slightly pink.

“I don’t know, Jongdae,” he mumbled, “I really don’t know, please, forgive me,” he said, and kissed him again.

And in the overwhelming confusion, Jongdae kissed back. He placed his beer on the floor, and ran his hand through the other’s hair, trying to calm him (or himself) down.

Minutes were passing, and they were as if frozen in time. Jongdae didn’t remember more innocent and peaceful kiss. Even though, he didn’t understand what was happening, he decided to trust his friend. He’ll ask questions later.

And then he felt it. Baekhyun’s long, slim fingers on his waist. He quickly pushed back, placing his hands on the elder’s elbows. Baekhyun was sitting on his laps, looking as if he was high, in a daze.

“What are you doing?” Jongdae asked quietly, looking the other in the eyes.

And it seemed like it had just hit Baekhyun. He looked Jongdae in the eyes, then followed his arms, just to reach his elbows, and then his eyes traced down, to where his own hands were. He quickly pulled them away, all color disappearing from his face.

“I… I am so… oh my god,” he freaked out, and tried moving away from Jongdae, but he only almost fell to the floor. Fortunately, the younger caught him, and helped him to the spot next to him.

“Baekhyun… what is this about?”

“Jongdae… I… I don’t know…,” he mumbled, his voice shaky, and his eyes suddenly became glassy, “I have no idea what is going on… I don’t know why I did that… I am so sorry…”

Jongdae hugged him, tightly, as if trying to tell him that it was all alright.

“You don’t have to be sorry… I just want you to know what you are doing… you don’t… you don’t happen to..emm… have feelings for me, do you?” he asked uncertainly, hugging the elder tighter, not wanting to look at him.

“N—no, Jongdae, no, god, of course, I don’t! I just—” Baekhyun’s voice craked, “I’ve been so confused lately… I have no idea what is going on in my head… and my heart,” he whispered the last part.

“Your heart is broken, Hyunnie,” Jongdae whispered back, caressing his friend’s hair, “you just miss—”

“It’s not that,” he interrupted the younger, “It’s… I miss her so damn much, Jongdae… but it’s not just it… I’ve had so many thoughts in my head lately, that I just don’t know what to do with them…”

“You’re drunk—”

“I’m not!” Baekhyun exclaimed, and then looked Jongdae in the eyes, “how come you never talk about ?”

Jongdae’s eyes widened, “you are most certainly drunk.”

“Whenever the guys or I talk about having with the girls, you always just sit there, listening and making snarky comments… how come you never share your life with us?”

“Good night, Baekhyun,” Jongdae stood up, gathering the beer bottles from around them.

“Answer the question!” Baekhyun exclaimed, grabbing Jongdae’s hand, “oh… are you still a ?”

“I don’t think a group of straight guys wanna listen to their gay friend’s stories, you know,” Jongdae chuckled.

“How do you know? You never tell us anything! Are you a bottom or a top?!” Baekhyun giggled, falling on his back on the couch. “I think I am a little bit drunk,” he mumbled.

“You think?” Jongdae laughed, “wait a second, I’ll bring you a pillow.”

“No need, no need,” the elder mumbled, “you know what, Dae?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re a good kisser.”

And it was the last that Baekhyun said, before the only sound he started making was snoring.

 *** 

“Oh my, can we just order and not wait for Jongdae?” Sehun asked, looking as if he could east the menu, “I am starving.”

“Go for it, Jongdae won’t be coming,” Baekhyun said, looking around to find a waiter.

“Hmm? How come?” Yixing followed, confused.

“There’s actually something I wanted to talk to you two about, and it involves Jongdae…”

“Has anything happened?” Yixing frowned, concerned.

“You could say that? But nothing serious, don’t worry, it’s just—”

“Hello, can I take an order?” a tall woman approached them and smiled warmly.

“Can I please have bibimbap and haite beer?” Sehun quickly ordered.

“I’ll have kimchi jjigae,” Yixing smiled, giving the lady his card.

“I’ll have bulgogi and beer, thank you,” Baekhyun smiled, and once the waitress left, he looked at his friends again.

“So?” Sehun pressed, “what is wrong with Jongdae?”

“How do I say it… I’ve realized recently, guys, that… we don’t really know much about him…”

“Well, he never really talks—”

“What are you talking about, Yixing, he hardly ever shuts up,” Sehun pointed.

“What I mean, Sehun,” Baekhyun looked at the younger, “is that he knows everything not only about us, but also about our relationships… and we never once even asked about his…”

“We tried last time, but he said he had never had his heart broken, where do you go from there?” the youngest shrugged.

“Into a whole bunch of directions, Sehun…” Yixing mumbled, “I guess Baekhyun has a point.”

“He said that he never mentions anything not to make us feel uncomfortable,” Baekhyun revealed, and both Yixing and Sehun fell silent, looking down at their empty plates, “yeah.”

They stayed silent until their food came.

“What do you propose?” Sehun asked, looking up at his friends, “what do we do?”

“We are never gonna get used to him talking about…” Yixing inhaled deeply, “ and relationship problems with other men unless he actually starts talking about it… I feel like the least we can do for him is to work past it and be there for him… I don’t want him to feel like he cannot be himself around us. He certainly allows us to be the worst of ourselves, and yet he is still hanging out with us…”

Baekhyun nodded, while Sehun kept looking into his bowl.

“Sehun?” Yixing asked softly, “are you alright with this?”

The youngest sighed, putting his spoon and chopsticks down, “I just cannot believe that we actually let it go this far and for so long and none of us ever realized…” he feel back into his chair.

“It’s fine, we can still work on it,” Baekhyun smiled.

 *** 

Two night later, on Friday, they met at the same pub the had met a week earlier for Baekhyun’s “get well after a broken heart” party.

“Okay,” Jongdae said, placing drinks on the table, “if you guys wanna become regulars here, you gotta start going to get the drinks as well, I am done with waiting in the line,” he whined.

“Alright, next time’s on me,” Yixing laughed.

“Jongdae,” Sehun started, and then he looked at Yixing and Baekhyun, “I gotta ing get it off my chest, because the suspense is just annoying as ,” he said, and the two only rolled their eyes.

“What’s up, guys? Should I be scared?”

“Baekhyun brought up to our attention that we’ve been neglecting you,” the youngest said.

Jongdae raised an eyebrow, “is there anything I don’t know about?”

“There’s no denying we’ve not been the best of friends, Jongdae,” Baekhyun mumbled, looking into his glass.

“Well, I’m not gonna lie, you could pay for your drinks next time, but apart from that –”

“Stop ing joking for minute, would you?!” Sehun exclaimed, and Jongdae instantly went silent. It rarely happened that Sehun was getting this serious. “We… we haven’t been the best at being… friends to you, hyung, while you’ve been a great friend to us. And we want to apologize for that.”

“We just want to make sure that regardless the circumstance you feel as comfortable around us as we do around you,” Yixing smiled lightly, and Jongdae groaned, looking at Baekhyun.

“Byun Baekhyun, what the has your drunken came up with now? Is this about all your questions last time? When the did I say anything on this topic?!” he whined, looking at Baekhyun desperately.

“Well… I don’t remember exactly what you said,” Baekhyun mumbled, “but I remember very clearly realizing that we don’t know anything about certain aspects of your life. And you know everything about ours… we just want to—”

“Okay,” Jongdae inhaled and exhaled, “I am not gonna talk to you about anything, because I know for a fact that it makes people feel beyond uncomfortable, okay? I don’t mind listening to your relationship drama, escapades, or god knows what else, but I will not tell you anything about my personal life, because… I don’t need you to pretend like you care and then just distance yourselves from me not to listen to it anymore. I don’t know anyone to listen to me… I’m fine guys…”

“But we want to know these things, Jongdae. We’re friends, we should know these things. For whatever reason there might be, we should know. And we want to know. I’ll say it three more times if you need to hear it. We know nothing about any of your preferences. And I don’t mean only men! Where do you like to party, for instance? Share with us, to help us better understand you, please!” Yixing exclaimed at the end, placing his hand over Jongdae’s.

“I don’t… I don’t know…”

“Jongdae,” Sehun looked his friend in the eyes, “we are friends, right?” Jongdae nodded, “then I am not going to lie to you. Yes, it will most certainly make us feel uncomfortable at the beginning. But! It will feel normal after sometime! Just give us a chance, okay?”

“You are seriously willing to listen to me telling you about having with another guy?” Jongdae asked after a moment, looking at each of them.

“Yes,” the said at the same time, seriously, and Jongdae only laughed.

“Okay,” he smiled, and drank his drink.

“Okay?” Yixing repeated.

“If you ever ask me anything, or if anything happens, that I feel like it needs sharing, I will tell you guys. Just like you are telling me everything about your lives.”

Sehun frowned, “you’ll answer any question?”

Jongdae thought about it for a second, “I am really curious as to where you wanna draw the boundaries, so yeah, ask away and you shall be answered,” he winked.

“Top or bottom?” Baekhyun repeated his question from a week before.

Jongdae whined, to which Yixing and Sehun only laughed. He looked at his drink and finished it in one go.

“Bottom,” he mumbled.

“Hmmm, interesting.”

Jongdae shot the other a questioning look, but Sehun quickly jumped in with a question of his own.

“Where the hell do you go to bars, Jongdae?”

“There’s one gay bar in Hongdae, my friend works there so I have half priced drinks,” he laughed.

“Let’s go!” Yixing exclaimed, quickly drowning his drink in his throat.

“You… wanna go to a gay bar?” Jongdae asked, beyond confused.

“Let’s just not tell Jooeun, alright?”

 ***

An hour later they got to Hongdae. Jongdae led the way to the bar, and after spending around ten to fifteen minutes in the line, they were inside. Sehun, Yixing and Baekhyun found themselves beyond stunned. As they walked in, they were not only met with a whole crowd of men, but also almost completely men dancing on poles and slightly more dressed men dancing on small dais. There was a square bar space in the middle of the place, with a crowd of men at each of the sides, trying to get drinks.

“Wow,” Sehun, Yixing and Baekhyun said at the same time.

“I would have never expected you to be… into something like this,” Yixing confessed, looking around.

Jongdae looked back at him and made a face, “I am not. I am here only for cheap drinks.”

“And it suddenly all makes sense,” Sehun mumbled, not being able to take his eyes off of the dais.

“Jongdae!” someone yelled over the crowd, and when they looked towards the bar, they saw a tall guy in red hair.

“Chanyeol! How’s it going?” Jongdae pushed forward and finally reach the counter. “Can I get the usual but times four?” he smiled.

“Oh, have you actually brought someone here?”

“Yeah, my friends kinda made me bring them here…”

Chanyeol looked past Jongdae and his eyes landed at three men waving at him confused.

“Oh, so you guys are actually real…and here I was worried Jongdae just had a bunch of imaginary friends.”

“Oh, that he has as well,” Sehun shrugged, and Jongdae only rolled his eyes.

“Sehun will be paying for the drinks, so make sure it's the regular price plus a huge tip—”

“Yah! You’re the successful carrier man here!”

“I’ve been getting your drunk for too long, if tonight is about me, you pay for the drinks.”

Sehun rolled his eyes, but gave Chanyeol his credit card.

“Psst, Sehun,” Yixing nugged his friend, “do you wanna dance? It looks fun.”

The younger looked around, then at Jongdae and then at the dais. “Okay, let’s go.”

“Seriously?!” Baekhyun exclaimed, almost choking.

“What happens tonight, stays between the four of us, understood?” Sehun frowned, “no one says anything to Minchee!”

“Yeah, yeah, of course, go have fun, kids,” Jongdae laughed, and grabbing Baekhyun by his elbow he brought him closer to the bar, not to lose him.

Someone moved, and Jongdae quickly sat by the bar, pulling Baekhyun with him.

He smiled at Chanyeol when the latter placed four AMFs in front of them, and stared into them.

“Are you okay, Jongdae?” Baekhyun asked, but his voice was no longer steady. Now, that they were alone, the mass of unanswered questions about last week emerged.

“I don’t know… are we okay?”

“I didn’t mean to… ah, who am I even kidding. I am sorry for what I did, okay? But I figured it’d be better to do it with a friend than a stranger,” the elder confessed, sipping on his drink.

Jongdae closed his eyes.

“You figured right. I just wish you could… explain it to me… somehow. You really caught me off guard, you know? What, on Monday you’re straight, but by Friday you’re gay?” Jongdae whined in annoyance.

“I am not… I am not gay, Jongdae… I don’t think I am… I was just… I felt like I needed to do it, or else I’d go and I’d do it with a random guy and who knows how that would’ve ended… I trusted you wouldn’t take advantage of me…”

Jongdae had it at the tip of his tongue to say that it was Baekhyun who took advantage of him, but he swallowed it.

“I am glad you came to me… but because we are friends and because we trust each other, I’d appreciate you being more… straight forward, Baekhyun.”

“I’m sorry… I really am…”

“I just want us to be clear about one thing… your phase of experimenting… kissing is the start and the end of what I can help you with, you understand? There’s never going to be anything else that I could do for you… I don’t want you to get confused.”

“Understood.”

“Your friends are killing it,” Chanyeol yelled to them, nodding in the direction of the dais. As Jongdae and Baekhyun turned around, the moment their eyes landed on their friends, they both burst out laughing. Tension and awkwardness left them, and they were back to normal. Baekhyun turned to grab his drink, when he caught a guy at the opposite end staring.

“Ey,” he whispered to Jongdae, “I think the guy behind you, at the other end of the counter is checking you out.”

“Hmmm?” Jongdae raised an eyebrow and turned around. He grabbed his drink, but in the process glanced at the other end. His eyes met the man’s Baekhyun mentioned, and they both smiled at each other. “Not my type,” Jongdae said to Baekhyun as they were back to watching Sehun and Yixing dance.

“So what is—” Baekhyun wanted to ask, but Chanyeol interrupted them.

“Jongdae, that’s for you from the guy on the other side,” he smiled, winking at his friend. Jongdae looked at a blue drink in the bartender’s hand, and raised his own glass looking at the man on the other side.

“That’s why I hate such places,” he confessed, looking at his friend, “I just wanna have a drink and maybe a good time, I don’t need s and annoying strangers.”

“Oh, Jongdae! Maybe he’s a nice guy!” Baekhyun laughed.

“He’s not,” the younger mumbled, sipping on his AMF.

“Oh my, he’s coming here!” Baekhyun squeaked, “bye!” he winked and quickly moved towards where Yixing and Sehun were.

Jongdae cursed his friend in his soul, and a second later felt a presence next to him.

“Hi, beautiful,” the guy said, and Jongdae rolled his eyes.

“Hi,” he smiled, looking at the other. “Thanks for the drink.”

“You’re welcome,” the man said, nearing Jongdae. He placed his hands on Jongdae’s knees and started slowly pushing them up his thighs, “maybe now you could give me your number, huh?” the man asked, bringing his lips to Jongdae’s ear.

Jongdae rolled his eyes once again, and pushed the guy back.

“You’d need something more than just a drink that I already had to get my number,” he said, “not excuse me, I gotta go,” he pushed the man away, and quickly jumped off the stool. His heart was beating fast and he just wanted to find his friends. He hated when people were being like this.

“Ye, pretty boy!” he heard the elder man yell after him, but he was already in the crowd, looking for his friends.

“Are you alright?” Baekhyun asked, looking Jongdae up and down.

“Yeah, sure, but I don’t know if I wanna stay longer. I hate crowded place. I’m gonna go get coffee, if you guys wanna stay.”

“Coffee? Jongdae, it’s midnight…”

“Café Bene is still open,” he smiled, “it’s at the corner, to the right from here. I’ll wait there for you guys. I feel really uncomfortable here.”

“Oh…” Baekhyun gasped, “Okay, I will get the boys as soon as possible and we’ll join you.”

“Don’t worry, have fun guys, I’ll just enjoy peace and quiet for a little,” Jongdae laughed and left Baekhyun behind. He just really wanted to leave that place.

*** 

“What can I get for you?” a young man behind the counter asked, smiling at Jongdae.

“Can I please get ice americano? Medium?”

“Sure, ₩5,120.”

A moment later Jongdae was on his way up the stairs to his favourite place on the upstairs balcony, with a cold coffee in his hand. He took a deep breath in as he stood by the green bushes, looking down at the busy street on Hongdae. He sat down in a corner, enjoying the view, when he suddenly got a feeling that someone was staring at him. He looked around, and when his eyes landed at the only other person on the balcony, breath got knocked out of his lungs. The guy a few tables from him was sitting with a book, he had black hair, dark eyes, and soft smile. Jongdae smiled back.

He was his style.

---

 

This story can be also found on my AO3 page. It originally posted there, however, I decided that there would be no harm in having it in two places. For those of you who know more of my works, the aim for this story to be similar in shape and form to Let Me Ride Your Horse, which means I am not aiming at dragging it for too many chapters (hopefully) and keep the story entertaining and open to deliver the best quality.

Also, another disclaimer to my lovely readers who have stack with my stories for all this time that I have not been updating, I would just like to know that I did not come back with only few upadtes recently only to leave you all hanging :) I am working on updating all of the stories that I once started and never got to finish. So please, belive in me! <3

I apppreciate you all more than you can imagine. Thank you!

 

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