Teach Me How To Confess by littlefantasies
Neverland Review Pick-Ups
Title of the Story [4/5 points]
- I reallylike it. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. But it's a little cliche so one point gone there.
Poster and Background [3/5 points]
- The poster caught my eye BIG TIME. It's adorable, cute and relates to the story ALOT. But the only thing that I didn't like was the background. I don't think you should've used a different poster as your background. You should've asked the artist for a background. Even if you they don't take requests for backgrounds, you could've searched for a plain blue background that looks similar to the poster. Example.
And you forgot to credit your artists. Please remember to credit them in the future. ^_^
Foreword [3/10 points]
- DISCLAIMER ::
I DO OWN THE PLOT
Any similarities or resemblances with other stories, its CO-INCIDENCE. Kk? :)
SORRY IF YOU THINK IT'S FAIL. IM NOT A PRO && ENGLISH ISNT MY FIRST LANGUAGE. :DD
reviewed by :: KYUholic @ Choco Carnival Review Shop
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All that should be at the Description. Not the foreword. And you should remove the Characters part down there since you already have the character's names on top. Since it's a typical description, I'll give you a three.
Description [4/10 points]
- The description should be at the foreword. The description is used for an author's note. I know that English isn't your first language, but i'll tell you your mistakes so you can edit them. Proper English always captures readers eyes more.
Wrong; "Uhm. Ae Yeon?"
"Yes?"
"I want to say something"
"What is it?"
"I think..."
"You think what Baro?"
"I think.. Im starting to love you"
Correct; "Uhm. Ae Yeon?"
"Yes?"
"I want to tell you something..."
"What is it?"
"I think..."
"What do you think, Baro?"
"I think... I'm starting to like you..."
Originality [8/10 points]
- I don't think this part should be judged yet since your story just started. You shouldn't have asked for a review yet. There's not much progress but if I had to rate its originality I would give it a seven. It's cliche, yes. But somehow a little different than the normal clicheness. Good job. (:
Plot, How your story goes [15/25 points]
- You should only ask for a review when your story has reached to an interesting point that will make the reviewer go "OOH!". I'll give you fifteen points since I found the plot so-so. Like I said before, you shouldn't have asked for a review yet. But you can always request for another review again.
Spelling, Grammar and Vocabulary 15pts.
- English isn't your first language right? So I'll give you a ten. It's pretty good with the exception of a few small mistakes. I'll tell you a few common mistakes that you make so you can edit them -and hopefully not repeat them again-
Wrong; Im studying at Shinwa University
Correct; I'm studying at Shinwa University.
NEVER forget your aphostrophe. Since you make this mistake alot, I'll tell you the common mistakes you make/might make.
I'm = I am
It's = It is
Should've = Should've
Haven't = Have not
Can't = Can not
Would've = Would have
Couldn't = Could not
Wrong; all the students are rich, pretty && handsome, and most of all, the students here are excelling academically.
Correct; all the students are rich, pretty and handsome, and most of all, the students here excel academically.
Do not use &. Use and. I hope you aware that & means and, so putting && would mean all the students are rich, pretty and and hansome.
You have quite a few other mistakes. You can PM me if you want me to help beta your story.
Characterization [9/10 points]
- I love the characters! Especially Sandeul <3
He has his usual cute and friendly personality. So, kudos to that. I wish Ae Yeon would have a more unique personality, though. Her character is really common and what not. I recommend you to read this character tutorial to make Ae Yeon a little bit more different and unique.
Ending
- No ending yet so I can judge this. Also, keep up the good work! I subscribed to your story ^_^
Total: 61/100 - A good writer and can improve his/her writing skills.
-sarxkyu-
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