this chapter is generally about relationship abuse and i am not encouraging or promoting it in any way. please don't read this chapter if you are uncomfortable with the topic

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Pain.

Everything hurts.

He doesn't know, can't differentiate, whether the strike to his chest is misery or pain, but he doesn't care anymore. Both wound him just as much. His cheeks throb from the harsh contact, trying as much as he can to hold back the tears that are starting to break through.

No. No crying. That'll just make everything worse. He's supposed to be Lee Jaehwan. The self proclaimed cute main vocal. And that title won't go well with tears streaking down his face. Definitely not.

All he's hoping is for it to be over.

He blocks out the constant insults thrown at him, being all too familiar with the words, like an arrow aimed right at his heart. He wonders, quite often, why he lets himself be treated like this. Abused, mistreated. And to make it worse, by the youngest of the group, of all people. No one would've expected that.

The attacks stop coming. He hears the word 'useless' as he opens his shut eyes, barely making out the silhouette of the younger man walking out the door through his blurry tears. Useless. Maybe that's just what he is.

And he hates it.

Loving someone. Someone who he thinks loves him back, but beats him and scolds him when the others aren't around to notice. All he wants is to tear out his heart, his emotions, not being able to feel hurt and pain and anger, even if it means not experiencing happiness.

And love. But that was what brought him into this mess, anyway.

Love.

Unconditional, blind, foolish love that he is sure only he is feeling. Not Sanghyuk. Not even after all the nice things the younger has said and done to him. 

And nice doesn't mean good.

He hears the familiar calming voice of their leader calling him. Dinner is ready.

He has to go.

Soon.

He surely doesn't want anyone to suspect anything.

He wipes his wet tears off with the back of his hands, minding his sleeves. He checks the mirror. No bruises. No marks. Sanghyuk was smart to hit him where he did. In a twisted way, he's grateful for that.

He hears his name again.

He has to go.

Now.

He adjusts his hair and shirt. He clears his throat. He looks at his eyes. They're all swollen and red and he doesn't have enough time to fix it, and so he decides to lie to the others that he was sleeping, if they ever ask, and they never do. He hopes this time won't be any different.

But even after all that, he still can't bring himself to leave the room. He's the cutie main vocal. Happy. Bubbly. Energetic. So he hums a small part of his favourite song to cheer himself up. But it doesn't work and it's not really surprising.

He makes his way towards the door, trying to forget about the sadness, and the pain, and the love. And Sanghyuk. He painstakingly opens the door and leaves his and Sanghyuk's shared room. His heart is so loud in his chest. He hates it. He musters up a smile, however small it may be, walking towards the table with the five of them already waiting for him. He can feel Sanghyuk staring at him, and he refuses to make eye contact. He shudders, and thankfully it isn't obvious.

Everyone seems oblivious. It's good.

Everything's good.

He repeats it in his head.

Everything's good.

Everything's good.

Everything's good.

But deep down he knows he's far from fine.







 

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uhh i hope yall like this chapter lmao i wrote it like a year ago and i actually kinda like it

the next chapter might be less heavy and more fun