“Remember, your mom loves you. She wouldn’t have bothered to raise you up till now if she doesn’t” someone gave me an advise

“But what if she had no choice?” I asked sincerely, maybe she will understand, maybe she knows the answer to my long unanswered question

“Is that possible?” She asked, after giving it a thought some time “Think about this, she prepares your lunch. That’s love”

“Because she had to” was my answer

“Had to? No, she does that because she loves you”

“She does that because she had to. Period” I corrected her – which is true “My sister, who is her favorite daughter, wanted those packed lunch. Not me. Had it been for me, solely me, I doubt that she would bother”

“Lets just look at things positively” She tried to redirect the topic, but my mind is already boggled as it is.

Why am I never better?

Why am I never someone’s first choice?

Why am I just an option?

Am I this messy?

--

Jessica slowly sips her wine, not bothering whether the rain was coming inside their house or whether a burglar had came in. She just sits at the corner with her wine, only a candle lighting her surroundings.

‘Little rascal calling …’

‘You missed a call from little rascal’

Was written in the notifications, and she just stares at her phone as it beeps nonstop.

“You are my little rascal, and my airplane buddy, but I am nothing to you” She remarked, not bothering to touch her phone

--

“Unnie, what’s wrong? You didn’t answer your phone all weekend” was Yoona’s first statement, as her kind of welcome

“I’m tired” she shrugs

“You never ignored my calls. Is there something wrong?”

“Why must the wrong supposed to be coming from me?!” She snapped, to the point that Yoona shook “If there’s a slight mishap, I am always the one in the wrong. Why is that so??? Why is it always me???”

Yoona was silent, and no one from the others have the guts to say something or do anything

“Give credit to whom the credit is due! At least. Do that.” She sighed 

“What has gotten into you? You're scaring me”

“Am I not allowed to be frustrated and be in despair? Isn’t it enough that I hold that lollipop while dancing like it’s the thing that keeps me alive?” She pointed to their props that was in the living room “I get sad too, I cry too, I pity myself too, for not being everything and anything at all. But guess what? I still do it because I HAD TO. NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO”

“Sica is just tired, Yoong. Let her be” Sunny pulled Yoona away from the raged girl; Jessica 

--

“I’m sorry” Yoona whispered as she snuggles under Jessica’s blanket

“I am so tired of being me