It had become a silly routine of theirs since middle school. Valentine's day would rock up and it'd be one of the most depressing days of their adolescent lives. Never did they receive any chocolates, a letter, a shy confession, let alone a rose.

Jeongyeon was the one who started it. She was fed up with them feeling like unwanted outcasts, so during class, because who honestly listened to geometry, she had drawn a rose and cut it out. Handing it to Momo, she slicked back her hair like she'd seen many boys do, and flashed a grin of confidence.

And thus, sparked the annual exchange of roses.

--

Now, their streak of bad luck did run out, and by high-school Jeongyeon had a boyfriend and Momo was sweet on an exchange student. However, their partners never minded that they continued their ritual.

It didn't mean anything. Just some fun between friends, right?

Well, wrong.

Momo and her little love affair didn't last any further than high school. The exchange program had finished and both knew they couldn't sustain a long distance relationship, so they called it quits mutually.

Momo didn't go run crying to Jeongyeon, mostly because the girl was on a road trip with her boyfriend, so she instead cried at home to a tub of ice cream like any other girl would do.

It was a fun relationship with a healthy end, and Momo felt glad that she went through with it. Because she learnt more things about herself than she'd ever expected to.

--

College rolled in and Jeongyeon and Momo were separated for the first time in years. She used this opportunity to explore more, and experiment new things.

Jeongyeon wasn't here to tell her off for doing things she shouldn't be, or to talk her out of ideas that was a disaster in the making. Momo had fun that first year in college.

Taking her back down to earth, where everyday didn't have to be cloud nine thanks to some substance or rendezvous, was a knock on her dorm door. It was the mail service, delivering her a single rose with a card tied to it.

To my valentine of 5 years.

She smelt the rose, expecting it to give off some plastic, synthetic smell, but instead she was hit with a refreshing fragrance.

The rose was real.

They were never real.

Momo felt guilty for sending Jeongyeon some cheap roses she found in a nearby thrift shop, but that feeling didn't wash the smile from her lips. She didn't pay attention to the arm that hugged at her waist once she sat back on her bed, because all of it was on the lone rose.

--

By the next year Momo had enough free days during the week of valentine's day that she decided to skip the entire week. Driving down to Jeongyeon’s campus for a surprise visit, she stops at a bouquet store on the way.

Proud of her rose, she twirls the stem between her fingers as she makes her way to Jeongyeon’s dorm room, information courtesy of her mother.

Knocking on the door, Momo couldn't help but feel giddy. She hadn't seen Jeongyeon in months, and what better than to turn up in person with a fresh cut rose.

A thud followed by a giggle had startled her, like her knock had on the occupants she assumed.

Jeongyeon’s laughing face morphed to that of surprise, and Momo's excitement dropped when her eyes landed on a disheveled Jeongyeon, then on her high school boyfriend in her bed.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

The visit didn't last long. Tripping over her words, Momo ed the rose into Jeongyeon’s hand, mumbling a happy valentine's day before legging it out of there.

Her phone wouldn't stop going off, so Momo revved her car until the engine drowned out the sound.

Something was wrong, but Momo couldn't figure out what. It had been 6 months since the incident, the messages were left on read, and she had no plans of reaching out.

Something was wrong, and Momo was sure that something was her.

--

Third year, the last year, of college had arrived and Momo was using every last excuse in the book to not visit home. Not wanting to be on the receiving end of her snooping last year, if ever possible, Momo didn't tell her family of where her new dorm room was. She had asked for space to complete her third year, and was surprised that everyone back home had agreed.

It's been over a year and she hadn't spoken a word to Jeongyeon.

She threw herself into her studies, and when she couldn't take in another word, the bar just outside campus always filled in the void.

Momo was getting A’s on the daily, and falling into her bed, or someone else's, drunk by the weekend. It was her new routine, and it balanced well enough for her not to change.

She spent her third year like that.

--

Valentine’s day at the office was a chaotic frenzy. Cubicles decorated with hearts and balloons, tables filled with cupcakes and desserts anyone could desire, and Momo's desk was littered with chocolates and letters.

If only her middle school self could see her now. Wow, would she be jealous of herself.

But none of it mattered to Momo. She did accept all her presents with a smile, and replied to every flirt with a laugh, but none of it mattered.  

She had received a letter in her mailbox that morning. She felt no enthusiasm to congratulate the engaged woman. But it didn't mean she didn't try.

Jeongyeon was getting married, and to no surprise, to her high school sweetheart.

Momo should be happy for her, right?

She had finally agreed to meet up with her old friend. A coffee meet up, because they're adults now.

Crammed in a bustling café, Momo nodded and smiled at everything she was being told, throwing in a few yeah here and there to act like she was actually engaged in the conversation.

Jeongyeon looked happy. And who wouldn't be with that fat diamond on their finger.

So, Momo smiled, because Jeongyeon was happy. And that was enough.

--

The wedding day arrived and Momo and Jeongyeon were on talking terms again. She wasn't her maid of honour, nor bridesmaid, but she wasn't saddened by the fact. She wasn't there for the woman for many years. It's what she deserves.

The ceremony was beautiful, she expected nothing less of a fashion designer. Momo had forced herself to watch it all. Every vowel, every shy smile and awkward chuckle, even down to the kiss, because she had to to make it stop.

When the after celebration began was when she finally dipped out. It was suffocating in there. She used the chance the newly married bride and groom being ambushed with congratulations to slip out.

Sitting by the lake, Momo tried to block out the sound of the party. She needed this time to herself.

She needed to be alone to process.

The sound of sliding grass caught her attention. In her wedding gown, looking so happy beauty resonated from her, was Jeongyeon.

She had come out to check up on her and urged her to join the party. She used an excuse, saying she was just grabbing some fresh air and would be in in a second.

That was enough for Jeongyeon to get off her back.

Heading back to the party, Momo notices a bush just outside the veranda. Call it irony because it was a rose bush.

Momo picked one off, because why not at this point. May as well swim in memories to commemorate the important day.

It felt like only yesterday that Jeongyeon had given her a poorly drawn rose that was terribly coloured in. Momo smiled at the memory.

Jeongyeon’s laughter could be heard through the glass sliding door, and Momo glides her thumb up the stem, dipping her head down to take a whiff of the fresh flower.

Her memory train was cut short when her thumb slides past a thorn, slicing her thumb effectively. She finds herself crying when taken out from her trance. But was it from the pain of her injury or of the long lost memory? It could have been both.

Momo never knew something so beautiful could hurt her so much.