Time: 00:35 GMT

Do you ever feel as though your whole life is just one great big practical joke?

Like your existence is a stage performance which is limited to a certain space, a certain set, that whenever you try to reach out to people, or new opportunities, despite how hard you try, nothing in your current situation actually changes. You don't leave that set place where you've always been because you were never meant to. This can be as simple as going to meet up with someone you haven't seen in years but it just never works out, or as elaborate as planning to move house but then the deal goes sour on the other end.

When this happens repeatedly it throws your brain into a dizzy spell due to the overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia that life's brought upon you. Some may say "don't be stupid, just go out and do something to disprove this crazy hypothesis, your life isn't a revolving door"

But in this state, everything feels completely useless because, in the end, you'll remain in your designated set whether you like it or not.

But life should be more than this! I want to live, I want to be free! I know it must be, and that all I feel right now is merely a temporary moment in the story of my life. It can't all be some elaborate plan or cruel supernatural prank because those things only happen in movies, no. My life will be free-flowing, I can't allow myself to lose the ability to imagine my life traveling out of my small village, or living the most fulfilling life I can. 

My life has been a bit recently, over the last year tensions have been running higher than ever in my household and I'm sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for like 2 years. I'm naturally a very unorganised person and I struggle with getting things done and i think it may sometimes be down to a less intense version of what i just described. Anything I've written in the past was done so for the sole purpose of because it made me happy and I would love to continue, so i think I'll write small bits here and there soon.

I still read a lot of fanfiction and i still love Exo and many other groups and music genres in general. I've grown a lot as a person over the last two years, as i suspect many people would, but letting whatever comes to mind onto a page still brings me a lot of peace.

Thank You 

- Ani