Seungkwan takes off his shoes and drops himself in the couch. He inhales deeply trying his best to restrain the tears that forced to spill from his eyes. He closes his eyes and swallows the lump in his throat, instead thinking about his next lesson, the new scent of detergent he just bought, the sale day that will be held next week, what will he get for Jihoon’s birthday, maybe buying a new wallpaper for his bedroom…basically everything, so he shouldn’t thinking about particular someone he just met an hour ago.

They’ve been apart for five years. There was no news, not even a single photo. Seungkwan even thought that he already dead or maybe live in the other side of the world living his life which Seungkwan doesn’t care anymore, or more likely tried not to care.

Seungkwan thinks that he did it. Forget him…completely.

Who the hell was he trying to lie to?

He fails, miserably. He’s been trying so hard to keep his mind occupied with something else. He built the wall for five years. Five ing years. He managed to pile every bricks one by one. When he thought that the wall is strong enough, the storm came mocking him

He came like a storm. Breaking his wall in pieces like what he did years ago to his heart and his hope, in front of the school gate, after graduation.

That will happen if you set your hope too high. Seungkwan laughs in bitter. He sets his hope too high…again. The same guy throw down his hope again…scattered it…and after that, the guy said nothing to him. It seemed like déjà vu. The same guy, the same emotion, the same tears.

Sungkwan finds himself sobbing. They’re not only few droplets of tears…but he is sobbing hard. The wall is broken, the dam is spilled out. And he can’t stop it. It’s been a long time since he cried sad tears. He believes that there’ll be no more salty tears for that guy. But he is wrong…so dead wrong.

“It’s not fair.”

Seungkwan mutters between his sobbing. Not fair! He tried so hard to forget, to stop feeling miserable, to move on. Keep convincing himself that he is okay, he will be okay, he should be okay. And when Seungkwan feels content with his life now standing on his own two feet, he came destroying it with a single blow,

I miss you, Boo.

Vernon missed him? bull.

There’s no way he missed him.

He couldn’t be missing him. He shouldn’t miss him.

Vernon doesn’t have any right to say that in front of him.

Not after all what he did.

Seungkwan wakes up in the couch. The sun burns the skin in his hand. He sits and finds out the he just fell asleep not with his pajamas. He was too tired apparently to change his clothes. He feels his head pounding and his eyes swollen due to the sobbing last night. He doesn’t know how long he was crying but he is sure that the bitter emotion sill remains and can spill anytime soon.

Seungkwan goes to the kitchen and looks for a pain killer. He compresses his swollen eyes with an ice bag. Looking at his reflection on the mirror makes him feel nothing, he can’t think of anything besides someone’s face, his gummy smile, and his voice saying the words Seungkwan wants to hear the most.

He changes the sweater into an over sized t-shirt which rarely used since he moved out to this apartment and pairs of sweatpants. He is making a cup of earl grey tea when he hears someone opening his password apartment.

“Seungkwan, where are you? Answer me . I need to know if you’re still alive or not.” Jihoon yells from the front door followed by someone’s voice talking to Jihoon.

“Jihoon, you check his bedroom. I’ll check his bathroom. Yell if you found his body.” Jeonghan tosses his shoes and quickly heads into Seungkwan’s bedroom.

“I’m here and breathing. Jeonghan hyung, put your shoes properly, please. I can hear you throw them away.” Seungkwan yells from the kitchen. He can hear a long sigh of relieve from Jihoon and grumbles from Jeonghan. They walk to the kitchen seeing Seungkwan making a toast.

“What are you guys doing here? You know I hate a sudden visit, right? At least text me.” Seungkwan sits and sips his tea.

“We could say the same thing to you, young man. Where were you yesterday? A little bird told me that you were being unusually quiet after met someone yesterday. You know we hate if you keeping a secret, right? At least text us.” Jihoon takes a seat while Jeonghan makes a tea for them.

“I went to a bookstore next town with that little bird, and I met Seokmin hyung yesterday. We were going to the same school, remember? And I was being quiet because I was too tired.”

“Seungkwan.” Jihoon’s voice sounds stern not giving a room to argue.

“What? That’s all. Nothing bizarre. Jisoo hyung must be exaggerating.”

“Oh my God, Seungkwan. Do you think we will buy your lie?” Jeonghan rolls his eyes.

“I’m not lying!”

“Yeah, right. You treat us like we just met you a week ago. Don’t fiddle your finger then if you weren’t lying.” Jihoon points at Seungkwan’s hands under the table.

“.” Seungkwan mumbles putting his hands on the table.

“Language, young man. At least not in front of your mother.” Jeonghan glares at Seungkwan.

“Come on, you’re cursing while breathing on daily basis. I’m an adult not a young man and you are not my mother.” Seungkwan stands up walking to the sink to wash his cup.

“Oh my…honey, look at your son talking back to his mother.” Jeonghan tugs Jihoon’s sleve.

“Wait, am I the father here?” Jihoon looks at Jeonghan confused and the other only rolls his eyes. “But seriously Seungkwan, tell us what hap-”

“Nothing. And I’m fine.” Seungkwan puts the clean dish and turns around facing them.

“Okay, you are fine. Then why are you wearing his t-shirt right now? I thought you already throw it long time ago.” Jihoon points out at the over sized t-shirt. Seungkwan looks down at his t-shirt. It’s Vernon’s t-shirt that somehow stills folded neatly with Seungkwan’s other t-shirt.

“I’m…fine.” Seungkwan sigh heavily.

“You know that’s not what we want to hear from you.” Jeonghan inquires.

“If you already know the answer then why are you asking?” Seungkwan snaps at them.

“Seungkwan, we are here for you.” Jihoon says calmly giving him assuring smile.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…I…I met him.” Seungkwan hugs himself almost tearing again.

“Oh my God, Seungkwan.” Jeonghan and Jihoon hug Seungkwan tightly. Seungkwan cries again muttering,

“He said he missed me, that missed me. It hurts, hyung…I don’t know what to do.” Jihoon and Jeonghan hug him more tightly and whispering ‘We know it’s not okay but it’ll be okay, we’re here for you. We promise.’

They sit in the living room and Seungkwan’s sobbing turn to sniffling. Jeonghan is cuddling with Seungkwan while Jihoon pats his head.

“You know, Kwan, if he did something again to you, I can always kick his for you.” Jihoon shows his kick. Seungkwan laughs at him and says, “I doubt you can. I mean, he is way taller than you now, he is even taller than me.”

“What about me?”Jeonghan shifts so he can see Seungkwan’s face.

“Hmm…I think you’re still taller than him.” Seungkwan looks up at Jeonghan.

“Well, let me kick his then.”Jeonghan smirks and Seungkwan only chuckles.

“Nah, I don’t care. I’ll still kick him even he is like two meters taller than me. Hey, come here. My turn.” Jihoon opens his arm while Seungkwan scoots closer to Jihoon and cuddling with him.

“Mom, I’m hungry.” Seungkwan mumbles and gives Jeonghan his puppy eyes.

“Now, you are calling me mom. What an ungrateful son.” Jeonghan sighs patting Seungkwan’s head. “Tell you what, what about we go to Soon’s café, eating the sweetest cake there and after that we can go to karaoke.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jihoon agrees and Seungkwan nods.

“Well then, get ready. Rid that t-shirt and wears the sweater we bought you instead.”

“But I still want to cuddle.” Jihoon doesn’t let go off Seungkwan.

“I’m hungry, hyung.” Seungkwan pouts making Jihoon groans finally letting him go.

“Whatever you want, Kwannie. We’ll wait here, don’t take too long or you have to cuddle with me till lunch time.” Seungkwan only laughs at Jihoon and quickly goes to his bedroom to change.

____________

AN: I love soft Jihoon. I saw the predebut photo of Seungkwan and Jihoon where Jihoon had a soft spot for Seungkwan no matter how crazy the kid was. That photo makes me soft. And Jeonghan is the mom! Well, who doesn’t know that?

By the way, can you guess the problem between Seungkwan and Vernon? I mean, Jihoon and Jeonghan know that well and they even know about Vernon.