"while nearly every way of falling in love is kind, every way of getting out of love is cruel."

-J. E. Buckrose

I

I

I

I

“Let’s break up.”

Yoongi remembers Jimin’s call like it was yesterday.  Every detail of it.  He recalls how his voice sounded-guilty, sad.

Tired.

It had been two years.  Two years, and he still feels a tight, painful feeling in his chest whenever someone mentions Jimin’s name.  

He doesn’t cry as much, though.

Yoongi stares at the ceiling of his bedroom, his legs refusing to let him up.  The better side of him was saying go to work, but he didn’t know if he could.  Today is one of those days where everything reminds him of Jimin.  

He was perfect, really-perfect smile, perfect voice, a perfect and kind heart.  And Yoongi had tried to be the best person he could be for him.  Jimin had changed him and had softened his heart in ways he had thought were impossible.

He rolls over in bed, and stares at the empty space next to him his movements create.  Next to him.  That’s where Jimin always was, as far back as Yoongi could remember.  First just school friends, then best friends, then soulmates.  It was natural, and it was right.  He thought they would always be together.

Until Jimin moved to Tokyo and everything changed between them.

“I-I’ve met someone else here, and..I’m sorry.”

Who was this person?  Who could be so amazing, so wonderful, that they could make Jimin forget all the years he spent with Yoongi?

But Yoongi doesn’t blame Jimin.  He blames himself.  If he hadn’t pushed him to go to Tokyo for the scholarship, where he would be alone, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.  Maybe if he had paid more attention to Jimin, calling and texting him more, going to visit more often, something would have changed.  But it’s too late now.  

Yoongi rolls over in bed, fighting back tears.  Everything is rushing back and it hurts, it hurts.  

He remembers Jimin’s adorable smiles and the way he could be without even trying.  He remembers the feeling of lying in this same bed, holding him in his arms while he slept.  Their weekly coffee dates-always Americano for him, always a latte for Jimin.  How Jimin would sit next to him at the piano and hum along with his beautiful voice.  The way he moved when he was performing on stage.  How insecure he could feel about himself, and how many times Yoongi would tell him over and over, You’re perfect, Jimin.  Completely and utterly perfect.

A quiet sob escapes Yoongi and he covers his mouth, his body shaking as he cries silently.  His phone rings, probably Namjoon wondering why he isn’t at work yet.  Then hears a knock on his door.  

Who could that be?

He ignores the knock, and turns over so his face is buried in his pillow.  He can’t get up right now.  It’s too much.  

He hears the door open and a cheery voice calls out, “Yooooongi!  You there?”

Ah, Hoseok.  

Yoongi rolls over groaning, wiping at his eyes.  “Yeah, I’m here.”  He winces.  He sounds terrible.  

He hears his door open and then Hoseok’s face appears above him, peering at him worriedly.  “Are you okay?  We were worried when you didn’t show up at the studio.  You’re never late.”

Yoongi forces a smile, though it probably come out as more of a grimace.  “I’m fine, just..just give me a moment.  I’ll be there soon.”

Hoseok gazes at him for a long time, then shakes his head.  “Nope.  Stay home today.  I’ll tell everyone you’re not feeling well.”

Before Yoongi can argue, Hoseok makes his way out of his bedroom and towards the kitchen.  He can hear him calling Namjoon and loudly explaining that the both of them wouldn’t be in that day.  

Yoongi forces himself out of bed and walks to the kitchen.  Hoseok is fumbling with a carton of eggs, and Yoongi stifles a chuckle.  “You don’t have to make me anything, I’m fine,” he says.  “Plus, you in the kitchen.”

Hoseok looks up.  “Oh! I didn’t hear you come in!”  He sets the eggs on the counter and moves towards Yoongi, ushering him out of the kitchen.  “No, no.  Let me make you breakfast while you go take a nice, long shower.  It’ll help you feel better.”

Yoongi listens and makes his way to the bathroom.  He looks in the mirror.  Agh, I look terrible.  He runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath.  He looks around and his eyes land on a bottle of shampoo.  He swallows hard.  Jimin’s favorite.  He bought it on default last time he went shopping without thinking.  He closes his eyes and forces the tears back.  

From the kitchen he hears Hoseok yell, “I don’t hear the shower going, Yoongi!”  

He smiles against his better judgement and yells back, “I’m going, I’m going!”

 He chuckles as he turns on the water.  He can’t hear it but he knows that Hoseok is probably dancing around his kitchen to the radio, trying to make something decent and probably failing.  The image puts an even larger smile on Yoongi’s face and he realizes that just having Hoseok here makes him feel alright.  He quickly undresses and steps into the shower, letting the warm water run over him.

Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.