I know that you say
I get mean when I’m drinking, but
Then again, sometimes I get really sweet, so
What does it mean?
If I tell you to go yourself
Or if I say that you’re beautiful to me

 

“I don’t even know why I bother lugging your heavy home. You turn into a whenever you get drunk,” Sehun complains as he adjusts Jongin’s weight against his shoulder so he can pull out his keyring and find the spare key Jongin gave him to his house for situations like this.

“Go yourself,” Jongin slurs, attempting to get out of Sehun’s hold only to stumble over his own feet and he would’ve gone crashing to the ground if Sehun hadn’t quickly grabbed hold of him, steadying him. “You shoulda just left me. I didn’t ask for your help.”

Sehun snorts, “See what I mean? A grade a ,” He mutters to himself, “And lower your voice. You’ll wake up your parents, and they’ll disown you so fast if they find out you’ve been drinking.” He lets out a sigh, “You’re lucky you’re my best friend or else I would’ve left you.”

He struggles to locate the right key with Jongin squirming by his side, so he lets out a quiet “Finally,” when he eventually finds it.

He curses when Jongin abruptly slumps heavily against his back. “Damn it, Jongin. Don’t you dare pass out on me right now! At least wait until I get this door open.” He tries to slip the key into the keyhole, but it’s hard to concentrate with Jongin breathing heavily against the nape of his neck, his body heat seeping through Sehun’s clothes and making the younger feel something flutter in his chest.

“You’re so beautiful to me, Sehunnie,” Jongin suddenly mumbles near his ear, and the something Sehun was feeling increases ten-fold immediately.

Sehun lips form a frown, and he glares at the door in front of them, “You also get really sweet sometimes when you’re drunk.” He points out, and he’s quiet for a moment, the only sounds being the quiet chirping of the crickets and the deep exhales from the older boy. “So,” He begins, voice hesitant, “What does it mean?” He asks Jongin, but he receives no answer aside from his soft snores.

“God damn it.”

It’s affection, always
Ooh, you’re gonna see it someday

 

Jongin wakes up in his bed the next morning, his head feeling like it’s about to explode and nausea swimming deep in the pit of his stomach. His eyes struggle to adjust to the sunlight pouring in from the blinds, but he forces himself to focus.

He doesn’t remember coming back home after the party last night, so he doesn’t know how he’s sitting in his bed right now instead of passed out somewhere. His eyes land on the bedside table and he notices a glass of water on top of it, along with a small white pill. Next to these objects is a small, yellow sticky note, something scrawled on it in red ink.

Jongin reaches over and pulls the note closer to read it.

‘Here’s an aspirin for the headache you’re bound to have in the morning. Also, make sure to drink all of the water. You gotta stay hydrated. Get some rest.’

Jongin’s eyes reach the bottom of the paper.

‘P.S. You’re welcome. .’

The note isn’t signed but Jongin instantly knows who wrote it and he groans in humiliation as memories of last night start flooding his mind.

Sehun has every right to call him an . Not only did he get wasted, but he ended up saying some really mean things to the younger when all Sehun was trying to do was help.

“God, I’m such an idiot,” He mumbles, covering his face with his hands.

He didn’t mean to be such a , but whenever Jongin drinks too much, his brain to mouth filter disappears, and he utters whatever comes into his mind. And in that moment, with Sehun holding him so firmly, helping him get home safely, affection for the younger had filled Jongin’s chest, so to avoid saying something stupid, he ended up saying something even more stupid. And really, it was all in vain because in the next moment he was blurting out that Sehun was beautiful.

Jongin groans into his hands and flops onto his back. He eventually removes his hands from his face and ends up staring up at the ceiling.

These feelings were getting out of control. He’s starting to slip up. If he keeps this up, Sehun will eventually put two and two together someday.

He sighs and buries himself in the covers.

My attention for you
Even if it’s not what you need

 

Jongin isn’t sure exactly when he started developing feelings for Sehun.

Maybe it was in sixth grade when Jongin had blown all of his lunch money on buying a new video game for his Playstation and, thus, didn’t have anything leftover to buy food for the rest of the week. When Sehun had asked why he wasn’t eating and Jongin meekly explained the reason why, the younger shook his head and scolded him for being so careless. Jongin dropped his head and promised to think things through next time, but what surprised him the most was that Sehun, without even being asked to, cut his sandwich in half and pushed a piece towards Jongin.

“You got to eat. I don’t want you to pass out in class,” Sehun had mumbled, eyes locked on something besides the elder when Jongin asked why.

Sehun ended up sharing his lunches for the remainder of the week with Jongin, muttering the same reason why whenever Jongin questioned his intentions.

(There was just something about the way Sehun’s cheeks would go pink, and he’d avoid eye contact that made Jongin’s heart rate pick up.)

It could have been when Jongin had his first dance recital when he was fifteen. He had been so excited about it that he unknowingly brought it up tons of times whenever he hung out with Sehun. Never once, had he asked Sehun to come to the recital, however, figuring the younger probably had something better to do.

So imagine his surprise when he walks out on stage on the night of the recital and sees Sehun sitting right in the middle of the front row. Jongin had blinked multiple times, thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him, but no, every time he reopened his eyes, Sehun was still there, smiling and flashing a thumbs up at him.

When Jongin met up with Sehun after the recital was over, his heart swelled when the younger pressed a pretty bouquet of roses into his hands and whispered a soft, “You did amazing.”

Jongin had thanked him with the brightest smile before asking, “What are you doing here?”

“What? You expected me to miss my best friend’s first recital? After hearing how excited you were about it? C’mon Jongin, there’s no other place I’d rather be at than here. I’ll always be here to support you.” Sehun had said with a grin, and Jongin couldn’t help himself, launching himself at the younger and hugging him tightly.

(There was something about the way Sehun hugged him just as tight that made Jongin never want to let go.)

Or maybe it was when Jongin was sixteen, and his mother fell ill and had to be taken to the hospital. Jongin had been so distraught, and the only thing he could think to do then was to call Sehun. Sehun had rushed over to be by Jongin’s side after hearing the news, despite having had a job interview scheduled that day.

Jongin broke down in the middle of the waiting room as soon as he saw Sehun walk through the door, and the younger cradled him until he could manage to calm down a bit. With his head a little clearer, Jongin remembered that Sehun had had an interview and apologized profusely for making him miss it.

Sehun merely shook his head, “Don’t be silly. I don’t care about that. I care about you.”

(There was something about Sehun’s voice, so firm and final, that made Jongin feel that care Sehun was talking about.)

 

Or maybe, just maybe, it was when Jongin first met Sehun all those years and years ago when they were just small children.

It was on the first day of kindergarten, and Jongin had been very reluctant to let go of his mother’s hands, eyes large and fearful as he looked around the room at all the unfamiliar faces.

“Don’t be scared, sweetheart. You’re going to have so much fun and make so many friends here!” His mother had said, trying to make the place more appealing but Jongin was a stubborn child, and only gripped his mother’s hand tighter.

Jongin jumped when he felt something tug at his sleeve as he turned around hesitantly to see a small boy with black hair standing behind him, a ball in his tiny hands.

“Hi! My name is Sehun! Do you want to play with me?” The boy had said, a broad smile that made his eyes crinkle up.

(There was something about Sehun’s smile that made Jongin smile back, and Jongin let go of his mother’s hand without a second thought, and nodded, feeling an instant connection with the boy.)

Jongin isn’t sure exactly when he started developing feelings for Sehun, but he is sure that he shouldn’t be having these feelings at all. He and Sehun are best friends, and any feelings that aren’t feelings of friendship will only complicate things.

Sehun doesn’t need a best friend that secretly craves for something more.

 

Sometimes we talk
All night long, we don’t shut up
And when it’s late
We’ll say we’re still wide awake, so

 

It’s late.

They should be sound asleep already considering they have school the next day, and Jongin knows they’ll regret it in the morning, but right now, at this moment, Jongin doesn’t feel an ounce of tiredness in his body. Jongin tells Sehun this, and the younger agrees, saying he’s still wide awake.

This sometimes happens when they spend the night at each other’s houses. They end up talking all night long, about every little thing they can think of. They talk about school, their futures, their families, the world, the weather; you name it, and they’ve probably had a lengthy conversation about it.

Jongin enjoys these talks. He loves hearing Sehun talk; the slight lisp the younger has due to the braces Sehun had to get a few years ago, the way his voice sounds as he tries to whisper, so their parents don’t hear them.

He loves it when Sehun talks about something he’s passionate about, like dogs or bubble tea, the way he starts babbling excitedly, eyes bright.

His heart aches when they talk about something sad, how the younger’s voice wavers and his bottom lip quivers and Jongin wants nothing more than to hold Sehun close in his arms.

 

We love to talk
About how you’ll come up to visit me
And we’ll rent a car
And we’ll drive upstate

 

Sehun’s over at Jongin’s house again, but this time they’re in Jongin’s empty room, lying side by side on thin sheets on the floor, Jongin’s bed and the rest of his belongings already packed up inside the moving vehicle outside.

It’s another night where they both know neither of them is going to get a wink of sleep. This time, however, it’s not because they’re going to talk the night away, but more so because they know their time together is limited and both would hate to waste their last precious seconds with each other sleeping.

You see, Jongin’s father recently accepted a job in a different city, meaning he and the rest of the family have to move.

Jongin had thrown a fit when he had found out the news, yelling about how his father should have considered his feelings more before taking the job. After all, he’s lived in this city all his life, all his friends were here, he went to school here, and he was going to go to university here with Sehun too, but suddenly, all of that didn’t matter anymore.

What hurts the most, though, was the thought that Jongin wouldn’t be able to see Sehun anytime he wanted anymore, the distance between here and the city he was moving to being at least a two-day drive.

“I still can’t believe you’re moving,” Sehun whispers into the quiet of the room.

“Yeah...” Jongin mumbles, eyes locked onto the ceiling. “Me either.”

It’s silent once more till Sehun speaks up, voice hesitant, “We’ll.. We’ll still be best friends, though.. right?” He asks.

Jongin turns his head to the side and watches as Sehun wrings the sheets in his hands nervously. He reaches over to place a hand on Sehun’s gently, waiting until the younger meets his gaze. “This isn’t going to change anything. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not,” Jongin says, and smiles to put the other at ease.

Sehun smiles back, “Yeah... Yeah, you’re right. And the same goes for me. You’re stuck with me, too.”

“Good,” Jongin says and moves to remove his hand. Jongin doesn’t say anything when Sehun grabs his hand back and intertwines their fingers. He doesn’t say anything because he can’t say anything, his heart feeling like it’s gonna jump out of his mouth if he opens it.

“I’ll visit you,” Sehun softly says, eyes boring into Jongin’s.

Jongin swallows thickly and nods, “Okay. We can rent a car and drive upstate. We can be tourists together.”

Sehun laughs, the sound like twinkling bells in Jongin’s ears, “I’d like that.”

“Then, it’s a plan,” Jongin says, squeezing Sehun’s hand.

“It’s a plan,” Sehun agrees, squeezing his hand back.

 

It’s affection, always
Are you gonna see it someday
My attention’s on you
Even if it’s not what you need

 

The next day, Sehun finds himself standing in front of what used to be the Kim residence, Jongin’s parents and his sisters already in the moving van and ready to set off to their new home.

Sehun turns and smiles at Jongin, “You should get going. You have a long drive ahead of you.”

“I know. I just,” Jongin lips fall into a frown, “I don’t want to say goodbye to you.” He says, voice on the verge of breaking.

Sehun can feel the tears prickling in his eyes, but he tries to laugh, “You don’t have to say goodbye, you idiot. We will see each other again, so until then, it’s ‘see you later,’ got it?” He says, a firm tone in his voice.

“Got it.” Jongin nods, rubbing at his eyes, “I’ll see you later, Sehunnie.”

Sehun sniffles, blinking away his own tears, “See you later, Jongin.”

The waterworks truly begin when they envelop each other in one last tight embrace, tears staining each other’s faces and shirts as they sob openly together.

“God, I’m going to miss you so m-much,” Jongin cries, head burying in the crook of Sehun’s neck, throat feeling like it’s on the verge of closing up from how hard he’s crying.

Sehun takes a shuddery breath, hands gripping the back of the elder’s shirt, “I’m going to miss you more.”

They stay like that for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms until Jongin’s father honks the horn and yells for him to get in the van.

“I-I gotta go,” Jongin says, reluctantly letting Sehun go.

Sehun nods, “Go. Don’t forget to call me when you arrive, okay?”

“I won’t forget. See you,” Jongin manages a smile before turning and jogging towards the vehicle. He climbs in and pops his head out of the window and waves at Sehun as his father starts up the car.

Sehun smiles and waves back, watching as the van starts to drive down the road and he feels his eyes burn again. He feels empty all of a sudden, so alone, and another sob rips from his throat. His eyes get blurry with tears, but his head snaps up and he tries to focus when he hears tires squeal to a stop and a distant yell of “Jongin, what are you doing?!”

Blinking his eyes to clear his vision, he feels his heart begin to race as he makes out Jongin’s figuring running towards him.

“Jongin!” Sehun cries, breaking out into a run down the road to meet the elder halfway. They come to a stop in front of each other, eyes wet and chest heaving.

“I couldn’t leave without telling you the truth,” Jongin gasps out, “The truth about how I really feel. Sehun, I love you. I love you so much, but I never said anything because you’re my best friend and I didn’t want to complicate things between us if you didn’t feel the same. But I wanted to tell you so badly, and I know it’s selfish of me to tell you this as I’m leaving, but I figured if I told you and you didn’t want to be friends anymore, we could just part ways here forever. I’d respect your answer, and I wouldn’t try to contact you, we’d go on with our lives, and I’d try to get over you, even though I don’t think I’d ever be able too, I love you too muc-”

Sehun stops Jongin’s rambling by throwing his arms around the elder’s neck and pressing their lips together.

“Me too,” Sehun mumbles in between kisses to Jongin’s mouth, “I love you. So much. I’ve always had.”

It only takes a second for the words to register in Jongin’s mind and when they do, he swoops in to wrap his arms around Sehun’s waist, their lips meeting in desperate kisses that convey their love, affection, sadness, longing, and all the other emotions they’re currently feeling.

“Wait for me,” Jongin whispers against Sehun’s mouth.

The younger smiles. “I will.”

“I’ll come back to you. I promise.”

Sehun gives Jongin one last lingering kiss, “I’m holding you to it.”

Jongin grins and lets Sehun go and waves again before running back to the van.

Sehun watches as the van disappears around the corner, but this time, instead of emptiness falling over him, he feels nothing but love and hope inside.

He knows Jongin will be back.

 

I think of you
I want you, too
I’d fall for you

[Two Years Later]

“Hey, Jongin. Sorry I haven’t had a chance to call these last couple of days. I’m moving into my new room today, so I’ve been busying packing all my junk.” Sehun says into the phone as he walks down the campus towards the dorms, pulling his luggage behind him.

“Ah, no worries. I know you have too much junk in the trunk.” Jongin says in a flirty tone on the other line before he breaks out in a laugh.

“Shut up,” Sehun giggles, cheeks turning pink at the double entendre. “I don’t.”

“Don’t be so modest, babe! You’ve got the finest I’ve ever seen. So nice and plump. I can’t wait to see it again with my own eyes.” Jongin’s voice has gone deep, and Sehun’s flush deepens.

Sehun looks around at his surroundings before lowering his voice, “You’re gonna have to wait until I come to visit you again. It’s gonna be difficult to have Skype now that I’m going to have a roommate.”

Jongin hums, “Speaking of your roommate, have you met him yet?”

Sehun enters his dorm complex and stops to fish out the piece of paper that has his room number written on it and his room key from his jean’s pocket. “No, not yet.” He continues walking. “Actually I didn’t even know I was going to have a roommate until a few hours ago. It looks like it was a last minute decision to assign him to my room, so I don’t know a single thing about this guy. Not even his name.”

“I bet he’s hot.”

Sehun snorts, “Maybe, who knows. But I doubt he’ll be hotter than you.” He stops outside his room and places his key into the keyhole, turning it.

“What if he is me?” Jongin says, and Sehun frowns in confusion as he turns the knob and pushes the door open.

“What are you talking abo-” Sehun stops in his tracks, mouth falling open and phone slipping from his slackened grip.

“Hi, Sehunnie. I’m Jongin, your new roommate.”

Sehun’s eyes well up with tears and he sobs, letting his luggage crash to the ground as he rushes into Jongin’s awaiting arms, hands gripping the elder’s shirt. “Jongin! Oh my god, you’re here! You’re actually here!” He wails before pulling back in a flash, eyes wide, “I’m not dreaming, am I?”

Jongin smiles and places his hands gently on Sehun’s cheeks, wiping away the younger’s tears, “You’re not dreaming, baby. I’m here. I told you I’d come back, right?”

Sehun lips fall into a grin, and he nods, “You did. And I knew you wouldn’t go back on your promise.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming back sooner. I wanted to surprise you.” Jongin apologizes as he caresses the younger’s jaw affectionally.

Sehun shakes his head, “No, it’s okay. You came back to me, and I find out you’re going to be my roommate? I couldn’t ask for a better surprise.” He leans in to press a sweet kiss to Jongin’s lips, “God, I’m so glad you’re back. I love you so much, Jongin.”

“I love you too, Sehun,” Jongin whispers before pressing back in to kiss his boyfriend.

 

It’s affection, always...