--

 

Joshua’s day didn’t start like everyone else’s. Ignoring the fact that he was an internationally known idol, you’d think that Joshua would wake up and start the day like anyone else. He doesn’t though. Whereas people might feel the morning sunlight shine on their heavy eyelids or hear the blazing of their alarm, what Joshua got to wake up to wasn’t just sounds or touches, but tastes. Joshua could taste the mornings, taste the lemon sweet tea of the sun with every “Good morning!”, the crisp blueberry crunch of the singing birds, voices airy pinks, blues, and purples. Who wouldn’t have a good morning waking up to this? Joshua inhaled deeply, preparing to get up when wisps of serenity danced behind his eyelids, the members’ muffled voices filtering through his senses. Joshua rubbed the sleep from his eyes and smiled, a good morning indeed.

 

Joshua first realized he was different when he came home from school one day and his mother was yelling at someone over the phone. The furious, fire truck red tendrils exploded in his peripherals the second he got into the house, fiery and spicy hot. It was so much for him all at once that Joshua passed out from oversensitivity. A frantic trip to the doctors put a name to a condition he thought everyone had: synesthesia.

 

He’s learned through experience that some words have distinct colors and flavors while others are simply just a color. While he doesn’t believe his synesthesia makes him anything truly special (it was just his brain being wired differently that like 99% of the population is all) he does admit it has shaped him as a person. He learned people by their colors, their moods, their personalities, everything. He finds that it helps him deal with all types of people and allows him to know what to expect in social situations so that he can stay calm.

 

The reason that Joshua doesn’t get angry easily and speaks softly to everyone is because his mama raised a gentleman. Additionally, the other (real) reason is because he likes the way the soft dulcets of his gentle tones flow out in warm, baked orange-pinks and how if he puts enough emotions into his singing he’ll smell sweet peaches.

 

Joshua didn’t know how he would be able to adjust to a new environment when he became a trainee, but he doesn’t regret a thing. While it did take a long time to adapt, Joshua’s come to know s, first by the color of their voices and themselves second. He believes they all suit their colors.

 

Seungcheol is a warm, comforting brown, steadfast in leadership, a good head on his shoulders. Junhui is a deep, royal purple, noble Prince of China indeed. Soonyoung is a bright apricot, fresh and crisp, detail oriented. Wonwoo is a polished black, elegant and sophisticated (Joshua can’t help but laugh when he sees all the emo memes because it’s kinda true, his colors don’t lie). Jihoon is a refreshing green, bursting with potential and growth. Seokmin is precious gold; Joshua thinks it matches his smile and mostly, his heart. Mingyu is a tasteful oxford blue, intelligent and luxurious, (and maybe a little like his mother’s favorite sweater, but Joshua will never admit this, not under the most painful of tortures, especially since Jeonghan’s claimed the title of “mom” for himself). Minghao is a bright sunflower yellow, a soft and cheerful color, yet strong. Seungkwan is a sensitive lemon chiffon, delicate but inviting, drawing people in and opening them up. Hansol is a vivid chartreuse, vibrant and creative (this is another color Joshua vows to never tell the other members because the Lord only knows how many of them would make it out to be....less than desirable). Chan is classic Prussian blue, the sky in Starry Night, mesmerizing.   

 

Jeonghan is a soft, gentle pastel pink. It’s charming and romantic and Joshua never thought he’d like pink so much.

 

Their first win was an experience that Joshua doesn’t think he’ll ever forget. Bright and bubbly champagne cheering and daisy tears, Joshua is always grateful whenever he gets to see, get to literally taste their winnings.

 

He knows he should tell the rest of the members eventually. He knows that they would find what he has amazing and accept it, accept him without question. He knows that the only potentially scary thing he’s bound to face is the amount of questions the members will bombard him with.

 

“Hyung, what color is my voice?!”

 

“Hyung, what color is Jihoonie’s voice when he’s angry?”

 

“Hyung, Hansol’s color is just as ugly as his fashion taste, right?”

 

And yet, knowing all of this doesn’t help to quell the fear of rejection rotting in Joshua’s stomach, dark grey and cold.

 

Turns out he was scared for nothing; he wasn’t the one who spilled the beans.

 

They’re in the practice room right now and Joshua can barely breathe. He’s a little too warm and they’ve been dancing a little too long and he just wants to pass out in his bed.

 

“Guys, can you please be quiet for a minute?” Joshua pleads weakly in English, slightly swaying where he stands. His brow is pinched and he’s a little pale. He takes an unsteady breath and slaps his hands over his ears but it doesn’t stop the bright fuschias, neon greens, and fluorescent orange attacking his senses. He’s breathes hard through his nose to try to stave off the wave of nausea that slams into him like a bullet train. Joshua feels stripped raw, his nerves are on fire, choking him with spicy cinnamon and clove. Every sound, every breath assaults his senses and Joshua falls to his knees as he clutches at his temples, the pain of his pounding head swirling a million colors in his vision, a hundred different tastes mixing on his tongue. Through the haze he feels his knees slam painfully onto the practice room floor, unhelpfully mixing with all the other sensations and he only manages to say, “Don’t call an ambulance” to his frantically yelling members before Joshua’s eyes roll to the back of his head and everything bleeds out into bright white static.   

 

-

 

Yoon Jeonghan likes to think of himself as cool, calm, and collected at all times.

 

Now is not one of those times.

 

His hands shake in his lap as he sits the in living room of their dorm as the doctor their manager has called in checks up on Joshua whose situated in one of the beds. Seungcheol is pacing up and down, up and down, up and down and Jeonghan just wants to pull him down to sit because his pacing is making him anxious and he hates that.  

 

Seungkwan is crying in Hansol’s shoulder and no matter how he tries to stifle his sobs, they echo throughout the room. Soonyoung and Seokmin are uncharacteristically quiet in the corner they’re occupying and Jihoon’s been inconspicuously wringing his wrists. Everyone is mostly quiet.

 

The dorm’s never been this quiet. It’s unsettling.

 

The atmosphere is anxious and tense and this is the part where Joshua usually gets up and smiles so warm with his eyes and his mouth and always says the right thing to calm all of them down, except right now he’s…

 

Jeonghan shakes his head and swallows roughly. He tries to inhale deeply like Joshua normally tells him to but doesn’t manage too much. They all look up when their manager and the doctor come out from the room. Jeonghan and Seungcheol are the first to reach them; Seungcheol because he was already standing and Jeonghan because he’s been prepared for any news for forever.

 

The doctor and their manager glance at each other before their manager nods. The doctor opens his mouth and explains.

 

-

 

This time when Joshua wakes up, it’s not to sunflowers and daisies or pastel birdsong, but to a dull headache that makes him feel more tired even though he was just asleep. He catalogues what his body feels like, noting that the only things that truly hurt are his knees and his head. He blinks the crust out of his eyes as he squints, attempting to recall what happened yesterday when it all comes back in a flash. Joshua’s head falls back further into the pillow and he groans a muted grey quietly (he doesn’t want to disturb the members more). He sighs and debates whether he can fake sleep well enough when one of them goes to check on him.

 

He pulls the duvet closer as he wonders what he should do now. He’s about 100% sure their manager told the rest of the members what’s up and he has no idea how to face them now. It’s like starting as a trainee all over again and Joshua hates the rust colored nerves churning in his stomach.

 

He’s too stuck in his head that he doesn’t realize the door is opening and a curious head pops in. Joshua only hears the quick intake of breath before-

 

“HYUNG’S AWAKE!”

 

Joshua flinches at Seungkwan’s shout, he’s touched at the yellow and orange excitement but that’s a little too bright for him right now. Joshua sees a rainbow with the amount of noise the members make in their haste to all get to his room at the same time.

 

“Ow! Move!”

 

“I got here first, you move!”

 

“Excuse you-“

 

Joshua blinks and looks up when a body squeezes its way through the door and shoves it closed on the eleven boys behind it. Jeonghan locks the door.

 

Joshua shifts on the bed and swallows; he doesn’t know what to say, how to begin. His eyes focus on Jeonghan’s collar bones because he can’t find the courage to look into his eyes just yet. Jeonghan creeps forward and sits on the edge of the bed, his mouth opens and closes a few time, but he doesn’t seem to be able to say anything. Joshua slowly sits up and cautiously moves to rest against the headboard, the rustling a static-y grey.

 

“I-”

 

“I-”

 

Jeonghan and Joshua close their mouths simultaneously. “You first.” “You go.”

 

“Why didn’t-“

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Joshua meets Jeonghan’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Hannie.”

 

Jeonghan stares at him for a few breaths. He sighs and moves up the bed until he is leaning against Joshua’s shoulder. “I can understand why you didn’t tell us at first, I just have to remember how I felt when I met you guys...but I still wish you could have told me.”

 

Joshua sighs and reaches out to twine their hands together. “I know, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell the team, you especially, but I don’t know, I just couldn’t. I don’t like people staring at me because my brain is weird.”

 

Jeonghan turned to him sharply. “Joshuji, you are not weird. What you have is amazing and just when I thought you couldn’t get any more special, you of course have to go and prove me wrong. So, shut up okay?” He flicks Joshua’s nose to punctuate his point. He leans against Joshua’s shoulder again.

 

“How do you feel though? Do you need anything? The doctor told us you would probably have to take it easy for a few days and not stress your senses out too much…”

 

Joshua smiles at the flowery pink that suffuses into his vision as Jeonghan talks softly to him; faintly tastes fresh espresso and smells a wift of gardenias. He turns his head to bury his nose into Jeonghan’s hair. “Mmm…I just have a slight headache but I’ll be okay. Thank yo though.”

 

Joshua knows he’ll only need about a day to recuperate. Yesterday was a particularly bad day but he’s in a space that’s familiar, it shouldn’t be too long before he settles into his equilibrium.

 

Jeonghan turns to him and Joshua’s guard is automatically up when he sees the too innocent look in Jeonghan’s eyes. “So, out of curiosity, Shua... You’re supposed to have colors associated with sounds right? What color is my voice?”

 

Joshua’s bites the inside of his cheek as his ears redden. He knows Jeonghan notices when his eyes shift quickly and is met with an even more expectant stare. Joshua shifts further back into his pillows but Jeonghan follows him forward, eyes narrowed and determined, a teasing smirk developing on his lips. “Joshuji, won’t you tell me?”

 

Joshua sighs, he can’t really deny Jeonghan anything and he knows it. He hides his face in Jeonghan’s hair again (god how he misses his long locks) and shyly murmurs,”Pink, like cherry blossoms.”  

 

Jeonghan bites his lips and looks down, if he could hide behind a curtain of hair he would have. A smile blooms on his face, earnest, a sakura in March. Jeonghan kisses Joshua’s cheek; Joshua turns to kiss his forehead.

 

When they hear a slight thump and a muffled curse from behind the door, Joshua and Jeonghan give each other knowing looks. Jeonghan sighs dramatically and exaggerates all his movements to the door, quietly and quickly unlocking the door and yanking it open suddenly. The rest of the members fall into the bedroom, dogpiling hard on the fall. Joshua flinches in sympathy at the painful red thud.

 

“Ooow!”

 

“Get off me!”

 

“Move your foot!”

 

“Let me up!”

 

Joshua winces, they’re extremely neon loud.

 

“Oh My gOd are we talking to loud?! Should we whisper? We don’t need to talk, we can just write down everything instead, Hansol can write it all in english, it’s totally fine hyung-”

 

Joshua holds his hands up and everyone shuts up. He clears his throat. “Before you all start, can I get a painkiller first please?”

 

Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Seungkwan all rush from the room. “We got you, hyung!”

 

Joshua snorts at the urgent bright red.

 

“...So, Hansol’s color is just as ugly as his style, right?”

 

“Hey!”

 

Joshua can’t help the smile that blooms on his face when the sounds of s’ laughter flow throughout the room. His smile is so wide, his eyes form eyesmiles so deep he can’t even see the rose quartz and serenity harmonize. Joshua doesn’t know this taste well, but he thinks he’ll label it happiness.

 

---

(a/n) right so this is kinda lame i'm sorry lmao (but also just in time for my 5th AFF anniversary lmao wow lol)

so it's more of a subtle!jihan in here lol (i hope to write more of them this year!) might as well start the new year right with my first seventeen fic right? XD i love joshua can you tell? lol 

thanks so much for reading! i hope you guys enjoyed! please feel free to scream with me about seventeen (or anything else) on tumblr (main) or twitter!