Nobody knew for sure how the soul bond worked. Some thought it was triggered by touch, the first brush of your soulmates skin against your own. Some thought that it came with time, that once you had both reached a certain age their name would embed itself deeply into your skin and you would have to spend the rest of your life waiting for someone with that name to show you your name ingrained on their body too. Some thought it was certain words or when you said each others names, or perhaps it was entirely down to chance and the fates just liked to mess around with the billions of lives in their grasp.

   For Sana, it happened when she was fourteen and walking home from the mall with a Korean entertainment companies calling card tucked in her pocket, inviting her to audition for them in the next two weeks. She made herself giddy thinking about how she had the chance to be in the same company as some of her favourite idols, nimble fingers constantly flipping the card to re-read it and make sure she wasn’t dreaming when a sharp jolt shot up her wrist. The card fluttered to the floor, dropping it out of shock, and Sana hissed when spiking volts of electricity pulsed with more and more intensity as she stood there clutching her wrist with her other hand. Flashing heat seared through her veins as she stumbled the rest of her way home, crashing through her door and into her mother’s arms shaking violently at every aftershock that wracked her body. Her mother was saying something to her, but she couldn’t hear anything over the crashing roar of thunder in her ears, and she stared intently at her mother’s lips to decipher the words she said, that she kept repeating over and over with an oddly joyous look on her face. Was this how mothers were supposed to react when their daughter’s came home in agonizing pain and not knowing what the hell was going on? She was shaking Sana’s wrist, holding it in front of her face and Sana had every mind to call her father and tell him he had married a crazy woman when she saw the first of black finish etching itself into her skin.

   Oh. Oh God. Now she understood her mother's hysteria and why her wrist felt like it was about to short-circuit from the continuous surges of electricity pulsating directly into her heart, beating a frenzied, bruising rhythm against her ribs. She sank to the floor in stunned awe, eyes never leaving the black marks painstakingly writing itself into her skin as if her soulmate themselves were taking the utmost care to make it perfect. She didn’t feel her mother move her to the sofa at some point, nor did she notice her father coming home and her mother frantically explaining everything in exaggerated gestures and gleeful tones. She was completely and utterly transfixed by the magic spreading through her body in electric waves, and it was hours later when the night had drawn in and the only light in the room was a small lamp in the corner that cast soft, orange hues on the freshly printed letters on her skin. She read them again and again, testing how the name felt rolling off her tongue as she spoke them to the silent night.

   Hirai Momo.

  She decided she liked how the name felt spilling from her lips.

   “ Congratulations, you have passed through this stage of the auditions. We’d like to offer you the chance to train under JYP Entertainment. ”

  The phone in Sana’s hand would have dropped to the floor if it hadn’t been for her mother’s quick reflexes, catching the device and continuing the conversation seamlessly. The next few moments were a flurry of excitable squealing and her mother batting her away from the phone with an equally excited smile on her face, juggling the important details being fed to her in one ear and her ecstatic daughter jumping around the kitchen. She wrote down the contact details before hanging up after a never-ending stream of thank yous, and turned to engulf Sana in a crushing hug that only a mother could do.

  “I told you that you could do it my little flower.” She squished Sana’s cheeks between her palms, pressing feather-light kisses all over her face. “You were one of only two applicants they accepted you know.”

  Sana thought of all the determined faces she had walked past in the audition hall, wondering which of them she had been lucky enough to be picked alongside. She had been overwhelmed by the talent in the room, various hopefuls displaying their skills in last minute run throughs of their routines and she was dazed at how she, out of all the people in that room, had been selected to become a star. She nuzzled into her mother's embrace, memorizing the scent of home and thinking how everything was only just about to begin.

   She was at the airport, clutching the handle of her suitcase tightly in one hand while she waited to board her flight. She’d had a tearful departure from her parents, being smothered by the two before the JYP liaison directed her towards the boarding area to meet the other person selected to train with her. Excitement thrummed in her veins as she waited, overhearing that the other girl (another girl , she thought, she hoped they would be friends) was running a little late and had yet to arrive. Not knowing what to do, she fiddled with her phone, smiling at the farewell messages from the friends she was about to leave behind, feeling their love and support and sadness though they were miles apart.

  She wasn’t sure how much time passed when the liaison stood up next to her, drawing her attention away from the screen. He waved to another man semi-jogging towards them with a pink suitcase dragging behind him, followed by a girl about her own age juggling about twelve different items in her hands. Cute, she thought, and as the pair grew closer she realised how pretty the other girl was. Transfixed, she didn’t notice the slow volts of electricity underneath her skin. The two men greeted each other and began exchanging information in Korean, and Sana only knew approximately three sentences in the language at this point so she ignored them in favour of the disheveled girl in front of her. She was cute, perhaps a little taller than herself, and Sana found herself standing up to introduce herself before she realised.

  “Hi, my name is Sana, I hope we can be friends.” She stuck her hand out.

  The other girl jumped like she’d only just noticed her presence, before her face split into a childlike grin. She looked directly into Sana’s eyes, and Sana was too far gone to notice the sparks arcing between them. The other girl dropped everything in her hands on the bench, before ing her own hand into Sana’s. Electricity, pure white and hot, coursed through her veins and something like dread settled in her stomach.

  “Nice to meet you, Sana. I’m Hirai Momo.”

   Understandably, Sana didn’t immediately blurt out to the girl (Momo, her name is Momo ) that her name had been engraved on her skin only weeks before. She felt that perhaps that wasn’t the best way to get to know her, and judging from the lack of reaction when Sana introduced herself she guessed that Momo didn’t have her mark yet. So she waited. She went to Korea, and she stayed by Momo’s side as best as she could because everything here was strange and foreign and she couldn’t understand most of what was said to her. But Momo was a little piece of home, as new as she was, so Sana clung to her ( definitely the only reason, she told herself). She trained with Momo, and she lived with Momo and almost every part of her new life had Momo ingrained in it in some shape or form. And she waited. It became increasingly easy to hide the mark on her wrist, another necessary step in her daily routine, her body having numbed itself long ago to the lightning in her bloodstream, and she ignored the dull thudding in her chest whenever Momo’s hand latched onto her wrist to take her somewhere new.

  “Come on Sana, there’s this really good restaurant an Unnie told me about!”

  “I saw this really cute scarf and I want to ask if you’d think it would suit me?”

  “I found a park! Really close by! Come with me?”

  Sana kept waiting, because as long as Momo took her with her she didn’t mind how long it’d take.

   (She thinks she knows why her tattoo’s on her wrist, when she notices how often supple fingers find their way there with ease).

   The years pass and Sana and Momo become Sana, and Momo, and several others. Sana starts to think that maybe she had waited too long with every new face that becomes a permanent fixture in their life, and the way Momo’s face lights up as they do. In particular, the way her face lights up when a timid trainee falls through their door, stumbling through Japanese-accented Korean and looking like she’d rather be anywhere else in the world than here. Momo throws herself at the new girl, tripping over herself in her haste to introduce the two of them whilst she spouts off rapid fire Japanese at the now beaming girl in front of them and turns to Sana with an equally bright grin.

  “Can we keep her? Oh please, she’s so cute! Wait, are you older than me? Oh God I’m so sorry I didn’t mean-”

  Sana smiles at the exchange and how quickly Momo changed her tone, noticing how the new girl had to blink away the whiplash induced by her dorky friend. She learned the girl was called Mina, she was younger than both of them and she was very beautiful, and Momo seemed to be very much infatuated with her.

  It turned out that Mina just wasn’t very difficult to love, as Sana found out when she realised a few months later that she would do just about anything for the younger girl. Sana didn’t realise that since the beginning, Mina had been looking at both her and Momo with knowing, sad eyes.

   Sana woke to see Momo, completely bundled in her duvet and wrapped like the cutest thing she had ever seen, standing in front of her bed at - she squinted blearily at the glaring red letters of her alarm clock - 03:24 am. The sight wasn’t unwelcome, despite being slightly unusual, and there was a mumbled question on the tip of her tongue when a clap of thunder shook the building. Sana felt rather than saw Momo throw herself on her, duvet and all, a startled cry sounding in the room. The mattress dipped under the added weight and Sana felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips.

  “I uh, know that you don't like thunderstorms, so I thought I’d make sure you were okay.” Momo’s voice was soft and almost child-like, and Sana snorted.

  “Oh yeah I’m totally terrified.” Her smile broke into a grin as she wrapped both arms around her little blanket burrito, relishing the squeak it emitted when she gave a little squeeze. “How did you know I needed a big strong protector like yourself to keep me safe?”

  “I always know.” The reply was muffled as Momo started wriggling above her, shimmying out from her own duvet and sliding discretely under Sana’s. Sana felt trembling fingers interlace with her own. “I’m gonna hold your hand for protection, you know?”

  “Okay.” Sana hummed softly, and the room illuminated pure white at another flash of lightning. She held Momo closer to her, tucking her head against her chest to at least try and dampen the imminent thunder that would follow, and when it came the body pressed against her only jumped alittle bit. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t looking forward to the next one, if only so Momo would burrow even deeper against her.

  “I never knew you were this scared of thunder. You always used to let me crawl into your bed when we were younger.” Sana said, using the hand that wasn’t clenched in a death grip under the sheets to massage the back of Momo’s head. She inhaled deeply, absently noting that Momo smelled like her favourite conditioner.

  “I always have been, I just felt like I had to protect you, y’know?” The words were muffled against her chest, tinged with the verge of sleep. The hand in her own moved up to her wrist and Sana had to force herself not to jump at the sudden spark that shot up her arm, electric currents running through her veins with every lazy swipe of Momo’s thumb against her skin. “Since when were you not afraid of thunder?”

  Sana smiled against Momo’s hair. She learned not to be afraid of thunder when it echoed inside her chest at every interval between heartbeats, roaring louder every time she looked into sun-kissed brown eyes. It was harsh, cracking booms against her ribs when deft fingers played with her own, and it was soft, low rumbles in her stomach when the breaths skittering across her body evened out as the arm slung across her waist grew lax. She absently wondered when she had learned to live with the noise.

  Another flash of lightning lit up the room but the body against her had already succumbed to sleep. The accompanying thunder was nothing compared to the rolling waves in her chest.

  “When you became the lightning, I suppose.”

  The storm had passed hours before she woke up to find Momo’s limbs still entangled with her own, but all she could do was marvel in astonishment at how Momo’s soft snores drowned out the continuous booming in her ears.

   She makes a silent resolution with herself that no matter what happens, she was keeping Momo in her life at all costs. She’d accepted that at this point she was probably one of the unlucky people whose soulmate wasn’t actually theirs. It hurt, but at least the electric currents in her wrist weren’t as frequent as they used to be, and Momo still tucked Sana against her side like she belonged there.

  (She did).

  Being pressed into Momo made her feel like everything was going to be okay, and she liked resting her head on her chest and letting the steady beats of Momo’s heart drown out the storm in her own. A familiar hand always found its way to her hair, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head as fingers moved through the strands.

  “I don’t know why you’re sad, but I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”

  Sana had found it long ago in sunset eyes and and arms like home. She watched it walk away from her again, and again, until home was a distant memory and the sun had set long ago.

   Sana turns twenty and she realises that it had been almost six years since the fates decided she didn’t deserve her happy ending. She navigates the day with ease, practiced (and genuine) smile in place throughout and she thinks it must be a trick of the light that Momo was looking at her expectantly the entire time. She nervously pulls the sleeve of her shirt down further when nobody looks, and ignores the way Momo’s gaze made the dormant fuses in her veins jolt to life. She laughs with Dahyun, and she runs from Jeongyeon who mischievously chases her with a dab of frosting on her finger, and she finds herself in hers and Momo’s park at 2am with more than a little bit of alcohol flowing through her body.

  They play and they laugh like nothing else matters, going as high as they possibly could on the creaky old swings and catching each other at every almost-stumble and for a while, Sana could almost forget. They don’t quite catch each other one time and they fall, crashing to the ground but she barely felt the impact when strong arms pulled her on top of a soft body instead. She could have fallen asleep right there and then, burrowed deeply against Momo’s side, but then Momo’s gentle voice breaks the haze with easy conversation. Sana replies halfheartedly, barely registering the words coming from because she was drunk and Momo was warm and she just wanted to close her eyes for a little while - that was, until Momo’s next words doused ice cold water on them both.

  “You mean like soul mates?”

  The current in her wrist surged to life and she pressed further into Momo’s arms, ignoring the tiny voice in her head telling her to confess.

  “Yeah. Like soul mates.”

  They walk home together with their hands interlaced like normal, but Sana swears Momo isn’t nearly as warm as she used to be.

   It was easy, so goddamn easy to go through every day like nothing had changed and like Sana wasn’t in love with her best friend who wasn’t in love with her. She realises that it must have been a trick of the light, the way Momo looked at her on her birthday, because now Momo looks at her with clouded eyes and small, tight smiles. It slowly changes from Sana, and Momo, to Momo and Mina and Jihyo - with no Sana. She’s not sure for the reason behind the subtle change in the dynamic of their relationship, but she finds herself crying at night for the loss of something she never had. Her routine never changes.

  Until.

  She’s in the bathroom applying concealer on her wrist, watching the familiar name fade away with ease when someone bursts in. She’s frozen, looking up to establish eye contact with startled brown eyes that are trained directly on the child-like kanji on her wrist, and she realises these past six years might have all been for nothing. She surges forward, the concealer forgotten as it clatters noisily into the tub, and she’s clutching desperately to Jihyo’s shirt babbling confusing strings of please don’t say anything and god please don’t tell her when she’s pulled into her chest and wrapped tightly in her arms. Jihyo’s soothing voice cuts through her frantic sobs and talks her down from her mania, chanting it’s okay and I’m here for you on a relaxing loop in her ear.

  A few days pass and Sana’s routine doesn’t change. She still wakes up early every morning to hide the shame on her wrist, and she still smiles and performs like everything isn’t dangerously close to falling apart, like she isn’t dangerously close to falling apart. The only thing that changes is the way Jihyo’s doting eyes trace her every step, and how Momo is beginning to look at her like she’s trying to figure something out.

  Sana smiles a little brighter and Momo looks away.

   Momo corners her one day, intent on not letting her leave until she had answers. The other girls had left to go out for food, Sana having excused herself from the outing with claims of an upset stomach. She had assumed Momo would have gone with them, but she found herself trapped between the kitchen counter and Momo’s body blocking the only exit, arms crossed expectantly. If only she had stayed in her room and didn’t feel the need to raid Nayeon’s secret ice cream stash that they all knew about.

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  Momo’s words were blunt, not really one to beat around the bush. Sana fidgeted guiltily.

  “Have I?”

  “Yeah.” Momo eyes stared pointedly into her own. “You have.”

  The moment stretched between them, the silence filled with unsaid words and an unbearable tension. They’d never fought, not in the entire six years they had known each other, and the direction of this conversation was heading in completely new territory for them both.

  “I miss you.”

  Momo’s voice was soft and familiar, childlike tone feeding the growing guilt and shame in Sana’s heart that she’d been treating Momo the way she had been. This was Momo for god's sake, and she turned away so she wouldn’t see the sheen of wetness b in her eyes.

  “Sana, talk to me, please.”

  She couldn’t she couldn’t she couldn’t , and she moved to walk past Momo and be anywhere but here drowning in self-remorse and embarrassment.

  “Sana no wait, please don’t go.”

   Slender fingers wrapped around her wrist in a desperate grip, halting her escape and bringing her to an abrupt stop. She couldn’t bring herself to turn around, unwilling to let Momo see the tears threatening to fall, so she waited for the other girls’ next move. She waited, but it didn’t come. Confused, she dried her eyes with her free hand before turning to see Momo staring dazedly at the wrist in her grip, eyes narrowed in confusion. She saw the traces of concealer on Momo’s thumb, and it was only when she looked down did she notice the searing heat where Momo's skin brushed against her own.

  “Why do you have concealer on your wrist?” A confused statement, genuine curiosity in her voice where there had only been desperation before. Her thumb swiped down again, rubbing away the make-up and Sana let her. Confusement turned to astonishment as faded black marks appeared, and the name she had hidden for the past six years revealed itself to two girls connected by the stars.

  The tears she’d tried so hard to keep at bay fell, and she watched Momo read her own name again and again through blurred vision, trying not to jump with every jolt spiking through her veins when Momo traced her handwriting with her fingers. They trembled against her skin, and Momo’s voice shook with the same unstable waver when she tried to speak.

  “I don’t, you have, my name-” Utter disbelief laced her words, unable to form a coherent sentence. And then she laughed.

  It was loud and genuine, a little wet from the tears falling down her face, and it snapped Sana out of her reverie.

  “God I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to burden you like this and just know that this doesn’t have to change anything between us and- why are you smiling?” Sana choked through her tears. She had expected refusal, a gentle letdown and a pat on the back and she’d carry on covering up her mark just like every other day. She didn’t expect Momo to laugh like a weight had been lifted from her lungs, and look at her like she hung the stars in the skies and her eyes.

  “How long?” Momo took Sana’s hand into her own, and Sana jumped when she felt the raw heat emanating from Momo’s fingers in waves.

  “Since I was fourteen.” Sana admitted for the first time in her life, satisfied to see the shock shoot through Momo’s eyes.

  “How did you do that,” Momo whispered, voice soft and fragile, “it damn near killed me and it’s barely been half a year.”

  Sana blinked.

  “Wait, what?”

  Momo laughed again, liquid sunlight intertwining with the lightning thrumming through Sana’s veins, and she let go of her hand. She stepped back and she didn’t hesitate as both her hands lifted the hem of her shirt, throwing the offending piece of clothing over her head and somewhere towards the couch. She smiled at Sana, a blinding force that tugged a smile from the corner of Sana’s lips, and Sana wasn’t going to lie - she was alittle confused at where this was going when Momo’s hand stretched out to grab her own. She tugged her towards her, not caring that she was only wearing a baggy pair of sweats and a bra and Sana felt a flush begin to rise on her cheeks when Momo pressed the tips of her fingers into her ribs.

  She felt the intense heat of a raging fire under Momo’s skin and she looked down to see her own name, her own handwriting printed like fresh black ink under her palm. Fire kissed her fingertips as she traced her name slowly, and she felt Momo shudder underneath her with every jolt of electricity passing where their skin touched. She looked up into glistening brown eyes streaked with flashes of lightning, and she hoped they could see the burning embers flaring in her own. The space between them disappeared, neither of them entirely sure which one closed it, and they melted into a swirling inferno of lightning and fire.

   Holy , she had a soulmate.

   She smiled into the kiss, and thought that maybe, just maybe , this was worth the wait.

   “I’m happy for them.” Mina said into her empty cup, fingers drumming mindlessly against the cool ceramic. The others had come home to find the two girls sleeping together on the couch, both of their tattoos displayed for the world to see. “It’s the least they deserve.”

  Jihyo smiled.

  “So am I.” Her fingers reached out to interlace with Mina’s, wishing she could make her feel even a fraction of what she felt. “You deserve to be happy too, you know.”

  Mina exhaled heavily, genuine smile stretching across her stoic features.

  “I am happy. You make me happy, nobody else, and I may not have your name tattooed into my skin but that doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

  Jihyo smiled at her for real then, and Mina wondered what she had done to deserve her love. She leaned forward into a sweet kiss, trying not to shake when Jihyo's other hand tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, accidentally brushing against faded black letters underneath. The fates may have imprinted bubbly, familiar kanji on her skin, but there was nothing that could stop her from loving the girl in front of her.