SLTBH

She lied to be happy

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It started out as a hobby, she swore. Life is full of wonders, she said. Luck is what she holds on to, she whispered. Lee.Sung.Kyung. Fantasy? She does not like it, she loves it. Drama? Her world is dramatic. But not her world, her other world she built. Not for her, but for her characters she created with a storyline beyond her imaginations. Love, affairs, romance...

   But honestly, people expect these beautiful written stories inspired by her experiences. She can proudly say, No. They were made up. 

   Childhood lovers? A fruity girl falls in love with her childhood friend. Nope. Never happened in Sungkyung's life.

  Neighbor lovers? A guy who is arrogant falls in love with his messy carefree female neighbor. Nope. Didn't happen.

  Highschool crush? A popular bully fell in love with his own victim through her kindness. Nope. Sungkyung was not even popular.

  Love at first sight? Two people fell in love with just a glimpse at each other like destiny. Nope. Not a chance.

It's crazy how amazing she produces stories about 'love' when she herself has never be in a relationship nor feel loved. What kept Sungkyung going was her heart, telling her how lovely and astounding 'love' is constantly. 

   Ending every chapters with a happy ending. She knew 'love' will never work with her. All the characters she built, all the imaginations she used, were perfect. And Sungkyung, she is not perfect. She was aware of that too. She puts interest in someone, but they don't feel the same way she does. She tries to confess, but she was turned down. She tried to hit on guys, but they were interested in her friends than her. Sungkyung didn't understand herself. 'what's wrong with me?' She'd ask herself and cry in a corner.

   All she wanted was someone to be with her, a friend, a lover, and that made her believe if she didn't had the things she wanted, her built up characters deserve much more. 

   Sungkyung got interviewed as the world's most famous writer. She'd repeat again and again, all her storylines were not from her experience. But they don't understand. They say, she's pretty. They say, it's ridiculous for her to not have a boyfriend. They say, she's keeping it all private.

   The question, 'What's wrong with me?' kept lingering in her mind. Her friends easily have partners where they come and go so easily. But Sungkyung, had no guy who approaches her to be just more than friends. It drives her crazy. As a 'love romance' writer, she herself has never been in one before. Was it her fault falling for guys that didn't want her? Or was it just not time to fall in love?

   Falling in love is beautiful. play

   That line was written in every book she published. Is it true? She didn't knew herself but she could tell by watching others around her.

   There were hard times when she run out of ideas. Her books were failing. Her fans started leaving. Her stories became darker , angst with no happy endings. That's when she realized. No one wanted to read a sad horrible lonely life. They all wanted something more impossible. Things themselves couldn't achieve in life. Like Cinderella gets hooked up with the prince and lived happily ever after. It's a fairytale. No one would ever leave their shoe behind, that's impossible and unrealistic. But people loved that. That type of fake love. 

   One day Sungkyung came to me. 

     'Joohyuk I like you...I'm sorry,' she said with a smirk. I've watched this girl for years as a friend of course. She was looking down on the floor after she chanted those words. I could tell she was expecting a reject. 'Me too.' She looked at me. We locked eyes for three seconds then started laughing. 'You joke real good,' she said with a giggle. I replied no. And her expression changed.

   She stared at me quite long. 'Why?' Unbelievable. Lee Sungkyung the best love novel writer asking me why I like her. She's just as dumb as her female characters. It explains how she yearns to be in a relationship just like her stories. Instead of answering her question, I asked her why she doubted herself.

   My question made her stutter. 'I...I...' 

So I tell her,

  Hey Lee Sungkyung, you're one of a kind. You expect things to be like dramas don't you? But in reality you're one shy girl. You have bad taste in guys. You make wrong decisions in choosing your partner. You worry too much for people not wanting you. You habitually blame yourself when others reject you. You try to become someone else to please other people to like you. You create a fake world as an escape from your own. You're afraid no one will love you. You want perfection. A love like your stories. You're so insecure and it's killing you silently inside. 

   But Sungkyung, even though you're desperate for love you don't play dirty. You backoff when you find out the guy you're interested in likes someone else. You quickly try to move on after finding he likes your friend and not you. This shows that you have a kind heart. And even if some guys you are chasing don't see that through you, I do.

   It's nice to know you're confessing to me. Because this time you got the right guy. See? It's just a matter of time. Don't force yourself to lie about your happiness inside your stories. Stop hiding behind those covers and start creating your own. Threatening yourself to create love stories so that you can fool yourself that you're not lonely and happy is wrong. Love is beautiful, when you find the right one. Who loves you for you. play

      I held her and whispered in her ear,

'What's so wrong not being perfect? It's okay to not to.'

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hyunJ_
to be honest, this was a note to myself. And now i'm happily to say, i have a boyfriend. And he loves me so damn much. Yes, i was right. It was just a matter of time :)

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