“I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way.”

He knew the outcome but he couldn’t keep things to himself anymore, the more he stayed quiet the more he felt like he was losing himself.

Dongwan has kept his feelings for himself for a while, fearing his friendship with the person he secretly loved would vanish like dust in front of him. He was in love with Hyesung but the man didn’t love him back and he’s been aware of that.

As he looked at the tall man sitting in front of him feeling his heart slowly sinking in after his crude words, he faked a smile while nodding his head and nonchalantly took another sip off his cup filled with tea. Dongwan knew this would happen but he still decided to try his luck. The man he loves was looking back at him with a hint of shame in his eyes to which he just waved it off, telling him he’ll be fine, he’ll live.

Loving is painful most of the time, Dongwan thought. But loving someone knowing they don’t feel the same way hurts even more.

Hyesung assured him things won’t change between them but it’d be better if they didn’t have any personal contact at all for the meantime so he could heal. Hyesung didn’t know how to deal with things like these, he was a cold man and very hard to read but still Dongwan fell in love with him, he didn’t know how or why, but he did.

“It’s better if I go now. Don’t worry, the tea and the coffee is on me.”

“Take care.” Is what Dongwan could only say, extending his hand to pat on the other’s arm, feeling his throat tightening with each second as the urge to shed a few tears was present but his face remained calm as ever.

He saw the tall man putting on his placid blue coat and exiting the café where he arranged the date for both of them to finally confess his feelings on that rainy and cold evening.

Dongwan emptied his cup before releasing a long sigh, a bitter smile made its way to his lips as he threw his head back against the backrest for a moment. He needed to go somewhere, far away. His mind deserved some rest and so did his aching heart.

The sound of the pouring rain hitting at his window woke him up from his slumber in the middle of the night. Dongwan grumbled faintly while flipping his pillow to the cold side. It was the ninth time he had the same dream that week, different scenarios with the same cheap plot, about him confessing his feelings to Hyesung as he was getting more and more into the man, but he knew nothing between them could happen, Hyesung was seeing somebody else and he was happy, Dongwan wouldn’t dare to take that happiness away from the man he loved. He was restless but he’s promised to himself to never confess, no matter how much it hurts.

He closed his eyes again, feeling a warm tear slowly roll down the bridge of his nose. Letting the cold night take him back to his dreams.

The painful dreams that could easily be mistaken as his reality.