Jihoon sighs as he leans back on his working chair, he shuts his eyes and runs a hair thorough his black lock. He feels his eyes getting moist and uses his hand to rubs away the pooling tears. Jihoon loves his studies. He loves everything he's doing, he's content with his life, really. But Jihoon is also a human. There's time when the burdens get to him, when the stress overwhelms him and his insecurities wins over him. Today is one of those days.

Jihoon’s stare is blank as he bore a hole on the glaring screen; He's not sure where he's heading right now, not even sure what in the world he's doing right now. He's just.. lost.

Everything exhausts him and he just wanted to go home, to curl up on his bed, to have warmth embracing his entire being and have a pair of strong arms wrap around his small figure while he cries himself to sleep in the comfort.

Jihoon bites back a sob and the little bit of sanity inside him decides that no, he shouldn't be like this; he reaches for his phone which is long forgotten in the corner of the room to send a message to his boyfriend, his pillar of strength.

The message is short and reads : where are u?

Unexpectedly, the reply takes much longer than usual that Jihoon’s let his emotional side wins and that is when Jihoon exhales shakily and lays his head down on the table, he remembers another responsibility of his. A homework, an essay due tomorrow.

With that, he finally breaks down and releases every of his pent up emotion in a silent cries. He lets the tears fall freely and sobs slipping out his lips as he curls up to himself.

He feels small and so vulnerable.

And Jihoon is so busy wallowing in self pity and drowning in his securities that the sound of the door opening went unnoticed.

It is only when Jihoon feels a hand on his shoulder, pulling him up, that he finally realize he's not alone in the room any longer.

“Ji?” Comes the shooting, deep voice and Jihoon feels a sense of relief washes over him and reassurance filling him up upon the sudden arrival of his boyfriend. He did the first thing that came into his mind. Jihoon pulls his older boyfriend down and wraps his arms around him tightly before he continues to sob against his neck.

After being together for years, Seungcheol is not even flustered by bit. If anything, he kind of anticipated this already, so he simply plays along and does what Jihoon wishes him to do; providing him the comfort he's in desperate need of. Seungcheol holds the smaller one as tight, tighter if possible, he also peppers small kisses on every place he is able to reach as if claiming ‘I'm here now, don't worry. Nothing's gonna get you.’ with his actions.

It takes minutes for Jihoon to finally calms down and Seungcheol creates a small space between them when the younger’s sobs subdued into sniffles and hiccups.

“You alright?” Is Seungcheol’s first question as he caresses Jihoon’s cheekbones with his thumbs and as expected, the younger answered with a shake of his head.

“I'm not,” Jihoon whispers. “I can't take it anymore, Cheol. It's.. It's too much.”

“What is?” Seungcheol asks again, voice gentle as he brings their lips together.

“Everything. Everything is too much.” Jihoon replies as he closes his eyes, pressing his body even closer to that of Seungcheol. Allowing almost no space in between.

“Want me to comfort you here so you can continue or? Tell me what you want, Jihoon.”

“Home. I want to go home. Please,” He says in almost a begging tone. His voice small and so unlike the usual Jihoon.

Seungcheol feels a squeeze when he sees how tired his little boyfriend is; shoulder slumped, eye bags dark circles as clear as day.

“Home it is then.” Seungcheol says and pulls them both up. “Wait here, hm? I'll take care of your stuffs real quick.”

Jihoon nods obediently and watches as Seungcheol shuffles around to gather his belongings, saving the sorry excuse of a composition file, and turning off the computer. It's not that long until Seungcheol is back to his side but for Jihoon it feels like he had taken up half of his lifetime and he wastes no time to dive right back into the embrace.

If they were in their usual mood, Seungcheol would have but he knows better than to do nothing but pleasing Jihoon right now.

“Let's go,” The older mumbles, lips pressing on the crown of Jihoon’s head as he lead them both out of the cramped studio and into the chilly night -or more like dawn-

His boyfriend instinct kicks in almost immediately when they reach outside; taking off his jacket, he puts it on Jihoon’s shoulder despite the smaller’s soundless whine of protest.

They decides to walk faster as the cold slowly starting to get to them. Seungcheol quickly ushers Jihoon in when they reach, closing the door for him before he runs to the driver seat.

He sighs in content before turning worriedly to Jihoon, “You okay?” He asks because he is fully aware that Jihoon can't handle the cold that well.

“I'm fine.” Jihoon mumbles though he's still hugging himself. Seungcheol thinks that that can't do so he barges into the passenger seat just to hold Jihoon in his arms, sharing his body warmth with him and also rubbing away the goosebumps in his arms.

“I'm fine, Seungcheol.” Jihoon breathes after awhile even though he himself makes no move to pull away. “I want to go home.”

And Seungcheol finally let go of him, to start the engine and drive them back to their apartment.

 

To say that Jihoon misses his apartment is an understatement. He more than miss it to the point when Seungcheol opens the door, he practically runs inside and jumps to the sofa.

Everything in the small apartment room is very comforting and Jihoon finds himself calming down, head getting clearer and he finds himself regaining his sanity.

“Babe, you can't sleep there.” Seungcheol calls from the kitchen to which Jihoon answered by a small muffled grunts. “Come on, get up,” The older demands with a nudge on his and Jihoon begrudgingly do so; he still have stuff to do anyway, so he can't sleep just yet.

“Here, drink up. Those crying must tire you out,” Seungcheol offers him a glass of water and Jihoon takes it gratefully.

“Thank you, Cheol.”

“No need,” He grins and sits himself down beside the boy, pulling Jihoon to his lap. “Feeling better? Want to eat some sweets?”

Jihoon nods at the first but shakes his head at the second. “I'm pretty much fine now, thank you.”

And Seungcheol is rewarded by another kiss on the lips making him smile brightly. “Shall we go to sleep now?”

“No.”

“No? Why?”

Jihoon sighs, “Essay.”

“Due tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“But you're tired, Ji. Just stay home tomorrow, hm?”

“No can do,” Jihoon protests and he feel Seungcheol’s grip tightens around him.

“You're overworking yourself, baby. You always do and you really should stop.”

“That's the risk of my major, Cheol and I chose it,” He argues softly, hand atop his lover’s before he proceeds to remove them. “Let me? I'll do it quickly.”

Seungcheol doesn't even get the chance to answer as Jihoon has made his way to where his bag is, pulling several books out and heads to the bedroom; Seungcheol tailing behind him and when Jihoon is about to make himself comfortable on the working desk, he is quick to manhandle the boy and put him on bed. "Do it here. I'll keep you company," Seungcheol demands and Jihoon nods in agreement.

Oh how he regrets it immediately. 
The moment his body touches the soft mattress he feels every ounce of determination slipping away but he wills himself to continue. He turns on the laptop Seungcheol has taken for him while opening some of the books.

“Topic?” Seungcheol asks when he sees Jihoon opening the Microsoft Words application.

''Whether Studying classical music is the foundation of any other music study or not.''

The older hums in acknowledgement before he continue to watch Jihoon as he types letters to the blank page, filling them slowly but surely. Sometimes he'd ask him to take a short break in which the shorter rejects, so he settles on massaging his scalp.

Unsurprisingly, the younger slowly dozed off; head dropping onto the keyboard and unintendedly pressing on the space resulting an accountable spaces to appear on his worksheet.

Seungcheol smiles a bit, Jihoon really need to stop overworking himself. He moves Jihoon and positions him properly on the bed, tucking him in before he grabs the younger’s laptop and place it on his lap deciding to do his work for him.

 

It is 4 in the morning when Seungcheol finished the work, 6 in the morning when Jihoon wakes up in panic.

 

“Babe, what are you doing come back here,” An awakened Seungcheol mumbles as he makes a grabby hands toward Jihoon who's spitting profanities.

“Cheol, I wake you up didn't I- , sorry. My essay!”

“I finished it, don't worry.” Seungcheol mumbles, wrapping Jihoon in a back hug as he kisses his temple. “I've sent it to the prof. You can take today off.”

Jihoon calms down at the touch and he's relieved also appreciate Seungcheol’s action very much. “But still I can't skip.”

“I've told your professors, you can.”

“Cheol, I-”

“I'm not letting you go. You are tired, Jihoon. You're going to pass out for sure and you being in a mental breakdown state yesterday is not really helping too. Now go back to bed with me and if you still insist of going to the campus, I won't be kind.”

Jihoon opens his mouth to argue again but decides to shut it when his boyfriend mumbles a soft ‘please’ against his ear.

“I'll take care of you if you don't take care of yourself.”

And he feels himself melting.

“Fine.” Jihoon sighs, holding onto his boyfriend’s muscular arms. “Let's go back to bed,” He finalizes and they do.

Seungcheol makes sure Jihoon’s head is tucked safely under his chin, his arms wrapped securely around him and their bodies pressed as close as possible before he finally welcomes the slumber.

“Thank you Cheol.”

The last thing Seungcheol heard before he out completely is that three words Jihoon rarely says, “I love you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Written : 2017.11.17-18