~ And to think, I still repeat the things you said to me in my head ~

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~3rd Person~

Jongdae leaving was possibly the worst thing that Baekhyun had ever had to experience in his life and at the ripe age of 23, he had definitely been through a lot. It was the excruciating pain of his crumbling heart being ripped from his chest that made this situation seated at the top of his list. Or, maybe, it was the constant ache in his empty stomach as the screams rippled harshly up his throat and through his dry lips, that made this situation so painful. Better yet, it could be the numb, cloudy feeling that constantly runs through his veins as he goes to work everyday. Playing through this continuous, vicious cycle, feeling like someone is twisting a kitchen knife in his chest and yet feeling nothing at all.

 

It’s been six months in total, the days slowly getting easier as his life adjusts to being utterly alone. Jongdae calls...sometimes and sometimes, actually means never. A few texts here and there leave Baekhyun unsatisfied, his disintegrating heart yearning for the feeling of the younger’s arms around his slim waist once again. His ears crave the sweet sound of Jongdae’s voice, dripping honey and happiness, the way it used to, and his fingers’ greatest desire is to be run through the younger’s thick locks as they cuddle under a huge blanket. It’s been hard for Baekhyun to accept that he won’t be receiving those things for a very long time, possibly not ever again.

 

The harsh pounding of his heart and the sadness pumping through his veins feed his insecurities, laying out a plump feast for them to devour. It’s that feeling of paranoia and self-consciousness that has the young, broken male grasping his phone between shaky fingers, and dialing his boyfriend’s phone number.

 

“Baekhyun?”

 

Jongdae sounds breathless, pants erupting from the other line, and the elder’s heart only pounds faster.

 

“Dae...are you okay?” Baekhyun’s voice comes out hesitant. He feels so far away from his boyfriend; like their hearts have somehow untwisted and are instead standing with backs touching, not even daring to look at the other. Their hearts have definitely become strangers and the elder wants to know why.

 

“Just running to class, Baek. Do you need something?”

 

Baekhyun’s eyebrows knit together, eyes moving to look at Jongdae’s school schedule written on a sticky note next to his computer. “You...you don’t have a class right now,” he comments confidently and Jongdae’s breath hitches in his ear. Red flags stab the exterior of his faux confidence and his eyes widen in surprise. “Dae, what are you really doing?”

 

“I-I told you, Baek-- ahh”

 

A moan rips through the phone, accompanied by a couple of grunts sounding from the background, and Baekhyun’s mouth widens. Is he? No, he couldn’t be...Jongdae would never do such a thing…

 

“Dae, what...what the ?” Baekhyun suddenly yells. His brain is in full swing, transforming all his sadness into anger. He can feel the red, hot emotion like fire burning in his sizzling  lungs. He hangs up the phone quickly when another moan ripples through, echoing in the elder’s mind like someone had hit a sour note on a piano.

 

He’s standing up from the hard, plastic chair and before his brain can even process it, he sideswipes everything off of the glass top of his desk. His pens, lamp, notebooks, and even his laptop fall; crashing into the wall before pathetically falling to the floor. An ear-piercing scream is the next sound to enter the heavy air and the elder suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. Shaky fingers claw at his throat and he screams again, falling to his knees as the need to take in air intensifies greatly.

 

“,” he gasps loudly, feeling just as pathetic as the helpless items laying on the ground. The pain in his chest is even worse than the day Jongdae had left for America and the tightness has him pounding the spot with a closed fist. When the air finally enters his neglected lungs, he hunches over, palms flattening against cold, wooden flooring and panting, as though he had just finished running a marathon.

 

The vibration of his phone has him scrambling towards his desk, wondering who on earth would be calling in the middle of his breakdown, and his chest only tightens up once again when he sees who it is. Jongdae’s name is flashing on the small screen and it makes the situation even more real. Pain is suddenly ripping through him like a sword and the salty tears streak and stain his pale cheeks.

 

“What?” he chokes out, his free hand vigorously wiping away the pitiful tears rushing out.

 

“Baek, let me explain--”

 

“Explain what, Jongdae? That you were ing another person while on the phone with me?” the elder screams into the receiver, voice still trembling with sadness. “You want to explain how you’re halfway around the world cheating on me…”

 

“It’s hard being away from you baby, I’m just trying to cope. I-”

 

“Cope?” he yells again, his fingers tightening around the device. “I spend every day wondering and worrying, Dae, about the smallest things. All of which revolve around you. I’ve spent the last six months wondering what your dorm room looks like, what kind of friends you’re making, how you look while studying for your classes, and even wondering when you’ll be coming home, coming back to me. I haven't done anything remotely close to even  looking at another man and you're at college cheating-”

 

Baekhyun’s sentence breaks off as a sob tears through his burning throat; he uses his free hand to cover his mouth in a desperate attempt to prevent it from spilling more of his devastation . His heart and  brain are screaming at each other, both organs on two different sides of this situation, and he doesn’t know which one to listen to. Their words echo through his bones and a dangerous, bloody war rages. A war between sensibility and love; a fight that he’s not sure will have a winning side as they draw their swords of reason and begin to tear each other down.

 

He just misses you, a man needs what a man needs, and when he comes home he’ll make it up to you! There’s no way with a stranger means anything to him! His stupid heart coaxes, pulling on every string that’s too scared to have Jongdae leave him, or for him to leave the muscular male that just feels so much like home. For the past three years it’s always been the two of them, side by side, taking on this fierce world by storm, and he wants with all of his cracked heart to believe he could actually forgive him. He loves you and you love him, that’s all that matters.

 

If he really loved you, then he wouldn’t have cheated! He’s become a liar and a cheater, Baekhyun. Don’t be a fool and think that this will be the first or the last time it’ll happen while he’s in America. His brain is more rational, the broken boy knows he should listen to this organ. The heart is too blinded by the idea of their once perfect love while his brain knows that he deserves better than someone who can’t stay faithful.

 

“I’m so pathetic,” he laughs bitterly, once again having to wipe at his eyes. “I’m sitting here wondering if it’s possible to forgive you for this and you just had with a person on the other side of the world. How stupid of me, right? To still think you could love me after cheating on me so boldly. And to think, I still repeat the things you said to me in my head; as if they’re the glue that keeps us together.”

 

“Baekhyunnie, please baby, don’t do this,” the younger pleads, sounding close to tears himself. “I-It didn’t mean anything, I swear to you! I love you so much, don’t leave me! This was all just a huge mistake and I’ll make it up to you when I come home for the holidays!”

 

“You can take your sweet lies and shove them right up your , Jongdae.”

 

With that, the elder hangs up, throwing the phone against the wall so it would land in the pathetic pile already created out of anger. A surreal cocktail of rage and sadness washes over his body like a tsunami and he slowly moves to bring his knees to his hollow chest. He doesn’t know whether to cry until there are no tears left, letting the miserable sobs rack through his weak body or to cut Jongdae’s things into a million pieces before flinging them out the window of his fourth floor apartment.

 

Being stuck in his own head actually has Jongdae’s words rushing towards him at lightning speed, the things the elder has been chanting in his own mind like a mantra ever since Dae boarded that dumb plane. Just the smallest quotes that lead to the best memories. Those memories that have been holding him together, his lover's words extracting only the happiest feelings from his chest and using them as a glue to hold them close; even as distance became the only thing residing between them.

 

Except the glue is disintegrating, breaking and ripping because the weight of Jongdae’s betrayal is too heavy; causing multiple pieces of his heart and even his sanity to plummet into the acidic waters of his stomach. The dangerous water eats and tears through those fallen pieces until they're nothing but crumbs scattering, floating aimlessly against the surface, helplessly calling for the aid of the man who put them there.

 

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“That shirt looks nice on you, by the way”

 

Their first date didn’t start off like either one probably would have wanted. There was no coming to the door with clammy hands and cluttered thoughts, sweat dripping due to first date jitters. Jongdae didn’t stand outside of Baekhyun’s apartment door for twenty minutes because he was so scared to be late he actually got there way too early, and there was no hesitant knock when the clock finally struck 7pm. Baekhyun didn’t open the door dressed to kill, completely blowing the younger off of his feet, and there was no half-stuttered compliment rolling off of Jongdae’s tongue.

 

Their whole relationship was a cliche, except for their first date.

 

It was fate that decided their first meeting. Life took those dice of chance and rolled them, locking their destiny in stone just like that. They just happened to be in the same place the same night that Baekhyun got stood up by a blind date. Jongdae didn’t come alone, but with a pack of friends that gathered around the bowling lane. However, his eyes couldn’t stay away from the small male sitting alone a couple lanes down from them. The younger male had been watching the other for about thirty minutes, wondering who in hell would come to a bowling alley alone, and his gameplay suffered greatly because of it.

 

“Dae, if you stare at that poor man any harder you’re going to burn a hole through his head,” Junmyeon chuckled dryly, sitting next to his friend. “Either grow a pair and go talk to him or get your head in the game because I know you don’t have the cash to buy us three rounds of shots.”

 

Jongdae just sighed loudly, crossed those olive arms across his twisting stomach, and continued gazing at the sad looking male across the room. He knew Junmyeon was right, but he also knew just out right walking up to this man would lead to complete disaster. The lonely male was drop dead gorgeous, thin legs covered by tight black jeans and a huge, dark green sweater swallowed his upper half. The younger could see the eyeliner from across the room and those pouty lips belonging to the other man were tugging Dae closer. His ivory skin glistened in the awful lighting and although he looked sad and distracted, Jongdae couldn’t help but gawk at his beauty.

 

“You know what,” Junmyeon sighed, tired of watching his friend stare so boldly. If Jongdae wasn’t going to do something about his open curiosity then Junmyeon sure as hell would. He strutted over to the lonely male with purpose, ignoring his friend’s loud pleas, and put on his best smile. “Hey, my friends and I were wondering if you’d like to join us for a couple games?”

 

Baekhyun’s head snapped up at lightning speed, and those small, chocolate eyes widened when he saw the stranger before him. He didn’t expect anyone to come up to him that night, being stood up so outright, and he certainly didn’t expect to be invited into a group of people. Crowds didn’t scare him or anything, he actually loved being surrounded by people, but a bowling alley wasn’t exactly the best place to acquire friends.

 

“I-I’m actually waiting on someone,” he muttered stupidly, eyes glancing at the large group across the room. “Thanks for the offer though, it’s appreciated.”

 

“Well,” the elder sighed, sitting right next to the smaller male. “You’ve been sitting here alone for as long as we’ve been playing. If they haven’t come by now, they’re probably not going to.”

 

Baekhyun just sighed, running a clammy hand through his perfectly styled hair. If his date wasn’t showing up, then there was really no point in looking this nice. “Listen, it’s really nice of you to invite me over there, but I don’t need a pity party.”

 

“Would it be a pity party if I told you that my friend in the white tee has been eyeing you this whole time?”

 

That one sentence changed everything. Baekhyun looked over at the group, his curious eyes landing on the mysterious man in the white shirt who was definitely staring at him. He took in everything about this man: his large, calm eyes and the muscles straining against the fabric of his shirt, the ty lighting of the alley making his olive skin glow and he suddenly had to keep himself from drooling.

 

“I just want you to know that he’s lost the last two rounds because he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you and now he owes us all three rounds of shots,” Junmyeon chuckled deeply, knocking the younger’s arm with his elbow. “And I’m sure he wouldn’t mind buying you a couple rounds either.”

 

“I, uh, I don’t drink,” Baekhyun shot back smoothly, his eyes still trained on the juicy man before him. He wasn't rejecting the offer, he truly didn't drink, but his response came out short and distracted. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the man in the white shirt and the other male certainly wasn't making any move to break their staring match. “But yeah, I'll join.”

 

Baekhyun stood first, but didn’t move until Junmyeon led the way. The walk wasn’t far but in the short period of time it took the pair to reach the group, Jongdae had already, unashamedly, raked his eyes over Baekhyun’s whole body. He took his time studying the small, lean male, grazing his eyes over his skinny, yet curvy, legs and silently loving the way his torso was hidden behind that huge sweater.

 

“Hi, I’m Baekhyun,” the small male introduced, sticking out a tiny hand for Jongdae to shake. Bright, curious eyes stared down at the male in the white shirt and the latter couldn’t help but smile fondly up at him.

 

“Jongdae,” he commented back, lightly grasping the elder’s hand and gently placing his lips on Baekhyun’s knuckle. The male in the green sweater visibly blushed, his pale cheeks tinting with the prettiest shade of pink the younger had ever seen and he smiled smugly at the small victory. The next thing the elder did was run a nervous hand through his still perfect looking hair and chuckled lightly, slowly dragging his hand away from the younger who was still smiling up at him with those plump lips and shining irises.

 

“That sweater looks nice on you, by the way,” Jongdae complimented smoothly, yearning to witness firsthand that pretty pink darken into a light red. He succeeded, just as he expected he would, and Baekhyun gently patted his cheeks with his fingertips, willing the stupid blush to go away. “Don’t worry, Baekhyun, that blush looks good on you too.”

 

It wouldn’t be a lie if Baekhyun said he didn't swooned at that moment. He felt all the air leave his lungs as his full name passed through those thick lips and he wanted to curse his body for already being so responsive to someone he had just met. He’s never had anyone compliment him so easily after just meeting him and  the display of confidence had the elder male practically drooling. So, with a small boost of confidence he sat next to Jongdae; showcasing a bright grin, and they easily fell into conversation.

 

After that, everything moved pretty smoothly. The group of guys played some more, Jongdae of course, had to buy the shots afterwards because Baekhyun being this close to him was way more distracting than having him across the room. He couldn’t keep his gaze off of the sweat gathering at the elder’s hairline, as he was surely dying in that sweater, or the completely cute way he jumped up and down after landing a strike. Baekhyun was absolutely adorable, with a smile that completely melted the younger’s heart and a laugh that played through his brain like a symphony.

 

So that night, although not exactly as planned, was the beginning of such a beautiful relationship. That first date was the little seed planted into the soil of uncertainty, but with a little sunshine and nurturing, that small seed  blossomed into the unbreakable connection that the two would share for the next couple of years.   

 

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“I hope my breath doesn't smell, should I take a mint?”

 

After that first meeting at the bowling alley, things moved pretty slow between the two males. They of course texted every day, flirting and joking between college classes and meals, and met each other only when Jongdae’s friends were around. Neither understood why they hadn’t just gone on some official first date yet but they didn’t question it either; both knew treading slowly into this new and exciting relationship was the best option.

 

They didn’t meet up with just the two of them until about a little over a month after the bowling alley. It wasn’t because either man wasn’t completely smitten with the other, in fact Jongdae had a bad habit of already calling Baekhyun ‘babe’ in public, but in fact, some other emotion neither male wanted to admit to: fear. Both were afraid of this fire kindling between their two hearts, scared that if they stepped too close to the flames, their bodies would ignite and burn all their hopes to ashes. Neither male wanted the heat to spread through their skin and seep into their bloodstream, to feel the fire like molten lava scorching their insides and burning every working vein. They were scared of the flames consuming them, taking them hostage with the intoxicating feeling of love. Love that felt like a fire.

 

It’s just too bad this memory isn’t about their first real date. No, this memory is filled to the brim with every detail containing their first kiss. The kiss that caught both of their clothes on fire, finally letting the heat absorb into their skin.

 

The kiss happened after the infamous first date that was located at the local ice rink. Baekhyun had on a purple sweater, one that swallowed his torso and gave him the cutest sweater paws, knowing damn well how much Jongdae liked it. His jeans hugged his legs with a death grip, outlining every curve; also knowing damn well how much Jongdae liked it. Thanks to his eye-catching outfit  the younger male hasn’t been able to keep his hands off of the elder; either clutching the other’s hand between his slender fingers or the palm of his hand resting gently on Baekhyun’s back as they walked to the elder’s front door.

 

The three steps leading up to Baekhyun’s front door were intimidating, leading up to what may turn out to be a nice kiss goodbye or a harsh rejection towards the idea of going on a second date. The mere thought of rejection had Jongdae stopping at the bottom of the stairs, keeping their hands linked as Baekhyun started climbing. The younger male felt stupid for being nervous, for thinking so deeply about rejection when they had just spent the entire night in total bliss, but his wandering mind couldn’t help but imagine the worst.

 

“Dae?” Baek asked softly, his feet stopping on the second step as their once loose hold between their fingers grew tight. The elder’s happy, bright eyes filled with something like curiosity and his eyebrows furrowed slightly when he tugged the younger’s hand but he didn't budge. “Are you okay?”

 

“I…” Jongdae looked past the cute, intrigued male, brown eyes zoning in on the pale blue door. What could he even respond with? He couldn’t exactly tell the older male that he was afraid to get to the door, afraid that rejection would sneak up from behind and impale him with sharp words and an awkward goodbye. He was terrified that after that night their friendship would no longer be easy, full of sunshine and laughter, but instead distant, to the point that neither of them would even bother communicating any more.

 

“Jongdae,” the elder giggled lightly, moving down, so he was only a step above his date. “If you don’t come up to this door and ask me on a second date, just like all the cliche novels I’ve read, then I’m going to drag you up there and do it myself.”

 

Relief washed over Jongdae like a tidal wave, making him release a genuine smile, and erasing any perceived thoughts that Baekhyun would reject him. “Do you want our love story to be just like everyone else’s? Why copy a story when we can make our own scene, create our own memories without comparing them to some book.”

 

Baekhyun smiled at the words, his lips stretching so that his upper lip almost disappeared, his eyes turning into small crescents. He collected his thoughts long enough to nod in agreement, his cheeks already tinting pink just from the thought of Jongdae asking him on a second date. His heart thudded loudly in his chest, mind tumbling over thoughts and scenarios about the future, and he could honestly say at that moment, that that feeling of excitement was foreign. When you’re a college student working hard to get your degree and your mother is your only friend, there isn’t much to be excited about, but he could already tell that small infatuation would soon bloom into the prettiest flower of love the world had ever seen.

 

“Where will you ask me then?” Baek prompted, shuffling his body a little closer to the younger’s. Usually Jongdae is the taller one, only by a couple of inches, but it’s enough for the elder to have to look up to meet his honey eyes, but the large step changed the game. Baek was the taller one now, only by a couple inches of course, but Jongdae didn’t mind looking up to meet his soft chocolate gaze.

 

“Here,” Dae finally said, moving to hold Baekhyun’s other hand while he had the chance. “I...I really had fun tonight, Baek. More fun than I’ve had in awhile and I’m so happy that these memories we’ve created tonight happened with you. So, let’s create more memories in the future, let’s continue to make each other smile with corny jokes and texts until three am because even though we’ll see each other in the morning, it’s always the hardest to go to sleep. Let’s go on stupid group dates with our friends and then also enjoy individual ones when we need them, because hanging out with you has become the one pleasure in my life and I don’t plan on letting that stop anytime soon.”

 

Baekhyun was awestruck. Pink cheeks complemented a bright smile and the small fire in his heart stirred, the inferno breathing in all the oxygen Jongdae’s words provided, as the dangerous flames scorched the brick walls surrounding it. Heat and dragged across the precious wall, beckoning for more air, yearning for more words to fall from the younger’s lips, and Baekhyun knew that if Jongdae let one more syllable fall, the fire was going to start burning out of control, climbing over the walls built to keep it contained.

 

 Baekhyun eventually hushed the beating of his heart and the screaming thoughts of his brain before stepping even closer to the younger, lightly pushing his lips against the soft skin of Jongdae’s mouth. The elder backed up shortly after, this time a nervous smile playing on his lips before nodding vigorously. “Let’s make lovely memories together, Kim Jongdae.”

 

Jongdae quickly moved to kiss him again, his plump lips moving softly between Baekhyun's smaller ones. Large hands gripped the elder’s slim waist before pulling him closer, so close that their chests bumped together gently and their knees knocked. Their lips were dancing beautifully, tangling and swaying to the addicting sound of their hearts beating in sync. Teeth tugging gently at fleshy bottom lips and tongues making guest appearances between breaks, and the once small spark in their chest blazed into something wonderful.

 

The brick walls were no match for the chemistry needed to start this wildfire. Chemistry sparked from wandering hands, breathy gasps, and the crazy feeling of being completely smitten with another person. All ingredients leading up to the now rapid heat that spread through both of their bodies like some kind of spell, burning down any forests of doubt planted in their stomachs and scorching any assumptions filed away in their brains. It felt like this kiss was gasoline, making their small infernos burn bigger and brighter than ever before.

 

Jongdae chuckled lightly as he moved away, remembering the onion sitting on the burger he had for dinner, and wiped Baekhyun’s bottom lip with a cautious thumb. The man standing before him was a sight, one full of swollen, pink lips and disheveled hair sticking up in all the right places. The image alone had the younger male just wanting to kiss him all over again.

 

“I hope my breath doesn’t smell, should I take a mint?” he laughed again, covering his mouth with one hand.

 

“Dae,” Baekhyun instantly pouted, throwing both arms around the younger’s shoulders. “Did you really ruin our moment because you’re worried if your breath smells?”

 

“Well, I didn’t want you to connect our first kiss with the food I had earlier tonight, Baekhyunnie.”

 

Both men laughed heartily, limbs still tangled around the other’s body, and the warmth spread. As the hot coils of lust and affection burned hot in their bellies, they welcomed it. They accepted the fear that the fire brought, finally realizing that they would either have to learn to live among the flames or go down in ashes.

 

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“If you cut my finger off, I am going to stab you.”

 

Being in a relationship with each other was kind of like becoming dance partners.

 

At first, everything was a little difficult. Learning to dance is like learning everything about another person. Remembering someone’s sleeping patterns, school schedules, foods they don’t like, and compiling their past into this great, big filing cabinet in your brain is kind of like learning the steps to a waltz. It takes patience, the willingness to learn, and sometimes even asking the same question a million times before you remember the answer. It’s staying up late just to talk, just to dance around the room with a million inquiries and actually be interested in the answers.

 

The beginning wasn’t easy. They tripped over their own two feet and bruised their emotions more than once, but they both put in the hard work and sweat it takes and there they were, still dancing -but with more experienced steps-  four months later. Twirling around schedules, foods, and emotions. They’ve gotten so used to this dance that they were both sure they could do it with their eyes glued shut. As long as their hands were linked, their hearts already intertwining like a vine traveling up a tree, then they were both sure they could conquer the world.

 

That day, they decided to conquer cooking a meal together.

 

It was a beautiful Wednesday afternoon, both males have had classes all day, and they’ve finally met back up in Baekhyun’s apartment. The elder was standing at the counter with onions, carrots, red and yellow bell peppers, and broccoli surrounding him. Baekhyun’s job was simple: cut the vegetables into pieces so they can be fried. To the average person, it seemed easy enough: take the knife and just start chopping away at the helpless foods, and put them in the pan for Jongdae to fry.

 

Except for one, small thing: Baekhyun usually bought everything he planned on eating, frozen. His freezer was always packed full of frozen dinners, snacks and usually some ice cream, and that was fine until the younger boy got tired of having to heat his meals up in Baekhyun’s old, broken down microwave.

 

“These frozen dinners are going to put us in an early grave,” Jongdae had groaned as the elder male pulled two small boxes from the freezer. He’d been living off  Baekhyun’s frozen death meals for months now, not complaining, even though the food  always turned out heated up unevenly, making one side of his meat and gravy bowl cold and the other scorching hot. He didn’t even complain when Baekhyun started buying frozen breakfast foods, shoving them into the already cluttered space of the cold box. “Can’t we just cook a meal together?”

 

Baekhyun groaned immediately, placing the two cold boxes on the counter beside the microwave. He knew it was time for a newer model, one that wouldn’t take six minutes to heat up his meals, and instead one that only took three. “Cooking is so much work…”

 

“C’mon,” Jongdae had pleaded, moving across the house so his boyfriend would have to stare at his pouting face. His large hands gently slid past the elder’s waist and connected by his lower back, capturing him in an embrace just so he could bring his body closer. “I would really like cooking a meal with you. I think after you try it, you may actually like the idea of cooking with me from now on.”

 

“Dae,” Baekhyun had pouted back, hoping that the overwhelming power of his adorably kissable lips would help win this. He pushed his bottom lip out like he always does, used to using this tactic against his loveable boyfriend to get his way, but this time Jongdae’s defenses didn’t tumble down like a flimsy house of cards. This time he was more like a brick wall, stable and almost incapable of tearing down without the proper equipment.

 

“Let’s go to the store, Baekhyunnie. I’ll make us some baked chicken and stir fry and it’ll taste better than anything you have stuffed in that freezer.” The younger had just smiled smugly when Baekhyun stopped pouting his bottom lip and instead crossed his arms over his small chest as a look of defeat washed over his soft features. Jongdae had won this war and although the victory was small, he was extremely excited to show off his cooking skills.

 

That’s how they got where they were that day, dancing around the small kitchen as they both worked on their respective part of the dish. Jongdae had sworn up and down that cutting the vegetables would be way easier than seasoning and cooking the chicken on the griddle the elder had bought ages ago.

 

For crying out loud, Baekhyun didn’t even know how to use the damn thing. His mom had just told him it would be a smart purchase when he first moved out, and of course he listened. He always listened to his mother.

 

“Dae, I can’t do this,” Baekhyun finally sighed, setting the knife down next to the mutilated pieces of broccoli. “This isn’t going to be much of a meal if you let me do this part.”

Jongdae quickly threw a glance over his shoulder, wanting to gauge the damage done before making a statement. Sure enough, the broccoli was ruined. The younger wasn’t exactly sure how his boyfriend had even managed to cut the vegetable into pieces that small, but they definitely weren’t going to fry well in the pan.

 

“Honey, you were supposed to cut them into pieces. If i wanted them minced, I would have used the blender,” the younger joked innocently, quickly flipping the chicken before moving to aid his struggling boyfriend.

 

“I don’t understand your chef talk but I’m pretty sure that was a blow at my listening and executing skills. So, I am slightly offended,” Baekhyun pouted again, crossing those small arms over his chest. The younger couldn’t help but laugh lovingly at the smaller male and wrap his arms around his waist just like earlier, pulling him closer, so he could plant a small kiss on the elder’s pouty lips. “Kissing me isn’t going to fix the fact that I just ruined an ingredient for this meal, Jongdae.”

 

“Do you want me to teach you how to cut these?” Jongdae asked instead of commenting on how the elder male did in fact ruin the broccoli. Saying anything about it would just discourage Baekhyun even more and the younger would never do anything to make his boyfriend feel lesser in any sense- even if he was, in fact, an awful cook and Jongdae was tempted to kick him out of the kitchen. “If I teach you, then maybe you can do it by yourself next time.”

 

“Next time?” the elder whined, softly banging his fist on Jongdae’s clothed chest. “There won’t be a next time!”

 

Jongdae just rolled his eyes at the elder’s remark, turning him around in his arms so that his front was facing the mess he had created. The younger reached around Baekhyun to grab the knife, caging his boyfriend between his body and the counter, and began moving the minced broccoli off to the side.  

 

“Just watch for a second and then I’ll help you, okay?”

 

Jongdae’s chin was perched on the elder’s shoulder, his words easily being whispered into Baekhyun’s small, eager ears. The elder shivered as Jongdae’s hot breath fanned his neck and only nodded in response, not trusting his voice any longer.

 

“Here.” Jongdae took a step closer, the front of his body pressing into the younger male. Baekhyun yelped in surprise but kept his composure as his boyfriend reached for the red bell pepper, swiftly cutting the thing in half and removing all the seeds. “I’ll cut one half and then show you how to cut the other, sound okay?”

 

Baekhyun stayed silent once more, his hands gripping tightly onto the sharp edge of the counter. The younger’s body heat was enveloping the elder like a glove, crawling across the bare surface of his skin and making his whole body feel like it was burning. His curious eyes stared down at Jongdae’s quick hands as he moved the knife through the red vegetable, cutting it into thin, red slices with the kind of ease Baekhyun only wish he could have, when wielding a knife.

 

“Just like that Baekhyunnie,” Jongdae whispered, his lips ghosting the pale skin of Baekhyun’s neck as he shifted his hips against the elder’s backside. “Now, give me your hands and I’m going to guide you through it. Before you know it, you’ll be able to cook as well as I can.”

 

Without a word Baekhyun offered up his hands. Jongdae put the knife in his right hand, his own fingers wrapping around the elder’s so they could both grab the hilt of the knife. With his free hand the younger moved the other half of the bell pepper closer, pushing the perfectly cut pieces to the side, and then guided the elder’s hand to rest on top.

 

“If you cut my finger, I’m going to stab you,” Baekhyun squeaked out, his hand shrinking away from the red vegetable. He didn’t know how Jongdae was planning on executing this little romantic scene, like the ones in all the stupid chick flicks he’s been forced to watch with his mother, but he didn’t want any part of his hand to be a sacrifice for the cause. “I’d like to keep my fingers if that’s alright with you.”

 

“Just relax, Baek, you’re supposed to curl your fingers down like this. That way, you don’t cut the tip of your finger off,” the younger explained with a breathy laugh, moving Baekhyun’s hand back into position, and then showing him how to correctly curl his fingers. “Now, let me do all the movement. I just want you to know how it’s supposed to feel like, okay?”

 

They cut the remaining vegetables in that way; with Jongdae’s arms wrapped tightly around the older male, guiding him with the knife, and occasionally pausing to pepper the side of his neck with the softest of kisses. He only moved away when the chicken needed to be flipped or when it was finished cooking and could be taken off the steaming griddle. It would be a complete lie if Baekhyun said he didn’t enjoy every single second of that night. Every brush of lips against his neck, every movement with the knife guided by his lover’s nimble fingers, or even the way Jongdae’s arms squeezed his slim waist to bring their bodies closer. He loved it all and wouldn’t trade that moment for anything.

 

The rest of the night went by rather easily. They had their first home-cooked meal together, although Jongdae couldn’t help but think about how weird the stir-fry tasted without broccoli, and both enjoyed the feeling of an evenly cooked meal entering their empty stomachs. They agreed to cook together more often, to spend more time together in the kitchen rather than sitting on the couch with microwavable foods, but only if Jongdae taught Baekhyun how to cook just like him.

 

“I’ll teach you,” Jongdae had whispered lovingly as the older male happily shoved more food into his mouth. “Our forever permits time for at least four cooked meals a week. Would that be okay?”

 

Baekhyun just nodded happily in agreement, his tastebuds going crazy as he munched away at the food. He didn’t care about the frozen food any longer; spending quality time with the love of his life was way more important than heating up some disgusting food in the microwave.

 

═════════════════

 

“I love you.”

 

Those magical three words fell from one of the male's’ lips as easily as an orange falls from its tree. The phrase is  like the said fruit; once it got heavy enough on the male’s tongue it kind of just rolled out, the gravity of the other male’s presence pulling it from the lump growing in the former male’s throat. It toppled down quickly, just like how the earth’s gravity  pulls down an orange, beckoning the fruit to lay in the cool dirt. Except the latter man beckoned those three words to lay in his heart, he yearned for them so he could lock them away behind his ribcage. So he could keep them safe forever.

 

It was blurted out at the most random time, clinging to the air like lingering perfume and the male receiving the words looked completely taken by surprise. His mouth hung open, his pink lips forming a perfect little circle, and the clothes he was holding between his small fingers dropped helplessly to the floor.

 

“Y-You love me?” Baekhyun had asked as he pulled the shirt to sit lower on his thighs, seeing as he was prancing around in Jongdae’s shirt and a short pair of boxers. He was walking innocently around his room cleaning up some clothes from the week prior, Jongdae laying on the bed and watching his every move with curious honey eyes.

 

“Yeah,” the younger breathed out easily, cradling his chin in one hand as he continued to stare at his boyfriend. “I think that after a whole year, it’s safe to say that I’m in love with you, Baekhyunnie.”

 

The cotton sheets bunched under Baekhyun’s weight as he climbed onto the bed to get closer to his smiling boyfriend. The air around them wasn’t as tense as Jongdae thought it would be when he finally uttered those three words, and as the literal light of his life climbed across the bed he admitted that everything going on around them felt quite comfortable.

 

“Dae,” Baekhyun whispered, kneeling in front of the other male, his resting gently on his calves. “Could you maybe...say that again?”

 

Jongdae’s smile brightened immensely, almost blinding the elder male with its intensity, and he sat up to mimic the position his lover is in. He opted not to say anything at first. Instead he let his fingers ghost up the pale, soft skin of Baekhyun’s arms and only stop when they were cupping his lover’s cheeks, his thumbs running over the velvety skin of his small lips. The younger’s eyes took in everything about the male before him, much like the way he did the first time they had met, and he made sure to appreciate every feature belonging to him. His honey gaze lingered over the uneven lines of the elder’s lips as his thumbs rubbed over them and he had to keep himself from just leaning forward a couple of inches and connecting their lips.

 

“I love you,” Jongdae finally whispered, keeping his tone low and gentle as his thumbs moved to rub over the silky planes of the elder’s cheeks. “I love you so ing much, Byun Baekhyun.”

 

“Why?”

 

The question entered the calm air, so naturally and unrestrained, before the elder could stop it. His brain to mouth filter was malfunctioning, the overwhelming fire burning in his chest frying the circuits, but he didn’t make a move to correct himself. Instead he sat still, trapping his breath in his lungs, and his deep chocolate gaze bore into the younger’s, willing for the honest truth. No matter how cliche that might be.

 

“I love everything about you, darling. I love your eyes, the way they hold so much emotion although they’re so small, and I even love the way they look without all that crap around them. I love the way you brush your teeth before you kiss me in the morning, even if you don’t make me brush mine. I love the way you walk around this apartment in my shirts and the way that you look rummaging through the kitchen at 1 am. I love the way you talk, the tone and passion riding in your words that make me swoon and fall for you over and over again. I love the way you let me back hug you when you make our breakfast on the weekends even though you complain every time. I lo-”

 

Jongdae’s words were cut off as Baekhyun hurriedly pushed their lips together, the kiss holding all the love and passion either male felt deep in their fire breathing hearts. Hands gingerly cupped faces and tongues danced lightly around each other until Jongdae lightly pushed the elder back onto the fluffy mattress so he could hover over his lover. Their breathy pants, smelling heavily of mint since it was still morning time, mixed together sweetly and the smile playing on both of their faces could light an entire house.

 

“Even though I named all of those things that I loved about you, I really feel like there isn’t a single word in this language or the next that could truly depict the feeling that I hold for you in my heart,” the younger whispered, hands on either side of the elder’s head to keep his weight lifted. Baekhyun reached a cautious hand towards the younger, the soft pads of his fingers tracing Jongdae’s blushing cheeks, the light pink, a nice contrast against his olive skin tone.

 

“You’re so ing cheesy, Kim Jongdae,” Baekhyun chuckled softly, his fingers moving down the side of the younger’s neck and back into the soft strands of his hair. He couldn’t help himself, Jongdae’s soft hair had always been one of his favorite things, and he took every opportunity to run his needy fingers through the soft mess. “You’re a ing cheese ball, darling.”

 

“Hmm, but I’m your cheese ball. That makes me special,” the younger whispered, moving down to nuzzle his nose into the younger’s pale skin. Baekhyun’s neck had always been one of the younger’s favorite places. The soft skin of his neck was where the elder sprayed his cologne, where the bruises made by teeth and lips stuck the best, and the place where Jongdae hid his face after a long day of classes. Right now it was no different, the dainty smell of vanilla ran up the younger’s nostrils and he wanted to drown in the scent of his lover.

 

“Dae, I have class in an hour. You’re going to have to let me up, so I can get there on time,” Baekhyun finally chuckled after a couple minutes of Jongdae nuzzling his ticklish neck. His small hands planted themselves on the muscular planes of the younger’s chest and pushed weakly, not even causing his lover to move away an inch. “Dae, I’m weak and dead serious. Let me up.”

 

“Hmm, say it back,” Jongdae huffed, moving to pin the elder’s wrists against the mattress. After a little bit of a fight and Baekhyun raising his voice, the younger succeeded, a dainty wrist secured in each hand, and smiled evilly down at his boyfriend. “Say it back. I don’t have any classes today so I have nothing to lose.”

 

“Say what back?” the elder challenged, his small lips forming into a sly smirk. Other than his lips giving off a cocky vibe, he kept his eyes innocent, almost as if he really had no idea what the younger was talking about. The phrase ‘what could you possibly want me to repeat’ swirled around in those innocent irises and Jongdae pouted.

 

“Baekhyunnie, say it back,” he whined, scrunching his eyebrows together and trying to look as cute as possible. Achieving a cuteness that surpassed Baekhyun’s seemed almost impossible, but he was up for the challenge if it meant he could hear those same words roll off of Baekhyun’s skilled tongue. “Say it back or I’m going to bite you.”

 

“Ah, don’t be a child Dae, let me up,” Baekhyun requested, finally pulling against his fleshy restraints.

 

The words tumbling out of his lips held a hint of annoyance and the younger released Baekhyun immediately, hurt swirling in the acids of his stomach and he moved across the room to pull a pair of pants up his legs. Thin arms wrapped around his bare torso and he moved to push Baekhyun away, wanting space as the embarrassment and hurt settled into the tight strings of his chest.

 

“Jongdae, I-”

 

“No, don't touch me, it’s okay.”

 

“Don’t interrupt me, you ,” Baekhyun sassed back, his lips ghosting over his bare shoulder and stopping on the curve. He let out a deep breath and rested his chin against the muscular shoulder, his fingers nervously fidgeting together in front of the younger’s stomach. “I love you, Kim Jongdae, and don’t you ever ing forget it.”

 

═════════════════

 

“I’ll never leave you, darling.”

 

The call came in the middle of the night, the insistent ringing of his phone echoing throughout his dorm room, and he didn’t stir until the silence was once again broken by the annoying sound of bells. Jongdae didn’t know who was calling at this ungodly hour, he never personalized his ringtones, but at this point whoever kept calling him was about to receive an angry lecture about respect. With blind, reckless hands he searched the bedside table, knocking over empty soda cans and sticky granola bar wrappers, until finally his fingers grasped the annoying device.

 

“What?” his tired voice came out laced with more aggravation and hostility than he had originally planned and he instantly regretted how the word rolled out so easily. He couldn’t take it back though, the word had already slithered through the microphone like a vicious snake, the other person’s eardrum with venom dripping off of its forked tongue.

 

“D-Dae, I need-”

 

The caller was sobbing, loud and wet, his breath hitching and getting caught in his throat. Thanks to this factor, he couldn’t tell Jongdae what he needed, but the sleepy male definitely woke up the rest of the way when he realized who was calling him. Baekhyun’s voice shot through the speaker like a bullet flying from the barrel of a gun. Jongdae had no idea who fired such a painful shot  but the bullet landed right in his chest as soon as he registered what was happening, and he was ready to strangle whoever made his lover cry with his bare hands.

 

“Baby, what happened?” Jongdae finally spoke, making sure to inject some extra care and concern into his words to make up for the fact that he was extremely rude. He was already halfway out of the bed when he asked the question, pants flying up the cold skin of his bare legs and hands flattening his wrinkled shirt with the other. He knew Baekhyun crying at two am would mean him driving to his apartment, but he didn’t mind, he didn’t want his boyfriend to be alone and crying.

 

“I-It’s mom,” Baekhyun finally pushed out, his sobs returning to full force as soon as the words left his lips. Jongdae froze, heart rate accelerating so much that he could hear the rapid beating in his eardrums, almost like his heart had moved to his throat, and his mouth dried.

 

Mom? What happened to Mrs. Byun?

 

“Baby, breathe,” Jongdae instructed, his throat constricting. If emotions were a person, she’d be strangling him right at that moment. Her closed fist would be shoved so far down his throat that he wouldn’t be able to breathe, and her cold fingers would be gripping tightly around his now aching heart, squeezing and shaking it until the pain in his chest suddenly became too much. The tightness lingering in his chest had his breathing getting heavier and he lightly pounded a closed fist over the spot.

 

He needed to be strong. If something awful happened to Baekhyun’s mom, then he had no time to cry or mourn her death. No, he’d need to be his boyfriend’s rock. The shoulder that Baekhyun could blow his nose into, and that meant that he needed to keep his tears in, no matter how hard that might actually be.

 

“A drunk driver swerved into her lane...and she...she d-died at the scene. I-”

 

“Shh, don’t worry.” Jongdae cursed mentally at himself for letting his words crack, the emotions rising in his throat, but kept talking for Baekhyun’s sake. “I’m getting into my car right now. I’ll be there in five minutes tops.”

 

The younger male had never sped so fast in his life. Doing 80 mph in a 40 mph zone was definitely against the law, and if he had been caught there, it would definitely have been a hefty fine to pay, but in that moment, he needed Baekhyun just as much as the elder needed him. He did get there in five minutes, making the usually fifteen-minute drive seem extremely short. He raced up those stairs like there was someone chasing him, and in theory there was someone chasing him. A big ugly monster named guilt, black like the shadows but fast like a runner, and he knew that once this angry emotion caught up to him, it would all be over.

 

He had left that afternoon, loud voices and slammed doors echoing through the tense air, and didn’t even bother saying goodbye for exiting. He was angry, which was a bit of an under-exaggeration, seeing as he punched a hole into the thick plaster of his bedroom wall back at the dorm, and left without a second thought towards the other’s feelings. Times like earlier that day he was glad they lived in two different places, although his wallet was suffering, and that he had somewhere else to go when he just couldn’t handle the elder’s bull any longer.

 

Now though, he knew that he shouldn’t have left his lover alone. He shouldn’t have abandoned his boyfriend the first chance he got, because he received that phone call alone. Jongdae knew, deep down in his bones, that he should have been the one to take the call for Baekhyun, he should have been the buffer, because hearing information like that from a doctor or police officer must have hurt Baekhyun more than the younger could even begin to imagine.

 

He busted through the door- knocking would have been redundant and idiotic- and after locking the door securely behind him he ran towards the elder’s room. The sobs were echoing through the apartment, bouncing off the plain, white walls, and ramming into the younger’s brittle heart. It sounded like the younger male was sobbing into a pillow, trying to muffle the pain in his heart, but his attempts were futile, since the cotton couldn’t hide the agony and suffering making home in his chest.

 

“Baekhyunnie.”

 

The elder probably didn’t even hear Jongdae’s soft voice over his own deafening thoughts. So, even though Baekhyun didn’t even nod to indicate he had heard the male, the younger slowly climbed into the bed. Lifting the heavy comforter, he slid underneath, scooting his body closer to the sobbing male until Baekhyun reached forward. The elder’s skinny arms wrapped around Jongdae like a koala wraps itself around a tree limb and the fat tears were already landing on the white fabric of his tee.

 

“It’s okay baby, I’m here,” Jongdae had whispered after Baekhyun’s crying had calmed down a bit. His breathing was still harsh, hot pants that warned the elder’s chest and his shoulder felt soaked, his shirt doing an awful job collecting the tears being released as he could feel the hot liquid clinging onto his olive skin.

 

“Y-You weren’t here,” Baekhyun hiccupped, his body slowly moving away from the younger, much like the distance that has managed to grow between them these last few hours. “You left me…”

 

“No, no, baby come here,” Jongdae pleaded, shaky fingers reaching for his retreating lover.

 

“No!” the elder shouted, sitting up so he could huddle against the wall his bed was touching. Bare legs folded into a clothed chest, his red, puffy face now on full display. Behind the despair and grief swimming around in the elder’s irises, there lay something a little more serious, something that kind of resembled betrayal and anger. “Go, get the out of my apartment! Leaving is the thing you’re best at anyways!”

 

“Baby, you don’t mean that,” Jongdae tried to reason, moving to slowly crawl closer to the still crying male. The tears were still flowing down his cheeks but the sobbing has subsided, being replaced by his heavy panting, and he didn’t even move to wipe the tears from his skin.

 

“Yes, I ing do! You always leave! Always storming out the front door without checking to see if I’m okay and then returning after a couple days when you get lonely. Mom left me, so now you can leave me too! Might as well do it like a bandaid, get it over with as quickly as possible.”

 

His screams tore up his already raw and aching throat, slicing through the air like a sword, and impaling the younger’s chest. The elder wasn’t wrong though; deep down Jongdae knew better than anyone that the words passing those quivering lips were nothing but the truth. It hit him hard, almost knocking him back on his , and he froze, shuffling knees stopping as his body sank down into the sheets.

 

“Don’t make me leave, Baekhyunnie. Let me be here for you, let me hold you, and let me take care of you. I won’t leave you ever again. From now on I’m going to stay by your side, no matter what happens. I’ll terminate my contract with the dorms tomorrow and have all of my things moved in by the end of the week. I won’t let you be alone ever again,” Jongdae had whispered, meaning every single word. If it was what Baekhyun wanted then he was more than willing to go and get all of his things right then. After that night, he really believed, with every atom of his soul, that he’d never have to leave Baekhyun alone ever again..

 

“Y-You’re lying,” the elder blubbered, red eyes staring at the younger in complete disbelief. Of course Baekhyun didn’t trust a single syllable tumbling out of Jongdae’s mouth, the younger had made promises like this a million times before and he’d never followed through. “J-Just get out of my apartment.”

 

“I won’t let you go through this alone, Baekhyunnie. I love you way too much to let you go through such a terrible thing without me by your side,” Jongdae whispered lovingly, timid fingers reaching forward to wipe the fat, wet tears from his pale skin. Their gazes stayed locked as the younger moved his fingers across the wet skin, gently cupping the other’s cheeks. Baekhyun was biting his bottom lip, the flesh being squeezed gently, even when the metallic taste of blood appeared, and his tear ducts were filling as his brain kept reminding  his heart that his mother was in fact gone forever.

 

“Don’t ever ing leave me again,” Baekhyun mumbled before he lunged for the younger male, burying his face in Jongdae’s chest as the suffocating feeling of hurt resurfaced and the screams boiled in his lungs before finally spilling out of his lips. The younger’s body did little to muffle the heart-wrenching cries and his now shaky fingers ran hastily through his lover’s hair, trying his hardest to calm him a little. His efforts were useless, of course. Baekhyun had just lost the shining star of his life, the one person he could always go to with absolutely anything, and to a reckless drunk driver. So, he just lay there, Baekhyun’s sobbing body on top of his muscular frame, but the weight was comforting and he made no move to reposition them. Jongdae felt close this way, with limbs twisting like vines, and he didn't want to distance himself from Baekhyun ever again. He was there, although late, but he didn't plan on leaving anytime soon.

 

═════════════════

 

“I got into the school I applied for.”

 

The acceptance letter arrived in late May; the envelope got shuffled among the millions of bills they received. Jongdae almost skipped over the small envelope with the english letters printed on the front as he hastily jumbled through the papers. There was only one thing that caught his eye: big bold letters printed on the corner reading ‘CONGRATULATIONS’. That one word had the built man stopping in his tracks, eyes bulging out of his head, and mouth hanging agape. He was surprised, to say the least. Surprised that an American school actually took the time to acknowledge his application and possibly give him a chance. As he bounded up the stairs of the apartment complex, his thoughts traveled back to the restless nights spent perfecting his essay while Baekhyun was asleep and how google suddenly became his best friend as he worked on bettering his english vocabulary.

 

Shaky fingers tore easily through the thin envelope, yearning to grasp the acceptance letter on the inside. His heart was thudding harshly against the bones of his rib cage, sending the beats to echo in his ears. The seconds it took to free the letter from its paper confinements, seemed like an eternity, the small paper putting up a fight as the excited male wiggled it free.

 

The words jumped out at him like a surprise party; scaring him out of his skin but at the same time putting a large smile on his face, after the details finally settled into his brain. He got accepted into Stanford University on a full scholarship, a dream he and his father had talked about everyday ever since he was young. All those years of working so hard, swimming through the waters of lesser Korean colleges, just dreaming of the day that he would get accepted into this University and this was the moment he finally made it.

 

There was only one problem: Baekhyun had no idea. The elder male didn’t even have the slightest inkling that his boyfriend had thoughts about switching schools, no idea that Jongdae had continuous daydreams about roaming Stanford’s campus and breathing in the fresh air. Jongdae had never told him about his father, how he was a successful doctor working in America and that’s why he never was around. Baekhyun only knew that Mr. Kim had left the country to pursue his dreams and Jongdae hadn’t seen him since. Actually, Jongdae’s dad didn’t even answer any of his letters until he sent one about wanting to follow his path to Stanford. That’s when his father sent him a recommendation letter, signed as a Stanford Allumni.

 

In the younger’s mind, that one recommendation letter was what had gotten him into the University. Thanks to his mother, he knew that his dad was extremely successful in school, graduating at the top percent of his class and going on to work at a large hospital. He had surgeries scheduled for years, his calendar smack full with absolutely no room for anyone else. Jongdae wanted that; he wanted to live the life that took his father away from his family for so many years. He wanted the happiness and contentment that dragged his father away from their house in Korea and into some overpriced University in America.

 

This acceptance letter was a dream come true. His future was pinched between his shaking fingers and the excitement coursing through him was enough to make him celebrate. Except he couldn’t; he couldn’t be happy about this, not until he told Baekhyun about it. But how could he? How could he tell his boyfriend of almost two and a half years that he wanted to move to America to sacrifice his body, mind and soul to becoming a Doctor?

 

A loud knock echoed through the empty apartment and the younger man hurriedly shoved the envelope and letter into the back pocket of his jeans before he ran to the door.

 

“Hi, I’m looking for a Byun Baekhyun,” the man spoke, his eyes cast down on his clipboard. His fat fingers flew through the papers and he only looked up when Jongdae didn’t say anything. “We’re here to repossess the apartment from a Byun Baekhyun. He hasn’t paid rent in a couple months and we were asked to help you guys move out today.”

 

“What?!” Jongdae exclaimed, his heart stopping. There was no way he just heard this man correctly. There was no way in hell that Baekhyun hadn’t been paying rent. “I-I think that you’ve got it wrong, sir. We’ve definitely been paying the rent.”

 

“Well, according to your landlord he hasn’t gotten a drop of money from you guys in three months and your eviction notice was posted three weeks ago. Are you Byun Baekhyun?” The man’s voice was monotone, showing that he didn’t actually care about a thing Jongdae was saying. He was just there to do his job, to rip them from their apartment and throw them into the brutal streets.

 

“No, he’s not home right now. He has a class for another two hours,” Jongdae sighed, running a stressed hand through his tousled locks. What were they going to do? Did they even have anywhere to go once all of their things were sat by the curb?

 

“That’s fine. Gives me and my boys time to pack up all of your things. You’re welcome to help if you’d like.”

 

The tall, muscular man pushed past Jongdae like he was a piece of paper. It wasn’t long until more men entered the house, all large and strong, and pushing past Jongdae’s shocked expression like he wasn’t even there.

 

Baekhyun came home just when Jongdae said he would. His eyes scanned over the boxes littering the lawn, black sharpie scrawled onto the sides to indicate what was on the inside, and he wasn’t the least surprised at the scene laid out before him. In all honesty, he’d been anticipating this for weeks now, tiptoeing around Jongdae every time someone knocked on the door, and hoping that he could fix this somehow, without his boyfriend finding out.

 

“Baekhyun, what the ?” Jongdae yelled, feet pounding against the staircase. He ran towards the man, anger radiating off of him like a heater, and aggressively swept his arm towards the lawn. “What the is this? You haven’t paid rent in three months and you didn’t tell me about it? I thought we were in this together, but how can we be when you go around missing bills and not asking for my help?”

 

“I...I-” Baekhyun closed his mouth, not knowing what could tumble out since his emotions were reaching to seize him by the throat. His sad eyes just moved to look at the boxes, his fingers nervously twitched inside the pocket of his pants, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the younger. He didn’t want to see the anger or disappointment that swam around in those honey irises; he didn’t want to see his failure laid out in front of him like this.

“Baek, we’re a team,” Jongdae added, his voice softer. Baekhyun could still detect the disappointment though, the judgement being cast on him. “Why didn’t you just ask me for the money dammit?”

 

“It’s not your apartment, Dae.”

 

“Damn right it isn’t my apartment, it’s our apartment! We live here together. I know you said you could handle the rent by yourself, if I paid for the light and water bill but, come on, why didn’t you tell me we could be losing our home?” It was hard to keep his tone soft, to keep himself from yelling at the quiet male in their front lawn. Part of him didn’t want to give the workers the satisfaction of seeing him get upset over them raiding their home, but a bigger part of him knew that Baekhyun had an explanation for this.

 

“You already do so much...I didn’t want you to think I was just using you for your money if I asked you to help me with the rent,” the elder whispered, his sad gaze moving to look down at his feet.

 

“Baekhyun, it’s been three months. Nine weeks of you not being able to make rent, and you still haven't said a word to me,” Jongdae sighed, his mind not being able to accept the excuse his lover put forth. “You’re so full of these weird, ridiculous thoughts that you can’t even talk to me about important issues.”

 

“Where are we going to go?” Baekhyun asked instead, his tone still as soft as the wind.

 

“My mom’s.”

 

“She...she doesn’t like me very much.”

 

“Well, Baek, you didn’t leave us with much of a choice now, did you? My mother is the only one willing to take us in on such short notice. We’ll be moving into the pool house out back.”

 

That’s what they did. They paid the movers to stick their things in the back of their ginormous truck and had everything sent to Mrs. Kim’s house. The two men lived there for about two weeks until they found another apartment closer to the college they attended.

 

So, Jongdae didn’t tell him that night about the acceptance letter. In fact, he didn’t even tell him when they moved into the new apartment. Baekhyun was so stressed and stricken with guilt that the younger told himself now wasn’t the time, that he’d wait until the right moment. He knew the news was going to crush his boyfriend, that telling him, would lead to hours of fighting and explaining, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to exhaust himself and Baekhyun right then. In fact, he knew Baekhyun couldn’t handle anymore fighting at that point, not after all the screaming done in the pool house about money and bills.

 

He waited two whole months to say anything. That meant he had less than four weeks before he would be traveling across the world to live in America. He was going, he had already had this talk with himself long before he decided to tell Baek anything. No matter what the elder said, no matter what the ultimatum was, he knew he had to choose the school. He had to choose bettering his future before choosing any man, because the right man would want him to better his future for both of their benefits.

 

“Baekhyun, we need to talk,” Jongdae had blurted out one night as they cuddled on the couch. Jongdae’s back was pressed into the cushions and Baek lay on top, his face hiding in the place between the younger’s shoulder and neck. “Get up, this is really important.”

 

Baekhyun listened, although skeptical about what was about to unfold, and moved to the other end of the couch so they could look at each other. His curious chocolate gaze waited patiently as the other male seemed to be having a battle within himself, it was quite obvious as his eyebrows kept furrowing and his eyes wouldn’t move to look up. There was something deeper going on here, and Baekhyun’s body started reacting accordingly. Sweat began collecting at the nape of his neck, his fingers started tapping against his thigh, and his heart pounding against his ribcage was almost like a clock ticking away the time it took Jongdae to actually speak.

 

“I got into the school I applied for,” he spoke easily, like that one sentence was enough to explain the whole situation, but in reality it did nothing but confuse the elder even more.

 

“You applied for a different school? If you want to be a doctor, then this is the best school in Korea for that. Plus, you’ve only got three more years left until you graduate, why switch now?”

 

“I got into Stanford University,” the younger explained slowly, his eyes finally looking up to gauge Baekhyun’s reaction.

 

“Stanford University?” Baek asked, his brows furrowing in confusion as he tried to think of a college named Stanford in Korea. Jongdae stayed silent, readying himself for any type of reaction as the elder’s mind went to work thinking about all the different colleges. It took him about three minutes, but when he finally realized, his eyes grew three times in size. “America?!”

 

“America,” the younger confirmed.

 

“Why...why would you even send an application over there? You’ve never talked about wanting to move to another country. Better yet, you’ve never talked about wanting to switch schools. Why haven’t you talked to me about this, Dae? Are you going?”

 

“That’s where my dad went to school...I want to follow in his footsteps,” the younger finally admitted, running his fingers through his hair to try and calm his nerves. “I never told you this, but my dad is a doctor. He’s very successful and comfortable in his lifestyle. I want that for us. I want us to be comfortable in our homes and with our money, and if that means living in America for three years while I finish my degree, then that’s what I’ll do. You can finish your teaching degree and then move to America too, maybe become a Korean language teacher? I think we’ll really enjoy living there together, don’t you?”

 

Jongdae couldn’t help all the babbling that fell from his lips, the rushed words of nervousness as he scrambled to try and explain himself without digging the hole even deeper. Once he was finished though, the room fell into uncomfortable silence, the tension rising like the temperature on a summer day and Jongdae felt his heart clenching in his chest.

 

“So you’re totally okay with being separated for a year and a half before I can move there with you? You’re cool with leaving me behind like some mistress and taking on a whole new world without me?” Baekhyun yelled, his emotions running high as he stared at the nervous man before him. “Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this? Why did you wait until you were already accepted to ask me if this was a good idea?”

 

“Because I’m going, Baek...with or without your support, I’m moving to America to make a better future for myself.”

 

Those words hit Baekhyun like a knife, like the younger male had just plunged a knife into his chest and was twisting it. He couldn’t help the tears either. The way they gathered quickly in his eyes, collecting like people running from a uncontrolled blaze and trying to get out, to get away from this love that did indeed felt like a fire. A fire that was burning down their homes and slaughtering their people. No matter how hard Baekhyun tried to keep them in, to not appear weak, they escaped anyway, running down his cheeks, looking for some sort of refuge. Only to be met with the hot desert that the elder’s heated, dry skin resembled.

 

“You would do that? You would leave me like that?”

 

“I wouldn’t want to, baby, it would tear me apart to leave you here, but I have to do this for me. I need to give myself the lifestyle that my father chose over me. I need to see what the big deal with being a successful doctor is so maybe I can forgive him for all the years he’s lost. I’ll do it with or without you, the choice is yours.”

 

“How long do we have before you have to leave?” Baekhyun accepted defeat. He didn’t want Jongdae to leave, being alone that long would crush him into nothing but speckles of dust, but he didn’t want to lose him either. He’d rather be patient and support his boyfriend in whatever he needed to figure out for himself.  

 

“Three weeks…”

 

Baekhyun sighed heavily, his fingers moving to tug at the roots of his hair. He only had three more weeks with the man he’s been living with, for what seemed like forever, before that said man hopped on  a plane and left him. He could feel the tears again, pushing against the edge of his tear ducts and he let them flow this time, let the heavy liquid race down his face and didn’t make any move to wipe them away. Nor did he make any move to cover his mouth when the loud sobs started escaping. He only brought his legs up to his chest so he could hide his face between his knees, silently wishing that he could just disappear.

 

“I’m sorry, Baekhyunnie, I’m so ing sorry,” the younger whispered before moving to bring the elder into his chest. His chest was tight with pain, tight with the guilt he felt for leaving Baekhyun like this.

 

“You said you wouldn’t leave me,” Baekhyun cried, weakly bringing his fist down to hit the other’s chest. “You...you said you weren’t going to go anywhere.”

 

“I know, baby, I’m sorry.”

 

═════════════════

 

“When you miss me, just stare at the moon.”

 

They spent every waking moment of every day together. They cooked together, showered together, ate together, did their homework together and even stayed in bed with each other until one of them finally woke up in the morning. They were both aware of the path ahead of them, of the rocky dirt road unwinding before them, and both men were trying their hardest to ignore all the negative things that could happen. Although the ideas danced around in their heads, wearing neon colors and twirling to catch their attention, they did their best to think positively. They trusted each other, so much that both were willing to bet that they would make it through this dilemma and more.

 

Time was ticking and they both knew it. As if the boxes littering the apartment weren’t enough of a reminder ,the dates flashing on their home screens were. Baekhyun wanted to hide from the world with Jongdae, or he wanted to steal Jongdae away from the world, from reality. It wasn’t enough to just hide in his room, the light shifting outside of the window still reminded him of the dwindling time they had together, so he spent most of his time with his head under the covers. He was willing to ignore the outside world, even if it meant missing his college classes and skipping his meals.

 

He silently prayed that Jongdae would miss his flight, that he would accidentally forget he was switching into this prestigious school and just stay in Korea. He would never ask him to stay though, Baekhyun wasn’t that type of person, because he knew that if he asked Jongdae to stay and the younger male listened...well, he would probably hold a grudge against him for a lifetime. He would never strip his boyfriend of that amazing opportunity, even if it meant he was going to be alone.

 

He was alone before Jongdae, he could do it again, right? He had spent his whole life before Kim Jongdae feeling utterly alone. He could get used to waking up alone again, to not having a warm body to cuddle in the middle of the night, to not having anyone to cook with or cook for. He could do all of that. Reverting back to the lifestyle he once was so used to shouldn’t be that hard, right? He could be alone for a year and a half, right?

 

Jongdae’s mere presence had spoiled him way more than he ever could’ve thought. How was that exactly? How could the younger’s existence feel like a privilege for Baekhyun? Was that even possible? To feel like he worked his whole life just for God to gift him with a charming, caring, funny, and good looking man? There were even nights spent with Baekhyun replaying so many scenarios in his head, just wondering if something he had done was the reason that Jongdae was leaving so abruptly. He didn’t want his gift from the heavens returned, he selfishly wanted Jongdae all to himself. For him to never experience anything new, unless he was there, for him to never go anywhere without the elder male attached to his side. He knew how wrong that sounded, but honestly he didn’t care.

 

Jongdae was the only good thing, besides his mother, that God had given him. One of his gifts had already returned to the heavens, flew back up into the sky to sing with the content angels, and he wasn’t ready to lose the other one.

 

There were only four days left until the younger male was scheduled to hop on a plane and make his way across the world. 96 whole hours until he would be leaving Baekhyun alone in their shared apartment, this one Baekhyun could actually afford to keep on his own. 5,760 minutes until he would be starting his new life away from the man he’d been sharing everything with for the past two and half years. Only 345,600 seconds until their problems would no longer be who was going to take the trash out or wash the dishes. No, so much sooner than either male had anticipated, their domestic problems would transform to those stitched into the seams of a long-distance relationship.

 

“Are you alright, darling?”

 

Jongdae’s sweet voice carried through the cold night air and the elder man ignored the question. The younger had finally managed to get him out of the house, dragging him to a park in the middle of the night, just so they could look at the stars. Lying in the grass and looking up at the twinkling lights contrasting against the darkness of the sky didn’t make him feel any better. In fact, it made it worse. His mind travelled to thoughts about how the night sky would look in America, gazing out from the window of Jongdae’s dorm room.

 

“I’m sorry, that was a dumb question,” the younger sighed, scooting across the blades of grass to get closer to his boyfriend. His long, cold fingers encased the elder’s as they lay on his stomach and Baekhyun decided to stay silent. He didn’t want to talk about what was happening, he had cried enough about it. “Baby, say something, anything.”

 

He again opted for not using his words; he didn’t even move his fingers when Jongdae had squeezed his hand. He was trying to comfort him, to offer any type of solace in order to help Baekhyun feel more at ease, but nothing he tried was working.

 

“I know...I know that this is hard for you. After losing your mom last year, I know that this must be crushing you but...I know you understand that I have to do this, for us. I want to give you the world and this will help me with that,” the younger tried to explain, feeling this overwhelming urge to explain himself even though he’s already said this a million times. “Baekhyunnie, we can do this, we’re going to make it, alright? It’s going to be hard but we’re both strong.”

 

Silence again. This time the silence wasn’t as comfortable as the one they were laying in before. The air was thicker, filled with tension and heavy, unspoken thoughts. They both could feel it weighing down on their limp bodies as they still tried to force their limbs to relax into the soft blanket of grass beneath them. It felt like an elephant was stepping on their chests, pushing down on their ribcages, threatening their bones to snap and puncture their lungs.

 

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae pleaded, sitting up so he could look the mute male in the eyes. Baekhyun wouldn’t meet his gaze, didn't even move his eyes slightly in the younger's direction to indicate he was listening. His dead, cold eyes kept staring into the darkness and even though Jongdae could see the small, sparkling tears rolling down the corners of his eyes, he didn’t say anything about them. It's not that he didn't want to acknowledge the fact that his boyfriend was hurting, he just knew that the elder always felt the most embarrassed about crying in front of him. “Why aren’t you talking to me?”

 

“Don’t wanna,” the elder whispered, voice strained as he tried to keep himself from breaking into full sobs. He knew damn well that if he kept crying like a baby, Jongdae’s heart would only weigh down with more guilt. He didn’t want to do or say anything that could persuade his boyfriend into staying in Korea. He didn’t even want to breathe in the younger’s general direction, if it meant that he would change his mind.

 

“Baby, I’m going to come back for the holidays, okay? Any time I can catch a break I’ll be blowing up your phone with calls and text messages so I can tell you all about what I’m doing every day and you can do the same. You can tell me about how Chanyeol keeps snoring in class or how Jongin always begs you for your class notes, I want to know all of that. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, Baekhyunnie.”

 

“Distance makes the heart forget,” the elder mumbled, his voice breaking with emotion. Every thought about not making Jongdae feel more guilty flew out the window as those four words left his traitorous lips and he couldn't  stop himself from spilling out more. “You’re going to be stepping into a whole new world, meeting new people and experiencing new things, and soon all of those new things will make it extremely hard to remember the boy you left behind.”

 

Jongdae squeezed his stinging eyes shut, feeling his own tears rise to the surface as his small, broken boyfriend voiced his fears after more than two weeks of silence. He’d gotten used to the sound of Baekhyun crying, that was the sad truth. He was all too familiar with the elder male sniffling and whimpering lowly under the thick protection of their comforter, but that didn’t mean that hearing it over and over again didn’t put this indescribable pain in his chest or tear apart his stomach. It was like someone had opened up his torso and was scrambling everything up with a mixer.

 

“Come here, baby,” Jongdae half pleaded. He gestured curtly to his clothed chest and created a ‘V’ shape with his arm, giving the elder somewhere to put his head.

 

Thankfully Baekhyun listened, scooting closer even as the grass irritated the soft skin of his legs and lower back, and cuddled against the younger’s warm body. His head lay in the cradle created for him, skinny arm snaking around his stomach, and leg moving to loosely drape across the younger’s. For a few moments they soaked in the warmth radiating off of each other’s skin, loving the feeling of safety and home it brought. The familiar feeling of their bodies being pressed together, hearts beating to the rhythm of their love, and the fire in their chests still burning just as brightly as the day they first kissed.

 

“Do you see all those stars, baby? The way they surround the moon? Think of our relationship as the moon and the tiny stars as all of the problems we’re going to face in our lifetime together. No matter how many stars there are, no matter how many problems surround us, the moon is always bigger than any of them. Just as our love for each other will be much larger than anything we’re going to have to face.”

 

The speech helped a little but it didn’t ease the constant pain residing in the elder’s chest. The analogy made sense, comparing their relationship to the night sky, but it didn’t mean the thought of those troublesome stars appearing in their life hurt any less.

 

“Or, you could think of it this way, Baekhyunnie. Stars come and go. They last for a good amount of time but eventually, they die, their importance fading out, dimming just as our problems will. No matter how many stars come and go, the moon stays constant, always rising above and outliving that of the stars.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyelids became heavy, his mind willing him to fall into a peaceful sleep for the first time in what seemed like weeks. He didn’t answer, didn’t comment on the water fountain of words spilling out of Jongdae’s lips. He only allowed his lids to cover his red, irritated eyes and drifted to sleep listening to the sound of Jongdae’s breathing.

 

“When you miss me, just stare at the moon,” the younger whispered after a while. “Look at the night sky and it will remind you that even though we’re surrounded by troubles, we’re better, bigger, and brighter than anything that comes our way.

 

═════════════════

 

Ending Scene. (Present Tense.)

*3rd Person*

 

It’s been about a year since Jongdae left this small two-bedroom apartment to follow his dreams in America, and six months since he found out about the younger male's inability to keep it in his pants. The cold, bitter August wind only reminds Baekhyun of this fact as it blows against his pale cheeks on his way home after a day full of classes. The brown, orange and red leaves did nothing but remind him of the love he had and lost. It seemed he still couldn’t set foot out of his apartment without something reminding him of that stupid boy he loved for so long.

 

Cooking meals reminded him of how much he once enjoyed spending that time with Jongdae, how their bodies would dance to this melodious rhythm of love while their hands carefully prepared the food. He tried reverting back to frozen foods, but that only reminded him of how much the younger male despised them and how much they argued over their mere existence. Sleeping in that bed reminds him of all the nights spent cuddling atop those soft, cotton sheets as words of nonsense and soft giggles left their lips; he’s recently started sleeping on the couch. Wearing large sweaters reminded him of how much Jongdae enjoyed seeing the delicately soft way they encased his small body, or even reminded him of their first couple of encounters when their intentions were of the purest nature. The moon, especially that ing cratered rock hanging in the sky among those hideous twinkling lights, reminded him of everything about their regretful life together.

 

“Baekhyun, stop it,” Chanyeol’s voice busts through the armor protecting his mind and the small male looks up innocently at his giant best friend. “Talk to me about one of the kids you worked with today, but don’t get in your mind like that.”

 

Baekhyun is confused for a second until he realizes that he had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk while they were walking home. The heat of embarrassment slowly crawls up his neck and settles in his cheeks as he moves to look at cracks beneath his black shoes.

 

“I-I wasn’t,” he stutters, scrambling to defend himself because it embarasses him how much he thinks about his past with Jongdae.

 

“I’ve been living with you for five months, I think I know what it looks like when you take the backdoor into the dark parts of your mind. Let’s just get you home so we can study for our test tomorrow.”

 

Chanyeol had been rooming with Baekhyun for five months. It’s a little pathetic when the younger male really thinks about it, but he only survived one month alone after finding out about his boyfriend’s infidelity. But to a broken heart one month feels like an eternity. One month is four weeks missing all of his classes because he didn’t have the energy to attend, after crying into the sheets and screaming into the fluff of his pillow. Twenty-eight days of being too weak to even shower, because he couldn’t bring himself to keep his food down. 40,320 minutes that this murderous pain has been settled in his chest. What Baekhyun once assumed was a healthy, red rose was actually a cunning, dangerous aconitum. Such a pretty flower that disguised itself with the beauty of love, hiding the fact that it was actually poisonous, just waiting for the right time to release its poison into Baekhyun’s bloodstream.

 

“Okay,” the elder finally whispers in response, allowing his small, delicate wrist to be gripped by Chanyeol’s long fingers as they finish their walk to the apartment building. He keeps his eyes down as Chanyeol begins blabbering about how much he hates walking home every day and saving up for some sort of bike, but he is not listening to anything he is saying. Chanyeol knew too, he knew just as well as Baek did, that when he went into that dark room of his mind there wasn’t an immediate escape. Leaving that room was almost as difficult as finding his way out of a maze and the memories attacking him from every angle made the already hard task that much more difficult.

 

“What the are you doing here?” The venom lacing Chanyeol’s usually soft, silky tone has Baekhyun looking up from the floor. He was so dazed he didn’t even realize they had walked up four flights of stairs to get to the apartment, or that they are now standing in front of their door but not going in. He felt dazed, almost high, if you will, like his eyes couldn’t take in the details around him fast enough and he is stuck staring at the simplest of things compiling around them. “I don’t know what the you’re doing here, but you need to leave. Now.”

 

Again Chanyeol’s voice sounds dangerous, edgy and sharp, almost like he is three seconds away from throwing a punch, but Baek’s mind is too slow to catch on to that fact. His hooded eyes see the shoes first: simple black and white converse that have the laces tucked in, which he assumes belong to whoever Chanyeol is yelling at. Next he sees skinny jeans hugging curvy, muscular legs, but it wasn’t until his gaze lands on the hands that a sense of familiarity starts clouding his brain. His brows etch together and his shoes shuffle across the wooden floor to get closer to the hands that he swears he’s seen somewhere before. He feels almost as if he is dreaming - or having a nightmare, depending on his discovery - that hazy, reassuring nirvana of wanting to know more but being too lost at the same time, glazing over him.

 

“No, Baek, don’t,” Chanyeol pleads, his grip tightening around his wrist. Their connected limbs keep the dazed, smaller boy just out of the mystery man’s reach. Baekhyun reaches out his other hand slowly, fingers stretching in order to capture the other person’s hand. Once that familiar warmth spreads in his fingers, Chanyeol’s grip disappears and the curious male takes a step closer. He looks over every scar and crease lining the perfect olive skin before him, swearing that he’d seen it somewhere before. So, he decides to bring his gaze higher, using his hand to tiptoe up the tan plane of the person’s arm. It isn’t until he gets to the person’s face that Baekhyun realizes whom he is touching. One hand is still holding the other male’s fingers and the other hand is softly caressing his neck, but as soon as reality hits, he stumbles backwards.

 

Kim Jong Dae.

 

“Did you put him on drugs?” Jongdae roars, angrily pulling Baekhyun closer so that he could look at his pupils. In school, they trained him to look for the physical symptoms of drug use before assuming, and Baekhyun has almost all of the boxes checked. “I swear Park Chanyeol if you gave him drugs, I’m going to beat the out of you.”

 

“No,” Baek whimpers weakly as those large, warm hands start touching his body, scorching his skin. One hand is gripping his waist, keeping him close so he could inspect the elder male’s pupils, their breaths mingling and chests inches from touching, and the other hand is gently cupping his face. Baekhyun didn’t want the younger’s hands touching his skin, didn’t want his body to welcome him back like a valued guest, and he’s scared that it’s going to happen.

 

“He said no,” Chanyeol barks, ripping Baekhyun from Jongdae’s loose grip and standing in front of him. Baekhyun is thankful that Chanyeol hid him, he didn’t want Jongdae to see him in this broken, pathetic state. His shaky fingers grip the fabric of Chanyeol’s shirt, bunching it tightly in his hands as his face moved to hide in the place between Chanyeol’s shoulder blades. He is willing to even climb under the younger male’s shirt if it meant hiding from the sick man who tore his heart from his chest.

 

“We came for my boyfriend’s things,” a different voice says, belonging to someone Baekhyun had never seen or heard before, his mere presence too unfamiliar and intruding, and he couldn’t help but think his accent was a little American. “We’re here visiting his parents and he commented that he still had some things here. We’re going to need you to open the door before we call the police, seeing as Jongdae’s name is on the lease still.”

 

“I’m sorry, but who the do you think you are?” Chanyeol’s blood boils with anger, steam basically rolling out of his ears as the unknown male’s words are sinking into his brain. “You’re Jongdae’s new boyfriend, you said?”

 

“Yes, I am. We’ve been dating for eight months now, isn’t that great?”

 

“Eight months?” Chanyeol yells back in disbelief, the dates and times not adding up in his head. That’s until it clicked. A small switch flipped in his brain and before he could process his thoughts, his actions took the lead and he was pushing Jongdae up against a wall, his forearm digging into the bones of Jongdae’s chest. “You cheated on my best friend for two ing months? You moved to America with promises of bringing him along and you were only faithful for four ing months? You’re sick Kim, real ing sick, if you ask me. I suggest you and your y of a boyfriend get the away from Baekhyun, unless you want me to beat you from inches of your life.”

 

Baekhyun still wasn’t looking at the scene unfolding before him. Even when his wall, Park Chanyeol, moved across the room to threaten Jongdae. As soon as his fleshy barrier of protection vanished, Baekhyun hid his face behind his hands. He knew he looked childish and fragile hiding behind his small fingers just because he didn’t want his ex lover to see how broken he still was, but he’s too scared to remove the new barrier he’s created. Scared that as soon as he lays eyes on Jongdae again, his wall of resolve would crumble into dust and he’d be crying at the younger’s feet begging for another chance.

 

“Just...just let me get my things,” Jongdae reasons, putting his hands up in surrender. “Give me five minutes to get my things and I’ll never bother him again.”

 

“And if you don’t, then I’ll just call the cops, they’ll let us in,” the snotty new boyfriend added, crossing his pasty arms over his tank-top clad chest. Chanyeol gave him a once over before spitting at his feet and pushing against Jongdae’s chest harshly one last time before moving over to talk to Baekhyun. He bent his body down to get on the same eye level and loosely gripped Baekhyun’s hands, willing them to move away from his face so they could talk.

 

“Baekhyunnie, look at me for a second.”

 

The elder boy listened, removing the tear-soaked hands from his face and looking Chanyeol dead in the eyes. Tears are still racing down those pale cheeks but he doesn’t make any move to wipe them away, mostly because his wrists are captured between the giant’s long fingers, but also because he felt that wiping them would be redundant when a fresh coat would soon follow. He didn’t want to cry, didn’t want Jongdae or his new toy to see how hurt he was feeling, but his body didn’t give a damn about his dignity.

 

“Do you want Jongdae in the apartment?” Chanyeol asks softly, his thumbs gently rubbing patterns into the elder boy’s skin, trying to calm him down. The giant’s large eyes search Baekyun’s intensely, wanting to make sure that his friend won’t agree to anything he doesn’t want. If Baek doesn’t want Jongdae in the apartment then Chanyeol would fight off the police if he had to.

 

“N-No,” Baek finally gets out, sniffling loudly. He honestly didn’t give a flying that Jongdae still had things in the apartment. The cheating male should just be happy that Baekhyun didn’t take a pair of scissors to his remaining clothes or trash the various shoes or jewelry pieces he had left. “Could you go and grab them?”

 

“And we’re also going to need anything that Jongdae purchased while living here. We’re saving up for our own apartment in the states and we’re going to need every penny we can get,” the new boyfriend informs them nonchalantly. From the corner of his eye, Baekhyun can see the short, white man bringing Jongdae in for a kiss. Watching another man put his arms around his ex-boyfriend’s neck and kiss him so passionately like he wasn’t just standing three feet away from them instantly has a dark feeling swimming in his stomach. That ugly, overwhelming feeling of jealousy travels through his veins like a drug and has his body moving across the small space between them. His small hands grasp the white arm of Jongdae’s new boyfriend and push him away from the more muscular Korean man.

 

“What the hell is your problem?” the boyfriend shouts, a look of disbelief crossing his features before moving closer to Baekhyun. They’re around the same height but the American man has a way of making himself appear bigger than Baekhyun, his arms are much buffer and his back much broader  than the small Korean man’s. “You’re such a pathetic, blubbering waste of a man. No wonder Jongdae left you so quickly after moving to America. He just couldn’t resist all of this after being stuck with you for the past three years.”

 

“Oh, you think just because he used you to cheat that you’re better than me? You think being such a willing makes your y better?” Baekhyun yells, pushing the other male again. Baekhyun can sense the anger coming off of the American, can sense by his heavy breathing that he is past the point of simply being pissed, but he didn’t expect to catch a closed fist to the mouth. The hit alone has him falling on his and the boyfriend victoriously smirks down at him, harshly kicking his side for good measure.

 

Chanyeol has the foreigner pinned to the closest wall as soon as the kick gets landed, pushing his hands over his head so that he can’t escape the hold. “I have every right to call the police since you just ing assaulted my friend, and they’re not very nice to white twinks in jail cells where we come from,” Chanyeol growls making the other man’s eyes widen in fear.

 

“F-Fine, we’ll go. C’mon Dae, let’s get out of here, before that crazy one on the floor attacks me again.”

 

Chanyeol releases the skinny, white male after that statement, his body moving to stand protectively in front of the other male’s body that was still lying on the floor. The boyfriend starts moving down the hall and only halts when he notices that Jongdae isn’t following him out.

 

“Dae, come on, we have places to be,” he whines loudly, crossing those muscular arms over his chest. His eyes look bored, like he hasn’t just failed his mission of getting Jongdae into that apartment and punched someone in the face, and it only fuels Chanyeol with more anger.

 

“Why the did you hit him?” Jongdae sighs loudly, moving to kneel beside Baekhyun who has been resting his head against the cool wooden flooring. Slowly he moves his hand to touch Baekhyun’s lip, inspecting the damage done by his idiotic boyfriend. “Just go, I’ll catch up with you later.”

 

“What? No, I don’t think so, come on,” he demands loudly, probably loud enough for all of their neighbors to hear. He stomps across the space separating them, his large hand moving to wrap around Jongdae’s wrist, as he attempts to drag him away from the bleeding male.

 

“Get your ing hands off of me, Jack,” Jongdae growls, ripping his wrist from his boyfriend’s grasp. “Who gave you the ing right to punch him like that?”

 

“He pushed me, Dae. Don’t be like this, don’t defend someone who just pushed me around and called me names,” Jack whines, stomping his feet like a kid having a tantrum in the middle of the store because his mother won’t buy him a new toy. Jongdae wouldn’t even look up at Jack, not even bothering to spare him a glance as he proceeds to take a closer look at Baekhyun’s face, timid hands moving to touch his cheeks and his plump, pink lips. “Are you really choosing him over me after all this time?”

 

“Am I choosing three years of my life over the eight month mistake? Yes, I am,” Jongdae growls, his anger rising when he sees the blood coating Baekhyun’s teeth and settling on his gums. With a shaky hand he wipes the remaining tears off of Baekhyun’s pale cheeks, knowing damn well that he is responsible for every liquid drop staining the broken male’s skin. “Get the away from me and stay away from Baekhyun as well.”

 

“Dae, you can’t be serious!” Jack suddenly yells in English, assuming that Chanyeol and Baekhyun wouldn’t understand his words. He doesn’t want to have this embarrassing fight in front of these people, he just wants Jongdae to come back home with him. “Come home.”

 

“This is my home!” Jongdae screams, this foreign pain settling in his chest, a pain he's only felt once before in his life. The first time this unwanted guest made a home in his aching heart was when he called Baekhyun back after being caught cheating. The cold, dark feelings of guilt and sadness swirled around in his chest and he hated it, hated feeling like those two feelings were tearing him limb from limb. He felt like he couldn't breathe, like the weight of his betrayal was constricting his throat, and he could only imagine how awful Baekhyun felt all alone in Korea.

 

He stands from Baekhyun’s body and steps closer to Jack, close enough that he could smell the mint clinging to the American’s breath, and continues talking. “They say home is where the heart is and if that statement is true, then it’s here. Baekhyun has been holding my heart in his hands since the day we met and nothing has changed, he still ing has it. So if you want me to go home, well then thanks for the lift because I’m already here, Jack.”

 

“Are...are you serious right now?” Jack whispers now, the betrayal sticking heavy to his words. His face contorts into something full of sadness and Jongdae can’t help but think of the ugly sight unfolding before him. Jack’s bright, blue eyes fill with tears and his small lips twitch into a frown, his features uncontrollably shifting with sadness. Jongdae turns away before he can witness the liquid hurt roll down Jack’s skin and makes his way back to Baekhyun who is still resting on the floor. He can hear the foreigner’s footsteps retract towards the staircase but he doesn’t turn around, his eyes too focused on Baekhyun.

 

“You can go too, Jongdae,” Chanyeol pipes up, moving to block Jongdae’s path. The giant didn’t want him anywhere near Baekhyun, didn’t want to give him the chance of pouring his sweet lies into Baekhyun’s ears and granting him false hope that would only end in breaking his heart even more than it already has. “If you really want your things, then leave an address, I’ll ship them to you.”

 

“Go inside,” Baekhyun finally chimes in, sitting up from the floor and tentatively brings one hand up to touch his swelling lip. “Get his things and I’ll let him talk to me.”

 

“Baek-”

 

“Go, Chanyeol, please. I can handle myself.”

 

Chanyeol huffs loudly, not believing one word coming out of the elder’s mouth. He knows for a fact that all Jongdae would have to do was slip in some sweet, sirening words and Baekhyun would be putty in his hands. For now, he could only hope that the former male had no clue of all the power he really held. With how broken Baekhyun has been for the past few months...it wouldn’t take much to fall back, but he walks away anyways, knowing that this is a fight Baekhyun will have to win on his own.

 

“You have five minutes,” Baekhyun mumbles, a wave of insecurity washing over him as soon as it was just the two of them alone. He feels vulnerable, like he’s the prey and Jongdae is the hunter, he’s just waiting for the other male to strike, waiting to feel the familiar pang of hurt in his chest. “That’s it; so I would start talking, if I were you.”

 

As soon as the words fall from the smaller male’s lips, Jongdae is falling to his knees before him, his arms reaching out to pull Baekhyun into his chest. The elder male doesn’t reciprocate the bold gesture and instead stays limp as the younger nuzzles his nose into Baekhyun’s neck, inhaling deeply the scent he always correlated to home. Jongdae spends almost a whole minute this way, holding Baekhyun close to his body and welcoming the feeling of safety, while Baekhyun’s arms lay limply at his sides.

 

“I’m so ing sorry, Baekhyunnie, I never meant to hurt you,” Jongdae finally lets out, pulling himself away from Baekhyun. He holds the elder at arm’s length, long fingers grasping onto his shoulders so that he wouldn’t move away, and connecting their gazes so Baekhyun would have to listen to him. “I love you, so much and I want nothing more than to make you the happiest man on this earth.”

 

“Bull,” the elder objects, scooting backwards, so that Jongdae’s fingers are no longer touching his shoulders, the hurt lacing his words weighs heavy on the younger’s consciousness and he sighs in defeat. “You’re a liar.”

 

“I’m not,” the younger assures, fingers already reaching out to touch the other male, yearning to have any physical contact as they tangle desperately with Baekhyun’s. He can’t help himself, after almost a year of separation Jongdae’s body is craving everything he’s been deprived of, and he is willing to take anything Baek is willing to offer, no matter how minuscule it may be. “I want to give you everything I couldn’t while I was away. Even if that means extracting every star in the sky to lay at your feet. I will find a way to make up for everything. I swear that to you.”

 

“Don’t bother,” the elder retorts, allowing his hand to stay intertwined with Jongdae’s, no matter how vulnerable the small gesture makes him feel. Instead, he brings his knees up to his chest, physically closing in on himself so that maybe he could protect his battered heart from Jongdae’s smooth words. “I don’t know what your plan is or what you think you’re going to gain by telling me all of this, but I’m not getting back together with you. You trashed my trust and ruined any chance you had by leaving me here alone and then cheating on me the first chance you got. You can’t just come crawling back to me every time you come to visit Korea, I’m not some call girl. I’m a human being with actual feelings and I deserve way better than to be made a fool by someone who was supposed to love me.”

 

“I...I have no excuse for my actions. I could always lie and say it was a mistake or that I couldn’t stand the distance, but that wasn’t the case. You were right all along, moving to another country, away from you and our home, made it so difficult to remember whom and what I had left behind, but seeing you today really opened my eyes. Seeing you standing there in front of our apartment really showed me what I threw away and I regret it so much,” he explains, distress clinging to his every word. “I don’t want you to think that what happened was your fault, Baek. Please don’t blame yourself for my stupid mistakes. You never did anything to make me want to leave or to make me want to cheat on you, that was all on me.”

 

Baekhyun wanted to be angry at Jongdae, he wanted to swing his fists and yell out how this awful ache has made permanent residence in his heart. He wanted to go on and on about how lost and neglected he’s been feeling, like Jongdae was the shepherd and Baekhyun was a sheep that he accidentally left behind. His body craved to let out all of the feelings built up inside, to twist the faucet and allow the waterfall of betrayal to flow past his thin, dry lips, but he couldn’t do it. Instead he just sits there with a stoic expression, pretending not to care about the sweet nothings falling from Jongdae’s mouth, and gently removes his hand from the younger’s grasp.

 

“I missed you so much. I wanted to text and call you every single day, but after that first time I cheated on you, I figured it would be safer to put some distance between us, so losing you wouldn’t hurt as badly, but that wasn’t the case. When you found out about Jack and me, it felt like my world started to slowly disintegrate. Everything started falling apart and I realized how ing stupid I was being-”

 

“Yet you continued dating him? Yet you continued sleeping with him even after realizing how dumb you were being? Is that supposed to make me feel better, because if so, you’re doing a really ty job. How is knowing that the memory of our time together wasn’t enough to keep you from unbuckling your jeans for the first guy who dropped to his knees supposed to make me feel better?” Baekhyun cuts him off, angrily standing up from the floor. The younger’s confession has annoyance coursing through him, but he contains himself to the best of his abilities.

 

“Let me prove it to you,” Jongdae pleads quickly, also bolting from his spot on the floor when he sees Baekhyun moving closer to their apartment door.

 

“Your five minutes are up, I think it’s time for you to go. I’ll go inside and-”

 

“I’m moving back to Korea,” he blurts out, his rash words causing the elder to halt. “I’m moving home in a couple of weeks, Baek. I’m going to be here, with you, in Korea. So please, when I come back, let me prove to you how much I missed you and how much I do still love you.”

 

Before Baekhyun could comment on the younger’s words, the door to the apartment swings open, revealing Chanyeol with his arms stuffed full of Jongdae’s old things. The giant senses the tense atmosphere immediately, his sudden arrival resembling a sharp knife slashing through the thick air, revealing that although he had left them alone for an ample amount of time, they still had unfinished business to discuss; it was only too bad that Chanyeol doesn’t care. In his opinion, Jongdae had had more than enough time to explain himself and he didn’t deserve another second.

 

“Here,” Chanyeol speaks loudly, grabbing both of their attentions. With long, monkey-like arms he hands Jongdae his things, moving once again to stand protectively in front of Baekhyun. “Take your things and leave.”

 

“Chanyeol, please, just let me have five more minutes with him. We still have so many-”

 

“No,” Baekhyun pipes up, his face moving to hide between the taller male’s shoulder blades once again. He’s thankful for his wall, for the stubborn, fleshy blanket of protection, and his small hands move to grip the soft material of Chanyeol’s shirt once again. Hiding has become Baekhyun’s specialty, it’s something he’s practiced every time the pain used to become too much, or in the weeks leading up to Jongdae’s departure, and he’s thankful for his newly acquired skill, seeing as he can feel Jongdae’s gaze still lingering on him. “Make him leave, Channie, please.”

 

“At least take my phone number, alright? Then it’s your choice whether or not to speak to me, but I’m definitely not moving until you agree to that,” the desperate male offers.

 

“Fine,” Chanyeol sighs loudly, pulling a pen out of his pant pocket. “You can write it on my hand and then leave, deal?”

 

Jongdae nods vigorously, lunging for the pen like it is his last hope, and hastily scribbling his number down on Chanyeol’s flesh. He lingers though, slowly backing away from the giant’s towering body, in hopes that Baekhyun would change his mind and ask him to stay, but the intense glare resting in the taller man’s irises has Jongdae quickly moving towards the stairs.

 

“Come inside Baek, I’m going to wash this ’s number off of my hand and then we’re going to watch a comedy on the couch. I ordered your favorite take-out place as well, hope you’re feeling up to some greasy chinese food.”

 

“Wait,” Baek pipes up, his small fingers wrapping around Chanyeol’s thick wrist. His red, dry eyes travel down the length of the giant’s arm and stops to look at black writing scribbled on the palm of his hand. His fingers trail down from the wrist and move to trace over the numbers with the tip of his finger. “I...I want the phone number,” he admits finally, moving to retrieve his phone from his back pocket.