"Hyung! Taehyunnie hyung!" Taehyun snapped back to reality when he felt a hand squeeze him lightly on his shoulder. He turned around and met the worried gaze of one Takada Kenta. "Sorry Kenta, what did you say?" Knowing he must have missed something the younger boy said when he blanked out. Kenta pointed at his wrist, "Can I borrow that? My fringe is getting in the way." Taehyun looked down, not expecting to see the blue hair tie fit snugly around his own wrist. He numbly removed the hair tie from his wrist and placed it in Kenta's waiting palm. Without saying a word, he turned to leave the dance studio, not trusting himself to be in control of his emotions. He only hoped Kenta will treat his trembling hands as a dance practice after-effect.

Every JBJ member turned to look at the back of their retreating leader. After the door closed, Sanggyun approached Kenta to look at the hair tie in question. He has a faint idea of what it might be and looking at the blue hair tie lying innocently on Kenta's hand confirmed it. "I think I have seen Sungwoon hyung used that before". There was no mistaking it, the three of them were in the same group during Showtime and he had seen Ha Sungwoon used that during practice. That was also an enough reason to cause their leader to have such a reaction.

Stepping outside, Taehyun took in the fresh air and let the chilly autumn wind freshen him up. He touched the faint mark left behind by the hair tie fondly and his eyes welled with tears. He never sees himself as someone sentimental and despite his image in produce 101, he hardly cries. He always gets over his past relationship quite fast, but Sungwoon was different. For him, it was always one-sided.

From the very beginning, they were teammates working towards a common goal and Taehyun tried hard to keep their relationship that way. But they grew much closer during their produce 101 days as they only had each other to rely on. Soon, those occasional heart-fluttering moments became too strong to ignore. He made a mistake of returning to the dorms slightly tipsy. While his control was weak under the influence of alcohol, he spewed his deepest secret to the last person that should know. Even after that night, Sungwoon never offered any clear answer, but he was more generous with his touches and Taehyun was contented with that. Sungwoon would come looking for Taehyun in the dance studio after his own practice, he would pick Taehyun up and they would have dinner together. Even when Taehyun was dieting, Sungwoon would act all cute to get him to eat a bit. They would walk to Taehyun’s room and they would linger along the corridor slightly longer. When Sungwoon finally left to return to his own dorm, Taehyun would still feel the heat on where Sungwoon had touched. It felt nice, like they were dating. Despite that, he was not delusional, and moments like that left him feeling lonelier than ever.

It was clear to every trainee in produce 101 that Sungwoon and Taehyun were more than just friends. But Sungwoon and Taehyun both agreed to keep it from the Hotshot members. For that Taehyun will be eternally glad they made such a decision.

His first wake-up call came in the form a Kakao message. ‘Taehyun-ah’ Sungwoon had stopped calling him by name for a while already, ‘I don’t think we should continue with this anymore’. If he was honest with himself, he actually saw it coming. They had stopped contacting each other after he was eliminated. Perhaps that was what he needed, no false hope, no misunderstanding, just a clean cut. Even if he did foresee it, it didn’t mean that it hurt any less. It was a lone tear at first and then it became a stream. He cried hard, cried for the love that never bloom, cried at how pathetic he was to believe his love would be returned. He recalled texting his leader, lying about going to visit some friends, and left the Hotshot dorm. He needed to escape but every place he knew held fond memories of him. Ironically, his refuge also came in the form of a message, ‘Hyung, are you free now? Do you want to meet?’

He had turned up at the Donghan’s doorstep looking like a complete mess. He muttered ‘Donghan ah…make the pain stop. Please.’ and was immediately pulled in and ushered to Donghan’s room. Donghan had brought in extra pillow and blanket, and tucked him in. It felt nice to be fussed over and he slowly fell asleep in the younger male’s embrace.

He touched the fading mark on his right wrist and sighed. His phone lit up. Distracted, he opened the message without checking the sender. ‘Taehyun-ah, how are you? I hope you are doing fine.’ He took a quick glance at the sender’s name and went back to reading the message. His hands were shaking again. ‘I have found someone; I hope you found someone too.’ He had dropped his phone and it was left forgotten on the walkway.

Sungwoon had found someone he love, and that person is not him.

He started scratching the faint mark left behind by the hair tie, desperate to remove any traces of him. Every shop he passed by was playing ‘Energetic’ and Sungwoon’s voice was all that he could hear. His vision started to blur, blood pounded in his ears and it was becoming harder for him breathe.

Their leader had left the studio for a while already and everyone was starting to get worried. “I am going to find hyung” Donghan stood to leave the studio. Normally they would have told him to give Taehyun space but no one had the heart to stop him. They know how their maknae felt towards their leader.

Donghan made a mad dash down the streets, keeping a lookout for his roommate. He had picked up Taehyun’s phone earlier and saw the message on the phone. That had made him quicken his steps. His stomach sank when he saw a crowd further down the street and went straight towards it. He managed to push past the crowd and the sight tore his heart apart. Taehyun was crouched down in the middle of the crowd, his hands clutching his shirt and he was panting heavily. Donghan allowed instinct to take over and he went over to engulf his leader in a hug. He was glad there was no camera around, the crowd probably have not figure out their identity yet. He hauled his leader up on his feet, supporting most of his weight, and carried him away from the crowd.

Once in a quiet alley, Donghan gripped his leader’s shoulders and pleaded “Breathe, hyung. Breathe.” Taehyun looked up and his eyes met Donghan’s. Donghan saw the same pained look that he saw at his doorsteps many nights ago. He pulled Taehyun into his embrace and started rubbing circles on his small back. “It’s okay hyung, it’s okay. Everything will be alright; I will make the pain go away.” 

Donghan continued reassuring his leader, until the figure in his embrace stopped shaking. Taehyun looked up tearfully, “He...he…” Donghan pulled Taehyun in and held him tighter, “I know hyung. I know. It’s okay hyung, forget him. You have me. I will protect you. I will love you more than he ever will.” This time Taehyun looked up looking completely shocked. Seeing the look on Taehyun’s face, Donghan realised what he just said and he wanted hide so much. “It’s okay, forget what I just said. Just...just forget him first. I will always be here for you. No matter what.” He tried to give Taehyun his most reassuring smile.

Taehyun buried his face in Donghan’s chest and the corner of his lips slid upwards. Trust the youngest of his group to confess at a time like this. “You? Protect me? Don’t try to be funny”, his voice lighter, “Let’s go back, they must be worried. Trust them to send you of all people to look for me.” Without waiting for Donghan’s reply, he slides his hand into Donghan’s and allowed their fingers to interlock. With the other hand, Taehyun wiped away the tears and pulled the stunned maknae along. Donghan returned the smile and held the hand tighter. “You are so small, of course I have to be the one to protect you.”

It will take time to heal, but he is no longer alone.