Since the time he spend in rehab, he could not stop thinking about him ... somehow he felt like they were the same ... they were similar ... Yes he knew who Yongguk was before since their fans always fought each other. BAP fans accusing them BTS of stealing their concept, which was ridiculous from his point of view. So to not make things worse, the label told them to keep their distances. Since , they were too busy to make friends , it was fine with him ... until that night when again he had a panick attack. The night of their showcase. Too many people. Way too many expectations. Too much pressure. Their previous mini cd did well ... they had to do better, RapMon and him had to do better ...everyone was counting on them to produce and write ... it was too much for him. The pressure, the stress, his panic dissoreder ... he made a lyrical mistake during the showcase. Jin told him that no one noticed because it happens so fast but in his mind it didn't matter, he failed, everyone saw ... he tried to hide in the bathrooms and got lost ... he was feeling sick,  dizzy, out of breath, he felt like he was going to die ... when he came ... 

'' You okay ?''
With pain Yoongi reached for the wall. He never felt that sick in his whole life. He felt the young man taking him in his arms.
'' relax ... you'll be fine ... I'm there.''
'' They hate me ... I screwed up ... ''
'' No one hate you Suga. You can breath, I'll stay with you until you get better.''
Yoongi closed his eyes, resting his head on his lover's chest. 
Later when he woke up, he was back in his cabine. He asked Rapmon who brought him in: 
'' Dunno ... but what do you mean by  brought you here ? ''
'' Well. .. never mind. It's okay.''
'' By the way, don't be too hard on yourself Yoongi. You did well. We all did well.''
'' Thanks ! '' He said faking a smile.
2 weeks after the official release, they bumped into the BAP members backstage. And Yongguk acted like if he didn't know him , even after all the memories they share in that center . While he was there to cure his alcohol problems and his anxiety , Yongguk was there to fight his drug addiction and his demons ... but now that they were outside the center, in front of everyone else,  Yongguk ignored him. Yoongi walked away, he needed to be alone ... far from his love for him.

-A year ago: 
Yoongi hated that place. He hated being here but he had no choice.  it has been a week and he already wanted to leave. The place was huge,  full of rich kids and few people from the entertainment world. He always went early  to do his laundry because he did not want to bump into anyone from the residence, he was not there to make friends ... on his way back to his room, he saw someone walking in front of him, that person dropped something. Yoongi picked it up from the floor: a pack of cigarettes. He followed him outside on the building rooftop to give it back.  

He found him there with something in his hand ... it was not a smoke but a knife ... Yoongi looked at the blood dripping from his skin. He understood really fast what was going on but he could not say a word. Yongguk jumped off when he finally noticed him:
'' What are you doing here ? ''  the male with the deep voice asked.
'' I ... I ...just wanted to ... I mean ... '' He kept on looking at the small plastic pocket full of white powder .
'' Forget what you saw ... it's nothing.'' he said pulling it inside his pocket, Suga also noticed taht he was bleeding from his fingers.
'' It's nothing ?  You're joking right ?  You're not allowed to have this here ... ''
'' It's none of your business.'' He answered calmly as he cleaned himself, slowly removing the blood on his arm with a black tissue.
'' Why are you doing this ? You're from B.A.P. right ? ''
'' Why were you following me  ? 
'' You dropped this. '' with a shaky hand, he gave him back the pack of cigarettes.
''Thanks. '' He only answered with a sad smile before bringing a cigarette to his lips. '' Your name again ? ''
'' I'm Suga from BTS ...'' Yoongi had no idea why his question got him all worked up.
'' I'm 27 and you are ... ''
Yoongi gulped before mumbling:
'' I'm 24 ... ''
'' Listen carefully kid ... just forget about what you saw!''
'' First I'm not a kid ! 2nd, if you are here it is because you have some issues so stop trying to act cool and all. It's just lame.''
Yongguk laughed when he heard that:
'' You're funny. Want a smoke ? ''
Yonggi grabbed it and started smoking in silence. He could feel Yongguk eyes on him. Somehow it became like a routine to them to come on the rooftop and smoke. And eventually they started to talk, share, exchange ... about life, friends, family, hiphop, music , inspirations , goals ... about their mental health issues, depression, panic dissorder  ...
'' Your members, do they know that you're here ? '' Suga asked.
'' Yes. I'm doing it for them. They need me. '' He said looking at the sky. They were sitting next to each other on the ground. '' And you ? ''
'' Well ... our leader Rapmonster knows about it. Jin as well. I only told them . And the maknae found out by following us when we came for the registration. He was devasted. He cried.  I felt horrible ... he is the youngest but his heart is so pure and mature. ''
'' Age is just a number. Our maknae too is very mature, zelo. I told everyone that I would come here and get better, I told them that they didn't have to visit me. But Zelo has been coming every week, he brought me a usb key with a software to edit music here, because he knows that I need to create no matter where I am.''
'' That's nice of him.''
'' By the way, last time ... the one who came and brought you sweets ...''
'' Jin ? Yeah. What about him ? ''
'' Well ... he is handsome. ''
'' Yes he is ... everyone I know want to fck him.'' Suga said laughing. 
'' Well ... do you like him ? Like, is he your type ? ''
'' Jin ? I would probably killed him if we were dating. He is such a dork. He always fool around like a kid. Not my type.''
'' I see, so ...  what is your type then ? '' 
'' My type ... I dunno ... '' Suga never got to finish his sentence, he felt the oldest boy's  lips on his. He closed his eyes and kissed him back. It was so sudden but then  felt so right.
2 moths later they left the center and Yongguk broke up with him. 
'' It was a mistake ... we can't be together. Sorry.''
That night Suga thought that he would die, if it was not for Jungkook who stayed with him the whole night ... the only one who knew about what happened with the BAP member.

5 months later Jungkook was making his way to a fancy building, he was wearing a black jeans , ripped on the each knees, a black and red long sleeved shirt and a mask that covers his mouth, he removed the mask once he stepped inside the building, in the elevator he took a deep breath. he did not want to be here but he had no choice, he arrived in front of the door: the door was opened and a loud beat was playing. 
''Playboi Carti - wokeuplikethis*'' He thought. He stepped in and found Zelo doing pushs up in the living room and of course the room was a real mess. As if he did not see him, Jungkook made his way to the kitchen, grabbed a garbage bag and the broom and started to clean in silence.
'' Hello slave ! On time as usual ! ''
Jungkook ignored him and kept on cleaning, picking up empty cans of beer from the floor .

'' I called you yesterday night , why you didn't pick up ? '' Zelo stopped the music and sat on the grey sofa, looking at the youngest who replied without stopping his work:
'' We have an agreement: I come clean your mess once a week and you keep your mouth shut about Suga and your leader. Me hanging out with you is not part of the deal.''
'' Ouch ! ''
'' Anyway , you can leave now that I am here, I'll close the door behind me as usual. Bye ! ''
'' My God, can you be more cold than that ? '' Zelo added laughing. He was only wearing a short and was shirtless.  He stood up and came closer:
'' Well, as my servant, even if I call you to come party with me, you should come. ''
Jungkook stopped picking the cans and faced him:
'' Are you done with your speech ? Sorry I wasn't really paying attention.'' He added with a cocky smile.
'' You're really something ... '' Zelo said not too sure of what to reply to him.
'' Anyway, you should wear a shirt .. it's not like  you had anything to show. ''
'' Actually ... I don't have to go rehearse today so I will be staying home ... ''
'' And ? ''
'' Well ... let's cook together and ... I mean, cook for me and stay eat !''
'' I'll clean, cook for you  then I'll leave ! We're not friends, I don't have to eat with you. And anyway I have plans with Suga hyung.''
Zelo only rolled his eyes when he heard the rapper name. Everything was always about Suga. 
'' Deep inside, I know that you want me ... ''
'' Sorry , you're really not my type. Not into Fck boys.''
'' Oh really ? So tell me,  who's your type then ? ''
'' I like older guys ... you're way too young for me. ''
'' Bull! I'm older than you ... ''
'' A year older. Too young for me.''
'' More like you can't handdle me inside you ... '' He said leaning closer to him, whispering in his ear now:
 ''... I know you want me as much as I want you. Why resist ?  ''
Jungkook was feeling hot and yes Zelo was attractive but he was a player ... but his lips were so y and he felt so weak  ...
They suddenly heard an alarm coming from the youngest phone.
'' sorry ... had to make a call.''  He said too happy to escape that situation. 
He walked away in the kitchen and called V:

'' Yah, are you still at home ? Your voice won't get better if you don't practice. Jimin is already there, go meet with him ... and don't argued ! No excuses!  we have a comeback in a month. Suga and Rapmon won't give you any lines if you can't control yours vocals. Tonight I will go over everything with you. okay bye now. ''
Then he called their male stylist:
'' Yeah ... the make up artist for the photoshoot ... she is very nice but not fast enough. Either we asked the label to hire a 2nd one or we let her go. I had to jump in and complete Rapmon make up because she was so sloooow. Yeah I felt bad for her but time is money you know ? Anyway, hyung , I'm in the middle of something, I forwarded you already 3 resumes. Checked them and if you need me for the interview I will be free saturday morning but we need to take care of it before the next comeback. Okay , talk to you later. Thanks hyung. '' He hungged up. As he started to place the dirty dishes in the dishwasher with one hand, with the other hand he dialed a number to make another call.

'' Hi Suga hyung , you didn't return my calls earlier, you okay ? I'm almost done what I am doing and I'll meet you in 3 hours. You're at the Genius lab ? You wanna eat there ? Okay. I'll buy you food on my way, what do you want to eat ? Okay ... yeah don't worry, I sent V hyung to practice with Jimin. Don't worry, he will be ready. Okay, I'll call you later.''
He placed his phone back in his pocket and heard Zelo clapping behind him:
'' Once again, Superman saved the day. Are you a staff member or an Idol ? ''
'' Where is your detergent? '' He asked ignoring Zelo comments.
'' My what ? '' The rapper asked confused.
Jungkook only shook is head:
'' To clean your dishes. Do you have any gel or powder ?''
'' Hum ... well ... I'm not sure ... ''
'' Oh my God ! Give me your phone ! ''
Zelo did as he was told. Jungkook wrote down the names of 5 different items and gave it back to him:
'' I need to be out in 1hour max so run to the closest store, grab those. ''
'' What the fck ... ''
'' You want this place clean or not ? ''
'' So bossy ... '' he mumbled before leaving the room.
Jungkook couldn't help but smile. Yes he knew that he could be bossy with people older than him but sometimes it was the only way to get things done.

Zelo came back 30mn later to find his condo clean and tydy. All the mess was gone for now ... at least until his next open house party. 
He found Jungkook mopping the floor.
'' I have the ... that thing ... you know ... "
'' The detergent ? great ! So everything is done, I also made you a breakfast, it's in the oven. I'll be leaving in 5mn ... ''
'' Wait ! You can stay ... I mean ... if you want ... ''
''Well as I told you, we're not friends , we don't have to hang out ... '' He suddenly felt dizzy. HE closed his eyes for few seconds and when he opened them, he felt everything spinning around him. Next thing he knew, he was in Zelo arms.
" you're okay ? ''
'' What happened ... ''
'' You almost fell ...''
''I'm fine. No worries.'' He tried to move but his legs felt weak. He felt Zelo lifting him from the ground. He closed his eyes: '' what is happening ... '' is the last thing he thought before passing out.
When he woke up, he found himself in a huge bed. He looked at the ceiling ... this was not his bedroom. He sat and looked around.
'' You finally awake. How do you feel ? '' Zelo was there, sitting on a chair next to him.
'' Why am I in your bed ... what time is it ? '' HE said rubbing his eyes.
Zelo found him so cute and adorable.
'' Eat this ... I made you some ramen. You passed out when we were in the kitchen.''
'' I have to go ... Suga hyung is waiting for me. ''
'' No ! You eat first and then I'll let you go. I'm not joking. Eat ! ''
Jungkook grabbed the bowl of ramen and started to eat in silence. Zelo stood up from the chair, left the room and came back with a glass of water and Jungkook phone. He gave both to him.

'' Why are you being so nice to me ? '' He asked a bit confusef by Zelo actions.
'' Maybe because I don't want you to die here ? '' Zelo replied.
'' Of course ... well, I'm almost done anyway.''
'' You feel better ? ''
'' Yeah ... I'm good.''
'' Is it the first time it happen ? ''
'' Ys... but it's nothing, I'm fine now.''
'' If you say so.''
'' Thanks for the ramen ... I'm leaving now.'' He left the bed and brought the bowl and the glass back in the kitchen. Zelo followed him there, his hands in the pockets :
'' You can stay if you want ... I mean, you don't have to leave now.'' 
'' Well I was done cleaning anyway so ... bye ! ''
'' Bye ! '' 
Remaining alone, Zelo sat on the sofa and looked at his phone, on the screen a picture he took of Jungkook while he was sleeping on his bed.
'' Why can't I stop thinking about you ... ''

When Jungkook arrived at the ''Genius Lab'', Suga was listening to a beat he just finish to make.

'' Yo ! Right on time, listen to this and let me know what you think ... I'm not sure about the chorus. Might be too high for Jimin.''
'' Sure! By the way, I brough you food.''
'' You're amazing ! I'm starving ! '' He started to eat and then noticed that Jungkook was not eating. 
'' Sounds good , if you could lower the key ... just a little bit, I think Jimin will be okay. Worst we can add more layers ... what ? Why are you looking at me like that ? ''
'' Why aren't you eating ?''
'' Oh ... Idid  eat before coming here. Don't worry. '' He answered with a smile. He did not want to make him worry.
'' Okay. By the way, what's the deal with the make up artist ? I heard the coordi talking about it.''
'' Well ... at the last event we went ,  she only had to do Rapmon and Jin make up. We only had 1h to get ready and she  couldn't do it. I wasn't performing I went to hang out and I ended up having to do Rapmon's make up so she could complete Jin's. ''
'' Wow! I didn't know it was that bad.''
'' She is new so maybe she was stressed but ... that was a small event with only 2 of us. Our previous make up artist was fast enough to complete all of us in less than 2hours.''
'' Yeah but she left for SM ughhh ... so annoying!''
'' So that's the issue.  I had a talk with the manager: either we fired her or we hired a 2nd M.U. artist. I found few online and already send him their files so he can hold interviews this weekend.''
'' Honestly Jungkook ... I never met someone like you ... ''
'' What do you mean ? ''
'' You are so mature for your age. I tend to forget that you are the youngest.''
'' Well ... I just want to help as much as I can.''
'' You're doing a good job. ''
'' But it still not good enough for you ... right ? ''  Jungkook whispered as he look away.
'' What ? ''
'' No matter what I do, in yours eyes I will never be as good as ''HIM''.''
'' Jungkook ... listen ... ''
'' It's okay! I understand. By the way, the song is really good. I have to go, eat well hyung.'' 

He left the room as fast as possible. He knew that no matter what he does, he could never replace Yongguk in Suga's heart. Few months ago when he went to visit Suga at the center and saw them kissing ... he couldn't believe it. He then confessed to Suga who told him that he liked him too but only as a brother. That was the hardest part. There is nothing he could do about it. But because he loved him so much he decided that it was better for him to support him, to be there for him no matter what. In the elevator he took his phone and texted Suga:
''-Hyung, sorry for my reaction. It was not cool of me. I'll see you at the dorm. Your new song is good.''
It didn't take too long before Suga replies:
''-No worries. Thanks for the food bro.''

Yongguk who lives in the same building than Zelo, was in his living room reading the files his manager sent regarding their new concept. No matter how many times he read it, he could not focus. He only had one thing in mind: Suga. And now there was a new issue. He called Zelo earlier to meet with him and discuss it. Despite their , Zelo was the one he got along the most after Himchan. Zelo knew about his secret and he knew he could trust him.
He heard someone knocking on the door, he was there. 

Later they were both smoking on the balcony:
'' So they want us to team up with the Bangtan boys ? why ? ''
'' Just for a special stage and apparently both labels already agree to it. A way to promote both groups before our comeback.''
'' Just the rappers line ? ''
'' Yeah! So you and I plus Rapmon and ... him.''
'' You mean ... Suga ? Cos they have another rapper...''
'' Yes him, Suga, him.''
'' Okay ... I see. ''
'' He hates me. I made his life difficult. I tried my best to stay away but ... now I really don't know what to do. ''
'' I'll be there, don't worry. Anyway we will be surrounded by the crew, you won't have to be alone with him.''
'' Yes but ... I know I can control myself. Suga can't. He can't control his emotions. I worry for him. ''
'' Do you know if he's  still taking his pills ? ''
'' Not sure but I know that when we were at the Center, he used to hate taking them. Now that he is out, I don't think he does.''
'' I see. But if I understand, when he takes them, he has a better control  ... right ? Like it can stop him for snapping out or getting too emotional. Correct ?''
'' Yeah! ''
'' Don't worry , we still have a week before that stage. How is it going to work for the rehearsals ? '' 
'' They will come to our practice room. We will only have 1 day to meet so ... fck ! This is stressing me ... ''
'' Relax. You think he already know ? ''
'' No! Their manager said he will tell them tomorrow night because he is too busy at the moment. '' 
'' Okay. ''

Jungkook was helping V and Jimin with their singing when he received a text from Zelo:
'' - Yo slave, bring your . We need to talk now.''
Jungkook replied with:
'' -Go fck yourself. It's freakin 9pm. ''
'' Who the fck he thinks he is ? '' He thought. 
'' Yo, do you know if the chorus will have the same lyrics twice or will it change ? '' Jimin asked him.
'' What ... sorry you said ? ''
He did not get to hear Jimin's reply when he saw the next text msg Zelo sent :
''-it's regarding Suga. Meet me in the park next to your place in 15mn.''
'' Fck ... guys I remember I have to buy ... a charger. I will be back in 30mn. ''
'' You can use mine if you want.'' V offered.
'' No it's okay ... I will also grab you some snacks since  you worked so hard. Practice again for 15mn. See ya ! '' He grabbed a hoodie and a mask and left very fast.

When he arrived at the park, Zelo was already there waiting for him on a bench.
'' It better be urgent or I'll kill you. '' He sat next to the blonde boy.
'' Since you are so close to Suga, do you know if  he still taking his pills ?''
'' Well ... he stopped about a month ago. When I asked why he said he didn't need them anymore. But why are you asking ? ''
'' Just make sure he starts taking them again.''
'' why ? What is going on ? ''
'' Your manager will announce it tomorrow, Suga and Rapmon will team up with Yongguk and I for a special stage. ''
'' You're kidding ?''
'' Nope ! The 4 of us will have to work together and your label already agree to it. ''
'' I can rap too, I'll take his place ...''
'' I know that , but this will only work if Suga backs away. You know he won't. ''
'' ! ''
'' As long he takes his medication, things will go smoothly. It's the only way.''
'' Okay ... I'll try to convince him to take them. Anything else ? ''
'' You are so in love with him, how cute.''
Jungkook turned red when he heard that:
'' I'm not ! ''
'' Yeah, yeah ... whatever ! Anyway, I have my motorcycle parked around here, I'll give you a ride.''
'' It's okay. I walk fast.''
''Okay.''
''Bye!'' He stood up ready to leave but suddenly felt a hand grabbing his arm.
''Wait ... about what happened earlier ... how do you feel now ? ''
'' What do you mean ? ''
'' You passing out at my place ...'' 
''Oh that ? That was nothing. Don't you know ? I'm the Golde Maknae. '' He answered with a bright smile.
'' Jungkook ...'' Zelo felt the words stuck in his throat. 
''What? ''  he looked right back at him, straight in the eye, waiting for his words.
'' Goodnight ! '' He let go his arm with regrets.
'' Okay.'' Jungkook thought the whole thing was weird, the way Zelo looked at him ... but for now he only had one thing in his mind ''Yoongi Hyung.''.

Back at the dorm, he waited for everyone to go to bed, then he called him in the kitchen.

'' What is it ? Do you need some cash for the food earlier ... ''
'' No no hyung. It's about ... well ... please do not ask how I found out but, tomorrow manager hyung will announce a new project.''
'' Okay. And ? '' Suga replied a bit annoyed. At this moment, all he wanted was his bed.
'' A collab with ... the B.A.P. members ... 2 of them.'' Jungkook paused when he saw his hyung expression, how pale he was turning. 
'' Which members ? '' Suga asked, trying his best to not scream, feeling his heart racing.
'' Zelo and Yongguk. You and Rapmon will have to work with them. 1 practice then the live. ''
'' Why ... ''  he felt himself panicking.
'' Hyung , listen: if you don't want to do it just tell the manager, I can take your place. There is also J-Hope, he is also a rapper ...''
'' But Rapmon and I are the main rappers, same for the other group. And you are already doing so much. I can't always use you to cover for me, it's not fair.'' 
'' Hyung, you can use me ! You can be selfish with me.''
'' I wish things were different Jungkook ... why did I have to fall in love with him ? Things would be so easy if he was you ... if you were him ... I hate myself for making you suffer like this ... I'm so sorry ... '' before he can get more words out, he feels pressed against the otherboy's chest, breathing into the crook of the maknae's  neck, crying on his shoulder, his strong arms holding him tight.
'' Hyung ... I'll do anything for you. I promise, everything will be okay. I'll protect you. '' He whispered as he gently caress his hairs from his left hand, his other hand around Suga waist, pulling him closer.
Suga’s body shook with every breath in and he gasped in silence , still crying against Jungkook's  chest. Everything felt like too much to him. There was too much pressure and anxiety roaming through his body, tearing him apart from the inside out. All the memories with Yongguk, from their first kiss to the break up ... he tried so hard but nothing was working, he was so tired of feeling this way  ... 

Jungkook slowly ran his right hand through his Suga's back, he then started to rock him back and forth silently whispering comforting words. He could feel his pain, for him to broke down like this in front of someone, Jungkook knew that Suga truly loves Yongguk. This made him sad but for now, the only thing that matters was his hyung. His hyung’s happiness was paramount, and no matter how much it hurt him, how much his heart shattered knowing that he would never love him, Jungkook would still do anything to see him smile again.