Jimin

Yoongi’s keys clink against the wood of the front door as he swings it open, immediately dropping his backpack just inside of the apartment. With tiredness in his bones, he shuts and locks the door behind him and sets his house keys into the small bowl on a table close to the door. Jimin had insisted that it would keep them organized and that Yoongi would no longer have to spend 20 minutes every morning looking for his everyday things before going to work in his studio. Yoongi had resisted, even going as far as buying one of the locator devices that connect to your phone through bluetooth (he had lost his phone twice and it took the two of them 40 minutes and various flipped furniture to find the things he needed, so Yoongi finally gave into the idea of a place to put his keys and wallet every day.)

Walking across the short hallway into the kitchen, Yoongi notices that there’s music softly playing from the living room - Jimin must already be home from the dance studio. A small smile twitching at the corner of his lips, he wanders into the living room and sees a small body curled into itself in the middle of the couch, occasionally jerking and twitching.

“Jiminie, baby, are you okay?” It’s a short distance around to the front of the couch, and Yoongi’s knees hit the floor with a thump when he sees the tears streaming from his boyfriend’s eyes. The younger’s head shakes a bit, a small no falling from his puffy lips. “Sweetheart, look at me. What happened? What’s wrong?”

“Jus’ had a bad day,” a pout appears across said boy’s lips as he looks up from his knees, “I was really unfocused today and couldn’t dance well and then Kookie laughed at me and the bakery didn’t even have the muffin that I wanted. My bad day muffin wasn’t there for my bad day!” Yoongi swipes his hand lightly across Jimin’s face, wiping away the tears as he quietly lets out a chuckle. “Do you think I’m being stupid?”

“Oh, no, baby, I don’t think you’re being stupid. How about I make you some tea and we can have the leftover cake in the fridge and you can talk to me while we watch a movie?” Jimin sniffles and lifts his head, taking a deep breath.

“I’ll take the tea and cake but I don’t think I need to talk about it. I’m okay now, I just needed to let it out.”

Yoongi furrows his eyebrows as he watches Jimin wipe away his tear tracks and snot. He’s… okay? Already? Yoongi had thought that it would take a lot more time to calm him down and dig into the real reason on why Jimin’s day was so bad. Maybe Jimin really was just upset about those little things? Could it be possible he didn’t have anything else bothering him to make him cry? And, he was crying in the middle of the living room on the couch! “Are you… sure? That you’re okay now?” Jimin giggles softly at the confusion on his love’s face, booping Yoongi’s nose softly.

“I promise, baby. I just needed a good cry.”

☂

Later that night, over two slices of cheesecake, Yoongi acknowledges Jimin’s strength and compliments him for trying to be as emotionally healthy as possible by letting things out in a non-damaging way and not letting things pile up. Jimin’s cheeks squish and turn pink from smiling embarrassedly, his eyes scrunching; Yoongi swears he’s never seen anything more beautiful.

☂

Yoongi

A couple weeks after Yoongi found Jimin crying in the living room, Yoongi is in the shower after coming home from the studio and Jimin is on their bed, reading through his notes and trying to come up with moves for the choreography he’s helping to produce. It was pretty late at night, but Jimin wanted to stay up so he could catch Yoongi and cuddle him before he even thought about waking up early tomorrow to go into the studio again. He’d been cooping himself up in there and Jimin thought that he deserves to have a day off to cuddle and eat as much ramen as he wanted.

The scribbling of Jimin’s pencil on his paper is interrupted by a loud noise coming from the bathroom, a faint curse following after it. Jimin giggles, thinking about Yoongi swearing out a shampoo bottle or bar of soap for dropping from his grip. The younger moves his project to the bedside table, unfolding himself from under the blankets and padding quickly across the cold floor to the door to the restroom. Opening the door, he blinks in the steam that fills the room and tries to enter as quickly as possible to not lose the warmth. “Yoongi?” Jimin thinks about tacking on an I’m gonna join you, but startles when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the tile floor, his legs criss-cross and his head in his arms. “Oh, baby,” he breathes out.

Yoongi shakes his head in protest when Jimin slowly turns the faucet off, afraid that he’ll start shivering without the heat of the pouring water. His mind was being relentless and the fact that he had dropped the body wash was the last straw before his stability had crumbled. Jimin picks up the offending body wash, putting it back on the shelf before tucking Yoongi into his arms and moving him closer to the towel rack, trying to stand him up on his own. They slowly go through the process of drying Yoongi off completely while tears fall from the older’s eyes, the only indication of emotion on his face. He looks terrifyingly blank apart from the wetness of his cheeks, so Jimin holds him around the waist and guides him out of the bathroom and into their bedroom. After setting Yoongi down on the bed, Jimin moves around and gathers some warm fluffy clothes, removing the towel and carefully sliding the materials onto him.

“Okay, come on baby, let’s get into bed. Let’s cuddle and you can talk about it if you want, but you don’t have to,” Yoongi nods as he gets under the covers and immediately starts crying harder. Jimin slides in after him and rests Yoongi’s head in his chest, the taller gripping onto his shirt in desperation while harsh sobs fall from his mouth.

☂

It had taken a good 15 minutes before Yoongi’s cries faded to hiccups and closed eyes. Jimin had taken to Yoongi’s back, sides, scalp, anywhere that he could reach to try to soothe the boy.

“Jiminie? I’m sorry.” Jimin’s breath hitches at the apology, instinctively tightening his hold.

“Baby, what could you possibly be sorry for?” Jimin lets his mouth slip closed after the simple question, trying not to ramble about how much Yoongi is worth to him and how he should never be sorry for something like this.

Yoongi takes a deep, stuttering breath and sighs. “I’m sorry for crying. For a really long time too, it’s late and I know you should be sleeping instead of staying up with me while I have a stupid breakdown over something so dumb.” Jimin puts together the body wash incident in his head, wondering how something like that could have made Yoongi so upset. He shakes his head lightly.

“Yoongi, you don’t have to apologise for any of that. I’d much rather help you and spend time with you than be sleeping. I love you, Yoongi, and I don’t want you to have to go through things like this alone all the time. And the body wash was just a trigger for this, it’s not the direct cause. Do you want to tell me what’s been happening? You don’t have to.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Yoongi quietly whispers. He pauses for another few moments, trying to clear his head of all of his thoughts. “I just… I don’t know Jimin. I haven’t been able to write a song in like three weeks now because every time I write I end up throwing it away because it’s no good. And like, life is so hard, ya know? I doubt everything, even you sometimes, and it’s hard when I think you don’t love me or that I’m not worthy of anything, even though I know in the back of my mind that it’s not true. And it’s hard to talk about things. I try to tell someone but instead I just end up holding onto all of it and when I dropped the goddamn body wash, it was just like, ‘you can’t even ing take a shower without ing up’ and like, why do I think like that? God, I just wanna be okay Jimin. I wanna stop being not okay.” The words are far between, and Yoongi’s body seems to deflate with every syllable. Jimin lets him take his time, silently opposing all of the terrible things that Yoongi thinks about himself. The rapper didn’t deserve these horrible thoughts, and it hurt Jimin that these things actually popped up in his head constantly.

“Yoongi, I love you so much. It’s okay not to be okay, you know that, right? I’m never gonna leave your side and all of your dumb mean thoughts can just go off.” Jimin feels a breathy chuckle escape Yoongi’s mouth, his chest finally rising and falling at a leisurely slow pace. The two lay there for a while more, so wrapped in each other that neither one of them can breathe without smelling the other. Jimin was amazed that Yoongi could hold things in for so long, hold them in until they exploded and tried to damage him. Thinking over the entire night, Jimin realizes that maybe Yoongi holds things in a bit too long, and isn’t exactly healthy about it; the thought stabs at Jimin’s heart. Yoongi deserves the world and Jimin would take all of these hurtful things away if only he could.

“I love you too, Jimin. So much.”