"Noona, I was wondering....would you be my girlfriend?"

That was all it took to break Taemin's heart.

It was like a disease, an infectious one, and each day they were together he felt his agony grow, felt his heart start to wither away like a rose that had been picked. Piece by piece, petal by petal he felt his heart die, felt the pieces turn to ash in his chest, felt the happiness float away on a breeze that would never return.

He'd lay in bed late at night and tears would slip silently down his cheeks as he'd hear the door open and close, hear pattering footsteps make their way to Minho's door, accompanied by girlish giggles and both of them trying to hush each other, which of course only made them giggle more.

Hushed whispers would fall onto his ears then, teasing him even more, and no matter how many times Taemin lay in bed with the pillow covering his face he could still hear the moans, the soft cries, the sounds he'd always wanted to hear come from his own throat, at Minho's hand.

Sometimes Taemin didn't know what was worse, his dreams or his reality.

Minho was always there in his dreams.

He was always there to hold him, to kiss him, to give him the words he would only give to Taeyeon in real life.

He'd awake with a gasp, tears filling his eyes as his mind once more deceived him into thinking he was actually loved, wanted.

He'd tried to be with Sulli, he'd tried to make love to her, but found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, flaccid, his head in his hands. Taemin had broken down to her then sobbing into her arms as he told her things he didn't even know himself, things he couldn't admit.

Since then he couldn't seem to stop crying.

He'd tried to talk to Minho, he'd worked up the courage to talk to him, I mean, how hard could it be?

I love you, hyung.

Or is Taeyeon noona it for you?

Yes, it shouldn't have been hard to all to say those words, to spill out his very soul at Minho's feet.

Yet instead of those words he'd made up some lame excuse, telling Minho he just wanted to congratulate him and Taeyeon on their relationship and Minho's face had lit up so perfectly, and it was then Taemin knew he was lost, that Minho would never be his, except in his dreams.

His dreams.

That was it.

If he could just go to sleep, everything would be okay.

He didn't hurt when he was asleep, he didn't cry.

It was like a taste of heaven, he didn't hurt when he was sleeping.

Because Minho was there.

Minho was there, and he held him and kissed him and yes sleep was the answer.

They kept the sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet along with the cold medicine and other miscellaneous things.

He poured himself a glass of banana milk, his favorite, taking a sip and savoring the sweet taste.

Minho used to buy him banana milk after practice.

Tears slipped down his cheeks as Taemin opened the bottle, pouring out a couple of pills.

No, he would need more than just two.

He'd need to sleep for a long time, until he was strong enough to face reality.

He wasn't strong enough now, but that was okay, because he'd be asleep and it was just okay, it was fine, everything would be fine.

He poured a handful and counted them.

One, two, three, ten, twelve....

Fifteen.

"That should be enough," he whispered, smiling softly, a hidden, secret smile.

His eyes lit up with excitement. Soon he would be with his own special Minho again, the Minho of his dreams, and they would live happily ever after, and when Taemin woke up he could be strong and then maybe enough time would have passed that the real Minho would love him by then.

Minho.

Minho.

Minho, Minho, Minho.

It was all for him.

Taemin swallowed the pills a few at a time.

He'd always had trouble swallowing them, ever since he was a child.

He finally got them all down and finished off his banana milk, trudging to his bedroom.

He felt so sleepy, he couldn't wait.

"I'll be there soon hyung," he murmured, cuddling into his blanket and grabbing the teddy bear Minho had bought him for his sixteenth birthday, the one he slept with every night. He curled up under his blanket, feeling snug and warm and soon he found it hard to open his eyes.

He heard the door open and smiled, knowing Minho and Taeyeon were back from their date.

But it was okay. Taemin would fall asleep soon and then he could be with Minho and he wouldn't have to hear the whispers, the moans, the love sounds.

In the back of his mind Taemin knew he wouldn't wake up, but he wasn't scared. He was happy, he was excited, and as he drifted off to sleep and his heart rate slowed he let a tear fall down his cheek, but he wasn't scared, oh no, he wasn't scared at all.

Because Minho would be there.